Moondance
by KatieBell70
Summary: Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks help each other through their mutual loss. See what happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object. Covers the missing story between OOTP and the end of HBP. Rated M for sexuality & language. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of this. Well, I do take credit for 'Fergus the bad Irish Chaser' and 'Mouthwatering Miles'. But sadly, Tonks, and (even more sadly) Remus do not belong to me. Nor do Sirius (sigh), Mad-Eye Moody, Molly and Andromeda, who all make appearances. This is just me pathetically digging through JKR's dustbins. She has made a lot of money off of me, however, so perhaps she will let me attempt to bask in her glory for a few minutes.**

**Prologue**

_She dreamed that she was soaring over the Quidditch pitch, above the roaring crowd, a blur of red, green and black. The feeling of freedom and the rush of adrenaline were exhilarating as the wind whipped through her scarlet hair, worn short to keep her vision clear. She flew past Charlie, who gave her an encouraging wink as she slammed the Quaffle past the furious green-clad Keeper. Gradually the clouds began to roll in, the skies darkened, and the crowd below turned into twinkling lights, spread out in a vast mosaic below her. Another rider in dark robes swooped below her. That is Remus, isn't it? Then she heard Moody's gruff voice shouting behind her. She was so very cold; she had lost all feeling in her extremities. Up ahead she saw a sprinkle of red lights explode in the sky. _

_The 'all clear' then; finally, it'll be over soon. But the red light kept coming closer. It hurt to look at it. There was a dull throbbing ache between her eyes, and a knife-sharp pain in her chest. She was sure that she would explode, then felt herself plummeting through empty space. _

_We are too far up in the air; I'll never survive the fall. _

_But sooner than expected, she landed with a dull thud on a stone step, then another, then another. She looked up to see Bellatrix Lestrange's eyes flash in triumph. The last thing she saw before she slipped into oblivion was a stone archway, hung with a tattered black veil._

_Her body ached everywhere. It felt as if she had fought a losing battle with a rabid Hippogriff. Maybe that wasn't too far from the truth. Her Auntie Bella was very proud, just like a Hippogriff. She was also a stark raving lunatic, a fanatic, madder than a March Hare. Her memory began to return. She saw herself at the Department of Mysteries, battling Death Eaters. Images of injured teenagers, of Malfoy's well-rehearsed sneer, and Bella's maniacal laughter flashed through her mind. She saw Sirius, his face transformed by a grin, and Remus, uncharacteristically fierce as they fought side by side._She felt cool hands on her forehead and opened her eyes slowly, painfully. The Healer's kind, homely face broke into a warm smile.

"Well, dearie, back among the living are we? You have had a rough night."

"Where am I?" she croaked.

"St. Mungo's, dear, have been for a few hours."

"What happened?"

"You've been in a fight, had a few nasty hexes thrown at you. You are very lucky girl, indeed!"

"No… I mean, did they catch them? Are the kids safe? Did anyone get hurt?"

"I wouldn't know, dear…"

A familiar, gentle voice caught Tonks' attention.

"How are you feeling, Nymphadora?"

"Tonks, Remus, _Tonks_!" she snapped, but her eyes were smiling as she turned in relief to her clearly exhausted but apparently uninjured comrade.

"What did I miss, Remus?"

"Well," he sighed and rubbed his temple as he waited for the Healer to leave the room. "To summarize, Dumbledore arrived shortly after you fell. We were able to capture most of the Death Eaters, but Bellatrix Lestrange escaped. Harry followed her up into the atrium, where Voldemort himself appeared. He and Dumbledore did a considerable bit of damage to the atrium as they fought over Harry. Just before he escaped with Bellatrix, nearly fifty Aurors, Ministry officials, and Fudge himself came pouring out of the Floos. Fudge has now been forced to admit that Voldemort is back, and Dumbledore is no longer in hiding. I understand he is setting up an Order meeting to discuss new strategy sometime today."

"Is everyone safe?"

"Nearly…"

"What is it, Remus?"

"We lost Sirius, he's...gone."

**Chapter One**

**Scribbling On The Sky The Message He Is Dead **

It was only 8 p.m., but the kitchen at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, full nearly to bursting an hour before, now had only three occupants.

"About to fall asleep on my feet," Tonks said as she stretched, reaching around to rub her neck, "I'll see you two tomorrow."

As the door closed behind her, Mad-Eye stared at it for a long moment, then muttered under his breath, "She should never have left her hospital bed."

"She looks a great deal better than she looked this morning. Most of the bruises have healed," said Remus. "At any rate, she refused to stay, absolutely insisted on attending the meeting."

Mad-Eye gave a non-committal grunt.

After a few moments, he spoke again. "You were the one who told her about Sirius, correct?"

Remus nodded.

"And?"

"She took it fairly well, I think. Of course she was shocked, and had a few choice words about her mother's sister, but she seemed ready to get down to business. Didn't want to sit around the hospital and get depressed, she told me. I've never known her to be too emotional, so I wasn't surprised. Then again, perhaps it hasn't really sunk in yet."

"She spent a lot of her spare time with Sirius last year."

"I know, I was here with them." Remus returned Mad-Eye's piercing gaze. "Is there a point to this, Alastor?"

"The girl who just walked down the hall didn't look much like the one who said good night. I wonder how close they really were?"

Remus didn't reply. His mind suddenly filled with flashbacks of the past year. He placed his head in his hands and closed his eyes for a moment, elbows resting on the battered kitchen table.

Moody spoke again, more softly. "The first one is always the hardest."

Remus looked up. "The first what?"

"The first death in a war, you know?" The battle-scarred Auror paused, his expression grim. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully. "You race into a fight, hopped up on adrenaline and the conviction that you are doing the right thing, and are therefore invincible. Then someone you cared about, or even someone you couldn't stand, falls right next to you. It really hits you then, what you are risking. In a normal situation, you would have time to accept it, but in a war there is too much to be done to show weakness. So you have to buck up, pretend it doesn't matter as much as it does. She's just a kid, really. She'll have to grow up too fast. All of them will."

This was a side of Moody that Remus had never expected to see. He generally displayed the sensitivity of a mountain troll, and had very little sympathy to spare. He wondered how many scars Mad-Eye bore that wouldn't show on his ravaged body.

He had thought to wait until he had the kitchen to himself, but it seemed right, somehow, to ask the old man to join in his private ceremony. He strode wearily to the cupboard and pulled out a couple of glasses and a bottle from Sirius' private stash of alcohol. He turned to the older man, his eyes filled with pain. "Will you join me in a drink to Sirius, Alastor?"

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Remus knew, more than anyone else could have, how close Tonks and Sirius had been. They had jumped back into their affectionate familial relationship as if thirteen years separation had never happened. The main difference that those years had made was that the cousins had reached nearly the same level of emotional maturity, and the two became fast friends. Tonks did indeed spend a great deal of time at Grimmauld Place, so much so that she had been given a permanent bedroom of her own. She could be counted on to brighten up Sirius' solitude at least once a week, bringing a bottle of Firewhisky or wine along with exotic food, and a positive attitude. The three of them had enjoyed innumerous late night discussions around the kitchen table or next to the fireplace in the study. Tonks was a lively storyteller, and a remarkably accurate mimic, particularly when she changed her face to match the person about whom she was talking.

On several occasions, she cajoled Remus into smuggling Sirius out of the house as 'Snuffles', and the two of them watched him run free in a nearby park. When Sirius had become quite depressed sometime after Christmas, having lost all of his visitors, Tonks decided that drastic measures were needed. One Friday night, she arrived with a bag full of vintage Muggle clothing. She then took them in disguise to a lively Muggle bar, where they danced and talked until the place shut down. Sirius, at one point, disappeared for over an hour in the company of a pretty bartender. As reckless as it had seemed at the time, it was the best time Sirius, and for that matter, Remus, had had in years. Tonks had been the bright spot in what had turned out to be Sirius' last year of life, and for that she had Remus' gratitude. He did not think, however, that it had been any of Moody's business to know all of this, however sympathetic he appeared. He was impressed by Tonks' apparent fortitude, and did not want anyone to intrude upon her grief.

His own grief was something that would have to be dealt with eventually. When Sirius had first fallen through the veil, Remus had wanted to howl in shock and rage. But Harry needed him, and he'd had to swallow his pain and act quickly. Chaos was all around, and reason and calm were in short supply. Someone needed to deal with the repercussions of the night. Now that he could be alone, there was time come to terms with the fact that once again his best friends were all lost to him. He was forlorn, and very, very tired.

He padded down the hall in his tattered dressing gown, toothbrush in hand. Lost in his thoughts, he nearly missed the muffled choking sound behind him, but, alert to danger, grabbed his wand and turned to press his ear on the door he had just passed. There it was again, but it was recognizable as a sob, followed by an unmistakably female whimper. Fairly certain that this was Tonks' room, he froze for a moment, considering. He was not supposed to be hearing this, he was sure. He ought to respect her privacy. But the mental image of her in tears, alone, was more than he could bear. He quietly opened the door and slipped in her room.

Apparently, she hadn't heard the door open. He saw her curled up on the bed, her head buried in a pillow, sobbing quietly. He stood over her, and reached his hand out to gently stroke her curly hair, still wet from the shower. She looked up quickly, taking a deep gulp of air. Her lashes were spiked with tears and her normally bright eyes were dull with pain. She spoke his name quietly and made an effort to brush away her tears, taking a cleansing breath, but he would not allow her to put on the mask again. He sat down and enfolded her in his arms, pulling her onto his lap. She tucked her head into his chest and simply fell apart.

He held her tightly as she wept, murmuring soothing nonsense words as she sobbed and ranted incoherently. He didn't try to offer her solutions. His feelings of guilt, pain and anger were as heavy as hers were, his own eyes were prickling with unshed tears, but somehow, holding her as she cried eased the burden a little.

Slowly, her cries grew quieter, then became random whimpers and shudders. She fell into an exhausted sleep, her tears soaking through his dressing gown to the faded tee shirt he usually wore to bed. He continued to hold her as he extricated himself from his robe, then slipped carefully down the headboard, finally resting his head on her pillow. She mumbled, then sighed and repositioned herself, nestling against his side. He absentmindedly drew a line up and down her spine as her breathing steadied, and he, too, drifted off to sleep.

**A/N This is my first ever fanfic and I would appreciate input. I am a Yank, so any glaring Americanisms you Brits notice and point out to me will be swiftly remedied.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Pack Up The Moon and Dismantle The Sun  
**

A few hours later, Tonks began to stir, pulling Remus from a surprisingly pleasant dream. He tried to remember the details, but reality intruded and he felt a wave of pain wash over him. He looked around the unfamiliar room and located the clock, which he could just barely read in the dim light of the street lamp outside. It was half past one, and his stomach was reminding him of how little he had eaten. He looked down at the petite woman spooned against him. For a very brief moment, he allowed himself to imagine a different life, one where he could take for granted the peaceful sleep that one can only experience wrapped up in another person. Again she stirred, turning over to face him. Her eyes opened slightly at first, but then widened in surprise. She sat up and scratched her head vigorously.

"What time is it?" she asked groggily.

He sensed the exact moment when she remembered what happened. She inhaled sharply, then her shoulders sagged. She turned away from him, and he laid a hand on her shoulder.

"I have to use the loo," she muttered, and was out the door and down the hall in a moment's time.

After a moment's consideration, Remus made his way down the hall in the opposite direction. Fifteen minutes after that, he stood at her door again. He knocked quietly, but there was no answer. He looked down the hall to see the light still shining under the bathroom door, then slipped back inside the room, balancing his tray in one hand. By the time she returned he had a small fire crackling behind the grate, and two cups of steaming hot tea sat on her dresser.

She looked at him sheepishly. "Sorry about the waterworks, Remus."

"There's no need to apologise, Nymphadora." He handed her a cup of tea as she rolled her eyes at the name. He walked back to the dresser and returned with a tray containing a loaf of bread, a wedge of sharp cheese and an apple. He sat down on the edge of the absurdly ornate four-poster, setting down the tray in front of him.

"You are a lifesaver." She sat down cross-legged on the other side of him.

"Oh, did you want some too?"

"I take it back, you are a git." Her eyes, though still red and puffy, had a hint of their old sparkle.

"Besides, you missed the most important thing. What is a late night pantry run without chocolate?"

"When have you ever known me to forget the chocolate?" He grinned as he pulled a handful of Chocolate Frogs out of the pocket of his pajama bottoms. She popped up on her knees and kissed his cheek.

"You are a kind, kind man."

He ruffled her hair affectionately, then started to slice the bread and cheese, handing her a little of each.

"This is a new look for you," he said, pointing at her hair.

She glanced across the room to her reflection in the mirror. She groaned, then screwed up her face. Nothing happened. "I guess I'm not up for it, then. Sometimes I'm just too tired to hold up the transformations."

"You mean, this is the _real you_?"

"Pathetic, isn't it?"

"I think it is charming. You remind me of a faerie."

He handed her the chunk of apple that he had just sliced off with a paring knife. They ate in companionable silence for a few moments.

"Has anybody asked how _you_ are feeling, Remus?"

"Oh, me?" he replied with a wry smile, "I suppose I have had better days, but I will be fine. I ought to be used to it by now." He turned his head toward the fire.

She reached over and squeezed his hand gently. "Thank you, Remus."

"It really wasn't much trouble, I was hungry myself."

"No, I mean for, um…_earlier_, it really helped."

She took her hand away. He looked back at her then, and saw that a blush was creeping up her cheeks.

"Any time."

She tore open a Chocolate Frog and offered it to him. He shook his head, and she popped it in her mouth. As she chewed, her expression fell again.

"It seems so…wrong to be here together like this…without him, y'know? I keep thinking he will walk in any minute."

Remus silently agreed with her, and looked back into the fire.

"His name will be cleared, finally," he eventually said, after racking his brain to think of something positive to say.

"Fat lot of good that will do him now!" she spat. "Bloody Fudge has his head so far up his enormous arse, he can't see what's right in front of him. TWO YEARS he would have had, do you know what a difference that would have made? He could have had something of a life, maybe even gotten a girlfriend, seen something of the world. Instead he spent it hiding, part of the time living like a stray dog, and then cooped up in a place he hated, feeling ashamed and…impotent! He deserved better!"

"He did, but now he will be known as a hero, rather than a murderer and traitor. He went down fighting, which was a hell of a lot better than dying in Azkaban."

"He shouldn't have had to fight her at all. _I_ should have been able to take her."

"You have nothing to apologize for. You were spectacular. She was desperate; she had nothing to lose. She fought dirty. And it was a personal battle between the two of them. They'd hated each other for years."

"I'm going to kill her someday."

"Get in line."

They were silent for a long time after that. Finally, he spoke again. "I was thinking, earlier, about how much fun he had with you this past year. It was very kind of you to spend what little spare time you had trying to entertain him. It really made a difference."

"Kind, my arse! I came because I enjoyed myself. You two are my best friends, or …were." Her eyes welled up again and she buried her face in her hands, shaking. "Shit! Oh, bugger it all, I'm going to miss him. It just won't be the same."

"No, it won't." He rose to place the food tray on the dresser, then backed up to the warmth of the small fireplace, rubbing his arms.

"How can you be so calm, Remus?" She looked at him intensely.

"I'm not, really. I'm just as pissed off as you are. Maybe more so. But I learned a long time ago that you can go mad when you start to think about how different things could be if only..."

He waved his hand impatiently. "I had twelve years to agonize over the facts that James and Lily would never watch their son grow up, that Sirius had betrayed us all, that Peter died so violently. I spent many sleepless nights wondering what would have happened if I had only done something, anything, to stop it all. All of my rage was focused on Sirius. I just wanted to get my hands on him, just for a few minutes, preferably while I was fully transformed. Miraculously, I was given a second chance. I learned that Sirius had been falsely accused, that Peter had never died, and I was returned a small piece of James and Lily because I am now able to spend time with their son. I enjoyed another two years with my best friend. I am grateful for what I had, for however short a time. Now, the only thing I can do is to continue to fight for them, to make their deaths mean something at least. As far as I am concerned, I've been living on borrowed time ever since I was bitten as a child. I honestly don't understand why I am the only one of us left. But since I can't change it, I will make the best of it."

He ran his hands through his hair distractedly. "Please don't dismiss what I said earlier though. Your friendship meant a lot to him. It meant, or rather…means a lot to me, too. I want you to know that I am always available to you if you need a friend."


	3. Might I but moor tonight in thee!

**Chapter Three**

**Might I but moor tonight in thee!**

Remus crossed the room to sit on the bed next to Tonks. He put his arm around her, as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"You've lost so much more than I have."

"This isn't a contest."

"That's not what I meant, Remus. I'm saying that you have more dignity than I do. I guess that I am embarrassed that I'm such a…" she hesitated, and he looked at her, expectantly, as a tear rolled down her nose. She wiped it away impatiently. "Well..._girl_! I'm a blubbering mess. I know I can do better than this, damn it!"

He picked up his wand off the nightstand and conjured up a handkerchief.

"There's nothing wrong with you," he said gently, as he wiped the tear away, then handed her the linen square. "You are caring and strong, and I think you are handling this like a trooper."

She turned away and blew her nose, then put her head back on his shoulder. He slid his arm back around her, and kissed the top of her head. She took a deep breath, and he pulled her chin up with his other hand to look in her eyes.

"Better?" he asked, and she nodded, closing her eyes. He dabbed at the remaining tears with his thumb, then kissed her forehead. She wrapped her arms loosely around his waist, taking another deep breath. He bent lower and brushed his lips over her eyelid. She gave a small shiver, and her arms tightened around him. He reached for her face a second time, but this time, carefully cupped her jaw in his hand and brushed his thumb across her cheekbone. Finally, she opened her eyes again and looked up at him.

He inhaled sharply, and she felt her blood race. His usually gentle eyes were ravenous. Her breath hitched, and she thought, _Yes, now, he is finally going to kiss me_, though she hadn't ever had an inkling of an idea that she wanted him to. She felt her lips part involuntarily, and he bent his face lower, taking both sides of her jaw in his hands now, and tilting her face up slightly. He licked his lips and she closed her eyes, her blood humming in anticipation, but his lips instead brushed the tip of her nose, then across to her cheek. Then he rested his cheek against hers, breathing against her ear.

For a few moments, Remus wrestled against his better judgement. Up until this point, he could fool himself quite easily into thinking that he was just attempting to comfort a friend. But it would probably be a very bad idea to kiss along her jaw to her chin, which had been the very path he had been heading toward when he stopped himself. And above all, it was a _very, very bad idea_ to go anywhere near her mouth. So here he was, afraid to look at her, breathing heavily into her ear, which was undoubtedly just creepy, and she would eventually kick him out of her room, telling anyone who would listen the absurd story about the dirty old man who was into heavy breathing. He had to come up with some way to leave immediately before he embarrassed them both. Unfortunately, she chose that moment to slide her hands, which had been resting on his lower back, around and over his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck as she slid her fingers into his hair. He opened his eyes and inhaled the scent of strawberries coming from her hair, as he turned his mouth to the corner of her jaw and tasted. She gave a little sigh and tightened her fingers in his hair. _This was a very bad idea_, he thought again. Still remembering that her mouth was something to be avoided at all costs, he moved down her neck, tracing his lips along her skin until he reached the point where her neck met her shoulders, and tasted once more. This time, her whole body shivered and he groaned. He pulled away and risked another look at her face. Her skin was flushed and glowing; her eyes were brighter than he had ever known them to be. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, as she looked at him in wonder. She smiled, shyly, and as he leaned toward her, she closed her eyes.

It was just a feathery brush against her mouth, but it felt like somebody had punched her in the stomach with no warning. He slid his hands up, once again to cup her jaw, and she noticed with surprise that his hands were trembling. He tilted her head slightly and kissed her a second time; this time, she actually tasted him a bit, and her own hands trembled as she pulled him closer, fingers grasping his hair. She turned her head a bit more and the kiss deepened, she shared a breath with him, and he slid his arms around her. She pulled away, gulping air and panicking a little. She needed to look at him and see if this was affecting him as much as it was she. He opened his eyes and they stunned her with their intensity. She let her body fall back onto her bed, pulling him with her. He took a steadying breath, and gave her a third kiss. This time, he pulled her bottom lip into his mouth, while he traced her top lip with the tip of his tongue. She parted her lips, and he slowly slid his tongue inside. She gave a tiny whimper, as she tasted apple, and a hint of the whiskey he had drunk hours before.

He eventually pulled away from her mouth, tracing her jaw with his lips, as he had meant to do earlier. Once again he found himself breathing next to her ear, but this time gently took her earlobe into his mouth. His conscience, the one whose favorite words seemed to be 'very bad idea', was probably still there, screaming, but it was impossible to hear over the blood pounding in his ears. He kissed down her neck again, nibbling on the skin above her collarbone. His conscience seemed to become more audible the lower he kissed, so he worked his way back to her lips, gently nudging them apart until she lost all patience and steadied his face with her hands, exploring his own mouth with her tongue.

She scooted her body forward on the bed, until no part of her was hanging over the side, and he followed, careful not to crush her tiny frame with his lanky one. His irritating conscience hissed that it would be a very _good idea_ to kiss her goodnight right now, before his imagination led him to picture what was concealed beneath the surprisingly feminine lavender cotton camisole she was wearing. He suddenly realised that her mouth might be just the thing to concentrate on in order to prevent his thoughts from venturing lower, so he attacked it with renewed determination. His hands itched to touch more of her skin, but he fought the impulse, hating himself for taking advantage of her vulnerability.

He'd underestimated the girl quivering beneath him, however. She had been told before that her goals were impossible: that she was too young to be her house Chaser, that she was too clumsy to be an Auror. Hesitating above her was the man that she had never realised that she always wanted. He was the kindest, most generous person she had ever known; he was dead sexy, and she was sure that he really needed her. She rolled over, pulling him with her. She kissed him deeply, then allowed her fingers to wander under the hem of his faded tee shirt, gliding over his navel, past his abdominal muscles and around to his back. She pressed eager lips to the junction of his ear and jawbone, then kissed lower, pulling away his collar to taste his neck. He ran his fingers down her backbone, bringing them back up to slide under her arms, past her elbows and around her wrists, stopping when his fingers linked with hers. He was looking at her with reverence, and she could see the pulse pounding on the side of his neck. When he released her hands, she sat up on her knees and pulled her camisole over her head, crossing her arms over her chest after she threw it to the floor. His eyes widened then grew darker and he sat up and reached a hand to her furiously blushing face. He traced a line from her cheek, down the side of her neck, past her shoulder and down her arm, which he gently uncrossed, sucking in a breath in wonder as he looked at her. He pressed his lips to her jaw, reaching behind her to run his warm hands up her now bare back. She shivered. He trailed his lips down her neck as she threw her head back, sighing. By the time he reached her collarbone, he had lowered her to the bed once more. Sliding her arms around him, she tugged his shirt over his head and threw it, too, on the floor. She ran her hands up his back, tracing her fingertips along the ridges of scar tissue that covered his skin. The wiry muscles beneath her fingers twitched; he took a ragged breath and crushed his mouth to hers.

His conscience was no match for the sensation of her bare skin pressed against his. As he kissed her hungrily, one of his hands ran up and down her ribs, his thumb brushing the side of her breast. She gasped, he groaned, then he slipped his hand over to cup it gently. He pulled his mouth away from hers to look at her flushed face, then lowered his head to start a path of wet kisses that ended with his lips closing over the other breast. She moaned his name; he growled under his breath. He kissed lower, tracing the underside of her breast with his tongue. His hands roamed her belly, her ribcage, slid over her nipples and up her arms, pinning them above her head with one hand while the other, feather light, teased every sensitive bit of skin he had discovered. His mouth followed, stopping to suck on the inside of her elbows and wrists, then moved to the spot on her neck where her pulse was throbbing madly. The musky scent of desire that emanated from her skin inflamed his senses. He kissed the tiny mole beneath her left breast, ran his tongue over the faint indentations of her abdominal muscles, dipped it briefly in her navel, and then back up to circle the exact spot where her ivory skin turned into rose and puckered. He finally pulled the nipple into his mouth again and she whimpered, throwing her arms around him and digging into his back with her fingers. Eventually, one of his hands began to slide down her hip to seek out the bare skin below her plaid flannel pajama shorts. His fingers glided along her athletic thighs and calves to caress her ankles, then slid around to the soft skin on the inside of her thigh. They rested there for a moment, hovering just under the edge of the fabric. She raised her knees to either side of his waist, and he tore his attention away from the nipple that he had been gently grazing with his teeth. With one hand still resting on her thigh, he propped himself up on his other elbow and gazed at her face. Her expression was fierce and as he bent to kiss her mouth, he slid his body up hers until his pelvis rested between her legs. Her eyes closed as their mouths met, and he slid his fingers under her shorts to glide inside of her. She cried out, he shuddered. Shaking, she slipped her hands down his back and under the waistband of his pants, cupping his buttocks. He rolled over on his side and slid his hands down her body, peeling away her shorts and knickers. He kissed his way back up her legs, giving attention to the arches of her feet and the sensitive skin on the back of her knees. After kissing the inside of her thighs, he lifted his head up to find her watching him, eyes glazed with lust. He slid his fingers up her thighs, pulling them apart and lowered his mouth to her.

She arched her back and bit into her fist to keep from screaming. Eventually, she had the presence of mind to tug his pajamas down impatiently with her toes. He slid up her body, kicking them the rest of the way off. Her body felt like one giant throbbing nerve, radiating out from between her legs, made raw by the friction of his bare skin on hers. She reached down to grasp him in her hands, and as her fingers gently traced the length of him, it was his turn to whimper. He cupped her face with his hands again, kissing her ravenously. Then he pulled back to look into her eyes, and his stare was so piercing, she felt more naked than she ever had in her life. A flood of emotion poured into her and her eyes filled with tears. His body was shuddering, his breath was ragged, and his eyes glittered in the firelight. At last he plunged inside of her. She clung desperately to him as they moved together, eyes locked, their hearts pounding in unison and their mouths so close they seemed to be sharing the same breath. As they shattered, he cried, "Nymphadora!" into her ear, and it was the most beautiful word she had heard in her life.


	4. So strangely you dazzle my eye!

**Chapter Four**

**So strangely you dazzle my eye!**

Tonks was reveling in a lovely dream of the hot springs in Bavaria that she had visited with her parents one summer. As the warm water bubbled and swirled around her, she felt the aches of the long mountain climb melt away, filling her with peace and pleasure. She tilted her head back to look at the ancient trees towering above, and as she marveled at the azure sky. she could see the nearly full moon, bright enough to penetrate the sunlight. Around her she felt magic and nature in perfect harmony. The only thing out of place was the insistent tapping of a woodpecker, which grew more jarring with each passing second. She opened her eyes to see an owl tapping its beak against her window. Slipping out from under Remus' arm, she padded to the window and slid it open it as quietly as she could. The owl hopped in, dropped the letter written on the familiar dark blue parchment with a gold seal, and then flew impatiently away. She opened it quickly, muttering very rude words under her breath.

Remus' eyes fluttered open to the agreeable sight of Tonks' lovely backside. Her skin shimmered with gold from the early morning sunlight, and her graceful neck was bent over the parchment in front of her.

"Bad news?" he asked quietly.

She let out a squeak and spun around, startled. The view improved immeasurably.

"Merlin, Remus, you frightened me!"

He raised an eyebrow as he propped himself up on one elbow. "I have a tendency to do that to people. I am a werewolf, you see."

She giggled, then her face grew serious. "They want me to come to work. You'd think I'd have earned a couple of days off, but no. That wouldn't do. They've given me fifteen minutes to be at an emergency staff meeting."

"How rude."

"My thoughts exactly. No time for a shower, even."

"Who knows how long that owl took to find you, though."

"Don't you dare defend them, Remus. They have ruined all my plans for a lovely lie-in with you."

With a wicked smile, she hopped up onto the bed and started to sinuously crawl towards him.

"I'll hex the lot of them, starting with Scrimgeour." He grinned until she pinned him back to the bed with a scorching kiss.

A moment later, she groaned, " Bugger it all! I have to go."

She slid off her bed and started to tear apart her already messy room, searching for some clean clothes.

He sat up against the headboard, thoroughly enjoying the sight of her dressing hastily while muttering and bumping into things. As she drew on her Auror's robes, she bent to the mirror, screwing up her face until her hair turned into a bright turquoise pageboy.

"What do you think?" she asked, catching him as he watched her in the reflection.

"You'll do. But I'll miss the curls."

She turned around to face him. "You are very cruel, you know."

He raised an eyebrow in question.

"You are, lying there looking all rumpled and gorgeous and shaggable with your hair in your eyes, knowing full well I have to go and sit in a deadly dull meeting for who knows how long picturing you like that."

"I think you need to have your eyes examined."

"Nothing's wrong with my eyes." She pounced on the bed again, kissing him enthusiastically. When she pulled away, he growled in frustration and she gave him a regretful grimace.

"I'll be back soon," she promised, and disappeared with a small 'pop'.

Remus tried to go back to sleep, knowing that he'd had less than nine hours sleep over the past forty-eight. But he had so much restless energy flowing through him that he found himself wandering down to the kitchen less than half an hour later. One of Molly's cinnamon buns would be the very thing, perhaps with a large cup of coffee. But the kitchen was abnormally silent for this time of day. _Of course_, he thought, she would have stayed in Hogsmeade, to be near her injured children. He would figure out something on his own.

At any rate, it was probably a good thing that he didn't have to explain the goofy grin he had on his face only two days after his best friend died. Not that he didn't feel a dull ache inside when he thought of Sirius, but he was certain that his friend would not have begrudged him his present happiness.

As he fried up bacon and eggs, he shook his head in wonder. Of all people, he had fallen in love with _Nymphadora Tonks_. This slip of a girl, with surprising strength of body and character, had managed to dance past his defenses when he wasn't looking. Nymphadora, he could see her in his mind, with her lovely pixie face and sparkling dark eyes. She was cheerful, funny, painfully honest and unfailingly thoughtful, in addition to being quick witted and resourceful, clumsy and self-deprecating. How different would his life have been if he had met her twenty years ago? But he wondered if his youthful self would have noticed in her what he found loveable about her now. Even more, would he ever have had the confidence to approach such a vibrant, courageous girl? He sure as hell had never had the nerve to approach Lily, who would certainly have found in Tonks a kindred spirit.

Even now, he wasn't sure how he had managed it, though he had to admit that these feelings had been creeping up for nearly a year. Certain that the wide gulf in their ages and lifestyles was impossible to cross, it was safe to feel protective toward her, to think of how appealing she was, and how easy to talk to.

He had told himself that it was abstract, that it was possible to appreciate her as a woman while still considering her off limits to him. He indulged in their flirtation by telling himself that it was meaningless, that she couldn't possibly think of him that way. He tried to ignore the fact that he had sought out her company by taking on Order duties that included her whenever possible. It was easy to explain away the anticipation he felt when he knew she would be spending the evening at Grimmauld Place. But the gut-wrenching terror that he had felt when he saw her fall, seemingly dead, at the Department of Mysteries was a little harder to accept. The physical pain he had experienced listening to her cry through her door last night was unsettling, to say the least. And the moment that he looked down at her to see love and desire in her eyes, he knew denial was a lost cause.

Their timing was appallingly bad, and he knew in his head that he ought to feel guilty for violating his own staunch code of ethics. There were compelling reasons as to why he had chosen to live his life alone. But last night, in this horrible house, in the midst of war and loss, he found love and hope for the future. He didn't have the heart to let them go.

He was mopping up the last of his eggs with toast when Mad-Eye Moody came spinning out of the fireplace.

"I thought you were still upstairs, Moody," he said, startled out of his reverie. "Can I get you something to eat?"

"S'that coffee you've got there?"

When Remus nodded, Moody located the pot, and after examining it carefully, poured himself a large mug.

"Glad to know you trust me not to poison you."

"I'm going to trust you with a lot more than that by the time the day is done," he replied with a grim smile.

"Had an emergency meeting with Dumbledore and Shacklebolt." He sat down wearily on a nearby chair. "First off, Dumbledore has decided that this house may have become dangerous for us, at least until we get Sirius' will sorted out. So he wants us to clear out, today."

"I'll go up and pack. I can stay at my place up north."

"No, Albus wants all of us to stay close together, to make contact easier. I told him you could bunk down with me 'til it's settled."

"I appreciate the offer, Alastor, but the full moon is Tuesday…"

"Yes, and Snape will bring the potion to you, as usual. I've got a basement; you can go down there if you want to be alone. It's more than secure."

"Well, that's very kind of you." He got up to wash his dishes, then turned to Moody. "Is there a second thing?"

"The Dementors seem to have ditched Azkaban, so the Auror department is taking over guard duty, temporarily. We won't be able to count on Shacklebolt or Tonks in the next few days."

Worry for Tonks' safety made him blurt out, "Is that where she…where they are assigned, Azkaban?"

"Don't know, but they were all doing double shifts already because of the fight the other night. This'll stretch the department pretty thin. They may get desperate enough to call _me_ back," said Mad-Eye with a grim laugh.

"Well, it looks like we'll all be pretty busy. Bad time for a full moon, it seems…perhaps I should pack up for Tonks, too?"

"You do that. We can store it all at my place. Shacklebolt'll make sure she doesn't come back here when she's free. I'd better go deal with that miserable Hippogriff upstairs."

Remus felt cold dread in the pit of his stomach as he climbed the stairs. _Nymphadora_, at that horrible place, guarding the dregs of the magical world. Evil, powerful wizards who would be reawakening from the despair they had suffered at the hands of the Dementors, angry and desperate. Rationally, he knew that this was the sort of work she did on a daily basis, but this seemed worse, somehow. Many of the prisoners would be of great interest to Voldemort, whether for reward or punishment. What if there was a retrieval mission put into effect while she was on duty? The hopeful, joyous peace that had filled him this morning began to diminish. It was deflated by the pessimism that only a lifetime of exceptionally bad luck could produce.

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Tonks had been in a foul mood all day. _Three bloody days_ on this cursed island with no outside contact from anyone but her supervisor. She was ready to tear her hair out, pick a fight with a prisoner, jump into the chilly ocean and swim back to London. Tonight was the full moon, and he would be suffering, and she would be hundreds of kilometers away. When she received her assignment, there hadn't been time to send a message to anyone. The Floos here were monitored heavily, as was the mail, and no Patronus in her experience could have made the long trip across the water. She could only hope that Kingsley had thought to notify the Order where she was. She had promised to be back soon. Who could have predicted this?

She'd had nothing but time to think. If she'd known that morning that she would be spending this time apart from him, she would have done things a little differently. She had a sinking feeling that he might be wallowing in recriminations for the night they had spent together. She knew him well enough to imagine that he might feel that he took advantage of her, that he ought to have thought it through instead of following his heart. She should have made sure he knew how she felt before leaving. She had been so flippant, so casual. But he had to know, didn't he? She hadn't imagined the depth of emotion that they had shared. Days later, she was still shaken by the memories that kept running through her head.

Jogging around the perimeter of the island on her off-hours was the only way she could work through her frustration. The prison was far worse than she could have imagined, even without the Dementors to suck the happiness from the place. It was filthy, depressing and cold, even at this time of year_. And Sirius had lived here for twelve years_. She ached for him, and wondered again how he had been able to retain his humanity through the ordeal. She wasn't entirely convinced that _anyone _deserved the conditions in this place. The food was disgusting, the showers ice cold. There wasn't a single thing on the entire island that contained any beauty or comfort. But if anyone did deserve it, it was her wards. Filthy bodies, they had even filthier souls. They snarled and taunted her, threatened and leered. Sick, twisted and perverse, they tried to contaminate her mind with their filth. She clung to thoughts of Remus, his nobility, his decency, his strength and kindness. But today her head was filled with other images, only imagined. Images of anguish, the sound of bones cracking and lengthening, of muscles tearing and reforming. Even with the potion, it must be agony. She'd seen the aftermath, what the pain did to his body and spirit. She wanted to do whatever she could to make it easier for him, but she was too far away.

She saw a flock of owls flying overhead as she finished her run and returned to the living quarters she shared with her co-workers. _Bugger_. She was left alone with Miles, the slimy git. He'd been an embarrassing error in judgement last year. An embarrassing error in judgement fueled by two shared bottles of wine, no less. She'd been able to avoid him around the office fairly well, but he had been making this bad assignment far worse by his close proximity. He was sorting through the mail, and greeted her with a smirk.

"Where's Jensen?" she asked.

"On rounds with Porter," he replied, "I saved some lunch for you, Nymph."

She looked at the gelatinous glob of beef stew in front of him. "Ugh, is that as bad as it looks?"

"Worse."

"Well, thanks anyway, but I'll just have the bread." The bread was stale, but she knew from past experience that it was the only thing they served that wouldn't make one vomit. She had been living on bread supplemented by the chocolate bars and dried fruit that she had thrown in her knapsack before this assignment.

"Any word?" she asked hopefully.

"Nothing for us, I think they plan on leaving us on this rock for the next year."

She grimaced, and he continued, "Not that I wouldn't enjoy spending more time with you, Nymph."

"Thanks," she said shortly. Eager to escape, she blurted out, "D'you want me to take the mail round?"

"Okay, sure," he said, surprised. She was officially off duty for the next four hours and none of them would volunteer to spend more time with the prisoners then necessary. He handed her the basket, and she hurried off.

"Get a bloody clue, UGH!" she muttered to herself, flipping through the letters. Oh, hell, why did Malfoy have to get mail _every day_? She dreaded looking at his smug face. You would think that the degradation of prison and the shame of his disgrace would take his arrogance down a notch, but he continued to look at her as if she was something disgusting he'd stepped on. She got a little satisfaction by greeting him as 'Uncle Lucy,' which always irritated him visibly. She would take whatever small pleasures she could in this place.

She finished her deliveries as quickly as possible, then sat on the rocky shore, staring toward the mainland. It was a little colder than it ought to be at this time of year, and the distant coastline was covered in fog. She quickly cast a warming spell, then closed her eyes and tried to daydream herself away from this place. Lying back on a large rock, she pictured a park that she and Remus had taken Sirius to. They had put down a blanket on the warm grass, soaking up the sun together. Remus had lain down on his side, propped up on an elbow, and read a book. The lines around his eyes had relaxed, making him look young and carefree. Tonks stretched out on her back, her arms crossed over her head and her eyes closed. Sirius draped himself across her feet, his black fur tickling her ankles pleasantly as he watched the families in the park. The sound of children playing and the distant drone of traffic lulled her to sleep.

She woke up with a start, cold and sore from the unyielding rock beneath her back. She looked up at the dark sky, where the full moon slipped out from behind a cloud. She shivered, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

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Remus paced the floor of the basement in agitation. He could feel the panic bubbling up into his throat, heated by the feral energy that pulsated through his body. He wondered why it had seemed so urgent to see her, to talk to her, before he transformed tonight. His apprehension had increased with each passing day: needing to know that she was safe, that it had been real, what he felt that night and to know that she felt it too. But doubt and fear gradually overpowered the simple certainty that he had woken up with that first morning. He tried to focus on an image of her laughing face, filled with love, but the loathsome creature inside of him ripped it to shreds, filling his heart with shame and despair.

He awakened the next morning, curled up in a ball on the floor, shivering, weak and sore. He heard thumping footsteps coming down the stairs and sat up, his keen eyes surveying the dark basement, filled with magical devices in various states of repair. Moody appeared at the bottom of the stairs, carrying a steaming mug and a blanket. He set them aside and with a grunt, held out his hand to help Remus stand up. He guided him to the nearby cot, where Remus sat down gingerly. Moody draped the blanket around the younger man's shoulders and handed him the mug, which was filled with hot broth. He never said a word, but gave Remus an awkward pat on the back, and headed upstairs.


	5. There Comes, my Heart

**Chapter Five**

**There Comes, my Heart**.

"Boggart's balls, am I glad to be back!" Tonks exclaimed to Tina, her favorite co–worker, as she pulled a towel out of her locker. "Don't know if I'm ever going to feel clean again."

Her friend asked, "How'd you like working with 'Mouthwatering Miles' for five days?"

"Please tell me you are kidding, Tina. You know he's an arse, don't you?"

"He's always really nice to me. We were planning on going out to dinner before all these extra shifts came up." She gave a dreamy smile.

"Bad idea, Tina. He speaks with a forked tongue."

"You just don't like him 'cause he was Slytherin"

"My mum was Slytherin. He's just bad news, Tina."

Tina made a face, and was about to ask Tonks what he had done to offend her, when Tonks, eager to avoid specifics, spoke quickly. "Listen, do what you want. Just don't say I didn't warn you. Hey, I don't mean to cut you off, love, but I have been dreaming of a hot shower for five days, so I'm off."

"Have fun, Tonks!" She waved cheerfully while Tonks walked through the door to the showers.

The girl was just too cute for words, she thought to herself. Too bad she had such a knack for picking the bad boys. She would have loved Sirius fifteen years ago. Come to think of it, she might even have loved Sirius seven days ago. She tried to shrug off the sharp jolt of pain that thought caused.

As she vigorously scrubbed at her skin, the scalding hot water eased the aches that her uncomfortable bed had caused. Anticipation and nervous energy hummed through her body. Finally, she would see him again.

She dressed in the clean clothes that she had left in her locker over a week ago. The T-shirt and patched jeans seemed very inappropriate for a reunion with her much older (boyfriend? lover? significant other?) None of them seemed to fit her situation with Remus. She peered into the mirror on the way out. What to do with her hair? He said he liked it natural, but he was trying to cheer her up at the time. She settled on a medium length, curly auburn. Walking out of the locker room, she passed Tina again, who asked, "Oi, Tonks! You want to go to the pub tonight after you rest up a bit?"

"Sorry, Tina, I have plans. Maybe another time?"

"Got a hot date?"

"Here's hoping!" She flashed her friend a brilliant grin as she walked out the door.

As she passed through the half-empty office, Kingsley waved her down. He gave her the signal to meet him in private.

She was waiting around the corner from the Ministry, in a Muggle coffeehouse.

"Wotcher, Shacklebolt! What's new?"

"You can't go back to Headquarters, for a while anyway. It's not safe." He quickly explained the reasons, as her mind raced. How would she find Remus without asking, which would seem a little odd, if not suspicious? They were really only supposed to use a Patronus on Order business. He began to go over her upcoming Order assignments. She was going to be extremely busy over the next couple of weeks, to say the least. They were kind enough to give her the night off, apart from a briefing on the situation at Azkaban scheduled in a few hours. She'd better find Remus in a hurry, if they were going to get anything talked out, let alone have a proper reunion. And where to go, since her room at her parents' was out of the question, and Remus' place, which she had never seen, was a bit too far away? She would have to get a flat, one of these days. Her parents would make her mental without the occasional nights away from home that her Grimmauld Place room had given her. Maybe he'd want to share a flat with her?

Finally, a few of his words caught her attention, "…special assignment today from Moody. He wants you to meet he and Lupin and the Weasleys at King's Cross."

"Isn't the Express coming in today? Are we supposed to guard Harry?"

"I don't think so, you'll have to ask him. It's something he came up with, or maybe Lupin, but he said it was voluntary."

_Problem solved._ Her blood hummed as she raced across town to the station.

The first person she recognized at the station was Molly, who spotted her and rushed up to give her a warm hug. This was a bit of a surprise. Generally, Molly, while friendly, had viewed her with no small amount of exasperation, no doubt because her clumsiness had increased Molly's stress level at headquarters.

"So good to see you are better, Tonks, dear. I never got the chance to thank you for coming to my children's rescue."

Tonks blushed, and asked how Ginny and Ron were doing. This caused the older woman's eyes to well up. Tonks reached for her hands and squeezed them affectionately. The tension was dispersed when Fred and George came up and gave their mother a two-sided hug in greeting.

"Wotcher, boys, wicked jackets!" Tonks exclaimed with a grin.

They gave little bows of pride. She noted that she would have to remember the color, to try out on her hair on some future occasion.

Moody, who was waiting across the room near the barrier, caught her attention. Her heart stopped, for behind him was Remus, looking in the opposite direction. Moody spoke to Remus over his shoulder, who then turned to face her. Their eyes met, and she felt the blood pounding in her ears. He looked so pale, and there were deep lines of pain around his eyes. But when they met hers, they softened, and his smile lit up his face. _It is okay then. Everything is going to be fine._

Mad-Eye met her little group halfway across the station, Remus standing in his wake. He quickly explained the idea that Remus and he had come up with the night before. They were to make a memorable impression on Harry's useless relatives, in the hope that it might make Harry's unavoidable time on Privet Drive more bearable. The idea had Remus' name written all over it, Tonks was certain of it, and the love in her heart swelled a little more.

The train was due to arrive in five minutes, and Tonks took the opportunity to rush into the ladies' loo for a quick change. _Things worth doing are worth doing well_, she thought, as she peered into the water-spotted mirror above the chipped enamel sink. Now, what colour and style would offend a narrow-minded old bitch the most? She scrunched up her face, and when she opened her eyes again, her hair was bubble gum pink and spiky.

When she returned to the waiting area, the lot of them had formed sort of a phalanx, facing the barrier to Platform 9 ¾. She slipped in behind Moody, next to Remus. He gave her a warm smile, and reached out to squeeze her hand briefly. Within seconds, they began to see students appearing in groups of two, rushing to greet their waiting families. Eventually, Harry appeared through the barrier, and his grim face lit up at the sight of them.

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Some time later, they watched him walk away with the horrified Dursleys, his step lighter, his shoulders back, and all knew that it had been the right thing to do. The large group started to break up into smaller groups, headed to their various destinations. Moody, however, made a beeline to Tonks, and grilled her with questions about her stay on the island, as she waved silent good-byes to those departing. Eventually she was left nearly alone with Mad–Eye, but Remus walked over to remind him that she was to give a full briefing in a few hours' time. He inquired as to whether Tonks had eaten anything since her return, noting that she had lost a fair bit of weight, and then casually asked her if she would like to grab a bite to eat. He then turned to Moody and asked if he would join them, and Tonks silently prayed to whoever would listen that he would decline. He did, and the three of them walked to the station exit, parting ways at the door.

Once on the street, the pair wandered aimlessly in search of an interesting restaurant, and he asked her to tell him how she had been holding up through the last few days. She was more concerned with his recent transformation, and the weariness she saw on his face. They purchased meat pies at a tiny pub, choosing to take them along and continue walking. They wound up strolling along a canal, eating and talking about everything but the burning questions that both of them longed to ask each other. Eventually they sat down on a bench, looking out at the murky water, and eating quietly. He finally broke the silence.

"Tonks, I have some things to say, and I hope you will just let me get through them."

She nodded, her heart racing.

He took a breath, and continued, "I've been feeling somewhat rattled, or rather; I haven't really been able to suppress my anxiety for the last few days. Sirius' death, the move, my recent transformation, the horrible news we've been getting every day, worry for you on that island; I've hardly had time to breathe, let alone think things over with a level head. But I can't get past the feeling that I have behaved badly, selfishly where you are concerned."

She started to protest, but he stopped her with a wave of his hand.

"Please let me finish, I _must_ say this. I know that what happened the other night was extraordinary, was very meaningful to both of us, and I doubt that I will ever be able to truly regret what happened, but I think that we have to look at it rationally. I mean, here we are, good friends, but at sort of a loss as to how to continue the friendship without the original thing that brought us together, which was Sirius. And we were in a very vulnerable state, grieving and exhausted, and in need of comfort. It was bound to happen, but that doesn't mean that it ought to have happened. If I had been myself, that night I would have had more self-control. I was weak. But I think it would be a bigger mistake to think that we can create a relationship based solely on friendship and mutual grief. When you look at it without all the heightened emotions that we have been experiencing, which will certainly fade away, and quickly, we would be left with very little to go on with. Realistically, we have very little in common. There is a huge difference in our ages and life experiences. Also, our personalities and attitudes are somewhat at odds with each other. I just can't see it going anywhere that doesn't end badly, and I really would hate to sacrifice our friendship and working relationship on the slim chance that it would work out. I care about you too much, Tonks."

There was a long, uncomfortable silence.

"The other night it was Nymphadora," she said quietly, sadly.

Startled, he finally turned and looked at her face. She had grown very pale. "What are you talking about? I thought you _wanted_ me to call you Tonks."

"You were the only one I let get away with that name, other than my family. It sounded lovely, special, coming from you. But now it's Tonks. I'm a little disappointed. Oh, hell, I'm more than a little disappointed."

She stood up and walked toward the canal, standing on the edge. She threw the remainder of her pie to a floating duck, her appetite gone. After a few moments of silence, she continued, in an even tone, "So, basically, what you are saying, Remus, is that we had ourselves a pity fuck?"

She spun around to catch his reaction. His mouth was set, his eyes wide. "That was uncalled for, Tonks."

"Oh, I'm sorry I don't have your gift of pretty words, Remus. I say what I think, and don't always choose my words carefully. One of the many differences between us, as you were so kind to point out. I also say what I feel, Remus. Which is something you rarely do, at least with any honesty."

He looked past her, toward the canal, shaking his head slightly.

She continued, "So, you've given me a logical explanation for what happened that night. You were kind enough to have rationalized away any inconvenient emotions that I might still be carrying around for you. You've wrapped the whole thing up in a tidy little package, ready to be discarded as quickly as possible, and you'd like us to continue as if it never happened, to write it off as 'one of those things'. Have I got it right, Remus?"

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings…."

"No, I think you knew damn well it would hurt, but told yourself you would save me from a bigger hurt, later."

"Well, that's partly true."

"Too late, Remus. You couldn't possibly hurt me more. I may be years younger than you, but I am not naive. Don't try analyzing and underestimating my feelings for you. I love you, and it's not because I'm grieving and it's not because we were thrown together. Damn it! I saw this coming, you know? I was stuck on that vile rock, unable to talk to you and I knew, _I knew_ you would pull something like this! You say you were weak that night, you think you took advantage of me. But I say you are weak now, weak and afraid. This is the biggest pile of bullshit I have ever heard! _I know better, Remus_. I was there! It was the most intense thing I have ever experienced. I saw your face and I KNEW. You _wept_, Remus, you shook with the force of it. We both did. Don't you think I know the difference between what we did and everything else I have done before? It scared the shit out of you, didn't it? And don't imagine I don't know what is really behind this. I've heard you talking about it often enough. But I think you're taking this 'lone wolf' thing a little too far. Maybe I'm not the person you imagined sharing your life with. Maybe I'm not as clever, or refined or mild-tempered as you might like, but you _do_ love me. I would bet my life on it! And _that_ is why I came back here to see you looking like you've been through a _week_ of full moons, and you won't look me in the eye. You're terrified of what it means, and you're pushing me away. Say what you really feel and let's deal with it. But don't you ever dare try to patronize me again, Remus Lupin!"

She had been pacing in front of him, and finally sank down on the bench, turning towards him.

"For someone who doesn't like her feelings 'underestimated', you've made a great deal of assumptions about mine," he said, with a trace of bitterness.

"Yes, I suppose I have. But you still won't look me in the eye when you say these things."

He looked directly into her eyes, then. " I refuse to change my mind about this, Tonks. There is _no future_ for us."

"You're making the biggest mistake of your sorry life, Lupin," she spat out and stalked away, shaking with rage, refusing to let him see the first tear that fell from her eyes. Had she turned around once, she would have seen him, still sitting on the bench, leaning forward with his head in his hands. He remained that way for a very long time.


	6. Resound, the Hymns of the Bacchus!

**Chapter Six**

**Resound, the Hymns of the Bacchus! **

Two hours later, Tonks was in the middle of a long soak in the claw-footed tub of her room at the Leaky Cauldron. She had wandered around aimlessly for at least an hour, until she noticed that she was receiving curious and concerned looks from the passers-by. Finding herself near the entrance to the old pub, she decided to treat herself to a little privacy, at least for a few days. She wasn't in any mood to deal with her parents, who, though loving, were entirely too perceptive to be dealt with at this time. After a good cry on the comfortable bed, when she felt she had no more tears to shed, she poured a glass of wine, lit a few candles, and had a soothing bath, ripe with the scents of eucalyptus and peppermint. She was to meet with Moody and Dumbledore in less than an hour, and needed to take pains to conceal her broken heart.

_Damn him for a bloody coward_.

She refused to accept any other explanation. It was the first time she'd ever told a man she loved him, other than her father. In her girlhood fantasies, the scene would have been a lot less humiliating. She never would have imagined hearing the coldness that Remus' voice had held. She had nearly believed him. But his eyes had shown anguish. If he didn't care, it wouldn't have hurt him to say what he did. She had to hold on to that, even if it didn't help with the immediate problems. She couldn't just cut him out of her life, much as she'd like to. She had to see him, and often. Possibly even in less than two hours during her meeting. So, the burning question was, how to behave? There was a great temptation to hex him on sight, but that would hardly be in her best interest if she wanted to continue her services to the Order. She had to practice discretion. So was it to be coolly polite, unnaturally sweet, businesslike and brisk?

_Oh, bugger, this is Remus I'm thinking about_.

She didn't want to _act_ at all. She just wanted to throw herself at him and kiss him until he begged for her forgiveness. She wanted to force him somehow to understand that she didn't care about his limitations or their differences. That she loved the person inside of him, and only wanted to grab a little happiness together, to take care of each other. The trouble was that Remus' reasons for his rejection, if they were what she suspected, were long held beliefs, and not easily abandoned. In fact, his steadfast adherence to his principles of decency and honor, in spite of what the world had given him in return, was one of the things she loved most about him. That such a fine person could have emerged from such tragic circumstances was miraculous and inspiring to her.

She had met him, once, when she was a little girl. Sirius had brought him along to one of her mother's dinners. She had adored her cousin Sirius, who seemed like a combination of handsome prince, rock star and overgrown playmate. His friend had been quiet and reserved for the first part of the evening, but Tonks, with her usual youthful exuberance, handed him a storybook to read to her, which he did, sitting on the floor by the fire. She plied him with questions, and he answered them patiently. He did not speak to her in the patronizing tone that most adults used. His kindness and sincerity had made an impression on her that lasted until Sirius reintroduced them years later, on her second visit to Grimmauld place.

Shacklebolt had been the first person to approach her about the Order. An overheard sarcastic remark about a recent _Prophet _article and a whispered speculation about what had really happened at the end of the Triwizard Tournament had resulted in his cautious surveillance of her. An investigation of her background revealed that she was one Sirius' relatives, and Kingsley asked him if he thought she could be trusted, where her loyalties might lie, and if he thought she might be persuaded to join the Order. Sirius had been floored by the idea that his baby cousin was old enough to be a member of the Auror Squad, but vouched for her unreservedly. Charlie Weasley, when contacted, seconded the nomination. He'd been a friend and teammate of hers at school. Minerva McGonagall also had good things to say about Tonks, having been her head of house. So, a tentative approach was made, and accepted with eagerness. Unfortunately, no one had thought to warn her that she would come face to face with her 'escaped convict' cousin on her first visit to Grimmauld Place, and be introduced to him by the man in charge of hunting him down and putting him back in prison. After a hurried explanation, she threw herself on Sirius, laughing and crying with joy.

Her second visit to Headquarters took place during a larger meeting of the members. She recognized Remus at once, though the difference in his appearance was quite a shock. When the meeting was over, Sirius asked her to stay and have a drink with them, and the trio had sat around the kitchen table, talking and drinking until the sun came up, reliving old times, and catching up on life in the interim. She was thrilled to be able to enjoy her cousin's company again, with the added bonus of being able to converse as adults. Remus was as kind and courteous as she remembered, and when his lycanthropy was revealed, she was amazed and sympathetic. He was not as uninhibited and candid in his conversation as the other two, but he added to it immeasurably with his intelligent humor and easy temper. Over the next few weeks, they repeated the procedure often. She found that her evenings with her new friends became the ones she looked forward to the most. It was during one of these merry evenings that Remus unexpectedly answered the only question that she had been hesitant to ask: why such an attractive and good-hearted man lived his life alone.

The conversation had been one of the trio's more memorable ones, having taken place rather late at night and after they had broken open a second bottle of gin. They were sitting around the kitchen table at Grimmauld Place, shortly after the Weasleys had arrived for the summer. It had taken hours for the family to vacate the kitchen and for Molly to finally clean up to her satisfaction and turn in, herself. They had felt like teenagers sneaking into the grown-up's liquor cabinet, and ended up reminiscing about their 'misspent youths'. The conversation, filled with laughter, had inevitably turned to sex. Apparently her cousin had a rather wicked reputation around school, particularly during his last two years…

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"So there I am, trying to keep a straight face, while she lectures me about my last Transfiguration essay, when all of a sudden her face gets all pruny and she says, 'Do I want to know _who_ is under that table, Mr. Black?' And I said, 'Probably not, professor.' So she looks at me like she is trying to burn a hole between my eyes, and finally says, 'No, I'm sure I don't. But since this poor girl will undoubtedly suffer dearly for succumbing to your machinations I will give _both_ of your punishments to _you_, alone. Two weeks detention, Mr. Black.' I swear she still gives me a dirty look for it every time the Order meets."

"So who was the girl?" Tonks asked.

"Head Girl, Slytherin. Josephine Merrick."

Remus nearly spat out his drink. "She was nearly two years older than you, and brilliant. However did you manage that?"

"I asked her to tutor me in Potions, then asked her to tutor me in…other things. She was all stressed out over her N.E.W.T.s, and I helped her relax. You have to appreciate the poetry, though, Moony. Head from the Head Girl. Who was I to pass it up?"

Remus and Tonks groaned in unison.

"It got worse after Lily and James got together," Remus said. "He was bored, what with James gone off all the time, and I wasn't nearly as much fun to spend time with, so no girl was safe from him. He covered all four houses and at least three years."

"In my defense, I probably had a premonition that I would spend twelve years in miserable celibacy, wanted to make up for lost time," Sirius said with a grin.

"Rich, good looking, and a rebel," said Tonks. "What girl could resist? And what were you doing while all this was happening, Remus?"

"Studying."

"That's not all he did," Sirius teased. "I heard rumours that he had developed quite a fan club himself. The girls all thought he was brooding and poetic. It was very effective"

"Watch out for the quiet ones." She gave Remus a wink.

Remus merely rolled his eyes.

Sirius continued, "And, unlike myself, they generally still liked him after he was done with them."

"Well, it was my understanding that you might have considered sticking around long enough to make sure that the girl had as good a time as you did."

Tonks burst out laughing, as Sirius aimed a biscuit at his friend's head. Eventually she asked, "So neither of you had a steady girlfriend at school?"

"Remus did, for what, about six months, Moony?"

"Seven," he replied, in quiet voice, "two of which were over summer."

"Well?" Tonks prompted, as she held out her glass for Sirius to refill.

"She was a Ravenclaw, her name was Ellen. We met in the library; both of us loved to read. We were sixteen."

Sirius interrupted, "You should have seen him, Tonks, he was positively giddy. It was revolting. Joined at the hip, they were. We called him Moony for an entirely different reason then."

"Sounds sweet." She smiled at Lupin. "So what happened to her?"

"Well…she was a very clever girl, and managed to spot that I went missing for a couple of days each month. She was always a little suspicious of my stories, and eventually accused me of cheating on her. Finally I had to tell her the truth, and she ditched me."

"Bitch!" spat Sirius and Tonks in unison.

"No, really, in her defense, it wasn't just the werewolf thing. Part of it was the lying I did, and I think she saw, more than I was willing to at that point, what the future held for me. She had great plans for her life, and I would have really become a hindrance to her. I can understand why she did it, now, although I was hurt at the time."

"No, Moony, she really was a bitch; selfish, possessive and ambitious, and you were well rid of her, as I told you at the time." Sirius refilled Remus' glass and lifted his own in salute.

"At any rate," continued Remus, "the entire episode made me really consider the future more clearly. I was beginning to realize how recklessly I had behaved with my friends, and what risks those that were close to me had to take. I finally had to accept that for me, the notion of marriage and family was simply irresponsible, so any romantic relationship I entered into was doomed from the start. I have been relatively single ever since."

"But you can't judge all women by that one, Remus," insisted Tonks.

"No, you misunderstand me. It has nothing to do with them; it's all my choice. I have made a firm decision not to saddle another person with my limitations. So I have been very careful to avoid emotional entanglements."

"A confirmed bachelor, as they say," pronounced Sirius.

"But usually when they say that, they are referring to someone who is decidedly gay," quipped Tonks.

"Now that would be a sad sight: a poor, gay, aged, lonely werewolf," Remus said wryly.

"Well, the two of you have been virtual monks for the past fourteen years. Spend enough time here alone together, and who knows what could happen?" she teased.

"I never said I have been a monk," Remus replied. "I've just been selective. I have tried to avoid all women who would tempt me to pursue them on a…permanent basis."

"Meaning…?"

"What my friend here is implying is that he has left behind a trail of losers, tarts and unavailable women."

"That about sums it up," laughed Lupin.

"And for the record, I have not been a monk for fourteen years, either. Twelve, yes, but fourteen, no," Sirius stated with a gleam in his eye.

"You mean to tell me that you found someone to shag you, while on the run, with your ugly face plastered as a dangerous criminal on every available wall in the wizarding world?" Remus asked, incredulously.

Tonks interrupted his reply with, "Maybe it's a member of the Order. Come to think of it, I did think McGonagall looked a lot more _relaxed _the last time I saw her."

In the midst of his laughter, Remus continued the thought; "Possibly you made such an impression on her that night at school that she needed to, er, _satisfy_ her curiosity?"

"You two are sick!" exclaimed Sirius, but he, too was wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

The kitchen door opened suddenly and in walked Fred Weasley, followed inevitably by George.

"Wotcher, boys," called Tonks with a friendly smile.

"This looks like the place to be on a night like this!" Fred grinned and George continued, "How could you have a party and not invite us?"

"Grab a glass and have a seat," said Sirius, "The more, the merrier!"

As he started to fill their glasses, Remus coughed slightly and said, in an undertone, "Do you really think that's wise, Padfoot?"

"They are of age, aren't they?"

"Yes, but I doubt their mother will think too highly of you corrupting her children…" He broke off when Sirius rolled his eyes at him. "Well, it's your house after all. Seems strange to be drinking with my students, though."

"Former students, " Fred corrected. "Wait a tic…did you just call him…Padfoot?" The twins looked at each other with wide eyes and dawning smiles.

"Yes, yes, I did," said Remus, trying unsuccessfully to suppress his own smile.

"_We solemnly swear that we are up to no good_," the twins chanted in harmony.

Remus shook his head, laughing softly. "I had wondered how Harry had come upon it, but this makes perfect sense, now. Mr. Moony, at your service."

He reached out to offer them his hand, grinning. Sirius gave a great bark of laughter, and Tonks looked at the four of them as if they had gone mad.

"It's a very long story for another time," Sirius explained to Tonks.

"But I suspect that these boys are well past corruption," Remus added.

"So, what were you talking about so loudly it woke us up?" George asked.

"Not that we minded," supplied Fred.

"Sirius' sex life,' replied Tonks. "He is insisting that he has gotten _busy _since he broke out of prison."

"We're not sure we believe him, since he spent a good deal of his time in the form of a dog," said Lupin.

"Unless maybe it was with another dog," added Tonks.

"Well…there _was_ this lovely little cocker spaniel in Hogsmeade, but she was, unfortunately, a bitch," Sirius said with a nearly straight face, as the four others groaned.

"No, really, Sirius, we're burning with curiosity; who was it?" she prodded.

"No one you know, thank you very much. I spent nearly four months in the tropics, and they had not heard of me there. You wouldn't have recognized me. I filled out some and had a fabulous tan. The local ladies all thought I was mysterious and intriguing."

"I'm sure they did." Tonks smiled. "Well, good for you, coz."

Turning to the twins, she said, "Well, if you are going to sit at our table, you will have to spill the beans, too. Tell us about your sordid love lives."

"How're you supposed to have anything sordid at Hogwarts?" grumbled George.

"Apparently these two managed it fairly well," Tonks said, pointing to Sirius and Remus.

"Well, that was before Filch arrived with his psychotic cat, wasn't it?" Fred pointed out.

"Every time you get a girl in the right place and the right mood, that cursed feline shows up with her creepy red stare and ruins the whole thing," George continued.

"Because you know Filch is sure to follow."

"And we gave the bloody map to Harry before we had any idea how much we still needed it."

"Very shortsighted of you. That map was one of the keys to my successful seductions. I was very sorry to lose it, myself, " said Sirius. "Apparently you are fit to sit in on our little 'lonely hearts' club."

"Pathetic, the lot of us, sitting around here on a Saturday night," Tonks added. "But you know, it occurs to me that by rights, all five of us ought to be quite irresistible to the opposite sex. I mean, most of us are freaks of nature, but all in ways that ought to be well sought after."

"How to you figure that?" Remus asked.

"Well, take Sirius here. You know that all women are naturally drawn to the 'bad boy.' They want to reform him with the love of a good woman, and all that rubbish. And here he is, sinfully good looking if a little worse for the wear, and wanted for mass murder. Drag out his old motorbike and the picture is complete. Plus, dogs bring out women's maternal instinct. By all rights, he should be a bird magnet."

"Very good point, cousin." Sirius raised his glass and they all drank. "And I would be if I could only get out of this cursed house."

"Then you have Remus here." She looked at him pointedly. "Don't try to deny that you have come across women that were into you _because _you are a werewolf."

He shook his head, smiling ruefully.

"I have no doubt that women have jumped at the chance to 'tame the savage beast.' Add that to your poetic soul and that rumpled professor look you've got going and you have an irresistible combination."

"Unfortunately, the _werewolf groupies_ I have come across have ended up losing interest because I was 'deadly dull.' One in particular was annoyed that I wouldn't howl during 'crucial moments,'" he admitted with an embarrassed shake of his head.

"You could have made her year, the poor thing! In any case, lets drink to my friend Moony, and his 'animal magnetism,' " Sirius said.

They all raised their glasses in assent.

"So what about us?" asked Fred, and George continued, "We need all the help we can get."

"Well, you two are not only young, fun, and easy on the eyes, but you have the rare advantage of being a _matched set." _Her eyes sparkled mischievously

"How does that help us?" Fred asked.

"Not sure I like where she's going with this," said George.

"You're telling me that no girl has ever expressed an interest in a 'Weasley sandwich?' " Tonks teased, and Fred and George laughed out loud, blushing furiously.

"Well there was this one woman at the Hog's Head…" George started,

"…but we thought she was joking."

"Plus, she was a little scary looking…"

"…not even sure she was a _she_," Fred finished, laughing.

It took Tonks a few moments to regain her composure after they shuddered in reminiscence, but she continued, "I'm sure it won't be the last time. You have already established that you work very well together, think of how appealing some witch would find the idea of having your 'undivided attention'. Plus, you can make a girl laugh, which is a highly prized commodity."

"Well, Tonks, love, any time you want to take us on, you give the word," Fred said with an evil leer.

Sirius, shaking his head, raised his glass "To the Weasleys, a couple of real team players."

"And what about you, Nymphadora? Apart from the _very_ provocative name, that is." Remus grinned.

"Oh, don't act like you haven't figured it out, Lupin! Most men get a speculative look within thirty seconds of finding out what I can do. I am the perfect girl for commitment-phobic men. I can be a different woman every night."

"The thought had occurred to me," Sirius said, smiling wickedly. The twins nodded their agreement.

Sirius added, "If you weren't my cousin, we would be perfect for each other.

"That's the problem, isn't it?" she said ruefully, "I don't want to be a different woman every night, and I certainly don't want to be with the kind of bloke who would ask me to. So I have to put up with a lot of tossers while trying to find a good one. Then I think I've found him; things are swimming along, and _it_ inevitably comes out…"

They all looked at her expectantly, and she mimicked a masculine voice, "Tonks, luv, you're so beautiful. D'you think you could maybe, um…make your tits a bit bigger?"

Laughter rang around the table.

"I saw that one coming," said Fred.

"You would have," said George.

"Tell me you've come up with a good hex to throw at them," laughed Sirius.

"I've been working on a curse that gives them absurdly large breasts of their own to fondle at will. Until I've perfected that one, however, I just sweetly suggest a very effective charm to improve the size of their knobs."

"Well, then, we must finally drink to my cousin, Nymphadora Tonks, every man's wet dream." Sirius raised his glass to her, as she turned crimson, burying her face in her arms.

"So, in summary," began Lupin, "if we would all just lower our standards considerably, and do away with our dignity altogether…"

"We would be _very_ popular!" finished Tonks, with a laugh.


	7. I Fear thy Kisses, Gentle Maiden

**Chapter Seven**

**I Fear thy Kisses, Gentle Maiden**

Remus returned to Moody's house at ten minutes to midnight. He found his host sitting in the study, reading a book about Dementors. He looked up when Remus entered the room.

"Hello, Alastor."

"You missed the briefing."

"Yes, I know, Something came up. Anything interesting happen?"

"A couple of Dementors were spotted in Knightsbridge, and one in Devon."

"What does it mean?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out."

"Did anything noteworthy happen in Azkaban while she was there?"

"Didn't you ask her this afternoon?"

Lupin looked away quickly. "No, we talked about…Sirius."

"That would explain why she looked so drawn."

"Did she?"

"I thought so, but maybe it was just because her hair wasn't some bizarre colour." Moody grimaced and shook his head.

"That _would_ make a difference. Anyway, I'd better turn in if I am to get started on that research project we discussed."

"Dumbledore also wanted me to ask you to do a bit of research on Dementors, while you're at it. Specifically, their…mating habits."

"There's a cheerful image to go to sleep with," Remus said wryly.

"I made some chicken soup earlier. There's some left on the stove, if you want. My leg always acts up in the cold wet, and we haven't had a sunny day for almost a week."

"I appreciate the offer, Alastor, but I've eaten," he lied. "Goodnight, then."

Remus would almost have welcomed an erotic nightmare about Dementors. Anything to clear his mind of the image of Tonks' large dark eyes filled with pain and brimming with tears. Anything not to hear her voice, calling him a coward, calling him weak. But there was no getting around that he knew himself to be a coward, though not for the reasons she supposed. He was afraid, very afraid to see the hatred and humiliation that she would endure on an almost daily basis if she shared his life. Afraid to see her struggle through poverty and prejudice, and one day to turn to him with eyes as tired and defeated as his own. Afraid to see the love in her eyes diminished by pity, as she looked down at him on the floor, naked and weak from the effects of a transformation he had no control over. And most of all he was afraid, terrified that one day it would all go dreadfully wrong, the potion wouldn't work, and he would wake up from his transformation with her blood and flesh dripping from his teeth.

What she didn't realize is that it was taking every ounce of strength that he could muster to resist her. He had hoped to make it as painless as possible, but if she had to hate him before all this was over, so be it. She would come out of it a little bruised, but still retain her vitality and promise. He could watch from a distance as she found her way to the life, love, and the family she deserved. And someday, when it was safe to allow himself to do so, he could content himself with memories of the lovely girl that got away.

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Three nights later, Tonks Apparated into her parent's back garden. As she entered through the kitchen door, her elegant mother dropped the spoon she had been stirring with, and rushed to give her a warm hug.

"Darling, I've been so worried about you. We heard you'd been injured and then when we didn't see you for over a week…"

"I sent a note to you while I was offshore."

Andromeda pulled away and looked her up and down, "Yes, dear, but the article in the paper came out the next day, and it said…"

"I'm fine, Mum, really."

"But darling, you look so pale, and you've lost weight."

Tonks slipped out of her arms and slumped onto a chair. "Please, Mum, don't…"

"Well, let me feed you at least. How would you like some lovely crepes?"

"That's too much trouble, Mum, have you got any bangers and mash?"

" I swear, between you and your father…yes, of course, dear." Andromeda gave a throaty chuckle as she opened the icebox to pull out a container of leftovers.

"So they mentioned my name in the paper, did they?"

"No, but they mentioned an unidentified female Auror, and since there are only three of you…"

"You started asking around." She rolled her eyes.

"Darling, the rumours have been horrific. No one will give me a straight answer."

"What do you want to know, Mum?"

"Who hurt you?"

"A Death Eater, Mum. And, I'm just fine, no permanent damage."

"But you will not give me the name. And since my sister, and my brother-in-law were mentioned in the rumours, I have two rather obvious names to choose from."

"Lucius is in Azkaban, and Bella is still at large."

"I also found it rather odd that, according to the rumours, your arrival at the Ministry preceded all of the other Aurors, save one, by over an hour."

"Where'd you hear that one?"

"And that the others that you were in company with included an escaped convict, a mad, disgraced ex-Auror, a werewolf, a group of teenagers, one of which was Harry Potter, and Albus Dumbledore, who was wanted for questioning at the time."

"Well, that one seems to be a little far-fetched. I wonder how they come up with these things?"

"Nymphadora…"

"Mum…"

Andromeda stood next to her daughter, pulling her chin up to look into the lovely dark eyes that mirrored her own. "Nymphadora, is my favourite cousin dead?"

"Yes, Mum, he is."

"Who…"

"Bella."

Andromeda gasped, and sat down weakly. "And he wasn't the mad killer that everyone said he was, was he?"

"No, Mum."

"Did you know where he was all this time?"

"Yes, Mum."

"And you never thought to tell me?"

"It could have cost me my job. And others' jobs. And a lot of more important things."

"Was he happy?"

"As happy as he could be, Mum. And he never stopped loving you, or me."

"Is it true, what they are saying…about…Lord Vold…?" she whispered.

"Yes. He is alive."

"And you, and Dumbledore, and others…"

"Please, don't ask me, Mum."

"What can I do to help?"

"Aren't you in enough danger? Don't you worry that your sisters will come 'round to make you pay for the life you have been living? And now that Bella knows what I am, what I do, the urge to hurt you will be even stronger! I can't lose either of you, too, Mum!"

"Please, Nymphadora. I can't just sit here..."

"Do what you do best, Mum. Throw a party. Whisper words into the ears of people that are influential while plying them with fine food and wine. Raise money for orphans and victims. All hell is about to break loose, and the front line soldiers are far from respectable. But you, you are flawless, graceful, lovely and brave. People will listen to you. But please, please be careful."

"I want to do more. Your Father will, too…"

"I'll speak to Dumbledore."

"Please do, darling. And you really need to eat something."

"Thanks, Mum, can I take it up to my room? I'm dead tired."

"Of course, darling. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I love what you've done with your hair!"

"Mum, this is the hair I was born with…I have been desperate to change it, but I'm so tired…"

"But, darling, it's lovely. It's just like your father's colour, and such lovely curls." She brushed her daughter's hair out of her eyes with her pale, graceful fingers.

"Hair that only _you_ could love." She kissed her mother affectionately.

"So dear, tell me what else is new! Have you got a new boyfriend?"

"Gods, Mum…Please can we not have this discussion now? I am beat!"

"Are you going to tell me who hurt you that night?"

"No, Mum."

Andromeda looked searchingly at her daughter, then anger hardened her exquisite face. "One day I am going to kill my nasty bitch of a sister."

"Get in line, Mum. And I love you very much."

"We're so very proud of you, darling."

At 2 a.m. it became clear that, tired as she was, sleep would not come easily. It had been that way for days. She lit the lamp by her bedside table, and surveyed her comfortable, messy, familiar room. It had not changed much since she helped her mum decorate it at thirteen years old. The walls were pale pink with lavender trim. Watercolour paintings of gardens and meadows fought for wall space with garish Quidditch posters and photographs of sullen-looking musicians. Mementos of her Hogwarts years, photographs of her friends and teammates, family photos, favourite books and clothes were scattered throughout the room. A bookshelf crammed with novels, study books, poetry and Muggle CDs was adjacent to the small fireplace. A chest, filled with old toys and Quidditch figures, and one or two of the few dolls she had ever been able to hold an interest in, sat at the foot of her bed. A cozy window seat piled with pink and purple pillows looked out into the darkened garden below. The limbs of a large oak tree nearly touched her window. She had learned to climb out of it about six months after she had learned to walk much to her mother's terror and her father's admiration. Every thing in the room was beloved and well used. But now, at twenty-four, she could not help but feel that the room was no longer a reflection of the person she had become. It was tempting to come back home and retreat into her role as daughter, to have her mother fuss over her and take comfort in her father's familiar bear hug. But there were some things that they could not fix; she had to work through them on her own. The fact was that over the last few years, particularly the last one, she had kept her life and her parents' lives quite separate. The people that she had come to depend on more and more were her co-workers, and her comrades in the Order. Most importantly, she had come to rely on herself. There really was no one who could make this all better for her, not even Remus. Perhaps it was time to rely on herself completely. Sighing, she started to take down the posters, one by one.

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Nine days later, Tonks was rushing through the office, after a particularly harrowing two-day shift. Dear Merlin, how had they managed to get to Amelia Bones? She was legendary, powerful, a member of the Wizengamot. Who was next, Dumbledore? Hell, it was getting scary. The bridge, the giant, and almost worst of all, Emmeline Vance. How had they found her? Kingsley caught her attention just before she reached the door. Once again, she met him at the coffeehouse.

"Wotcher, Kingsley! I'm in a bit of a rush."

"Can you meet tonight? It's important." He looked almost as haggard as she did. His eyes were bloodshot and his skin had a grayish tinge.

"I can probably reschedule my appointment, though I've already had to do it twice."

"We're going to meet at Moody's at eight."

"See you there. Take care, Kingsley."

She bolted out the door, tripping over a chair leg, but righting herself. She could make the meeting and still see her prospective landlord beforehand if everything went smoothly. She just wouldn't have time to change clothes. Well, her Auror robes might make an impression of reliability, and maybe the old witch would be pleased to have the protection of an Auror tenant in these frightening times. She ran back into the Ministry and Flooed to Hogsmeade from the atrium.

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_Success_! She was about to embark on an independent life. It was the best feeling she'd had in nearly two weeks. At only ten minutes past eight, she was let into Moody's house by Bill Weasley, then slipped into the meeting as quietly as possible, and, _Thank Merlin_, didn't trip on anything on the way in. No sign of Remus, either, though she couldn't see the whole room. She caught Molly giving her a warm smile, and Mad-Eye, staring fixedly at her, or as fixedly as it was possible for him to look. The speaker was Dumbledore, and he was passing on information about the recent tragic events, and their strategy for dealing with the new Minister.

When the meeting closed, she would have loved to slip quietly out the door, but Mad-Eye cornered her, asking about the Amelia Bones investigation. Then Molly, who had been waiting patiently, bullied her into coming over for dinner the following night, fretting over her weight loss the same way her own mother had been doing far too often lately. Dumbledore indicated that he wanted to speak with her when he finished discussing some important matters with Arthur Weasley, so she decided the best thing to do would be to find the back garden, and wait alone.

She was standing near a gardenia bush, enjoying the rich scent and looking at the half moon, when she felt the unmistakable prickle at the back of her neck. She turned slowly to see who was watching her. Remus was sitting on a deck chair, his skin pale and glowing in the moonlight. Her heart stopped momentarily, then restarted at a marathon pace. She'd walked right past him. Resisting the urge to turn and run away, she said quietly, "Hello, Remus."

"Hello, Tonks."

There it was, again, that knife-sharp pang of disappointment.

"You look like hell. Are you hiding from me out here?" It was comforting to see that he had had at least as miserable a time of it in the last two weeks as she had. Still, the pain in his eyes was difficult to bear.

"Please Tonks, just let me be alone."

"Why did you stay, then? The meeting is over with."

"I'm living here, didn't you know?"

"No, I sure didn't."

"Wouldn't have come if you had known, I imagine?"

"I had to run into you sometime. I would never let my disappointment in you get in the way of my commitments. "

"I wish it didn't have to be like this."

"You say that as if it wasn't your decision to make it 'like this', Remus."

"It was a responsible decision, Tonks."

"Was it really? I don't think it was very responsible for a man in your _dire straits_ to throw away love that was given freely."

"You don't understand…"

"No, I don't! Please explain it to me. But tell me the truth this time. Tell me you love me. It's written all over your face, and it seems to be killing you. For crying out loud, put us both out of our misery!" She walked up and squatted in front of him, her hands on his knees, looking up into his face.

"Please, Remus. Please tell me the truth."

"Tonks, you could never truly understand. Do you think that a few conversations with me have given you any real picture of the life I've led? I had no right, none whatsoever to put my hands on you."

"I rather think that it is my decision who puts their hands on me."

"You must think that it is all very romantic. Star crossed lovers and all that. Very exciting to think you are in love with, and can save, an impoverished werewolf. But you couldn't possibly have any idea what it is that you are getting yourself into. It would get old rather quickly. You would hate me before it was over with."

"You're patronizing me again, Remus."

"That's because you refuse to take me seriously. Tonks, I have exactly three hundred Galleons in my account. That is all that is left over from my year at Hogwarts. If I am very careful, I could live on it, at my own place, for about six months. Then it would be gone, and I have no way to get another job. The Ministry has made it impossible for a known werewolf to find legal employment, and Dolores Umbridge made sure that my name was in the paper, identified as one. If Sirius hadn't taken me in last year, I wouldn't have been able to feed myself. I haven't had any new clothes in five years, other than those ridiculous Muggle things you bought me last winter, and believe me; I have made use of them. My place up north, I inherited from my parents. They never had a whole lot of interest in making money. It is a cottage. And when I say cottage, it is not meant to imply charming and quaint. I grow vegetables and fruit in the garden out of necessity. It would be lot easier to live on my savings if only I could become a vegetarian, but that would be wishful thinking in my condition. The only purchases that I have made in the last fourteen years, which did not fall under the category of food, clothing and shelter are my books. I buy myself one, every year on my birthday. Some years I have to buy ones that are in really bad condition, but those books have kept me from going mad. I live a very solitary life up there, and have a lot of regrets accumulated over the years to keep me company. Every single person that I have loved, I have lost, and most of them are dead."

He had been staring at a spot just over her shoulder for most of his little speech, but his voice broke here, and he looked into her eyes as he continued. "What is worse is that good hearted people, kind and generous people, look at me with fear and revulsion when they find out what I am. They hurry their children away from me. I love kids, Tonks, I always have. I was, I think, a brilliant teacher. It was the happiest time of my life. But I am not fit to be near them."

"Remus, you shouldn't say things…"

"You're not listening to me. It is human nature to shy away from dangerous creatures. And that is what I am, a creature. I am not human, legally. Do you have any idea what that really means? All it would take is one thing to go wrong, and I am capable of eating the heart of another person."

"Any one of us is capable of that, given the right circumstances, Remus."

"No, Tonks, that is what my body, my blood _begs_ me to do. And I wouldn't care if it were my own wife, my own child, or my mother. I found a very desolate area of the highlands, and before I had the potion, I would Apparate there once a month to transform. I would wake up with foul memories, covered in blood. I can't tell you how many animals I have sunk my teeth into and eaten raw. It is only by very good luck and careful planning that I have never hurt a human. But the desire to, the obsession, really, will always be there. You will never know how much I struggle against my basest impulses."

He leaned over and placed his hands on top of hers, on his knees. "If you were to get involved with me, openly, you wouldn't have your job for very long. You are supposed to be fighting dark creatures, and I am one of them. Your parents, as open-minded as you think they are, would never approve, and it would cause a possible permanent rift with them. Every single day, you would encounter people who would look at you with disgust. Your reputation would be shattered. As I said, legally I am not classified as human. That would mean that it would be virtually impossible to find someone that would marry us, if we had the desire to do so. And as far as children go, it is simply not going to happen. I made certain of that a long time ago. I have absolutely nothing to offer you, Tonks. I would be this dead weight that you carry around, and eventually you would resent me for it. So yes, I know perfectly well what I am 'throwing away.'"

Tonks reached her hand up to caress his face. He closed his eyes at the contact. "Do you think any of this is a surprise to me, Remus? Sirius told me most of this already, and I guessed the rest. We talked about you often. I don't know, maybe he spotted before I did that I was falling in love with you, or maybe he was trying to point me in your direction. You have never been far from my mind over the last year. I watched, and wondered; I researched your situation because you intrigued me. And every thing you have told me so far makes me love you more. Your struggles show a strength of character that impresses the hell out of me."

She pushed his hair away from his forehead. "Don't think that I haven't considered the repercussions of loving you. I had five days of solitude to consider all of it in great detail. But not for one minute did I ever think that it would be too much trouble. I know what we are facing Remus, but I also know in my heart that the rewards would be worth the sacrifices."

"What rewards, Tonks? There are no rewards! I am an old man with no future. I'd like to know what rose-coloured glasses you are looking at me through. Perhaps you are looking for a father figure. Maybe you are looking for excitement, a fairy tale, like Beauty and the Beast. But you are not seeing me for who I really am."

"I see you just fine, Remus. And I am not looking for a father figure. I have a perfectly good father, I think you met him, Ted Tonks is his name. You're nothing like him. He's loud and goofy and affectionate, and he wears his heart on his sleeve. He would love you, if you gave him a chance. And you forget that I am a _product_ of the whole 'star crossed lovers' scene. Capulets and Montagues, that's what they were. Except it worked out pretty well for them. They love each other dearly. In fact, I walked in on them snogging on the sofa just the other day. Frightening sight, it was. Mum's hand was on my Dad's bum." She shivered and grinned.

He shook his head. "They wouldn't see our situation as anything like theirs. Your father is not dangerous to your mother."

"You think not? Have you forgotten my mum's sister? Her dearest ambition would be to go down on You-Know-Who on a daily basis! To Bella's friends, Mum is a 'blood traitor', a 'Mudblood lover', and what is worse, related to half of the Death Eaters. They would love to kill my parents, just to prove a point."

Her legs had nearly fallen asleep, so she pulled up a chair next to him and sat down.

"And as far as the 'excitement' of being involved with a werewolf, well, Remus, I don't mean to be rude, but I do not love you because you are exciting. Well, at least not out of bed, anyway. My life is exciting enough, with my job and the Order…"

"You would lose your job."

"I wouldn't count on that. Female Aurors are very great publicity, and my abilities are rare and valuable to the department. They bend over backwards to kiss my arse. Plus I've done a fantastic job so far, so they won't be in a great hurry to fire me. They need all the Aurors they can get, now that the world is falling apart and the ranks of Death Eaters are swelling."

"You wouldn't be so sure of that if you knew what I know about people."

"Well, I am prepared to deal with that, if it comes. Listen Remus; I have very thick skin. It is a natural side effect of making a fool of myself on a daily basis. I've had to deal with all sorts of foul comments and dirty looks from my relatives all of my life. I went to school with some of them, too. They even made up nasty rumours about me. It all just bounces right off me."

"It's not the same, and I refuse to put you through it..."

"Do you love me, Remus?"

"If I tell you no, will you leave me alone?"

"Like hell I will."

"Well, then, it's besides the point, isn't it?" he grumbled.

"Do you love me?" Her eyes were shining with love and a small smile of triumph was on her lips. She started to reach for his hand. He pulled it away as if it had been burned.

"Go away, Tonks."

"Remus…"

He suddenly stood up and glared down at her. The muscle next to his eye was pulsating. "Will you just leave me the hell alone! Get a bloody clue, little girl! I don't want to be with you!"

Never, never before had she heard Remus lose his temper. His eyes were blazing, and he wore an expression of disgust. She stared at him in shock for a moment, then, overwhelmed by hurt, rose from the chair and walked quickly back to the house.

As she reached the door, she met up with Moody, who had been coming to fetch her for Dumbledore. He took in her white face and tear-filled eyes, and looked past her to the garden. His thunderstruck eyes met Remus' defiant ones. He turned around to walk Tonks into the dining room. His magical eye still on Remus, he watched him slump back into his chair, shaking, and bury his head in his hands.

_**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I have been working on this for a few months, but was having trouble getting this posted on another site, so was getting discouraged.This is as far as I have gotten. I have half of chapter eight written, it should be up in a few days. I hope to write the story going up to Tonks' declaration besides Bill's hospital bed and beyond! Harry only saw Tonks as pathetic and broken for most of the year, but I promise, in my story she will do a lot more than sit around and pine for Remus. Thanks for reading! **_


	8. And You Must Crush the Love in your Hear

**Chapter Eight**

**And You Must Crush the Love in your Heart, and I the Love in Mine! **

"Did you seduce that girl, Lupin?"

"Did I what?" _Oh, bloody hell_, he thought. _Of all people to find out it had to be the one person I can't get away from. Does that stupid eye see everything?_

They were cleaning up the remnants of the meetingtransfiguring the chairs into the objects that they had been before.

"You heard me, and you know what I'm talking about. You two've been acting odd since Sirius died, and it's not just grief. Did you seduce her?"

Remus slumped into Moody's hideous brown recliner, and threw his head back in fatigue. He took a deep breath, rubbed his temples and brought his head forward again. "No, I did not seduce Tonks," he said, steadily.

He looked at Moody with very tired eyes. "She's…Oh, shit, maybe I did. I don't know. It just sort of happened. No, scratch that, I hate that bloody line. I knew what I was doing. I think she did, too. But it's not what you're thinking. I'm not some dirty old pervert going around seducing young women; this was completely out of character for me. I mean, she's, well she's rather remarkable, isn't she?"

Moody just stared back at him, his face grim, but his mouth twitched a little. Remus couldn't tell if it was anger or laughter. He bowed his head, rested his elbows on his knees, and continued, "This was not anything sordid, Alastor. We just…helped each other through a bad time and it went a bit too far. But I'm dealing with it."

"So why'd you make her cry tonight?"

_Ah, now we come to the point, don't we? Anything other than honesty will undoubtedly bite you in the arse, Moony. And Occlumency only works when your mind is clear. _

He sighed"She thinks we're going to live happily ever after. I know better."

Moody stared at him for a long moment. "If that's the way you feel, why couldn't you remember that before you got her into bed? She's your comrade, man! You _should_ have known better! And _now_ of all times! Your timing couldn't have been worse."

"Yes, yes, I should never have touched her. Yes, I have been beating myself up for it for weeks. Yes, I know I'm not good enough for her. You couldn't say anything that could make me feel worse than I already do." He stood up and walked to the fire, warming his hands. There was a pewter mirror hanging over the mantle. He looked at Moody through it, and saw that he was staring angrily at the back door.

"Do you do this every time any of your team members sleep together, or is it just me? It can't be the first time it's happened."

Moody turned and fixed his eyes on the younger man, who was watching him warily through the mirror. "Remus, I've known you for over fifteen years. I like you. You're a good man. But, I've always had a soft spot for that kid, too. She's fearless. I don't like to see her hurt. You hurt her pretty bad today, and that's not like you. I don't need a couple of lovesick soldiers on my hands."

"She would hurt a lot more if I gave her what she wants. She'll get over this eventually. I apologise if this affects the team, but I am hoping to make a clean, quick break. I would appreciate if you wouldn't assign us to anything together for a while."

Moody nodded his assent. After a while, he spoke again, so quietly it was difficult to hear him. "How long is it going to take for you to get over it, Remus?"

Lupin shook his head and looked away. Eventually he turned and started to walk toward the stairs.

"My daughter would have been about her age, or a few years older, if she'd lived."

Remus spun around and looked at Moody in shock. "Daughter? I didn't know you were…"

"My wife died when she was carrying her. You would have been at school, then."

He walked back to the chair and sat down, leaning toward the old Auror. "Oh, Alastor…I'm so…you never mentioned…"

"Hard to imagine anyone choosing to marry me, eh?" Moody gave out a bark of laughter and met Lupin's astonished expression with a wry smile. "I wasn't always this scary-looking, not that I was ever any great prize. We went to school together. We'd been married for nearly twenty years when we found out she was knocked up. It was a bit of a shock; we'd given up hope years before." He smiled again and shook his head.

"I'd always thought it was better if I didn't have kids, with my line of work, but I couldn't have been happier when she told me, or more terrified. Doreen, that was my wife, she was a Healer, worked on the 'Dangerous Dai Llewellyn' Ward…"

"Dear God, Alastor, I remember her! When I was a child. She was…lovely, I still see her in my dreams, sometimes. She made me laugh, and held me when I was frightened. She sat up with me all night one time, reading to me from books about a place called Oz."

"She was always drawn to the little ones, especially Greyback's victims. She was a…brilliant Healer, quick, smart. But she tripped over her own feet terribly, when she wasn't working." He chuckled for a moment. "Sometimes I thought she was only doing it to get a laugh out of me. She never was one to put up with my grouchiness for very long. Such a tiny little thing, but she knew how to put me in my place with just a look."

He was quiet for a long time, reminiscing.

"What happened, Alastor?"

"Rabastan Lestrange." Moody said shortly. "I'm sure of it. But I never got any proof, and he never admitted anything. I just came home and found her, dead. Poison. That was one of his specialties. You have no idea what it took for me to let the Dementors have him."

"Gods, Alastor, I'm so sorry…"

"Not looking for sympathy, Remus."

Remus paused, trying to understand why Moody would be so uncharacteristically candid.

"Are you trying to tell me that you feel a paternal interest in Tonks?"

"Wouldn't know how to be a father. Never got the chance. I just thought you might like to know that I…well, I understand, I guess."

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_What the hell? He understands? He knows nothing, **nothing** about me. He got to have a family, even for only twenty years. That would be more than enough time for me. But he was never a danger to her, was he? Well, maybe he was. But I'll bet people didn't look at them with hatred and disgust. He got to have a life to be proud of while he was with her, didn't he? And why the hell is it any of his business anyway? Nosy bastard! Can't wait to get out of his house! Bloody hell, Nymphadora, why did you have to touch me again? I can't bear it!_

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Tonks huddled naked on the ceramic floor of her new bathtub, her chin resting on her knees while the scalding water washed away her tears. _Ohgodohgodohgodohgod, I am such a fool! All of my carefully laid plans of cool contempt and I had to go and beg him **on my knees** to tell me he loves me. And still he rejected me. Have I been living in a dream world? I am never going to get past this. I am just fooling myself. I will never feel this way about anyone else, and I have to see this bastard over and over again, work with him. Tonks, you clumsy oaf, you had to go and make the most humiliating fall of your life. Buggger_! _Arsehole! Idiot! 'Little girl!' How dare you call me a little girl, you miserable old hermit!_

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"Molly, you've made the best shepherd's pie in the country, I'm sure of it. Will you give me the recipe?"

"Only if you marry into the family, Tonks, dear. But have another helping, do." Molly stood over her dinner guest, serving spoon in hand, and patted her shoulder.

"Nah, I'm about to burst at the seams. Where d'you want me to take my plate?"

"Never you mind that, love, the children will see to it. You and I are going to have a little girl talk over my blackberry brandy." The pleasant but authoritative tone of her voice made Tonks think of her mother, when she was about to force a particularly unpleasant healing potion on her.

"Oh, my, but you do play dirty. I have heard tales of your brandy. I'm not stupid enough to pass up that kind of invitation. Even my Mum has heard of it, and begged me to try and swipe your recipe."

"We'll send her a bottle then, by all means."

The two women sat down by the fire. Molly picked up her knitting from the basket next to her shabby chair. Tonks poured the brandy into two mismatched glasses. She took a sip and groaned in pleasure. "Oh, Molly, you really are amazing. So, which of your sons is available to be used by me purely for your cookbook?"

"Now, be serious, Tonks, dear. You would tell me, wouldn't you?"

"Tell you what, Molly?"

"Is it one of my boys who has broken your heart?"

Tonks' mouth opened and closed a few times like a fish out of water. "Um…my heart is not broken. Whoever said?"

Molly merely looked at her guest with an expression of exasperation.

Tonks looked away and drained her glass. She stood up and walked toward the kitchen, pushing the door open a little to make sure that Ginny, Hermione and Ron were not eavesdropping, and no telltale flesh coloured string was on the floor.

She sat down and refilled her glass. "No, Molly, none of your boys has broken my heart. Whatever would make you think…"

"I was thinking of how very lovely you looked at King's Cross that day. How your face glowed with happiness. Then I came home to spend some time with my future daughter-in-law, and I thought, 'wouldn't it be wonderful if it was my Bill that was making you glow like that?' Then I thought, 'well, I have other sons, who knows?' Of course, it was all wishful thinking, but when I saw you last night, I knew instantly that you had a broken heart, and I thought I'd better ask, anyway. I mean, it's not that farfetched, is it? I do have six handsome men, don't I? Well, seven, if you count their father."

"Oh, Molly, you're going to make me cry. And Merlin knows, I wish I had fallen in love with one of your boys. None of them would have been as stubborn..."

Molly gave her a look of astonishment. "Not stubborn? You _have_ met my children, haven't you?"

"Stupid of me, I meant stubbornly noble." She looked at Molly's baffled smile, and said, "I guess any of your boys would have been stubbornly noble, too, huh?"

Molly nodded, sagely.

"Is it a trait that men in general share, or is it just Gryffindors?"

"Oh, so he's a Gryffindor man, is he? They are a trial, aren't they? I've often wondered if I shouldn't have married myself a nice Hufflepuff. But you can't choose who you fall in love with, can you?" Her eyes were filled with sympathy and kindness.

Tonks shook her head, blinking back tears. Three weeks of wildly fluctuating emotions, of putting on a brave face while her life kept deteriorating around her, got to be too much to bear alone. "I'm just…lost. I know what I feel. I'm sure I know how he feels…or I thought I did. No, I'm sure. But he chucked me 'for my own good', and every time I think I've gotten through to him, he gets cold and angry, which makes me question myself. Then I think I imagined the whole thing, and I wonder why I ever thought he might love me, I'm just stupid and clumsy…"

Molly's eyes blazed with indignation. "Stop that kind of talk, Tonks, I won't have it. You are lovely and intelligent and good, and very special, and yes, a little clumsy, but it's endearing, and we wouldn't have you any other way."

Tonks attempted a wavering smile, then the tears finally spilled out of her eyes and she sobbed into her hands, "Oh, Molly, I don't know what I'm going to do…"

Mrs. Weasley stood up and crossed the sitting room rug to pull the younger woman into a motherly embrace. She patted her back and murmured comforting words until she calmed. She then tugged her toward a couch and sat down next to her, holding her hands in her own. "You know, dear, if there is one thing that I am rather an expert on, it would have to be the way men's minds work. I grew up with two brothers and have raised six. I'd be happy to listen and help you to work through your problem."

"I wish I could, Molly, but he is very a very private person, and I don't think I ought to."

"He isn't married, is he?"

"Oh, Merlin, no!"

"Well, why don't you tell me a little more about it, but just don't mention his name?"

"Well, the problem, his biggest one, if I tried to explain it, would give away the whole thing."

"So, you've had to keep your heartache to yourself?"

Tonks nodded, mutely.

"That must be so hard for you, dear! What about your parents, or a girlfriend?"

"I would have to give away too many secrets just to explain the situation."

"So it's someone in the Order, then."

Tonks nodded again. She could tell by Molly's expression that her mind was racing through the possibilities. She thought she might as well boldly press forward, but her words came out in a jumble. "You see, we have been friends, and a little while back, we sort of, got together unexpectedly, and it was so amazing, and everything seemed fine afterwards, and I realized that I had been falling in love with him, and I was so sure he loved me too, but then he chucked me and said that it was all a mistake, and he had no future to offer me."

She took a deep breath, realizing how stupid and juvenile she sounded.

It took Molly a few moments to digest it all. Finally she said, gently, "You know not to believe a man if he only says he loves you in bed, don't you, dear?"

"He never actually _said_ he loved me," Tonks admitted with a blush.

"Oh, Tonks…" There was a hint of exasperation in her voice.

"Really, Molly, I know that I must sound stupid and naïve. Let me try and redeem myself. I know this man. He's not a womanizer. He wasn't just trying to get into my knickers. The reason I am so sure that he loves me, well, it's hard to put into words, but I just know. Every thing he did that night, the look on his face, the way he said my name, I just…know."

Molly looked at her with pity etched on her features.

"Molly… oh, bloody hell, it's Remus, okay?"

Mrs. Weasley's eyes widened, and she sputtered, "Stupidly noble…for your own good…no future…of all things…Oh, Tonks, have you any idea what you are getting yourself into? And Remus, of all people…ought to have known better. But, he wouldn't have let it happen if he didn't mean it, would he?"

"You mean gone to bed with me? Molly, he's thirty-six years old; he'd had to have done it and 'not meant it' lots of times before."

"That's not what I meant, exactly. I just never imagined, I mean, he's not the type of man to take advantage of you if…"

Tonks could feel her cheeks blazing, but she felt she'd better clear up any illusions Molly might be harboring. "I'm not an innocent little girl, Molly, and he is well aware of this. I used to bring he and Sirius a weekly report on my love life, just to give them a laugh. I'm more than able to tell the difference between casual sex and making love."

"But Tonks, girls your age tend to fall 'deeply in love' every other week! Is it possible that you have fallen in love with the romance of the whole situation? Or that your feelings have been magnified because the world has gotten so frightening lately? It does tend to happen in a war, you know." She lowered her voice and looked at the kitchen door. "And as far as noticing the difference in bed, well, there may be a great deal of difference between these boys that you've known and Remus. Men do tend to become better lovers as they get older: less selfish, more tender."

"I've thought of all that. But it seems to me that you found your true love a lot younger than I did, if my math skills are in working order." Molly blushed a little and her expression softened.

"And, to address your second point, and make you blush a little more, it had nothing to do with technique. I just…felt it in my heart, and saw it in his eyes. There was so much more…but I am sure that he would be mortified if he knew we were discussing him like this. I should probably stop."

Molly walked back to her brandy glass and finished it off. She poured another glass for each of them and handed one to Tonks, sitting beside her again.

"So when did he 'chuck" you, dear?"

"That day, after King's Cross. Six days after we slept together, five of which I spent at Azkaban. I suspect he may have decided to do it sometime near the full moon."

"And his reasons…"

"Well, at first, he tried to act like it was just one of those things, and we'd never suit as a couple. Then, last night, he gave me this long speech listing all the ways he would ruin my life. I tried to tell him it doesn't matter, but he just got angry."

"But dear, have you really thought about all that? His life must be quite awful to bear. Are you absolutely certain that you want to take all of that upon yourself? Merlin knows, if anybody has a right to be bitter and angry, he does. But, he wouldn't be easy to live with, not to mention what the rest of the world would think."

"How can you say that, Molly? He is the most compassionate, most generous person I know. He's calm, and reasonable, and gentle. He would be a joy to live with; easy to talk to, decent to the core."

Mrs. Weasley reached for one of the younger woman's hands, squeezing gently. "Oh, no, Tonks, you quite mistake me. Remus is one of the best men I know. But, dear, nobody is that calm all the time. He seems to be so terribly concerned with doing the right thing, not giving others more reasons to hate him. He must be keeping an extremely tight reign on his emotions every minute of the day. Who knows what he is like when he loses control? He has a terrible affliction, one that affects his thoughts and feelings as much as his body. Have you ever considered that?"

"And that is what I have been trying to explain! I saw him lose control of his feelings, and it was beautiful, Molly! I have no fear of him. I know I could trust him with my life. And he needs me, I just know it! I could help to give him peace and comfort. He wouldn't have to face the world alone. If he would only listen, I could make him see…" The fervent expression on her face crumpled into despair.

"Oh, my darling girl, you'll have such a long, hard fight ahead of you. He is struggling to hold onto his pride and dignity, and would only see giving in as taking advantage of you. They do so hate it when they have to rely on us for support; it seems to offend their sense of masculinity. And think of it, my dear, everybody in his life has let him down in one way or another. It will take a near miracle for him to trust you." She put her arm around the younger woman, looking deeply in her eyes. "If you love him enough, it would be worth the struggle. You could be the best thing that ever happened to him. I've seen how you make him laugh. He desperately needs some unconditional love in his life. He deserves it, to be sure, but doesn't think he deserves it, and would have no idea what to do with it. But you will need to be stronger than you ever knew you could be to make it happen and see it through. Are you sure you are up for it?"

She sighed. "I am, but I guess I'm just a little tired of making a fool of myself."

"I have made a fool of myself over Arthur Weasley more times than I could possibly count. If you are not willing to risk your dignity, you may as well give up now."

Tonks smiled ruefully. "Well, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's making a damn fool of myself. I'll just have to be more stubborn than he is, won't I? If my parents could take on the entire House of Black, I'm sure I can take on one mopey werewolf." She took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes, then looked at the other woman with a smile of wry amusement. "My mum always told me I'm a horrible nag when I want something really badly. I just have to plan a strategy."

"That's my girl." Molly smiled proudly and then her eyes widened. "Oh, my, look at the time! Let's go into the kitchen, shall we? I could use a little tea right now; this brandy has nearly put me to sleep. I have so much to do before Harry gets here tomorrow."

"I'd probably better let you get to it, then…"

"Oh, no, dear, I wasn't asking you to go! In fact, I would love it if you would stay at least until Arthur gets here in about half an hour. I do worry so when I am here by myself."

"What can I do to help, Molly?"

"Oh, nothing, you're my guest…well, actually why don't you check that all the kids are in bed…their own beds, mind you, and I will start on the tea, and those buns I wanted to serve tomorrow, and maybe some onion soup for lunch…"

"Molly..."

"Yes, Tonks?"

"Thanks…for everything."

"I'm always here for you, dear. I hope you know that."


	9. Love is a Torment of the Mind,a Tempest

_**A/N Thanks again for the reviews. They really mean a lot! I thought I should mention that there is a lot of 'inner monologuing' in this chapter, so please note that thoughts are written in italics.**_

**Chapter Nine**

**Love is a Torment of the Mind,a Tempest Everlasting**

"Ah, here is the very young man in question, now," said Albus Dumbledore, as Remus entered his office.

"Good morning, sir." He noticed that his friend and former headmaster was seated across from a very beautiful, dark-haired woman, about fifteen years older than himself. She looked vaguely familiar.

"Remus, thank you for coming at such short notice. It is my pleasure to introduce you to Andromeda Tonks."

It took every ounce of self-control he possessed to limit his reaction to Tonks' mother to only a slight widening of his eyes. He managed to conjure a friendly smile and said, "A pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Tonks."

"The pleasure is mine, Mr. Lupin," Andromeda replied with a dazzling smile, and rose to shake his hand.

Dumbledore asked them to be seated, and continued. "To my great delight, Mrs. Tonks has recently joined our little group, and I suspect that she may be of invaluable assistance on the research assignments I have been giving you. She has an astonishing number of contacts, both political and familial, so you will find that you have access to people and places you did not have on the previous ones. But, I must say, you really did do a marvelous job on that last one, Remus."

He held up his left hand, which had been hidden below the desk, for a very brief moment. It was just long enough for Remus to notice a large, black-stoned ring on his finger. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled mischievously as he continued. "On this next project, we are looking for a certain place, rather than an heirloom. It is a cave, somewhere on the coast, less than a day's journey from London. However, to find the precise location we will need to venture forth into the Muggle world, and research via paperwork and recollection. The two particular Muggles that I am hoping you will be able to locate might even have become somewhat disturbed, mentally. I have written down what little information I have onto this parchment." His wand appeared from underneath his long sleeve, and as he waved it, a sealed parchment appeared on the desk. "It is, of course, imperative that you practice discretion, even from other Order members."

Remus looked from Dumbledore to Andromeda and back again. _That explains the Muggle clothes he has us wearing, but why is she is at this meeting? She can't have very many Muggle bureaucratic contacts. _

Dumbledore continued, "I invited Andromeda to join our meeting because I have it on excellent authority that she is, to quote, 'Bloody good at ferreting information from the unwilling and unwitting.' It may be, perhaps, that her special talents will be necessary for the success of this endeavor. While I have great faith in your powers of persuasion, Remus, I am afraid that time is growing rather short, and the both of you may get better results than you would alone."

"We will do our best, Sir," Remus replied. Glancing over at Andromeda, he gave her an uneasy smile, and the two of them rose to leave the office.

"Andromeda, my dear, I have one or two things I wish to discuss with Remus before you two make your arrangements," said Dumbledore.

"Of course, I will be happy to wait outside," she said, and closed the door behind her.

"I thought you might like to know," Dumbledore said with a gentle smile. "We've worked through that sticky situation which prevented our occupation of Headquarters. It should be perfectly safe to return there by tomorrow afternoon. In fact, I would greatly appreciate knowing that someone is staying there to keep an eye on things, to make sure that everything is in working order and comfortable, and that the place is stocked with essentials. It is my hope that I may count on you for those very important services. Unless, of course, you wish to remain in your present situation?"

"I'd be happy to move back tomorrow. Thank you, sir."

"No, thank you, my friend."

Remus walked toward the door, his mind racing. '_Bloody good at ferreting out information.' What does that mean? Does the old man have any idea how much I would like to conceal from this woman? If he does, he's got a rather sick sense of humor._ He plastered a smile on his face, and opened the door to join Andromeda, who stood in the corridor, examining a painting of a snake, a badger, a lion and an eagle all cavorting happily in a meadow. She turned towards him with a friendly smile and they started the long walk to the castle doors.

"Mrs. Tonks…"

"Andromeda, please."

"Andromeda, then. Are you free to start on this today?'

"I am at your service for the next few hours, and possibly longer, if necessary."

"Let's head over to the Three Broomsticks then, and take a look at this in the back room."

"That would be lovely."

As they walked, there was a long silence, which was increasingly uncomfortable for Remus. It seemed impossible to manufacture idle conversation while his brain was doing an imitation of a whirling dervish. Finally, she spoke. "Your face is familiar to me, Remus. We've met before, haven't we?

"Yes, we have, as a matter of fact, but I didn't think you'd remember. I was a guest at a dinner party you gave, about sixteen years ago."

"That's it! Sirius' friend from school! You must have made a good impression on me. In fact, I remember thinking that you had such lovely manners for a teenager. And now here you are, a grown man, and we will be working together. It is a small world, don't you agree?"

_Smaller than you can imagine_, he thought, and smiled as they opened the doors of the castle to walk towards Hogsmeade. They certainly had a great number of things that connected them, but every subject he could think of to talk about was taboo. They could not discuss the Order or their project in public. Sirius seemed a morbid and touchy subject, and he wouldn't have brought up her daughter for a million Galleons. Unbidden, the image that Tonks had given him over a week ago -- of this woman enthusiastically kissing her husband on a sofa and grabbing his bottom --popped into his head and he had to stifle a laugh. She spotted his expression, and looked at him questioningly.

"I was just remembering." _Think, Moony, think quickly. _"How overwhelmed I'd been at all of the elegantly presented food you served that night. I am afraid that your dinner party gave me an appreciation for fine cuisine that my subsequent income did not allow me to indulge in often."

_Not bad in a pinch, _he thought.

"Well, then, Remus, you must allow me to cook for you again. It is the sad truth that my husband and daughter do not share my enthusiasm for gourmet meals, so I rarely get the chance to indulge myself. When are you free to come for dinner again?"

_Oh, shit. _"Er...well, possibly in a couple of weeks. I will have to let you know. It is likely that you will become rather bored with my company while we work on this…ah, here we are." He greeted Madam Rosemerta, who embraced him enthusiastically, and they made their way to the back room. Andromeda raised an eyebrow when Rosmerta left to fetch their drinks, and he felt the need to explain, "I lived and worked near Hogsmeade for nearly a year, so I used to come in on a weekly basis. I haven't been back since then."

Andromeda smiled indulgently, and Rosmerta brought them their drinks. When at last she left, Lupin charmed the doors and walls to prevent eavesdropping. He made the parchment reappear with his wand, and they unrolled it on the table. After finishing it in sync, their eyes met, and Andromeda said, "So, the orphanage then?"

"Seems like a good place to start. We can Floo to the Leaky Cauldron from here, if you like."

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Less than a half-mile away, Tonks surveyed the wet paint on her sitting room walls. The first coat had disappointed her; it seemed entirely too pink for the room she had in mind, but by the third coat, it was a rich magenta. She wandered around her new flat, noting with approval that there was not a single white or beige wall in the whole place. _If I am doomed to look pale and drab for a little while, at least my home will surround me with colour,_ she thought. The sitting room, when finished, would be a riot of jewel tones. She had painted her kitchen the colours of an iris: deep purple and yellow. Her bathroom was done in soothing grays, greens, and blues. She'd turned her bedroom into a warm chocolate-coloured cocoon with pale pink trim. Tomorrow, she was going to unleash herself on Muggle London, armed with twenty-four years of Grandpa Tonks' birthday cheques, looking for furniture and decorative items. Her small flat would be something to be proud of, a haven, a new beginning, entirely her own. And maybe, if he was very, very lucky, Remus Lupin might be allowed to visit it someday.

After cleaning up and changing into clothes that were not paint splattered, she made her way over to the Three Broomsticks for a drink and a bite to eat. It had always been one of her favourite pubs, and the idea of being able to stumble home from there on her own two feet had been a major selling point for the flat. Tonight, she was almost in a mood to celebrate. Almost, but clearly not enough of a good mood to be able to metamorph. She was so close she could taste it, but the effort was exhausting. No, better to save any abilities she had for work, and spend her free time looking drab. She began to sympathize with her former dorm-mates, the ones who wasted so much of their precious time reading about make-up tricks, hair potions, and glamour spells. She wasn't vain, truly. If she was, she might have made herself drop-dead gorgeous, built like a centerfold. But she'd come to think of her rainbow hair as a part of herself, a sort of artistic expression. And, of course, her gift had really come in handy on the job. Now, she found herself spending her sleepless nights poring over her old textbooks, learning spells for concealment and camouflage that she had never had to bother with at school. She had a very important job to do; two jobs actually, and failure was not an option.

She was well into her third pint of butterbeer, and half through with her fish and chips. An Irish wizard on holiday, absurdly charming and a professional Chaser to boot, was sitting across from her, flirting outrageously. His eyes were the dark green of the Forbidden Forest, and when he borrowed Rosmerta's guitar to play a sad, sweet ballad, he captured the attention of the entire room. Her battered self-esteem was lapping up his poetic complements, and he seemed to be as impressed by her career as she was by his. And she hadn't even mentioned her metamorphic ability.

The Tonks of six months ago could have easily fallen under the spell of his wicked eyes and, mesmerized by the lilt of his voice, given in to the urge to find out exactly how talented those long fingers were. But the new and improved Tonks was not as easy to bewitch. She had fought in some awful battles, had lost a beloved friend, then a mentor and then a woman she had somewhat idolized, all in one month. She had seen evil and horror and pain firsthand, not to mention fallen in love and had her heart broken.

Oh, he was irresistible, and he knew it, too, but when he called her a lovely faerie, whatever else that was left of the spell was broken. A memory flashed in front of her eyes; of Remus reaching out his hand and ruffling her hair affectionately. She left her table and approached the bar, holding out her glass for a refill, as she sat on a stool.

"Wotcher, Andrew", she called to the man behind the bar. "Let's have a last one, then, before I head home."

Rosmerta sat down next to her; her eyes bright, and sighed theatrically. "I'll tell you, Tonks, if I were ten years younger, I would give that beautiful lad a run for his money."

"If you were ten years younger, no witch in Britain would stand a chance against you. You already have ninety percent of the boys at Hogwarts fantasizing about you in the showers! And a few teachers, too, I'll bet. You could have that bad Irish boy with a crook of your finger."

"Maybe I could at that. But you two did look lovely over there together. What happened?" She lowered her voice and grinned mischievously. "Did he ask you to change into a younger version of his mother?"

"No, but he wouldn't have been the first." She shook her head ruefully.

"Speaking of mothers, I saw yours today."

"Really, where?"

"Here. She came in with an old friend of mine. Didn't stay for long."

"I wonder why she didn't stop by to see me? Odd, that. Oh well," she said as she drained her glass. "I'd better pop off, I've got a busy day tomorrow. Cheers!"

She waved to the room at large as she headed toward the door, but her insatiable curiosity got the better of her. She turned around and said, "Rosmerta? Who was my Mum here with?"

"Oh, you probably don't know him. He was before your time, and after."

"Still, It's not like my mum to go to pubs with other men, is it? And, to come all the way up here and not see me?"

"I wouldn't worry about it love, he's not that kind of bloke. His name is Remus."

"Oh. Right, then. Ok, I'll be seeing you, Rosmerta."

_Shit! There goes another night's sleep. What the hell? Of all things! Think, Tonks; think rationally. They are two members of the Order in a pub near Hogwarts. That has to be the reason. You will go see your mother tomorrow and hint around and find that that is all there is to it. Yes. That's it. He wouldn't be discussing you with her; he's the one that wanted to keep the whole thing quiet. Serves him right if he got assigned to your mother. In fact, he must be positively terrified. It's kind of funny, actually._

"Tonks, lass, where are you going?" The bad Irish Chaser was following her down the street.

"Home, Fergus. I've got to work tomorrow," she lied, as she stopped. She really didn't want him following her home.

"The night is young, _a mhuirnín_. Come and dance with me. Or, we could sneak onto your old Quidditch pitch and you can make me wish I'd had such a pretty Chaser on my team." He smiled seductively, as he took a step closer to her.

"I've got a boyfriend, Fergus," she lied again, rubbing at the goosebumps that had started creeping up her arms. Her mind suddenly filled with sadness, remembering how naïve she had been when she assumed that she would be reunited with a boyfriend that day at Kings Cross. She tried to banish the image of a duck nibbling at the soggy remains of her pastie, its bobbing movements sending tiny ripples out into the murky water. She felt an instinctive need to get moving, and started hurrying toward her flat. Still he followed. Dread was spreading through her body, branching out from the pit of her stomach.

"Tonks, lass, I don't know what's come over me. Please don't run away, I can't bear it. You have to know something; my girlfriend left me for my best mate, and I went on holiday to get over it. I just can't be alone right now."

"Fergus, you're really starting to annoy me," she said, increasing her speed. Her breath came out in visible puffs. Another memory snuck into her mind, of Amelia Bones' bruised and battered body.

"Tonks, lass, please stop. There's something wrong, I can't…"

_Bollocks! How could I be so stupid? _She spun around, wand ready, as despair flowed through her veins. _Think about it: seeing Sirius again for the first time in thirteen years, think hard, Tonks!_

"_Expecto Patronum!"_ A blast of silver light flowed out of her wand, forcing the two hooded figures to pause and back away slightly. But the happy image in her head, her old standby, didn't last for long. Instead she saw herself waking up at St.Mungo's, hearing, 'We lost him, he's… gone.'

The silver light retreated. _Find something else, then, the day at the park._ _"Expecto Patronum."_

A little silver shot out of her wand, disappearing rapidly. _Not good enough. Think! Passing the Auror's qualifications._ _"Exp…"_

_Not nearly good enough._ Fergus lay on the ground, moaning in agony. _Bugger! Five of them, now and this loser in no position to help me! Quick! Think! Remus, brushing his lips against yours, running his fingers down your bare back, moving inside of you, crying out your name._ _"Expecto Patronum!"_

Once again, there was a blast of silver light, and this time she knew it had worked. The misty, silvery animal charged at the hooded figures, chasing them off into the night. She bent down to check Fergus, ignoring the odd prickle at the back of her neck. _Something is off, but what?_

As she checked Fergus' heart rate and the returning warmth of his skin, the silvery light of her returning Patronus came nearer. She looked up, and felt as if she had been doused with icy water. _Well, fuck me, _she thought as she reached out to touch it in wonder. Standing in front of her was not the familiar, eager, goofy kangaroo that she had become rather fond of. It was a wolf. An intelligent, fierce, majestic wolf.

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Andromeda Tonks and Remus Lupin walked together toward the Leaky Cauldron. In the pocket of his threadbare trousers, Remus was carrying three filing cabinets worth of sixty-year old paperwork, conveniently reduced to the size of a Snitch. "I must say, Andromeda, I am beyond impressed. There are only two people I have met that are as subtle and effective as you were today. If I hadn't been expecting it, I never would have guessed what you were doing. Allow me to bow to your superior talents."

"Ah, but if you had not been there, with your remarkable instincts, I never would have known which avenues of recollection to pursue, and which to ignore. And I am afraid I will be of no help at all in sorting through that mountain of paperwork you are carrying."

"She never would have let me near it all if it hadn't been for you. It seems Dumbledore knows what he is doing, even if his methods seem a little odd at times."

"I have to tell you, Remus, this is the best feeling I've had in weeks, months even. So many dreadful things have happened; it makes one feel so…vulnerable, helpless. But to know that what we have done today may be a small but important step in changing things for the better, well, it's exhilarating, isn't it? I feel like I am a character in one of those spy novels that Ted is always reading."

"I'd be a lot more exhilarated if I didn't know I have about a month's worth of research to do, minimum," he grumbled, but not with any real sincerity. He found that his companion surprised him considerably. Remus had always assumed that Nymphadora had inherited her enthusiasm and optimism from the reportedly jovial Ted Tonks. Somehow, he had always pictured her mother, one of the notorious Black sisters, as somewhat haughty and difficult to please. But he felt a jolt of painful recognition when he saw the laughter and determination in Andromeda's sparkling dark eyes. He also saw echoes of Sirius in her dazzling and genuine smile. This woman was beloved by the very two people he loved most. She might be able understand, better than anyone, the anguish that he was feeling. Once again he felt the pull of everything that Tonks wanted to offer him: family, security, love. Andromeda was the person who raised the remarkable woman that he was in love with; she might have been the ideal mother-in law, actually. _Yes, Moony, but do you think she'd be this charming if she knew that you are the filthy werewolf who shagged her darling daughter?_

They approached the door to the Leaky Cauldron. Once inside, she said, "Remus, I really am in the mood to celebrate. Why don't you let me take you to my favourite restaurant? It's just down at the end of the Alley."

"Thank you very much for the offer, but I really do have a lot of research to get started on. Besides, I'm sure your family is expecting you."

"Actually not, to be honest. My husband is at a meeting in Edinburgh until late, and my daughter has recently moved from home. So, you would be sparing me the very sad prospect of going home to my newly empty nest. Unless, of course, you have a family you need to get back to?" There was a glint of unabashed curiosity in her eyes.

"He said, "No, I'm single," a little too quickly.

"Well, then, it's settled. You would be doing me a favour. Besides, you need fattening up a bit," she said firmly, as she took his elbow and guided him purposefully down the length of Diagon Alley.

Two hours later, Remus felt as if he was about to go into sensory overload. She had somehow managed to talk him into eating a five course French dinner. The sights, smells, and tastes of the exquisitely prepared and presented meal, along with three excellent glasses of wine and her admirable conversational skills, had lulled him into a pleasant stupor. He had a nagging suspicion that she might have lured him into a false sense of security. Any minute now, like a very devious spider, she would pounce, draining away all of his deepest darkest secrets. _Well, the best way to avoid uncomfortable questions is to ask them first. _"So, where did you learn Legilimency, Andromeda?"

"It is something of a family gift. My mother taught my sisters and I, although my youngest sister did not have a real talent for it."

"And you taught your daughter, I presume?" _Way to go, Moony. Couldn't resist bringing her up yourself, could you?_

"Yes, she does have a knack for it, but is generally too polite to use it without permission outside of work, anyway. I didn't realize that you knew Nymphadora."

"We've worked together in the past. The only reason I noticed it is because she seems to have a gift for putting others at ease. It's almost as if she knows what they are feeling, and reacts accordingly."

"Unless, of course, she is determined to make you uncomfortable, and then knows precisely what to say to make you suffer."

. He laughed in agreement. He was beginning to understand that he would have to be a lot more careful in his dealings with Nymphadora.

"Remus…I have to admit that I did have an ulterior motive for asking you to dinner."  
Suddenly everything that he had eaten that evening threatened to leave his body in the worst possible way. "Going to make me sing for my supper, are you?" He attempted a lighthearted note in his voice, and failed miserably.

"Well, you are under no obligation to tell me anything, of course. But I had hoped you would understand why I feel the need to know the truth about a few things."

_Don't go and do anything stupid like making a full confession, Moony. _"What would you like to know, Andromeda?"

"I understand that you were rather close friends with Sirius, at school and after, and more recently."

He nodded silently.

"In fact, it was hinted at that you were closer than friends…"

"Yes," he said with a note of irritation in his voice, "we were more like brothers."

"Ah, well my extended family did always like to jump to conclusions. They found it impossible to believe that Sirius could reject them just on principle." She smiled and rolled her eyes dramatically. "Not that the nature of your relationship would have made much of a difference to my questions. I just feel so terrible, Remus, like I failed him. It was always inconceivable to me that he could have been so very bad as he was portrayed. But the evidence seemed irrefutable. And now…"

"We all failed him…"

"But you did get the chance to reconcile, didn't you?"

"Yes, and likely only because I was the first person to figure the whole thing out. Well, after he did, anyway. However, that doesn't make me feel any less guilty for what I believed him capable of."

"But I feel like I could have done something to prevent it; you've seen what I can do. I wonder if I had believed in him enough, could I have made a difference? I mean he didn't even get a trial, did he?"

"Andromeda, could you really have persuaded someone like Barty Crouch to believe that he was innocent when fifty eyewitnesses saw him murder thirteen people? Could you have reasoned with the Dementors to let him go?"

She sighed and continued, "Remus, can you please tell me how it happened? I've heard rumours, wild rumours, about things like Secretkeepers, rats, dogs, time-travel and hippogriffs. I would just like to know the truth, the truth about what happened fifteen years ago, and how he died. I loved him very much. I tried to get Nymphadora to tell me about it, but you wouldn't believe how distant she has become since his death. I can't get her to talk about anything at all, but this in particular. When I asked for details, she told me she was unconscious when it happened, and I am afraid she is blaming herself."

_Oh, no, she's not blaming herself about that any more. If she is distant, it's because I was an unconscionable asshole who couldn't keep his hands to himself. _"Well, Andromeda, if you want to hear the whole story, I think we had better order up some very strong coffee, because we might be here for a while."


	10. These old bones live to learn her wanton

**Chapter Ten**

**These old bones live to learn her wanton ways**

_Merlin's staff, I don't know how those Muggles do it!_

Tonks surveyed the pile of items that were the result of her exhausting shopping spree in London. She was very proud of them, but they didn't represent half of what she had bought. Had she gone to Wizard stores, she would have had everything in her flat and set up over three hours ago. But the Muggle furniture had to be delivered, not vanished to her flat. And, since her flat was not accessible to Muggle deliverymen, she had to have it all sent to Grandpa Tonks' house, where she could vanish it at her leisure. The smaller items she had been able to reduce and carry around in a small shopping bag. But due to the infernal crowds, in most cases she had had to wait until she could get them to the car or the privacy of the loo before she could reduce them. The car was a problem in itself. Grandpa Tonks had taught her to drive nearly ten years ago, but driving in traffic was another thing altogether. And parking! What kind of stupid person would put up with having to pay to park your car? A good repelling charm, and the meter maids ignored it.

Grandpa Tonks had been suitably impressed with her finds. All of them were very colourful and unique; most of them either from far-distant countries or at least thirty years old. He had still grumbled about how much easier it would have been if she had just let him tag along, but she had been firm. There was a big difference between spending a large chunk of birthday money, which she could have wasted on toys, clothes and entertainment over the years instead of saving for her own place, and allowing Grandpa to pay for the whole thing outright. Which he would have bullied her into doing, of course.

Nothing could have prepared her for the surprise he had in store for her, just after they finished dinner._ The bed. _That gorgeous, wonderful, daydream inspiring, two-hundred and thirty-year old gilt and pink French confection, which had actually inspired her to play Cinderella as a kid. No, she hadn't really cared about the fancy dress or the glass slippers (which sounded remarkably uncomfortable). Nor did she care about the (boring) Prince and the gilded carriage (though a pumpkin carriage sounded pretty cool, after all). No, she just wanted to be Cinderella because as the future Queen she had the right to lay around in this fantastic bed for hours, reading Voltaire and eating chocolate. How many times had Grandma Tonks, the old battle-axe, chased her out of that bed, screeching that she would ruin it? She would be turning over in her grave right now, knowing that it would end up in the bedroom of a tiny flat in Scotland, instead of a museum, where it belonged.

Wouldn't it be the perfect addition to her carnival of a flat? She'd actually planned on having something that reminded her of it made up for her bed. She was going to enchant an old fashioned pink silk couch to expand to where it was long enough to lie vertically on. Oh, but it wouldn't have been the same, would it? It would take a bit of time to get it over to the flat, though. She didn't quite trust herself to reduce it and send it over. So, for a few more nights anyway, she was stuck with conjured furniture that had to be re-conjured every twenty-four hours.

She stretched out on her brand-new, emerald green velvet beanbag chair, which was, in her opinion, the single greatest thing that Muggles had ever invented. She was seriously considering falling asleep on it, if she could just make it a little bigger. A little research and she'd find just the right charm for it. She briefly toyed with the idea of stopping by the pub for a drink, but there was the unappealing prospect of running into Fergus O'Neill, newly recovered from the Dementor attack. He would undoubtedly be hopped-up and horny from all the chocolate they would have forced down his throat.

_Ah, Dementors. There is something you have tried to avoid thinking about all day. If you had ever been remotely unsure about your feelings for Remus, that little episode made everything crystal clear. So, here it is in a nutshell: you are hopelessly in love with a man who wants nothing to do with you. It's not going to just go away if you avoid him, and he is not bloody likely to come after you, begging you to forgive him. So, it's time to stop hiding out and face him. You should have done it today instead of shopping_. _Tomorrow then, after work._

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She knocked on Moody's door at nearly six the following night, dressed in her most colourful and flattering robes, embarrassed that she had actually stooped to an application of lip gloss and mascara. Although she knew the old Auror would have been able to see her before he opened the door, his face still held an expression of shock upon greeting her. He invited her in, and she said, "I'm looking for Remus, is he here?"

His face softened, and he replied, "I'm sorry, he isn't; he's moved back to Headquarters."

_Crap! I could have avoided showing my hand to Moody after all._ _There's one more person who will figure it out, if he hasn't already._ "Oh. All right then, Mad-Eye, I'll head over there, thanks. I had a bit of research that I needed his help with, you know?"

"Of course you do, lass," he said, gently, as he walked her out the door.

As she descended his front steps, blushing furiously, he suddenly called her name. She turned around reluctantly, and he said, with a completely straight face, "Just thought you could use a warning. With the moon tomorrow night, he's going to be more irritable than anything else. He'll be more likely to bite your head off than kiss you."

_He winked at me!_ _He actually winked at me with that grotesque eye! I didn't even think it could do that! _Mortified, she hurried away toward Grimmauld Place.

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Remus sat behind an imposing desk in the library, buried under a pile of Muggle paperwork. Though a few well-executed sorting spells had managed to identify more than half of the files as irrelevant, the rest had to be scanned carefully. Sometimes it became necessary to physically read the whole thing. He knew that he had made a great deal of progress, but was having trouble concentrating on the task at hand this evening. It was always a struggle to do research this close to the full moon. Filled with restless energy, he found it hard to sit still, let alone push aside his overwhelming anger and negativity. If the bloody thing weren't so crucial and urgent, he would have given up hours ago.

It was also difficult to get past the distractions created by his heightened senses. He could smell, with nauseating acuteness, the haddock and potatoes that Hestia Jones was frying up for her dinner in the kitchen, the odor of which combined horribly with the musk and lavender scent she generally wore far too much of. From down the hall he could hear, with perfect clarity, the sound of Mundungus Fletcher, nosing around the drawing room in search of booty. _Let him have it, then, Sirius wouldn't care. _He could see a black widow spider in a darkened corner of the ceiling, sucking the life out of a helpless fly. His fingers could feel the subtle and minute differences between the slightly nubby parchment he was writing on and the smooth manila folder that the records were sitting in. Worse yet, the muscle spasm in his lower back, the ache in his neck, and the paper cuts on his fingers were all magnified to a pain that was nearly intolerable.

He hadn't needed the sound of that ugly umbrella stand falling over and Mrs. Black's screams to let him know that Tonks had entered the house. He smelled her the moment she opened the front door, which he had heard as if it was in the next room. The shrieks of the painting and the bustle of people coming out of various rooms to diffuse the situation irritated his frazzled nerves almost to the breaking point. He could hear her apologies, and her hurried explanation that she had come to bring some things back to her old room. Sure enough, she did go up there, but stayed only for a few moments, moments where he tried to banish the image of her the last time they had been in that room, crawling toward him on the bed and grinning wickedly. Damn if he didn't have to deal with becoming increasingly randy as the full moon approached, too. All things considered, he was about ready to jump out of his skin.

When he heard her approach the door to his bedroom, he started to panic. She knocked quietly, and eventually turned away. He knew it would take her about two minutes to eliminate the other possibilities: kitchen, bathroom and back garden, before she would head toward the library. Briefly, he considered hiding in the basement or attic or even disappearing altogether, but had to admit that he really was looking forward to seeing her face.

"Hey, you," she said with a smile as she closed the heavy library door behind her.

Now he really started to panic. A friendly Tonks was infinitely more dangerous to him than a hurt and angry one. "I'm really quite busy, Tonks, is there anything I can do for you?"

She gave a low chuckle. "I really don't think you want an honest answer to that question, Remus." She raised her eyebrows suggestively. He felt most of the blood in his body flow directly to his groin while she pulled up a chair across from him and continued. "So, lets pretend you didn't ask it and I didn't answer, and I will say, 'How are you, Remus?'"

"How do you think I am? I am buried under a mountain of dusty paperwork and in about twenty-five hours I will turn into a raging, snarling beast," he said with increasing irritation.

"Oh, really?" she said with a note of feigned innocence in her voice. "Looks like we have that in common, then! I am about a day away from turning into a raging, snarling beast myself."

He looked at her in bewilderment.

"PMS," she supplied.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head, picking up a file and opening it.

"Lost our sense of humor, have we, Remus? Can't say I blame you, it has been quite a month."

"What do you want, Tonks?"

"Once again, a loaded question. But I really will try to stop torturing you. I've made what I want pretty clear, and you are determined to be noble, so we must agree to disagree on that subject."

He looked at her warily until she finally continued, purposefully, "The fact is, I miss you. I told you that night that you were one of my best friends and I meant it. I hate the fact that I managed to lose both of my best friends within a week of each other. I also hate this entire hassle of trying to avoid each other. If we keep this up, sooner or later everybody in the Order will know something is fishy. So here is my proposal: we make an attempt to re-establish our friendship. We hang out together from time to time, we go back to working together occasionally, and feel free to call on the other person if we need something. In exchange, I will do my best not to push you into a relationship that is clearly repulsive to you…"

"Now, Tonks…"

"Oh, shut up, Lupin! I will do my best not to push you into a relationship, and you will treat me with the respect and kindness that you used to give me…"

"Tonks, I…"

"I don't want to hear it, Lupin, have we got ourselves a deal?"

"We haven't got a deal if you won't let me finish my sentences," he grumbled.

"Who was interrupting who, Remus? Anyway, I prefer to call a spade a spade. I said those things because I want you to know that I get it, it's hopeless, and I don't have to make a fool of myself anymore."

In a lifetime of self-loathing, Remus had never hated himself more. Why did women have to look at a break-up as a personal attack; an excuse to devalue themselves? Didn't she realize that she was bloody perfect? That _he_ was the hopeless fool? But to give in to the urge to clarify these things was risking a whole new battle of wills. Someday, when he was calmer, he'd somehow make sure that she knew how much he respected her, admired her, without raising her hopes too much. Someday, but definitely not today. As it was, he was struggling to overcome even more powerful urges. The animal inside of him seemed to think that it was a very good idea to slam her up against the wall, immersing himself in her body until he lost his sanity from the smell and taste of her.

He was startled out of his fantasy when he realized that she was staring at him, waiting for some kind of response. He mentally thanked the Gods that there was a desk and a pile of paperwork between them. "Listen Tonks, I understand what you are saying, and part of me would really like to see if our friendship could be repaired. But, this really isn't a good time for me to make any important decisions. I'm very busy and I am in a rotten mood. So do you think you could give me a few days to think it over?"

"Good old Remus," she said with a trace of sarcastic laughter, "the most spontaneous guy I know. Damn, I love you."

"If this is how you hold up your end of the bargain, Tonks, you may get your answer a lot sooner, and not the one you want," he snapped.

As she rose from her chair, she placed her hands on the desk, and leaned in closer to him. He tried to avert his eyes from the slightly gaping neckline of her robes as she said in a low tone, "This 'grumpy old man' thing you've got going today would have worked a lot better if I couldn't positively _feel_ the lust radiating off of you."

She looked over her shoulder as she walked out the door. "I'll see you in a few days, Remus, unless you decide to stop being a stubborn ass and do something about that rotten mood you're in. Both of us could probably use a good shag right now."

She winked playfully and walked out the door. He grumbled and muttered for a few minutes, then finally kicked the leg of the desk in anger and frustration, certain that he was in for a very long night. The small portrait of Regulus Black, nearly hidden next to the fireplace, spoke slyly, "Leave it to an idiot Griffyndor to turn down a generous offer like that."

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_Not exactly the way I had planned it, but all in all I'm pretty satisfied, _Tonks thought_. I hadn't expected to see his eyes darken with lust, but hey, it's sort of a bonus, isn't it? He wants me! He wants me! He wants me! _

The next step had to be taken very carefully. In ordinary circumstances, it might have been a good idea to let him sit and mull their conversation over for a week or so. It might even have been effective to let him consider the fact that she was free, under his conditions, to go satisfy her sexual urges elsewhere. But she truly was not inclined to make him suffer that way, and there was a good chance that it would backfire. Besides, he was going to suffer enough in the next twenty-four hours, due to the full moon. An idea slipped into her head that was in complete opposition to her usual modus operandi, and although a risk to her pride and possibly her physical safety, it was potentially brilliant. It called for a visit to her father, and a raid on his precious potions storehouse.

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The morning after the full moon Remus awoke, as he had so many times before, freezing and aching on the cold floor of the basement at Grimmauld Place. _Why in Merlin's name can I never actually work it out so I wake up on the blanket_? Mustering his strength, he pulled himself up to the mattress he had conjured over twelve hours ago, wrapping himself in the downy quilt that his mother had made to help him through his first transformation. He fell asleep again almost immediately.

Tonks emerged from the fireplace in the kitchen about an hour later. She had hoped to find the place empty, but it was her questionable luck to run into Mad-Eye while he was bent over the stove. He had taken it upon himself, he explained, to make sure that Remus' transformation had gone smoothly, casting the wards on the doors and windows himself. In addition, he was in the process of warming up some beef broth, which he would take to his former houseguest as soon as it was ready.

She was a little shocked at Moody's unexpected benevolence, but then remembered that Moody was probably one of the few people alive that had been able to witness Remus' transformation firsthand. While the younger man had stayed with him last month, Moody would have been unable to resist the temptation to watch the agonizing process through the basement ceiling with his magical eye. If it caused the old Auror to treat the werewolf with a little more sympathy, it was nothing less than Remus deserved. She found herself admitting that she had a very similar idea, and wondered if Moody would mind if she were to be the one to go down and take care of him.

"I'm sure that your face will be a much more pleasant thing to wake up to than mine, lass. But, I'll warn you to be careful not to let him think you feel sorry for him. He resembles nothing so much as a beaten dog while he is recovering, and is apt to lash out at you."

"Never imagined you'd have a soft spot for strays, Alastor," she said with affection.

"We're all strays in a way, aren't we, lassie?" he replied as he dismantled the ward on the basement door.

She crept down the stairs as quietly as possible, only tripping when she reached the bottom. Thanking the gods that she had neither spilled the broth nor dropped the potion, she slid down on the floor next to Remus' mattress. He was so exhausted that he hadn't heard a thing. She placed the broth on the table next to him, casting a charm that would keep it perfectly warm for the next few hours. Next, she cast a warming charm over Remus and his makeshift bed. Finally she opened up the potion bottle and poured a generous amount on her hands, rubbing them together to activate the potion's catalyst. Immediately, she felt warmth spread over the surface of her palms and fingers.

The only part of Remus' skin that was visible under the quilt was the back of his neck, so she gently placed her thumbs on it, rubbing in a circular motion. As her thumbs made their way down to his shoulders, she felt his body begin to relax, while his harsh breathing pattern slowed considerably. _Good, the potion is working quickly then_, she thought. She slipped her hands further and further down his back, massaging the potion into his skin, working her thumbs into the knots that she encountered.

He continued to sleep as she worked her way down his legs and feet, and then she carefully turned him over to work on the front. She knew that there was a very real possibility that he would be embarrassed by his vulnerability when he finally woke, so she was careful to keep him covered as much as possible. When she had finished with his body, she very gently ran her hands over the surface of his face, which allowed to potion to seep into his pores and begin the healing process underneath his skin. When her hands passed near his nose, his eyes fluttered open slightly, and he looked at her with fatigue and confusion in his eyes. "Nymphadora?"

Her heart nearly swelled to bursting and she whispered, "Go back to sleep, Remus. Sleep all day while you heal. There is broth from Mad-Eye on the table, and Molly sent you some stew and homemade cider for later." She knew that her words would seep through the healing trance that her potion had put him under, and hoped that they would make him feel cherished and important, rather than a burden to his friends. For good measure, and because he was too weak to resist her, she kissed him gently, and whispered, "I love you Remus," before slipping back upstairs to go to work.

**A/N: This chapter was inspired, in part, by a bed I fell in love with at a museum. Here is a url to see it, if you are curious: **

h t t p / w w w . g e t ty . e d u / a r t / c o l l e c t i o n s / o bj e c t s / o 6 7 7 8. h t m l

(sorry, this was the only way it would show up)

**Somehow, that ridiculously feminine thing seemed like it might be one of Tonks' guilty pleasures, or maybe I am just putting a little of my own fantasies into this. Anyway, it seems like a rather incongruous and therefore perfect setting for some upcoming crazy werewolf sex. It is coming very soon, I promise you. The poor sod can't resist her forever, can he? Anyway, thanks for the lovely reviews. I find that they inspire me to write faster. (hint, hint) So won't you take pity on me and press the little button below you, even if it is only to tell me not to quit my day job?**


	11. And Loved the Sorrows of Your Changing F

**Chapter Eleven**

**And Loved the Sorrows of Your Changing Face**

_For Merlin's sake, when will they learn not to ring the bloody doorbell?_

Remus opened the door irritably to find Andromeda Tonks, wearing an apprehensive look and clutching a scrap of parchment. She flashed her stellar smile, and slipped quickly inside the house. Remus walked back to the shrieking portrait, preparing to slam the curtains shut, but Andromeda stepped forward and laid a hand on his shoulder, nudging him aside.

"Hello, Aunt Wallburga."

"Blood traitor! Slut! Whore! Filthy, defiled, Mudblood-loving little strumpet!

"Well, a _whore,_ am I? That's rich, Auntie. Tell me, did you ever determine which of the Bettany brothers actually fathered Regulus? But I suppose even adultery is acceptable if the results are pureblood."

"You dare to set your muddy feet into my house and then insult me? Tainted, foul…"

After a wave of Andromeda's wand and an inaudible incantation, Mrs. Black was utterly silenced, though her livid face still screamed silently

"If I remember correctly, the kitchen is down this hall." Andromeda walked briskly toward the kitchen, leaving Remus grinning in her wake.

"Oh, brilliant, you've made the coffee already," she said as she reached into the sideboard for a pair of cups. He poured for both of them and she sat down at the table, looking up at him expectantly.

"We, er…have tried all sorts of Silencing Charms on that portrait, but none of them worked, just made her louder."

"Well, that one is more of a curse, and a bit dodgy, too. If she had been a living being it would have melted her vocal cords. I highly doubt you would have been taught that one at Hogwarts." Her face settled into what could only be described as a self-satisfied smirk.

Remus stared in shock. "Right, then. Will it be permanent, one hopes?"

"On a living being, yes, but these paintings do tend to self-repair. I give it about twelve hours." She sipped her coffee and sighed in appreciation. "This is just what I needed. I never did trust a man who makes a weak cup of coffee, Remus. I think I may just like you."

A very brief flash of sadness clouded Remus' eyes, which she misinterpreted.

"I am sorry about losing my temper back there. I always hated that old woman, and she took me back to a bad place in my life. I didn't mean to offend you."

"I'm impressed, Andromeda, not offended." He grinned and sat down across from her, pulling out a stack of parchments and a larger stack of computer printouts. _The trouble is, I like you too. And I hate the fact that I've hurt your daughter. _

"Anyway, let's get down to business, shall we? I spent several hours last Wednesday evening at a DWP office, going through their computer records. You understand how that works, right?"

"Yes, my father in law…well, yes." She paused, and changed the subject. "Don't tell me you are a hacker, Remus?" she teased.

"Hardly, but I know enough to get around. So I found a large number of National Insurance numbers that matched the names and ages of those two Muggles, and in many cases, their employment history. It would be a lot easier if those orphanage files had had their birth dates, but I have found that Muggles keep even worse records than the Ministry of Magic does. More paperwork and less information, really. At any rate, this allowed me to get an idea as to what part of the country they settled in."

"Well, it seems you've been busy. I'm sorry I had to cancel on you at the last moment like that."

"Oh, it's not a problem. You would have been forced to keep watch while I muttered in front of a computer screen. No fun at all, really."

"Now I've lost my big chance to perform as a lookout. You know how I love the intrigue."

"You'll get your chance soon enough, I'm sure," he said wryly, and then added, with a grin, "You're needed, Mrs. Peel."

Her eyes lit up and she said, "Why, Remus, _you_ watch television?"

"My father did, regularly."

"My father-in-law loved that programme." She smiled wistfully and got up to refill their coffee cups. "So, back to the project. What would you like me to do?"

"Well, I have a few addresses of people that I have been able to find in public records. We could do more research to see if they are orphans, or we can just go directly to them and ask. I thought you might prefer the latter. I have a plausible cover story, I think. One of us could be searching for our birth parents. It seems to be the best way to get sympathy and cooperation quickly."

"That is a brilliant idea, Remus. I think, based on the age factor, that it should be me. Where shall we go first?"

"Surrey, I think."

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By the time they returned to Grimmauld Place, the sun was nearly at the horizon. Remus invited his partner in for tea, and they sat at the table, discussing the utter failure of their leads.

"I suspect that when we do come across one of these two persons, it will be rather obvious to us. We still don't know if he cursed them or just scared them, but I am inclined to believe the former. And, if that is the case, we will either be able to sense the residual magic surrounding them or they will sense it from us, and react noticeably."

"I don't think either of us thought it would be quick or easy. I suspect that he made it harder to trace them, just like he expunged the records of his own existence in the Muggle world. I must say though, I am disappointed. I really needed something good to happen today." She took a bite of her scone. "Oh, heaven! Did you make these, Remus?"

"I wish could say I had, but mine would be nearly inedible. Molly Weasley sent them over."

"I really must meet that woman. I have been hearing about her for years, of course, and am positively dying of curiosity. I had enough trouble with one child; I can't imagine raising seven children, Gryffindors at that. And she still manages to find time to feed and worry about everyone else that she knows, according to Nymphadora. She said that when she was going out with one of her sons, Molly actually sent over a Christmas gift. Can you believe that? Hand knitted, too. She'd never even met my daughter at that point. Many women wouldn't even do that when they actually have a legal daughter-in-law, would they? Mine certainly didn't."

"Yes, Molly is unfailingly thoughtful," said Remus, mentally perusing the list of Weasley boys to determine which one he needed to kill. _Charlie, most likely, but possibly Bill. Maybe even one of the twins. Percy couldn't have gotten past the pink hair, and Ron clearly prefers uptight bookworms. Oh, sod it all, this is stupid. This is the wolf staking its claim and the man has no right to. Charlie would be good for her, if it had been him. In fact, perhaps it would be a good idea to encourage a reconnection the next time he comes to visit._

He realized that Andromeda was staring off into space, as preoccupied as he had been. Only she looked rather…broken. He had seen something like those pain-filled eyes before, while he was in the process of lying through his teeth to her daughter. He reached across the table to touch her hand.

"Andromeda? Is there something wrong?"

She apologized for her distraction, and said that it had been a rather difficult week.

Remus was suddenly reminded of the twitch of discomfort that he had felt on Wednesday, when he had received her owl. She had said that she needed to cancel due to a family emergency. After an initial twinge of panic, he had told himself that if anything had happened to Nymphadora, the Order would certainly have discussed it. But she _had_ said that she would see him in a few days. She might have been referring to that post-transformation visit, which now seemed like a blissful dream. Since then, however, she had not contacted him once.

"Would you like to talk about it? Is everyone in your family safe?"

"Yes, well…no, actually. My father-in-law died on Wednesday."

He sucked in his breath and uttered the usual platitude, "Oh, I'm so sorry." But, inside, he remembered Nymphadora's oft-stated declarations of devotion to her 'Grandpa Tonks'. He thought how _bloody unfair_ it was that this family had suffered another loss so quickly.

"Was he ill?" The platitudes continued, though he was genuinely concerned.

"Well, yes, as a matter of fact, he was. He had this…horrible degenerative muscle disease. Ted had been able to help a lot; in fact, a normal patient would have died years before he did. He'd had it for nearly twenty years, and only had to spend the last one in a wheelchair. But he died suddenly of a massive stroke, and none of us were really prepared for it."

"You cared for him a great deal, I think."

"I loved the old codger. He couldn't have been more unlike my family. He was earthy and coarse, and yet had a brilliant mind and the largest heart I have ever encountered. He welcomed me with open arms when my family tossed me out like the garbage. I'm going to miss him terribly. But Ted…Oh, Remus, he's just devastated. He was so sure that he would be able to invent some potion that would keep Alfie with us forever. And now, all of his colour is gone, just like Nymphadora, when Sirius died. I can't reach either of them, and I feel so helpless.

He reached out to put his arm around her shoulders. "I'm really very sorry. I have found that people often say remarkably stupid things at times like these, so I will not try to offer you words of consolation. But if you ever need to talk, or a shoulder to cry on, please let me know."

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Two hours later, he'd managed to find, with some difficulty, the door to Nymphadora's flat.

He hesitated for a few seconds, then knocked on the door softly. For a very brief instant after she opened the door, all the love that she felt was there for the world to see. But the moment passed, and her face fell into an expression of anger and irritation.

"Remus! Well, what a shock. You'd better come on in, before the whole wizarding world knows that I am entertaining dark creatures."

He looked at her with confusion and hurt in his eyes.

"Your words, Lupin, not mine. I was just trying out a bit of sarcasm. I guess I am not quite the girl to pull it off, am I? Well, are you coming in or not?" He entered her flat warily, and she locked the door behind him. He looked around with interest.

"I would apologize for the mess, but at the moment, I don't really give a gnome's ass what you think of my place. What are you doing here?"

"I, err…thought…Well… I'd heard about your grandfather, and I wanted to come by and see how you were doing."

Glaring at him, she crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe. "Oh, so you are here in your Sir Galahad capacity, is that it, Remus? Well, don't worry, I am fine. I have my family to help me through this one."

"Your mother said that you have taken it hard, and that you are distant…"

"For crying out loud, please don't make any assumptions about me based on what my mother tells you. Yes, I understand that it is pretty fucked up that you got assigned to her. I would think, however, that you would do me the courtesy of ignoring any unauthorized information she throws your way."

Taking a tentative step towards her, he said, "You told me that you wanted our friendship back, and I had been considering it. But I wondered why you didn't come to see me like you said you would. Tonight, I found out that you had a death in your family. I came here because I thought you might like someone to talk to. Now I don't know what I've done to upset you since the last time I saw you, but whatever it is, I'm sorry."

She let out a frustrated growl and sighed. "Come in and sit down. I'll make some tea, or would you like something stronger?"

"Tea, please."

She disappeared into the kitchen, giving him a chance to look around her sitting room. It seemed bright and cheerful and soothing all at the same time. He sat down on an electric blue plush sofa and picked up the book that she had tossed over the arm. A battered Jane Austen, he noted, but not one he remembered reading. He glanced at the page it fell open to.

_All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one, you need not covet it) is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone._

"I _did_ come by to see you," she said, interrupting his perusal.

He looked up to see her standing with the tea tray, watching him suspiciously.

"I came by after the full moon."

"Yes, I know that. And I meant to thank…"

She interrupted him. "How did you find my place? You didn't ask Mum, did you?"

"No," he said quickly, "I asked Mad-Eye."

"Oh, Remus," she groaned. "Did it ever occur to you to send an owl?"

"I was in a bit of a hurry."

"Did you even stop to think that he might wonder why you had to see me at this time of night? Now he'll definitely wonder if something is up. He already suspects I have a crush on you."

"He knows, Tonks."

She lowered her voice to a horrified whisper. "What exactly does he know?"

"Nearly everything," he admitted.

"Oh, bollocks, Remus, of all people to go and confide in!"

"It wasn't on purpose, I promise you. He's just…bloody nosy. Oh, and while we're on the subject, I am certainly not thrilled that Molly Weasley is nagging me about finding a nice girl to take care of me. Oh, and how she might very well be _right under my nose_."

She gave him a dirty look. "She's nosy too, you know. And she caught me on a bad night. Just…for Merlin's sake, please don't let my Mum get wind of this, okay? She's ruthless."

"You're telling me. I think I'm safe there, although she had me worried at first. The notion seems to be inconceivable to her."

While he sipped his tea, she stared out the window for a few minutes. Finally he broke the uncomfortable silence. "I am really very sorry about your grandfather. I think I remember you talking about him quite a bit. How are you coping?"

"I'm fine," she said shortly.

She didn't turn away from the window, and he took the opportunity to get a really good look at her. The vibrant, cheerful Nymphadora that he loved had become a pale and gloomy shadow of herself. But there was still something undeniably beautiful about her, a delicate, porcelain loveliness.

"Is there going to be a funeral?"

"Why, Professor Lupin, are you offering to be my _date_?" Her eyes bored into his and there was an angry challenge in them.

"I hardly think that would be appropriate. But if you would really like me to be there as a family friend, I would be happy to…"

"It was a _joke_, Remus."

"I got that. And it was a rather tasteless one. Could you please explain to me why you are so hostile to me this evening, Tonks?"

"Tonks!" she spat out, and stood up to walk toward the window. She turned toward him and leaned against the wall. "I don't want you here, _Lupin_."

"I got that, too. Care to tell me why? I wonder what could have changed since the day you saw me in the library."

"_Nothing's_ changed with us, that's just the bloody problem. We are still in the same positions on the opposite side of the fence. But then something bad happens to me and you come rushing over to fix it. And I don't want you to! It's not your job to put me back together. I can do it myself."

"I never implied that you couldn't…"

"But I scare you a lot less when I am down-and-out, isn't that right? You can afford to reach out to me now, because you can tell yourself later that it was the right thing to do. That I needed you. And how, exactly, did you mean to comfort me? Were you just going to let me talk it out? Or maybe you thought I would like to cry on your shoulder again? Could it be that you were planning to give me the _full treatment_ like last time, Remus? Because I want to make it clear to you: I am not interested in another pity fuck! So why don't you just get the hell out of my flat!"

He stood up angrily. "You've got the wrong idea about me, Tonks. I didn't come here tonight to…to…"

"Didn't I hear you joke a long time ago that you liked your women broken? That they were easier to leave that way?"

She walked toward the door and began to open it. He came up behind her in an instant and slammed it shut. She turned in surprise, and before she could even register the hungry look in his eyes, he had crushed his mouth to hers.

All the blood seemed to rush out of her head, and her legs gave way in shock. She found herself pushed up against the door, pinned by a rock-hard werewolf. While his mouth continued to plunder hers, he ran his hands possessively over her body, igniting her senses. He inserted his knee between her legs, and with surprising strength and very little gentleness he reached behind to grab her by the arse and lift her onto his thigh. Finally, he released her mouth and as she gasped for air, he growled against her ear, "I _do not_ pity you."

He bit her neck, whispering hoarsely, "You are _not_ broken."

His hand slipped under the bottom of her jumper, and he slid it up and over her bare breast. He groaned, "I have never wanted someone so badly in my life."

It wasn't a declaration of love, but for Remus, it was saying quite a bit. Her heart swelled with emotion and her body ached with need. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him voraciously.

He pulled away from her and knelt on the floor, unbuttoning and tugging off her denims while she clawed at his hair. His final thread of sanity snapped when he ripped her knickers away and felt how unbelievably _ready_ she was for him. He feasted his way back up her body, tearing at his own clothes while she whispered urgently. Finally, he buried himself inside of her, slamming her against the unyielding oak while she screamed his name.

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By the time he came to his senses, the moon was high in the sky, and they lay entwined on her bed in the darkness, covered in sweat. Tonks rolled away from him and stretched contentedly, like a lazy cat enjoying a sunbeam. _She's bloody beautiful_, he thought, and tried to push away his rapidly returning apprehension.

"Food."

"Hmm?"

"Definitely need food," she said, as she kissed his cheek and slid off the bed. She quickly located a kimono, and slipped it on while she padded toward her bedroom door. A moment after she disappeared through it, she popped her head back into the room.

"Do me a favor, won't you, Remus?"

"Yes?"

"Stop thinking."

"What?"

"Well, you can think, but just promise not to think about us, or…this." She pointed to the bed. "At least until I get back. You can think about the Pride of Portree's chances at the match tomorrow night, or house-elf rights, or even Defense Against the Dark Arts, but just don't start analyzing this until I get back."

He laughed and said, "I'll try."

Soon afterwards, he could hear her banging around in the kitchen. It seemed to be a good time to fetch his clothes and wand from the sitting room. After slipping on his boxers and folding his clothes, he returned to her room, where he lit a fire and a few candles. His curiosity got the better of him and he examined her bedroom, recognizing a few of the items that he had removed from her Grimmauld Place room. There was one thing in particular he was hoping to find: a framed picture that he had not had the heart to look at too closely that morning. It had occupied a prominent place on her dresser then, and he wondered if it would still do so.

The dresser was covered with framed photographs, but aside from one of her house Quidditch team, they were all of her family. There were several of a younger Nymphadora embracing a large, red-faced old man with a shock of white hair. His humor and vitality shone through his clear blue eyes, as did the love he felt for the bright-haired little girl.

A silver picture frame was lying behind the others, face down. He knew which one it would be well before he saw the familiar image. It was a wizard photograph, taken on the previous New Year's Eve. Nymphadora had brought over a few bottles of champagne, several ridiculous hats, and her father's camera. They asked Kreacher to take pictures of them throughout the evening, but this was the only one that he had not managed to sabotage. It had turned out perfectly though. Nymphadora grinned and blushed madly, pressed between Remus and Sirius while they each kissed her cheek. He took a closer look at his own unguarded face, and could just spot the nervous smile before the kiss, and the nearly imperceptible flash of longing afterwards.

He sighed and returned the picture to the dresser, not in the same position, but facing out toward the room. After wandering around and looking at some of the other objects on display, he sat down carefully on the edge of her sumptuous bed. He found himself shaking his head at the memory of the wanton abuse they had inflicted upon it.

"You're thinking, I can tell," she said with a note of accusation in her voice. She was standing in the doorway levitating a tray of fruit, cheese and wine in front of her.

"Actually, I'm thinking about this bed."

"Ready for another go already, Remus? I thought you said you were an old man?" She grinned and set the tray on the rug in front of the fire.

"I _am_ an old man, and you're going to make my abused and aching body sit on the floor in order to eat, are you?"

"Sorry; house rules. I may be willing to shag on that bed, but there is no way I will bring a glass of red wine onto it. It's the last gift that Grandpa Tonks gave to me." She handed him a glass while he joined her on the floor next to the fire. They were both hungrier than they realized, and within ten minutes had reduced the contents of the tray to an apple core, a few bruised grapes, some broken crackers and a couple of unidentifiable crumbles of cheese.

Sometime after that, he took a deep breath and broke the silence. "Listen, I want to apologize for my behavior…"

"I sure as hell hope you are apologizing for the canal and Moody's back garden, Remus, because if you apologize for anything you did tonight I swear I will hex you into oblivion."

"Er…well, I'm not exactly sorry it happened, but I was not entirely civilized…"

"You never heard me complain, did you?"

"You're bruised."

"So are you."

"I shouldn't have…"

She growled in frustration. "Stop it right there, Remus. This is not a trap. I am not asking for any sort of a commitment right now. I just want to enjoy this. I want you to stay with me tonight, and I want to talk about _anything_ but the state of our relationship. And I probably will want to shag you at least twice more before I have to go to work tomorrow. Do you think you can manage to give me that?"

"_Twice_ more? Well, that's asking an awful lot," he teased. He reached over and pulled her onto his lap, settling her hips between his legs and wrapping his arms around her. He rested his back against her fireside chair, and she leaned against his chest contentedly. He kissed her on the cheek and said, "Tell me about your week, Nymphadora."

"You really don't want to know."

"Yes, I do. Tell me what you were doing when you heard about your grandfather."

"You _really_ don't want to hear about that."

"Yes, I really do."

"All right then. I was just finishing up on a particularly gruesome crime scene."

"What happened?"

"A couple of werewolves bit a boy and killed his father."

He stiffened and whispered, "Oh, no." _And she still let me touch her after that_. He let his arms fall to the floor. She picked them up and placed them back in their original position around her midriff.

"Yeah, it was fairly…bloody. So anyway, I got back to my desk, and before I could even get to the showers, my friend Tina gave me an urgent note from my parents. Then I went to my Grandpa's house, and they told me he had died. He was by himself when it happened. Dad found him."

"How awful." He tightened his hold on her.

"Yeah, he's not doing so hot, my Dad."

"That's what your mother said."

"She's not doing so great either."

"It takes some time…"He reached up to run the back of his hand along her cheek, and turned it over to smooth her hair.

"Yeah, I guess it does. You lost both your parents, didn't you?"

"Yes, years ago."

"Did you cry?"

"I did."

"My Dad hasn't."

"Sometimes it takes a while." He leaned his head forward to kiss her cheek and changed the focus of the conversation, "I understand he tried to find a cure for your grandfather."

"Believe it or not, he's nearly as good a Potions master as Snape. He's always messing around in his basement on something or other."

"Is that where you got that thing you used…"  
"Oh, yeah, that was for muscle repair. One of us went every week to apply it to Grandpa. It kept him walking for a long time. I thought it ought to help you, too. The only trouble is it makes you sleep all day, but I thought that since you usually do that anyway…"

"It was amazing."

"Well, I rather enjoyed applying it." She grinned and turned around to kiss him. "Of course, you might have preferred Mad-Eye. He was willing to do it, I think."

"Dear Merlin, no!" His hand reached up to touch her cheek and he kissed her back, gently and thoroughly. Sighing, she settled her head back against his chest. He nuzzled her ear and said, "Tell me about your grandfather."

"Oh, he was a hoot. He always told it to you straight, never approved of people who beat about the bush. He was a plumber, you see, and one day he came up with some sort of a toilet valve that conserved water. So he made a bit of money off of it, and my grandmother decided that she wanted to be a _lady_. So she spent all his money on this house that was too big for them, and bought all of this posh furniture, and he never again felt comfortable in his own home. He loved her madly, though, so he let her pretty much do what she wanted. But he drove her stark raving mad because he refused to turn into a gentleman for her. He wouldn't wear fancy clothes or try to change the way he talked. And she never wanted him to tell anyone that they made their money off of _toilets_. But he was proud of it, and would bore people to tears talking about hydraulics. Anyway, she died when I was twelve. He closed off most of the house and lived in a few rooms which I am told were decorated in the exact style of the flat my father was born in."

"And what did he think when he found out he had a wizard for a son?"

"Proud as a peacock. Absolutely fascinated with magic. He and Dad would sit around for hours just trying to figure out how things worked, magical or Muggle, and how to make them better."

He had a feeling that the best thing for Ted Tonks right now would be to spend a little time with Arthur Weasley.

"So, that bed, was it one of your grandmother's purchases?"

"Sure was. Merlin, how I loved to play on it as a kid! I used to pretend it was Cinderella's carriage."

He had a sudden vision of a pink-haired little girl, wearing a dress four sizes too large and tripping over her glass slippers. He shook his head and snorted. "I just can't imagine you playing Cinderella."

"No, I guess I'm more like Little Red Riding Hood, aren't I?" She shook a little from suppressed laughter.

He groaned and playfully punched her shoulder. She turned around and grinned at him saucily. "You know, I always did think that the dialogue in that story sounded a little too much like foreplay: 'My, what big teeth you have!' Made me wonder what else was big?"

"I'm going to have to shut you up somehow," he muttered before covering her mouth with his.

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_**A/N: Sorry at the inadvertent mix up of chapters 11 and 12. This chapter was a long time in coming because the first part of it got erased twice. Plus, I had a lot to say, and still had to cut out a lot of it. I hope that the release of tension and the length of the chapter make up for the delay. The Jane Austen quote was from Persuasion.The chapter title is from Yeats, and is clearly a popular choice for Tonks fics, but hard to resist. I really wanted the book she was reading to be another book, but I was dissappointed to learn that it wasn't released until October of 1996. Look for it later in the fic. The next chapter will deal with the repurcussions of the werewolf attacks, among other things. Dun Dun DUN!**_

_**Oh, and thanks for the lovely reviews. You really do make my day!**_


	12. For Each Ecstatic Instant we Must an Ang

**Chapter Twelve**

**For Each Ecstatic Instant we Must an Anguish Pay.**

_The wolf ran free for the first time in years. He tore through the trees in the Forbidden Forest, reveling in the moonlight. He wasn't sure what he was chasing, or even if he was the one being chased. Eventually, he realized with a pang of loss that those who were supposed to run with him through this forest were conspicuously absent, and that he was pining for his pack. He began to search desperately. Ahead of him he thought he saw a glimpse of an antler, a swish of shaggy tail, small beady eyes and a rustling in the underbrush, but it always vanished quickly, just out of his reach. _

_Suddenly, the trees opened up and he found himself at the edge of the lake. He bent down to lap up the icy water, which burned down his raw throat. His sensitive ears picked up a snapping noise somewhere close behind him, and he froze in fear for a moment, then bolted back up the slope of the mountain. As he ran, he heard pounding footsteps crashing through the underbrush, his pursuer not even bothering with stealth. Finally, by taking a few unexpected turns, he managed to lose his unknown enemy. He doubled back in the opposite direction and wandered to a familiar outcropping near the top of the mountain. This was one of Padfoot's favorite spots. Moony used to rest with him here, gazing out toward the lake, the castle and the town. Here, they liked to howl at the moon in perfect harmony, disturbing the slumber of the villagers across the lake. Nearby, Prongs would stand majestically at the top of the rise, with Wormtail perched on his shoulders._

_Moony sat and gazed at the scene spread out below him, panting, while his heart ached from loneliness and grief. The wolf let out a soul-shattering howl of despair. Somehow, he could have sworn he heard the echoes of Padfoot joining him in his lament. He felt a presence next to him, and fought the impulse to turn. His battered heart would surely break if there were only empty space beside him._

"_Why did you run from her, Moony?"_

_He wouldn't look; he couldn't look. It had to be his imagination. Padfoot was dead._

"_Did you even know that it was her, or were you running from an unseen foe?"_

"_I'm not sure." But somehow he realized that he had known who it was all along._

"_You are a wolf, Moony, you are the predator. You don't need to flee from anything."_

"_I thought if I lost her that she would go home, forget about me."_

"_You underestimate her."_

"_It's not safe for her out here, Padfoot. She needs to go home."_

"_Listen, Moony."_

_He pricked up his ears and heard a howl in the distance, one that spoke of longing and sorrow and fierce anger._

"_Who is that?"_

"_I thought you were supposed to be the cleverest one of us."_

"_That is a wolf, Padfoot!"_

"_And you were too blind to recognize it in her from the beginning. She's a Black, Moony. Whether serpent or canine, we refuse to back down from a challenge. Fortunately she took after the canine branch of the family, and her loyalty and determination should never be underestimated. She got the Slytherin cunning, too, so don't even try to match wits with her."_

"_Padfoot, you can't be serious. This is absurd. She is a lovely girl, and she deserves better than me. I am weak; I am one step away from utter ruin. I am in no position to…"_

"_You are a wolf, Moony. You are a survivor. You are a battler. If you would only stop fighting your true nature you could be just what your pack needs. It would be a something to behold, Moony. Stop worrying about offending people. This is a war."_

"_I've spent my life controlling this part of me, Padfoot."_

"_But, didn't you enjoy letting the wolf loose last night?"_

"_Merlin, Sirius, you were watching?"_

"_Hell, all of us were. Prongs is rather proud of you. And Lily is a little jealous."_

"_Oh, shit…"_

"_Tonks has the wolf in her, too. She doesn't need your protection, but she does need your love. You want her, you need her, and you know it. But Moony, I think the three of us here agree. In spite of what you may think and how much I admire my cousin, she really is the lucky one in this relationship. Try not to fuck it all up _by driving_ her away."_

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

His eyes fluttered open when he heard the water running in the room next door. He looked around the unfamiliar bedroom. _It is morning, and she is getting ready for work. And you just shagged her senseless at least five times. Possibly six, if that last one wasn't a dream. And you are immensely proud of yourself. And if you were to slip into that shower right now, you could probably round it off to lucky number seven. In the shower. With the warm water running in rivulets down her firm, hot, slick little body. And you could tell her how much you love her and she would never leave you. Unless she died. Or got sick of starving. Or the dirty looks. Or mopping up after you when you can't even feed or bathe yourself on the day after the full moon. Or holding your hair while you vomit. _

He growled in frustration and shook off the last few pessimistic thoughts. _Tea, tea would be good. I'll make the tea, and she'll come to the kitchen table and I'll end it there, as gently as possible_.

The wolf liked the shower idea better. _Do you really want to make her cry again, Moony?_

_Tea or shower, shower or tea? _The wolf won.

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Remus was smothering several pieces of toast with raspberry jam when Tonks entered the kitchen, running her hands through her scarlet hair.

"Ooh, coffee!" she squealed, and threw her arms around his waist from behind, nuzzling between his shoulder blades. "You are a useful bloke to have around, Remus Lupin. Is any of that toast for me?"

"I could probably spare you one piece," he said with a grin, slowly turning around in her arms until they faced each other. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "I really had to scrounge around to find anything to eat. No wonder you've gotten so thin."

"I don't cook much. I usually head over to the pub for dinner, and I rarely eat breakfast here. But then again, I've never had such a dead sexy bloke over to cook it for me, have I?"

"Considering that you've only lived here for a few weeks, I sincerely hope that I am the first man, sexy or otherwise, to cook you breakfast here, my dear."

With a sly smirk, she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. After they broke apart, he pulled out a chair, indicating that he wanted her to sit in it. She complied, and reached for a piece of toast, munching happily. After setting a cup of coffee in front of her, he sat in the opposite chair, sipping from his own mug. When she glanced up at him, she was surprised to find him watching her intently. Suddenly the toast began to taste a lot like cardboard, and the coffee seemed to be burning holes in her stomach.

"Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that you are trying to cushion the blow here, Remus?" She dropped the half-eaten slice of toast onto the plate in front of her.

He laughed wryly. "Here I thought I was the only pessimist in the room. I seem to be a very bad influence upon you."

She glared at him. "Well I'm learning quickly, aren't I? So tell me, Remus, are you going to let me discuss it with you at all, or are you just going to make an executive decision like last time?"

"I believe my decision is pretty firm."

"Damn it, Lupin! You sodding…"she started to stand up, leaning towards him with fury in her eyes.

"Nymphadora!" he said firmly. "Will you please let me have my say?"

He gave her a look of utmost patience and she fought the urge to break his nose with her fist. She sat back down and sighed, leaning her forehead on her hands and looking at the crumbs on the table. "Do what you will, Remus."

"I feel that I have really made a mess of things. But I would like very much to redeem myself." He reached across the table to tilt her chin up, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Nymphadora, will you let me take you out for dinner tonight?"

She shot him a petulant look. "You're going to make me agonize all day before you actually chuck me, Remus?"

"No, Nymphadora. I am asking you on a date."

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It really was much too cold and damp for a romantic picnic, but neither of them seemed to mind much. Of course, heating charms helped the situation. On a normal summer evening, Richmond Park might have been peopled with a few leftover families, a large number of dog walkers, joggers, and couples anxious to discreetly commune with nature. As it was, the few people left in the park hurried by, looking at the laughing couple as if they were positively insane.

Remus had met Tonks just outside the Ministry, with a large paper bag in his hands, refusing to divulge his plans. They ducked behind a nearby building and he guided her through their Apparition, with the insistence that she close her eyes. By the time she opened them, he had already begun laying out a conjured blanket on the grassy knoll overlooking a lake. He pulled out an astonishingly large number of containers filled with Thai take-out and a rather nice bottle of white wine. She wanted to eat directly out of the containers, but he was determined to be civilized and conjured plates and cutlery. They talked and laughed and stuffed themselves with spicy food while the sky gradually changed from gray to pink, and then finally darkened to indigo.

Befuddled by the food and wine, Remus lay flat on his back, watching the airplanes fly overhead. Tonks sat next to him, leaning on one arm and absent-mindedly playing with his hair. "Wouldn't Sirius have loved this place, though?"

"Actually, he was the one who first took me here. I came to visit him for a week one summer. Neither of us could stand being cooped up in that house, so we explored the city together. James joined us the day we spent here. Peter was on holiday in Barcelona, I think. The deer fascinated James. He couldn't resist joining up with them, and Sirius had to go and transform too, barking and chasing them around. It was quite a show, really." His eyes softened with the memory.

"Well, then I guess I should have said he would have loved to come here last year. Or even better, to be here with us now."

"You never know, he may actually be here, or at least able to see us."

"You think?"

"I don't know. But if there was a way, I know he would be here with us, laughing about the two of us."

"Shall we give him a bit of a show, then?" She bent over and with a smile brushed her lips across his. He reached up to slide his fingers into her hair, pulling her further down and deepening the kiss. Her heart gave a little lurch and her pulse began to race. She repositioned her body until she was lying beside him, propped up on one elbow while the other hand caressed his face. She ran the pad of her thumb across his recently shaven cheek and traced his earlobe with her other fingers. When their mouths finally broke apart, she felt light-headed.

Sighing, she laid her head upon his chest, and looked at him with slightly glazed eyes. "Mmm, Remus; you sure do know how to kiss."

He grinned and kissed the tip of her nose. "You could give lessons yourself, Nymphadora." He ran his fingers down her spine and slipped them just under the hem of her top, tracing circles on the small of her back. Lowering his voice, he said in a teasing tone, "In fact, your proficiency surprises me, for someone your age and as busy as you have been."

She propped herself up on one elbow and smirked. "Well, I got lots of practice at school, didn't I?"

He caressed her cheek and tucked a lock of her hair back behind her ear. "You had to have gotten excellent marks to get into the Auror program. Where did you find the time?"

Playing idly with his shirt collar, she said, "Oh, well, you see, I didn't bother much with trying to get a boyfriend at school. I figured, who needs all that drama? I just practiced on my friends."

Remus looked for a moment like he had forgotten how to breathe. "You mean, in the dorms…"

"Hmm? Oh, Merlin, Remus! They were blokes!"

He seemed to have found his breath again. "Oh…"

She looked at him coyly. "Sorry to shatter your fantasies like that, love. I didn't actually have any friends of the female variety."

This seemed to surprise him a little. "Why ever not?"

She snorted at the memory. "All they wanted to talk about was boys, hair and make up. It got awfully boring, obviously make up or hair potions did me no good. And boys, well, I pretty much had _them_ figured out; not too complicated at that age, are they? So I hung out with the blokes. At least with them I could talk about Quidditch."

She paused to bend down and give him a moist kiss under his jawbone. "So one day one of my mates and I were chatting, and the subject of kissing came up. Neither of us wanted to look stupid when we finally got the opportunity to snog someone, so we decided to practice on each other. We got fairly good at it, I'll tell you. Funnily enough, he ended up being my first shag, too, for pretty much the same reason, but that was quite a bit later." As she talked, she had been placing an increasing number of kisses and soft bites along his neck.

He tightened his arms around her, pulling her close. "Would have been a better story if it had been a girl."

She lifted her head up again to look at him, laughing. "What is it with you guys and that fantasy anyway? I bet old Mssrs. Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail, and Prongs used to tell each other naughty stories about what the girls were getting up to on the other side of the wall."

His face broadened into a boyish grin. "Yeah, well, Sirius found a way to see exactly what the girls were up to, except he was to smart enough to use the charm on the shower wall rather than the dorm wall."

Tonks had an expression of mingled horror and awe. "That…dog! How on earth… Please, d_o not_ tell me the charm is still up there!"

"Oh, no, McGonagall got wise to it about a year later. She caught some third year boys looking through it, and raised holy hell."

She sucked in her breath and giggled. "I would have loved to have seen the look on her face…and theirs!"

He grinned at the memory.

She gave him a sly smile. "Oh, and for the record, Remus, the girls entertained similar fantasies about you guys."

Pulled away from his memories, he looked at her curiously. "What?"

She continued, "Oh, I don't mean the 'pillow fight and sheer nightie' variety. More like, 'you started wrestling then found yourselves snogging, then a little bit of wanking each other' variety. And a fair bit of speculation about the showers."

He laughed out loud and rubbed his forehead. "I thought you said you didn't have girl friends to talk to."

"I could still hear them, couldn't I? Besides, when they got to that point they usually remembered that I had inside information on the boys, so they would include me. I learned to tell some pretty wicked stories, Remus. It was the only way I got any respect from them."

He said, more soberly, "They don't sound like very nice girls. I am rather disappointed at the Gryffindor crowd of your year."

"Oh, I don't blame them really. They didn't know what to make of me. I made them nervous. Of course it didn't help that my lovely Slytherin relatives spread it around that I was a very aggressive lesbian." She rolled her eyes.

Taken aback, he asked, "Why would they do that?"

She snorted. "They were mortified that a half-blood Gryffindor was related to eighty percent of the Slytherins that year. Plus they were just a bunch of assholes. I never would have found out if a Ravenclaw girl hadn't thrown herself at me in the library."

"So you _were_ kissing girls at school."

With a blushing grin, she looked away. "Just the one. I thought I might as well let her give it her best shot, hadn't I?" Looking back at him, she winked playfully. "And since I let her down gently, she ended up telling me why she had assumed I might be interested. At that point, I started a reign of terror against the Slytherins. I was a regular Torequemada Tonks. I spent a hell of a lot of time in detention. That's where I really got to know Charlie."

He lifted up his head to kiss her, and said, smiling, "Which is probably where I ought to stop this little trip down memory lane." He yawned and stretched out his long limbs, then sat up. "I can handle hearing about random schoolmates, but if I hear too much about a fellow Order member, I will have to fight the urge to tear out his throat at the next meeting he attends. It's rather distracting, and not at all productive."

He pressed his forehead to hers, looking at her earnestly. "The wolf tends to get a little jealous, you see."

A pleasant warmth began to spread throughout her body. "Good to know. So, do you think that the wolf would be interested in a little gelato right now?"

He stood up and pulled her to her feet, finishing with a kiss. "The wolf is rather fond of chocolate chip gelato, as a matter of fact."

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Half an hour later, they were standing outside an ice cream shop on the banks of the Thames, and Tonks was in the middle of a rant. "Remus, this is silly. The gelato was my idea, and I know you spent a lot on that food and wine. Especially the wine."

"Drop it, Nymphadora," Remus said as he took a bite of his cone.

"But Remus, I have a steady job, and…" She broke off at the look in his eyes.

"Bloody stubborn man. This isn't the eighteenth century, you know!"

"Do not make this about feminism, Nymphadora. An ardent feminist raised me. Two, actually. This is about manners; I invited you out, and I am going to pay."

She rolled her eyes and glared at him, muttering. He continued, pleasantly, "Think of all of those wonderful meals you brought for Sirius and I over the last year. It is the least I can do."

He loped over and put his arms around her, kissing the top of her head." Now, I know you have to go to work tomorrow, so I am going to see you home."

When they reached her front door, he pulled her into his arms again and kissed her, gently at first and then with enough passion to weaken her knees. She fumbled with the door and started to pull him inside, but he resisted. "I'm not going to come in, Nymphadora."

"What the hell? Why ever not?"

"Several reasons, but none of them have to do with rejection, so please get that look off your face."

"So lets hear them, then." She looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

He sighed. "First of all, you need rest. I think we both do after last night."

Now both eyebrows went up, and she grinned. "Speak for yourself, old man."

"Yes, well, you _do_ need to work tomorrow, and I have to go back to Headquarters tonight. I never mentioned it, but staying there has sort of become one of my jobs."

"So let's both stay over there."

He gave a small cough and continued. "And lastly, I am trying to change the way we are going about this. I tend to lose my head easily where you are concerned and I want to step back a little and go about things the right way."

Her face fell. "This is beginning to sound suspiciously like rejection in a pretty package, Remus."

"Well, then you've missed the point. I want us to get to know each other, outside of the bedroom."

"And what do you think we have been doing for the past year?"

"We always had Sirius between us. We didn't deal with each other one-on-one unless we were on assignment. I've heard your funny stories, and I have admired your principles, but I do not know your history, your hopes and dreams. In other words, all of the things that you find out when you start dating someone. Nor do you know very much about me. If we spend all of our time in bed together, we might never have a chance to really get to know one another."

"Oh, I guess I can see your point. So how come I've been doing most of the talking this evening, Remus?"

"I did plenty of talking."

"You are the unknown quantity in this mixture, Remus. You know so much about me already. I've always told you anything you asked, in fact more than you ever wanted to know. You know my Mum; you've got my family history from her and Sirius. You've got my work history from Kingsley and my school history from Minerva. I've just heard that your Mum was a feminist. That is perhaps the first thing you've ever mentioned about your parents. You never told me much about your childhood before school, or how you got bitten. You never talk about what you did for all that time after 1981. I've wanted to ask, but you always steer the conversation away from you. Is this all going to become one-sided?"

"I am afraid that none of my stories outside of my Hogwarts years are worth listening to, Nymphadora. They are not funny, not even pleasant. Rather depressing, I'd say."

"I'm not looking to be entertained. Why don't you come in? It's not that late and I promise not to molest you, so stop looking at me that way, Remus. I will make some herbal tea, and you can lie on my couch and tell Dr. Tonks all about your childhood." She tugged on his arm and he reluctantly followed her into the warmth of her flat.

For the next two hours, Remus, with a lot of prodding, gave her a clearer picture of his life. He told her about his father, a Muggle-born, whose wealthy parents rejected him not only for his embarrassing use of magic, but his political activism and his immersion in the counter-culture of the time. He described his mother; an ethereal pureblood witch known in their village as someone the Muggles could visit for natural remedies and glimpses into the future.

He spoke of his relatively happy early childhood, of being shuttled around to Muggle political rallies, concerts, and communes in distant countries. He remembered his father lobbying the Ministry of Magic for creature rights, and Muggle-born protective measures. He remembered his mother's sudden fear and protectiveness just before his seventh birthday, how she pleaded with his father to apologize to someone, someone she called a monster. Then he told her how he later found out that that person was Fenrir Greyback.

He told the story about how, several months later, a child in the village school had whispered to him that creatures called Moooncalves could be seen in the fields near the forest on the night of the full moon. The little boy told him about their complicated dances and the patterns that they left in the wheat. His curiosity was piqued, and he slipped out of his window and through the forest in order to hide behind a large bush, looking out at the fields. Suddenly he had felt hot breath on the back of his neck and smelled something horrid and frightening. He turned around to see sharp teeth bared into an evil caricature of a smile. He had a memory of horrible pain, of lying alone and bleeding in a deserted field for what seemed like hours, staring up at the bright white orb in the sky.

He remembered his mother's screams and the look of utter defeat in his father's eyes. He told her about his month in hospital and the kind Healer who kept him company at night, and who eased his terrible pain after his first transformation. Then he described the years afterward, how his mother became unhinged trying to find a cure. His father slowly shrank into a shell of a man, finally dying from an illness that any wizard in his prime should have breezed through.

He described how he felt when he received his mother's letter about his father's death during his second year at Hogwarts, and how his precious newfound friends helped him cope with the overwhelming grief and guilt he carried around with him.

It was at this point that Tonks decided, after embracing him fiercely, to go back into kitchen and exchange the empty teapot for a large pot of coffee, accompanied by a bottle of Ogden's Finest. If she had anything to do with it, this was going to be a very late night. When she returned to the sitting room, Remus was sitting up, alert. In his hand he held a large golden feather, and she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. "I'm going with you."

He looked up at her with wide eyes. "No, I think not. You didn't get a feather. No need to alert the whole Order that we are together tonight."

"Will you come back afterward?"

"I think it is probably time I let you get to bed, Nymphadora."

"I won't sleep unless I know you are back home safe, Remus."

"Well then, I promise to contact you one way or another when I am through."

He headed purposefully toward the door, then seemed to think better of it. He strode over to Tonks and drew her into an overwhelming kiss. When he pulled away he looked at her intensely and said, "Thank you for an…amazing evening, Nymphadora. I can't tell you what it meant to me."

"I…had a lovely time Remus." She fought the urge to cling to him, confused about the panic that suddenly flowed through her veins.

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An hour later Remus sat alone in a corner of the Hog's Head. It took three shots of Firewhisky before he was able to stop shaking enough to hold a quill. He thought carefully about what he wanted to say. There was a strong temptation to say _everything_ that he knew he had to on this note. At least that way he could be sure he wouldn't falter, and he would not have to listen to her arguments, let alone witness the pain in her eyes. He knew, however, that that would be the cowards' way out. She deserved better. That didn't mean that he had the heart to go back to her flat and ruin the only perfect day they had ever shared. He would do it tomorrow, when he had a better idea of his plans, and a few hours' sleep to strengthen him. He dashed off a brief note and brought it up to the barman to send off with the house owl.

He slid back into the chair and hunched over his drink, staring idly at a burn mark on the battered wooden table. He wondered if this might be the very lowest point in his life so far. He had been truly stupid to get his hopes up; to make any sort of plans for the future.

Talking to her tonight had been cathartic, and he had felt lighter in spirit than he had in a great many years when he entered Dumbledore's office. It only took one look at the sorrow and guilt in his former Headmaster's eyes for him to sense that he would never feel that lightness again.

The werewolf attacks of a few days ago had naturally created far-reaching repercussions. The Ministry was in an uproar, calling for the incarceration of all known werewolves. Even more upsetting were Dumbledore's suspicions that the seemingly random attacks might be part of a larger pattern. When he presented Remus with the evidence, he too reached the horrifying conclusion that Fenrir Greyback had allied with the Death Eaters. He was undoubtedly recruiting werewolves to further Voldemort's interests, namely intimidation, punishment and chaos. Worse yet, they seemed to be increasing their numbers tenfold with each passing month.

He knew what he would be asked to do before Dumbledore had said another word. His expression held only grim determination; but his mind and heart were swirling with panic and sorrow. He glanced over and caught the tears in Albus' eyes, noticing for the very first time that his mentor, his anchor, seemed frighteningly close to fading away.

Remus felt his tenuous hold on any hope of a 'happy ending' slip through his fingers. He knew very well that this was tantamount to a suicide mission, and would not force Nymphadora to agonize while waiting for his unlikely return. What is more, he knew that by the time he was finished with this assignment, if he was lucky enough to live through it, he would have lost too much of his humanity to participate in a loving relationship. The horrible things he knew he would have to take part in to gain his fellows' trust would taint him for the rest of his life. He found himself, for the first time in his life, pitying Severus Snape, and felt an absurd urge to commiserate with him.

There was also a distinct possibility that he would find himself in Azkaban by the end of the war. There would be no access to Wolfsbane Potion. It would defeat the purpose of the mission. He would be running free with the pack, thirsty for blood. The worst fears of his life would be realized. He could only pray that no one innocent would suffer at his hands but knew that the odds were not at all in his favor.

He purchased the remainder of the bottle and held onto it as he Flooed to Headquarters using Aberforth's private fireplace. He trudged through the empty house and up to Nymphadora's bedroom, which he had avoided entering since that morning over a month ago. He lit a fire and sat on the edge of her bed, pouring another shot into a conjured glass. How was he ever going to summon the courage break her heart all over again? There was no way around it, and he had only himself to blame. He tossed back shot after shot until his sorrow and frustration dulled. He eventually passed out against her pillow, breathing in the faint traces of her scent still lingering there.

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_Nymphadora,_

_Don't worry about me; it was merely a meeting. I will see you some time tomorrow and discuss it with you as much as I can._

_Sleep well and thank you again for a perfect day._

_Remus_

It was almost enough to quell the panic she had been feeling for the last hour. Almost, but the fear had settled into an uneasy feeling of doom. She tossed and turned for several hours, then finally gave in and took a mild sleeping draught. Curling her body around the pillow he had slept on the night before, which still smelled a little like his hair, she fell into a dreamless sleep.


	13. Tread Softly Because you Tread on my Dre

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Tread Softly Because you Tread on my Dreams.**

Tonks sat across from Remus at a small café near the Ministry, tearing into a roast beef sandwich. Remus had sent her a note in the afternoon, asking her to meet him after work, and she had reacted with an odd combination of anticipation and dread. But up to this point, he had been nothing but cheerful and solicitous, asking about her day, how she slept last night, what she was in the mood to eat and so forth. He didn't make a lot of eye contact, however, and she would catch him watching her warily whenever she had looked away for a moment. Patience had never been her strong suit.

"So, tell me about your meeting last night."

"Yes, well…Why don't we finish eating first?"

"Uh-oh, that sounds ominous." She raised her eyebrows and grinned. "Wait, don't tell me, I've got it! Dumbledore found out you've been shagging a 'hot young thing' and is looking for dating tips."

He looked at her in bewildered silence for a moment, and then burst out in laughter.

Feeling a certain amount of relief, she reached for his hand, and said, "You've got a lovely laugh, Remus. I don't get to hear it all that often, you know, not full-fledged laughter, anyway."

"It is really quite remarkable that I can laugh at all, especially now." He made a grimace.

"Tell me now, please, Remus. I really hate dreading things."

He got an odd, bemused look in his eyes, and surreptitiously cast a Muffilato spell. Taking a deep breath, he began, "Well, it has something to do with that crime scene you worked on the other day. Perhaps you were too kind to mention it to me, or maybe you didn't know, but it was not the only one of…that nature on that night."

Her mouth became a narrow straight line, reminiscent of McGonagall. "I knew."

"Ah…I see. Well, I don't know if you are aware of this, but Fenrir Greyback was a Death Eater in the last war."

"Fenrir Greyback, you mean your…Oh, I see. No, I didn't know that."

"Well, he was: it was towards the end."

"And I take it he's joined up again."

"It would appear so. And he's been far busier in the years since Voldemort's fall than most other Death Eaters. He'd always had his own agenda, which was affected little by Voldemort's demise."

"Werewolf equality? But surely the Death Eaters aren't promising him that? It would go against everything they stand for."

"No, Greyback's agenda is something more like…werewolf domination. And Voldemort is likely offering the freedom to terrorize, as long as they are willing to terrorize in a certain direction, occasionally."

"They?"

"Yes. He has a pack, of sorts. Mostly, the children he has bitten over the years, the ones who were either abandoned by their families, or left as orphans by him. They've grown up looking at him as a leader, a father, even. And there are others who join him because they have nowhere else to go, no way of surviving on their own. Still, others join because they _prefer_ to live as animals. They have stopped trying to fight it. I've known about them for years, of course. Sort of a dirty little Lycan secret. But, as they had been somewhat disorganized and quite brutally violent amongst themselves, the harm they caused was…well, not exactly negligible, but not catastrophic. However, with Voldemort's backing…" He shook his head.

"So you're talking about a…a small _army _of werewolves at …Voldemort's disposal."

"One that seems to be getting larger every month."

"Oh, Remus!' She stared at him, horrified.

"And, given Greyback's fondness for children…well, I imagine that people who are capable of resisting intimidation or even torture might not be as able to resist a threat of permanent harm to their children."

"This is…"

"Bad, I know."

She felt as if the ground was dropping away from under her as realization dawned. "He's sending _you_ to them, isn't he?"

Remus replied only with a slight nod of his head.

"This sort of a plan didn't work with the giants, how could he possibly think it will work…"

"We have to try."

"So what, are you supposed to _negotiate_ with Greyback?"

"No, that would be completely pointless."

"Then what?"

"It would be more subtle. More like an infiltration…"

"Spying." Her heart seemed to stop beating for a moment and she was filled with foreboding.

"To a certain degree. Any information I can gather would be used, of course, but this is more of …well, trying to win over as many of them as I can, without Greyback finding out."

_This is so unfair_, she thought. "Oh, bloody hell, Remus, why not just slit your throat while you're at it!"

"Nymphadora…."

"How long, Remus?"

"As long as it takes…"

"As long as it takes? Remus, it won't work!"

"No, possibly not…probably not. But should we just let the situation continue without even attempting…"

It was, for all intents and purposes, throwing Remus to the lions, or in this case, the wolves. He didn't deserve this; he'd been through enough. "You'll be in a worse position than Snape, you know? And having to live near, to look at that _monster_…"

"I don't think Greyback is anywhere near as dangerous as Voldemort. I will have certain advantages over him. I have researched him, you know."

"Why does that not surprise me?"

"Well, at one time I had planned to…well, anyway I thought it best to gather up as much information about him as I could. He doesn't often think things through. Plus, he's sunk so far into his animalistic tendencies that he's nearly forgotten how to be a wizard. Well, that's not exactly true, but he's more apt to react with brute force than magic."

"And what if he disarms you?"

"That doesn't always incapacitate a person."

"Well, not _you_, anyway, if what I suspect is true."

"Meaning…?"

"I know you better than you realize, Remus. You present yourself to the world as mild-mannered, almost weak. Probably, you don't want to make people more nervous around you than they already are. I'll bet there are only a handful of people who've figured how powerful you truly are. I'm one of them."

"I think you're a bit biased, Nymphadora."

"I am, but that doesn't mean I'm not right."

"Well, regardless…we seem to have strayed from the subject somewhat."

"When will you leave?"

"Well, there are some things I have to do first. I mean, I have to locate them, and come up with a plan, and a plausible story…"

"When?"

"Probably a couple of days, at most a week."

She tried very hard to put on a brave face, but failed miserably. When she finally looked back into his eyes, her own eyes were filled with fear.

He took a deep breath, as if summoning his resolve. "Now, Nymphadora, I want you to try your best not to worry about me."

"That's the stupidest bloody thing I have ever heard in my life. I love you! Of course I'll worry…"

"Listen to me; you have to stop this. We have to stop this."

"Stop what, exactly, Remus?"

"Stop _this,_ all of this…us."

_Surely not now, of all times, just when we had started to have a chance_? But in her heart of hearts, she had been expecting this all day. "You're chucking me. Again. After _two bloody days_."

"I never should have let it get started again. I'm so terribly sorry. It just won't work; it can't work…"

_I don't have to sit here and take this. I can fight for him, can't I?_ "Shut up, Remus. I'm not going to let you do this! You're not only going to leave me terrified for you, but nursing a broken heart, too! You just go, do your thing, make sure you come back alive, and I will be waiting for you. We'll figure it all out then."

His face hardened. "For the record, Nymphadora, I really hate it when you tell me to shut up. And regardless of how you feel about it, I have made a decision. I made it a long time ago, and while you managed to make me falter a bit, I refuse to let it happen again. I _do not get_ to live the life of a normal person. My future is uncertain, never more so than right now. There is no point in waiting for me to get back. Use the time that I am gone to get over it for good and _move on_. I am very truly sorry I ever allowed all of this to happen."

"You're sorry _you_ allowed…" She shook her head, glaring at him. "Fuck you, Remus! Stop talking to me as if I'm five years old!"

"Well, then stop acting like it! You'd think you've never had a love affair before! People break up all the time. You get hurt, you move on. You're going to look back at this when you're older and wonder why you made this much of a fool of yourself over such a loser."

"Bastard!"

He stood up and looked at her contemptuously. "No, Nymphadora. A monster. An animal. And you would do well to remember it." He threw down a twenty-pound note, then turned and walked toward the door.

"Listen, Remus, while you're gone, why don't you find yourself a she-wolf? 'In for a Knut,' you know? You can wallow in your misery together."

"Good-bye, Tonks."

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_I'll never drink again. _

Tonks, suffering from a throbbing head and a mouth that felt as if it had been stuffed with cotton, stumbled into a steaming hot shower.

Furious at Remus, she had wandered around London, grumbling to herself and kicking at nearly every street lamp she came across. Eventually, she had passed a dance club, noticed the sign, advertising: 'Ladies' Night: Two for one martinis until 10 p.m.', and in a fit of rebellion, marched inside. After settling onto a stool with a good view of the rather dreamy bartender, she proceeded to get quite thoroughly pissed.

At least she hadn't sobbed all night like the last time. _Drinking is a much more pleasant way to deal with getting your heart ripped out than crying, isn't it?_

But this morning, she wasn't so sure. She had vague memories of decidedly ungraceful dance moves, and _horror of horrors_, a little unplanned karaoke. Worse yet, she suspected that the 'big cry' was inevitable; she had only delayed it a little.

However, she had no time to let it happen this morning. Maybe tonight, after work. _Or maybe you will go and talk to him, try and have him leave on better terms? Bugger that! **He** can come and apologize! Of course, he never will. And you will regret it when you have no way of contacting him. And you will really regret it if he gets killed. Oh, God, he might get killed._

She sighed and stepped out of the shower, wrapping herself in a fluffy, bright orange dressing gown. As she dressed, she reflected that at least she only had to walk a couple of blocks to report to work this morning. Her Hogsmeade assignment officially started today, and she could avoid the hassle of the Ministry building almost altogether.

Today would be a very busy day, and she would have to keep her wits about her if she were to protect the arriving Hogwarts students. They would be remarkably vulnerable in the chaotic half-hour at the Hogsmeade station. Remus Lupin and all of the depressing thoughts that went along with him would have to be tucked firmly in the back of her mind for the next eight hours, at least. _After_ work tonight, she was perfectly free to fall apart.

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Later that evening, Tonks observed the crowd of students that were piling into the carriages after disembarking from the Hogwarts Express. It occurred to her that the tiny little first -years that she had tutored in her seventh year might still be here, as fully-grown seventh-years. She started to look into the student's faces. Within moments, she spotted Ginny Weasley, holding hands with someone tall, dark and handsome. She raised her hand in greeting to Tonks, who grinned back at her, and the boy did a double take when he identified her Auror's robes.

_Odd, that._ She could have sworn that Ginny had a thing for Harry. Oh, well, it was probably just the result of close proximity. These things tended to change rather quickly at fifteen. She scanned the throng, looking for anything suspicious. Her thoughts wandered back to Harry, and she decided to keep an eye out for him. She had been so preoccupied that night at the Burrow that she had not thought to ask him how he was coping. Then she had skipped his birthday tea, in spite of Molly's nagging, because she knew Remus would be there. She had sent him a funny little birthday card she had found in a Muggle music store, and some Honeydukes sweets.

Her eyes swept the crowd again. Noticing a prickle at the back of her neck, she turned around to take a closer look at the people behind her. Her breath hitched as a group of tall figures in dark robes approached. She raised her wand. When they got closer, however, she recognized them as students; Slytherins, in fact, and the laughing figure in the middle of them was her whiny little cousin Draco. She narrowed her eyes in disgust. His father was wallowing in his own shit in Azkaban. What did he have to laugh about?

A few yards away, she noticed Hermione, who waved at her distractedly as Ron Weasley helped her load her trunk onto the carriage. There was a thoughtful crease between her eyebrows and she seemed to be scrutinizing her fellow students intently. She said something to Ron, who managed to take his eyes off of her chest long enough to survey the crowd himself. His eyes lingered on Malfoy for a moment, and he glowered. He turned when a round-faced boy, who looked vaguely familiar, approached with a serene-looking blonde. They spoke for a few moments, and when the boy smiled, she realized who he was. She passed that smile _every day_ on the way into the Auror Department. Along the wall in the waiting area was a photograph memorial to fallen Aurors. Although Alice Longbottom had not died, she and her husband were given a place of honor on the wall for having given their sanity in the fight against Dark Wizards. This was also the very boy whom she had seen taking on Macnair and Dolohov with Harry on the night of Sirius' death. Poor kid must have had some kind of life, with virtual vegetables for parents and that formidable Longbottom crone raising him. He appeared to be quite a scrapper last June, though. Gave Macnair (who was well known for possessing a very large axe) a good poke in the eye, didn't he?

Still no sign of Harry. The group of four climbed into the carriage, and Hermione gave a last worried look out of the carriage as it pulled away. Tonks began to search for Harry in earnest, feeling a little nervous at that point. The last thing she needed is for 'The Chosen One' to be kidnapped by Death Eaters on her watch. The crowd was dispersing rapidly and the train let out a high pitched whistle. She surveyed the sparse group of students one last time. Definitely not there.

She hopped onto the train as the engine started vibrating, wandering the corridors and peering into the compartments. The train began to move and Harry was nowhere to be found. She started to panic. Finally she noticed that one of the compartments had the curtains drawn and the door was locked. Inside, she tripped over an unseen object, felt around, and pulled away an invisibility cloak, revealing a wide-eyed, motionless Harry Potter.

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_Goddamn bastard!_ Tonks could still hear the echo of the iron gates as Snape's lantern light faded. _'The old one was better.' He knew exactly what it meant too! Slimy arsehole! It wasn't enough that he had to taunt Sirius while he was already down. 'Weak!' I'd really love to see Remus kick the living shit out of him! Son of a bitch is jealous. How many times have I caught him staring at my arse? Probably hasn't gotten laid in twenty years, if ever!_

She wandered back to her flat, and momentarily considered the Three Broomsticks as she passed it, but the idea of wine and a bath were infinitely more appealing. Well, possibly not the wine. Her stomach was not at all amenable to the idea of more alcohol. She wandered into her bedroom, searching for a towel that wasn't damp or moldy. She picked up one that had been draped over the arm of her fireplace chair. It was completely dry. It actually smelled quite nice. In fact, it smelled…like Remus. She never made it into the bath, nor did she open a bottle of wine. She collapsed onto her fairy-tale bed and wept in great racking sobs.

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Remus knocked on the door of Ted and Andromeda Tonks' house with a sense of impending doom settling in his gut. This was one of the very last places on earth that he wanted to be. But Andromeda was going to have to take charge of the search for 'Voldemort's cave', and he needed to give her the files and his research before he left to find the wolves. He knocked again, gingerly, and spotted a shadow approaching the door. Andromeda, thank Merlin. The last thing he needed on this day of all days was to meet Nymphadora's rowdy, burly father. Particularly when she was pissed off at him. He had hoped to just pass her the information on the porch, but she was, as he suspected she always was, a gracious and insistent hostess.

"I was just sitting down for my solitary supper. Will you join me, Remus?"

She left him no choice but to follow her into the kitchen. Photographs of Nymphadora smiling and waving on the walls bombarded him along the way.

"No, thank you, Andromeda, I've already eaten." It was a lie, but his appetite had deserted him in the last twenty-four hours or so. "Don't let me keep you from your supper, though. I'll just…"

A tantalizing aroma assailed his nose. _Boeuf Bourguignon_, he would have bet money on it. "Oh, my, Andromeda, that smells…I believe I could stand to eat a little more after all."

She smiled smugly, and summoned a bowl. After filling it, she placed it across from her own bowl at the kitchen table. "I do hate eating alone."

"Your husband…?"

"In the basement, experimenting. I was told not to disturb him under pain of death. I've learned the hard way not to barge in there. He gets very intense and focused, and things tend to explode when he is startled."

He found, to his mortification, that his bowl was already nearly empty. With another smug smile, she rose to refill it and sat down across from him. "So I am told that I will be taking over the project on my own now?"

"Well, not exactly alone, but you will be taking charge. Another member of the Order, a new one, will be helping you on the research end."

"Do I know this person?"

"Likely not, she's Muggle-born, and just got out of school a couple of years ago. She was one of my brightest students, a Ravenclaw. She works for the Ministry, now, in the Magical Law Office. Her name is Sarah."

"Am I allowed to ask why you are quitting this project?"

"I've been assigned elsewhere."

"Well, I hope that won't mean that you will become a stranger. I've grown rather fond of you."

He felt a terrible stab of guilt. "Unfortunately, I will have to be out of touch for an indefinite period of time. I won't be in contact with _anybody_ for a while."

She gave him a serious look. "You will be careful, won't you, Remus?"

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Remus sat on the bench in the back garden of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, contemplating a rosebush whose flowers were very nearly black. His mind was racing with all of the things he needed to do, and his heart was very heavy about what he was giving up. He was so deep in his thoughts that his heightened senses never even gave him a clue she was approaching.

"Hi."

He looked up in shock. "Nymphadora! When…how…"

She let out a breath and began what started out sounding like a prepared speech. "Listen, Remus, I'm still really angry at you, and hurt, but I felt I had to come by. I can't let you…I mean, I don't want you to go with angry words hanging in the air between us. I can't bear to leave it like that. So I just wanted to say 'goodbye,' to tell you to be careful and that I'll miss you. And you'd better come back, all right?"

He gave a little sniff of laughter. "To be honest, I was about to come and say very nearly the same thing to you."

"You were?"

"I was." He shook his head and focused on the serpentine design of the paving stones beneath his feet.

"I'm sorry, Tonks. I thought, well, if I was cruel, that it would be easier in the end. But you didn't deserve what I said. I don't think you're foolish, or childish. You're…very, very special. You deserve a good life, and to love someone who doesn't keep pushing you away. And I am _never_ going to be that person. So, I am not going to take back the part where I said that you really need to move on. I am never going to change. Even if everything goes right on this assignment, and I come back alive and unharmed, even if we win the war, I will _always_ be damaged; incapable of love and trust."

"You are capable of love, Remus, you're just afraid of it."

"Either way, you are never going to be able to talk me into embracing it, because I will always be looking ahead, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Life taught me at an early age not to get too attached to anything. Life pounded it into my head repeatedly, as a matter of fact. It's not something that I can just 'get over'. I am old enough to recognize a lost cause."

"And I'm old enough to decide for myself how to feel and what to hope for. You can't just order me to move on. If I decide to love you for the rest of my life…well, you can't make it stop because you want it to, because it would be easier for you. I understand, I think, what you were trying to accomplish the other day. You are about to embark on a dangerous assignment, and you want the freedom of knowing that if you get yourself killed, it won't make much of a difference, nobody else will get hurt. But I would mourn your loss even if we had never become lovers. I'm not the only one, either. You seem think that you are alone in the world because you've lost your childhood friends; your first ones, and your family. But there are others who love you, who need you to stick around."

"By the time I get back, if I get back…Well, I'm not going to be the same person. I highly doubt anyone will wish for me to 'stick around'. I will be tainted."

"How on earth did you come up with that idea?"

"I will have become an animal."

"You do that every month, Remus. Then you turn back into a beautiful, civilized man."

"I didn't mean it literally. I will be one of _them_, a creature, a beast. How are you going to feel the next time you clean up after a werewolf attack, knowing that it could very well have been perpetrated by your former lover?"

"That won't happen, Remus. You may turn into a beast, run with them, but you won't do anything more vicious than you have to. It'll be just like Snape is, with the Death Eaters. I may not like the asshole, but he is doing it all for the sake of the Order. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's heroic."

"That doesn't mean that Snape isn't tainted by what he has done. He still has to live with his actions. That's probably _why_ he is such a…difficult person to work with."

"No, he's just a straight-up asshole."

"Well, he never was the pleasantest of men, but you would do really well to take a hard look at what his…dual nature has done to him. Do you really see him finding some nice girl and living out his days surrounded by grandchildren?"

"You can't be comparing the two of you, Remus. He'd be hard pressed to find any girl, nice or otherwise, who would be willing to take on an aged, bitter, ugly, misanthrope with poor personal hygiene. You may be bitter and aged, but you're dead sexy and smell delicious. Plus you've already got a nice girl in love with you who would be honoured to be surrounded by your grandchildren."

"Impossible: no children, no grandchildren."

"Silly man, we're in the middle of a war! You don't think there are kids out there that need someone to take care of them?"

"I may very well spend the rest of my life in prison after this assignment, Nymphadora. The last thing the Ministry will do is let me near children, no matter how desperate they are."

"Surely not a war hero who risked his safety to protect Britain from a band of bloodthirsty werewolves? Not to mention the fact that you have fought against the Death Eaters for nearly twenty years."

"A _werewolf _who did all those things. I'm sure they're going to throw a parade in my honor any day now. Maybe they'll even let me march alongside Severus. Dolores Umbridge can organize the whole thing."

"Hasn't it occurred to you that something like that is in the realm of possibility in the distant future? Maybe not the parade, but you will be someone who has more than earned the right to make demands of the Ministry. You may find that spending time with other werewolves could turn into something good. You could rally them into standing up and demanding change. I have often wondered why you hadn't before now, especially since I found out about your father."

"It didn't work out so well for him, did it?"

"That's because he gave up; he stopped fighting. And this is my point, Remus. Don't give up on life. Don't go on this assignment assuming that you will not come out alive. Don't tell yourself that there is nothing worth living for on the other side."

"I have every intention to fight to live through this, Nymphadora. I just don't want you to labour under the impression that I'm going to come running into your arms when I'm done. I won't be the same person. I will have given up something crucial to my sense of self-worth."

"You will be what you always were, someone who tries to be the best man he can be. Plus, you will be a stronger person because you will have faced your greatest fears and triumphed."

"I will be an impossible person to live with: angry, distant, prone to depression."

"And years of inbreeding in my family has left me prone to madness. Look at all my crazy aunts. I could very well turn into that hideous creature in the portrait in my old age, you know."

"I'm not going to come back and be your 'boyfriend,' Nymphadora, so you need to get that hope out of your head."

"And I'm not going to find a new one while you're gone, so you need to stop suggesting it."

"I won't give in, you won't be able to talk me into it."

"And I won't stop loving you. You won't be able to talk me into that, either."

"I really wish you would. "

"And I really wish you would kiss me until my toes curl, or better yet, say goodbye properly: in bed."

"I'm not going to do it."

"Well then, at least give me a nice friendly hug." She opened her arms and stepped toward him. Remus had what is known in the Muggle world as a classic 'deer-in-headlights' look on his face. She threw her arms around his lower back and squeezed, burying her face in his chest. His heart was beating at a marathon pace.

He finally wrapped his arms around her, inhaling her unique scent and kissing the top of her head. He felt his body begin to relax along with his resolve. He took a deep breath and pulled away from her. "You'd better go."

She mustered a smile, though her eyes began to well up. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Be safe, Remus. Come back in one piece if you can. And if there's anything you need…"

"I'll be fine. You be safe, too."

"I love you."

"Good-bye."

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Two evenings later, Tonks sat on a stool at the Three Broomsticks, sipping mulled mead and eating a chip. Though the pub was nearly empty, a tall man came up and sat on the stool next to her, brushing her shoulder.

"D'you mind!" She turned to glare at the new arrival, who reached over and grabbed one of her chips. Her irritated expression changed to delight within seconds. "Remus!"

"You'll never find yourself a boyfriend if you treat strange men in pubs that way, Nymphadora."

"I don't want another boyfriend."

"So you've said."

"I thought you'd left already."

"Tomorrow. I have something I wanted to give you before I left."

"Your undying love?"

He smiled and shook his head.

"A really good shag?"

He laughed. "No, it's…well, not exactly a present, because I hope to have it back when I'm done. It's just something I want you to keep for me." He indicated a paper wrapped package lying on the bar next to his elbow.

"You know, for a minute there it sounded like you were asking me to pet-sit. Let's see it, then."

"Not here. Let's go back to your flat."

"Hmmm, maybe I'm going to get that shag after all."

"I wouldn't bet on it."

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Tonks stared at the object on her lap and blinked owlishly, temporarily at a loss for words. Finally, she asked, "A blanket? Not that it isn't very pretty, but…"

Remus laughed. "Well, I have to tell you the story and maybe you'll understand why it is important to me. My mother, I believe I mentioned already, was very creative: an artist, really. The summer before I was born she learned how to quilt from our neighbor, an ancient, nearly blind American woman. She had moved to Britain to live with her granddaughter. Apparently these sorts of quilts can be something of an art form, and they can have symbolic meaning, which fascinated my mother. So she started making this one for me throughout her pregnancy, and naturally, she wove a few charms into it as well. She meant for it to become an heirloom. I wasn't allowed to touch it, as a young child."

"But then I got bitten, and she decided to give it to me for comfort, adding a few more charms to help me through my transformations. For example, I always wake up cold, so there is a powerful warming charm on it. It also gives the wearer a sense of calm and helps to ease pain. She also put a spell on it that made it impossible for me to tear it with my…claws."

"So, there it is; I've had it for nearly thirty years, and it's been with me for every one of my transformations. In fact, it's my oldest possession. But clearly, it is not the sort of thing that I want to take with me…where I'm going. I mean it really is rather silly, a grown man with, essentially, a security blanket." He grinned sheepishly at her.

"I wouldn't call it a security blanket."

"What would you call it, then?'

"A mother's love, encased in an object. It's remarkably beautiful, Remus. I would be happy to keep it until you return. I have a cedar chest in my bedroom, it will be safe there."

"I appreciate it. But that's not the only reason I brought it over. I mean, if something happens to me, I want you to have it."

"Nothing is going to happen to you, Remus."

"Well, regardless, I thought perhaps that you might enjoy using it while I am away."

"You're lending it to me?"

"Well, I thought it might help…Yes."

"Oh, Remus!" She bit her lip and shut her eyes a couple of times, trying to blink back tears. Eventually she found it impossible to stop them and covered her face with her hands, sobbing quietly.

"Damn it, Dora, I didn't mean to make you cry, I only wanted to…" He sat down next to her, pulling her into his arms which only served to make her cry harder. "I'm sorry…"

"I'm touched, Remus, I'm not sad. Well, I am sad, but this is just…It means a lot to me."

"You can't read to much into this, Nymphadora."

"Oh, I know, it's just that when I'm sad, or worried, I can get under this blanket and find warmth and peace, and it's something that's part of you. It's the next best thing to having you here. Not anywhere _near_ as good as having you here, but the next best thing. It means the world to me. Thank you." She wiped her eyes with her sleeve and kissed him on the cheek.

"I struggled with this, Nymphadora. There wasn't any doubt that I wanted you to have it, but I don't want it to be something that keeps you from…"

"…_moving on_, I know. And I don't want you to be under the impression that I am going to spend the next few weeks or months or however long it is crying for you under this blanket every night. I do have a life apart from this, you know. I have friends and family to spend time with, important work to do…"

"And eventually, you are going to meet some young, good-looking bloke with a good job and…"

She rolled her eyes and continued, "And he'll never measure up to you. So, I might flirt a bit, maybe even become his friend, but there isn't a chance in hell I will fall in love with him."

"You're very stubborn, Nymphadora."

"So are you, Remus."

"I'd probably better get going."

"Any way I can talk you into staying?"

"I'm afraid not."

"What if I try a Body Bind Curse and dance around naked in front of you?

"A Body Bind Curse will defeat your nefarious purposes won't it? I mean you won't get much out of me if all of my appendages are immobilized."

"Yes, but then I will get you all worked up and release you when all the blood in your body has gone south." She grinned wickedly.

"Are you sure you shouldn't have been sorted into Slytherin?"

"In all seriousness, Remus, you're leaving tomorrow. Don't you think it's possible that you will regret not giving me a proper goodbye?"

"Quite the reverse, Nymphadora."

"Only if you think about it in your convoluted way. You think that making love to me will confuse me, make it harder for me to let go. But since I have no intention of letting go, it won't make any difference. It will just give us both another lovely memory to think of on the difficult nights."

"I will not have any difficulty in finding a beautiful memory to think of."

"You are a very strange and unusual man, Remus Lupin. Isn't it supposed to be _you _trying to cajole _me _into 'one more for the road?'"

He laughed wryly "Yes, undoubtedly they are about to revoke my 'manhood card'. I'm sure Sirius is out there somewhere making fun of me."

"Why don't you just _kiss_ me goodbye, then?"

"Are you always this much of a nag?"

"Yep. Ask Mum."

"I'm going to regret this."

"You're going to regret it if you _don't_. I am licensed to practice dark hexes in extenuating circumstances, you know."

"Is that so?" He licked his lips, and looked from her eyes to her mouth and back again. He leaned closer and brushed his mouth lightly against hers. "Goodbye, Nymphadora."

"You can do better than that, Lupin."

He cupped her face and tilted it, then bent forward to capture her bottom lip between his own. He pulled it into his mouth and nibbled. She shuddered, and her body relaxed against him.

"Getting warmer, Lupin."

"I really need to get going."

"No, you really need to give me a better kiss than that. It could be our last one ever, don't you want it to be memorable?"

He kissed her again, and his mouth, at first gentle and penitent, gradually became demanding. She could feel her blood beginning to race, and she wondered, if he were to leave her in this state, would she explode from unresolved passion? When he buried his fingers in her hair and groaned, she began to suspect, to her very great delight, that he was going to leave her in a much happier state than she ever could have hoped. She twisted her torso slightly and began to slowly lower her back onto the cushions of her couch, and he followed her every step of the way. When he started to kiss and bite his way down the column of her neck she knew she had won, at least for tonight, anyway.

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Remus took a long, lingering look at the sleeping woman below him as the first rays of daybreak shone through the window. He accepted that he had utterly failed in his resolve, but he didn't have it in his heart to feel bad about it. Nor did she seem to be suffering from it, though he knew she undoubtedly would, later. He was certain that this picture of her would stay with him in the weeks and months, possibly the long years ahead. He would never forget the sight of her luminous skin, the delicate lines and curves of her body, as she lay sleeping peacefully on her gilded bed, wrapped up in his old blanket.

"Nymphadora, I have to go," he whispered, and her eyes fluttered open.

"What…so soon?"

"It's morning, I told you I had to leave this morning. I've stayed too long already. I just wanted to say goodbye."

"Oh, God, Remus, just…please be careful."

"I will. Be well, Nymphadora."

"Oh, wait! I just had a dream, and I realized…I have something for you." She jumped out of bed and rummaged through her dresser drawer, taking out a quill and a small piece of parchment, which she scribbled on. Then she went over to her nightstand and waved her wand over it, murmuring an incantation. She handed the now blank piece of parchment to him, beaming.

"It's, um…lovely, Nymphadora. I'll treasure it always." He grinned and shook his head. "But I think I'll treasure the memory of you running around the room and casting spells, skyclad, even more. What am I supposed to do with it, exactly?"

She closed the front of the red dressing gown she had picked up off the floor and tied the sash. "It's an address. It's a place my Grandpa left me. Within the next few weeks, I should have managed to make it invisible, Unplottable, and about everything else you can think of. The Muggles in the neighborhood think it just recently burned down and nobody noticed the fire. The point is _it is secure_. So, if you need a place to rest, or hide, or recover, or even just take a nice hot shower, its yours, and no one but me could find you there. And I am going to surround it with wards so that no one could follow you there, either. It's stocked with plenty of canned food and an absurdly large supply of single malt whisky, so if you find yourself hungry…Well, you get the picture."

"That's…very thoughtful of you, Nymphadora. One question though; how am I supposed to read the address?"

"Just think of my middle name."

"Do I _know_ your middle name?"

"Remember the night we did tequila shooters with Sirius? I have a distinct memory of you guys tickling it out of me."

"Oh, yes! How could I have forgotten _that_?" He looked at the parchment again. "Remarkable; that really worked!"

"You're probably better off memorizing it."

"Yes, I will. All right, then. Thank you. I'd really better go."

"I'll miss you, Remus."

"I will miss you, too."

"I love you. Come back safe."

"Take care of yourself." He kissed her on the cheek and disappeared with hardly a 'pop'.

_**A/N: Well, here it is, and I apologize for the delay. Chapter twelve really took a lot out of me, and I knew this one would be even worse. I had to take a break from all the angst, (which I tend to carry with me into real life) to write a little piece of Neville fluff, start on a Ron/Hermione challenge fic, and go see a 'certain movie', which I thoroughly enjoyed. But here it is: the inevitable chapter sending Remus off to the wolves. Please let me know if it was worth the wait! Once again, thank you for the overwhelmingly kind reviews: particularly those of you that have reviewed regularly as the story has progressed. **_


	14. Love Itself Shall Slumber On

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Love Itself Shall Slumber On. **

Tonks approached The Burrow about six weeks later, just as the last traces of the sunset were disappearing into the hills. After the usual 'Ministry approved' exchange of information, Molly opened the door and greeted her with a warm hug.

"Hello, Tonks, dear, I'm so glad you could make it."

"As if I could resist the offer of your shepherd's pie!"

Molly smiled widely and ushered Tonks into the kitchen, where she provided her with a cup of hot cocoa before she had even had a chance to sit down.

"Ooh, lovely, perfect. Can you believe how blasted cold it is already?

"I've noticed that myself. I don't think it can still be the Dementors, do you? Of course, it must be worse for you, so far up north." Molly placed a steaming plate in front of Tonks and sat down opposite her. "How are you, dear?"

"Just plugging away, Molly, like you. How have you been?"

"I can't complain, but I've never felt the emptiness of the house as much as this year. Arthur has been working late nearly every night, and I seem to work myself into such a state when I am alone after dark."

It occurred to Tonks that an empty flat was nowhere near as depressing as an empty nest and she began to feel guilty for avoiding Molly's persistent dinner invitations. Her only excuse had been that she was too depressed to risk talking about Remus. She hadn't considered how lonely Molly must be. "You're always welcome to come and visit me, Molly. Just pop your head into my floo to see if I'm home. I usually am, and if I'm not, you can look for me at the Three Broomsticks."

Molly snorted. "Oh, no, dear; I believe I've learned my lesson about popping my head into young people's flats, unannounced. The last time I did that to Bill, well…let's just say I found out _exactly_ how much my son resembles his father. Thank goodness it was the girlfriend before Fleur. I have a hard enough time with my future daughter-in-law without imagining her in all her 'glory', you know?"

Tonks laughed, and replied, "Well, I can promise you; pop into my floo and you won't be seeing anything more embarrassing than a lonely spinster who is two steps away from getting the first of fourteen cats. I certainly won't be having any blokes wandering around my flat, starkers, while Remus is gone."

Molly playfully swatted Tonks' hand. "Oh, Tonks, you are the furthest thing from a spinster that I have ever met. You ought to meet my Auntie Muriel. She could give Arabella Figg a run for her money! Twenty-eight cats, last time I heard. _Did_ he wander around your flat naked?"

"Who?"

"Remus, of course."

"Ah…well. Once or twice." Tonks focused on a spot over Molly's shoulder, her cheeks going pink.

Molly leaned closer, and asked, "Well that's a change since the last time you came to dinner, isn't it? You were still living with your parents, then."

"You don't miss a thing, do you, Molly?"

"Not with seven children, I don't, or not often, anyway. So, are you going to tell me about it, or will I have to slip Veritaserum in your wine?"

"You keep _that_ on hand, do you?

"It's a mother's best friend, that stuff."

"But, I haven't got any wine, Molly."

"That's easy enough to fix."

Tonks, laughed, and threw up her hands in a gesture of mock defeat. "I think I'm going to need it, and a drinking companion."

While gathering up a pair of glasses and a bottle from her cupboard, Molly said, "In all seriousness, Tonks, love, it will help if you get it off your chest. Besides, I would be thrilled to think about something other than all the horrible ways my family could be hurt."

"Oh, Molly…"

Mrs. Weasley waved away Tonks' sympathetic expression. "Let's go sit by the fire in the sitting room, dear."

Molly sat down in her usual chair by the fire, and Tonks, removing her shoes, curled up on the opposite chair. Molly looked at her expectantly.

Tonks weighed Molly's inquisitive nature against Remus' intense desire for privacy, and attempted to tell a story which would satisfy both of them. "Well, where to start? Let's see…in late August, we got back together. I don't think…in fact I _know_ he never meant for it to happen, but we got in a row, and, well…"

Molly beamed, her cheeks pink.

"So, I really think that at that point he had decided to give it a try, I mean he even took me out on a date, and I managed to get him to open up to me about a lot of things. Then, later that night, he was given his new 'assignment', and the next day he ditched me all over again. We had a wicked fight. About a week after that, I swallowed my pride so that I could at least say goodbye. Later, he sought me out to leave something of his with me, and though he left with us on friendly terms, he made it painfully clear that I shouldn't hold out any hope of him coming back to be with me. Since then, I've been working like a nutter and I haven't been sleeping well. Oh, and I've been worried sick because I haven't heard a thing about him. What I wouldn't give for something like your clock, Molly. Have either of you heard from him?"

"Not a word, dear. Have you thought of asking Dumbledore?"

"You don't know how many times I've wanted to. It's hard to resist, when he's so close by. But I'm not quite ready to have him figure out _why_ I'm so concerned. And you know it'll take only about ten seconds after I ask him."

"Well, why don't I ask him for you? He will simply think that I am being a flutterbudget, as usual."

"Would you, really? I would owe you one."

"You would most certainly not, my dear. Are you not currently working 'like a nutter' to keep my youngest children safe at school? I feel so much better knowing that the 'Auror task force' that I keep reading about contains someone that has a special fondness for my babies, let alone a member of the Order."

"That reminds me, Molly. I saw Ron the other day. Oh, and Ginny, too, but from a distance."

"How did they look?"

"Oh, Ginny seemed just fine, she had a nice-looking boy holding doors open for her and looking at her like she was a priceless jewel. Ron was, of course, with Harry and Hermione, and I had to reveal myself to them when Harry started trying to beat the living piss out of Dung."

"Oh, yes, I heard about that. Trying to sell Sirius' silver, wasn't he? I never did trust that man."

"Well, it's in Dung's nature, isn't it? It's like asking a dog to be a vegetarian, and then putting a steak in front of him. And, once Harry calms down, I seriously doubt that he will cry over a few silver goblets. From what I heard, I think Harry was more concerned that Dung was stealing from _Sirius_ than him."

"But if they're going to be sold, wouldn't it be better if the money went to the Order? Or, for that matter, to Remus! I don't mean to speak ill of the dead, but I'll _never _understand how Sirius could have forgotten Remus in his will like that! Just _one_ of those stupid goblets would have made a difference!"

"Is that what you think, Molly? Do you honestly think that Sirius would have cut Remus off, for _any_ reason? He rewrote his will almost immediately after he reconciled with Remus, and he'd seen what the world had done for him. He wanted to split everything between Remus and Harry. They had a massive row about it, last November. Remus absolutely _forbid_ Sirius to do anything for him. He threatened to hand anything Sirius left him over to Kreacher."

"He did _what?_

"He said he had no rights, that a true friend would never have abandoned him to Azkaban without careful investigation, and that Sirius' inheritance belonged to Harry, and if not to him, then to me and Mum. Then _I_ made a big stink, saying that I didn't want a Knut from the Blacks, that they never gave a damn about me and that I was going to get plenty from the Tonks side of the family. So all of us did a lot of yelling. Well, actually, Remus didn't yell at all, he had this annoyingly calm voice, you know how he gets so goddamn reasonable and makes it sound like the person he is talking to is a naughty student?"

Molly smiled knowingly and nodded.

"Yeah, that really pisses me off when he does that…So anyway, the end result, after weeks of going back and forth was that Sirius left pretty much everything to Harry, and Remus accepted Great Uncle Alphard's book collection. And this was only because I told him that if he tried to pawn off a bunch of dusty old books on me that I would throw them in the Thames. The only thing that I wanted from Sirius was his record collection. I also asked for his memoirs, but he insisted that I had to patch them together from Remus' memory. He really was trying to set us up, wasn't he?"

"Well, I certainly feel better knowing that he _tried_ to help Remus."

"It seems odd, now, that we spent so much time discussing such a morbid subject, doesn't it? If I remember it correctly, the night it all started, Sirius was in a fairly low mood to begin with, and there was a lot of alcohol consumed. Maybe he had a premonition."

"Or maybe he was a wanted man, who knew he could get killed any time he walked out the door. He wasn't quite as irresponsible as I believed him to be. And, you know, in spite of what I said that one night, I really liked him. How could you not; he was such a charming man! We spent countless hours together in the kitchen, especially that summer. Goodness, I even tried to teach him a bit about cooking."

Her fond smile was quickly replaced by an expression of irritation. "That _harridan_ hanging on the wall was so focused on teaching her boys they were better than everybody else that she never taught them how to take care of themselves." She shook her head, as if to clear it. "But don't let me get started on that subject, I could go on for hours, and I want to know more about you and Remus, dear. You have given me the brief summary of your story, but no details. For example, where did he take you on you date? And what, exactly did he leave in your keeping? And what led to your getting back together in August? You must indulge the curiosity of an old married lady."

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Later, Tonks would try to blame it on the wine. She would also tell herself that Molly was a very talented inquisitor, getting her information through clever prompts. But the truth was, Tonks had no one else to talk to about Remus, openly. She was a young woman in love for the very first time, and needed to see if someone else could understand her feelings and agree with her handling of the situation. Plus it felt fantastic to get it all off her chest, and to have someone sigh with her over the more romantic moments, growl over the man's stubbornness, and cluck sympathetically over her for her pain and frustration. When she finally reached the part of her story where Remus kissed her goodbye at dawn in her bedroom, Molly's eyes were filled with tears, and she threw her arms around Tonks, nearly squeezing the breath out of her. After releasing her, and blowing her nose noisily, Molly excused herself and disappeared into the kitchen. She came back carrying a heaping plate of brownies.

"You read my mind, Molly."

"Good, because you're taking whatever you don't eat of these home with you. I tend to bake when I'm worried, but I seem to have lost my appetite, these days. I end up foisting all of it on Arthur and all of our neighbors. Arthur, of course, is like Ron and Bill. He could eat all day and never gain an ounce, but Jack Lovegood is going to resemble Cornelius Fudge if I keep dropping by with baskets, or at least that is what he told me yesterday."

Tonks tried to talk over a mouthful of gooey brownie. "Oh, lord, Molly, these'd be worth getting plump over! Why don't you sell them?"

"What, in a shop?" Molly waved her hand dismissively. "I don't have time for that!"

"I reckon, if you were to show up with a basket of goodies at the Ministry once or twice a week, you'd have people swarming around you like bees on honey. You could make a little extra pocket money. In fact, you could make a killing, and you'd be able to go see Arthur while you're there, bring him lunch, even."

"Hmmm…Tonks, I wonder…"

"You could even set up a regular basket on the twins' counter."

Molly snorted, shaking her head. "Everybody knows better than to eat anything _they_ have on display. Have you heard about…" She lowered her voice to an embarrassed whisper. "…U-No-Poo?"

Tonks couldn't help laughing, in spite of Mrs. Weasley's obvious mortification. "Oh yeah, that one made the rounds in the Ministry a couple of months ago. Quite a few of the more annoying beaurocrats walked around red-faced and irritable for _days_ at a time. Umbridge had to be the funniest, though. She lasted for at least three weeks!"

Molly tried to stifle a giggle at that image, and Tonks continued, "It got Fudge so nervous, he actually started making his own tea! Someone had already gotten him with a Canary Cream last spring, right in front of the Minister from Zimbabwe. It was all hushed up, of course." Tonks noticed that Molly's face had broken into a wide grin. She suspected that Molly had never been prouder of her boys.

"Now tell, me, why doesn't Arthur come home with stories like this?"

"He probably reckons you'd send a Howler to the boys. I've got to tell you, though, Molly. I think they're geniuses. Working at the Ministry has been really miserable for the last two years, and having something like these pranks to laugh at has really boosted people's spirits."

"Oh, I _know_ my boys are wonderful. I just pray they don't manage to offend the wrong person and get themselves hurt." She was quiet for a moment, then surprised Tonks by asking, "Did anyone manage to get to Percy?"

"Yeah. More than once, I am afraid."

"Good." Molly's face was set in a half smirk, half grimace. "Now, dear, back to _you._ Tell me more about Remus, and when he had you against your front door. Did he manage to remember a silencing spell, or did your poor old landlady get an earful?"

Tonks could feel herself turning beet red, and she sputtered, "Molly! Bad enough you got me to tell you about that, now you want _more_ details?"

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Tonks, dear. You are speaking to the woman who conceived the twins in her father-in-law's broom shed, after all."

Some of the wine that Tonks had hastily gulped shot out of her nose. "Molly! You're going to scar me for life…Really? In a broom shed? Why?"

"Well…we were spending a week with my in-laws, and they had all five of us sleeping in one room. Arthur and I got a little desperate after about five days, so we snuck outside one night after dinner. There was a fair bit of laughter, I recall. Perhaps that is why they turned out to be such merry pranksters."

"Wow, Molly, good for you! And Arthur…damn, who would have thought?"

"Really, Tonks, we have seven children! Surely you didn't think we were dull in bed."

"Actually, I tried not to think about it…"

"As a matter of fact, I don't think that any of my children were conceived in a bed."

"Oh, God…"

"Let's see, Bill was in front of the fire, on our honeymoon, and Charlie… well, that was in the shower. You see, Bill slept in our bed, then, so we rarely got time alone…"

"Kill me, _now_…"

"And Percy…that was on Arthur's desk at work…"

"Holy shit…"

"Ron, well… Arthur and I took a walk up to Stoatshead Hill, while Bill watched his brothers. It was a glorious summer day." Molly stopped speaking at this point, lost in memory.

Tonks, to her utter shock, found herself asking, "And Ginny?"

"Oh, well…that was _really_ lovely, Our neighbor, Lorelei Lovegood, offered to watch the kids for the weekend. I told her she was mad to do it, but she was having some trouble getting pregnant, and she thought that being around all those kids would help kick start her fertility. So, Arthur and I took a cottage on the seashore, and Ginny was most likely conceived on the beach, or in the sea. Oh, and Lorelei got pregnant about a month later."

"I'm never going to be able to look Arthur in the face again…" Tonks buried her face in her hands, shaking her head.

"Oh, Tonks, I've embarrassed you!"

Tonks raised her head, looking Molly in the eye. "No, not really. I think it's sweet. Touching, really. Hell, I'm impressed. You give me hope for the future. And Arthur…wow!"

Molly raised one eyebrow, a wicked grin on her face, and said, "Well, I couldn't let Remus be the only--what do you girls call them these days--'sex god' in the Order, now, could I?"

"Oh, I'm sure the Order has got more than _two_ sex gods. Or are you choosing to ignore Bill and Charlie?"

"I'd prefer not to imagine _that,_ thank you! Are you speaking from personal experience, Tonks?"

Tonks giggled, shaking her head in denial. "And I've heard stories about Kingsley…"

"_Really?_ Who was it? Someone from work?"

"No, although my friend/co-worker has an enormous crush on him. This was someone I met at last year's Christmas Party. I think she worked in the Department of International Magical Cooperation. Anyway, she raved about him, said he had 'great hands'."

"Hmm, very interesting…You know, of course, that I won't be able to take my eyes off of his hands during the next meeting, don't you?"

"Join the club, Molly!" Tonks was really enjoying this side of Molly, as unnerving as it was at first. "So, have we finished discussing the sexual prowess of our comrades? "

"Well, there's not much left…Mad-eye…"

"Eww!"

"Well, he _was_ married once."

"WHAT?"

"Oh, yes, for years and years; my brother told me about it. Then, of course, there's Severus."

"Double eww!" Tonks shivered in revulsion. "But, you know, an astonishing number of girls in my class were _really_ into him. They liked his voice, I think. Or maybe they thought of a good use for that enormous nose of his."

Molly shrieked out a laugh at that, blushing furiously, and Tonks asked, "Have you ever heard about him getting involved with anyone?"

"Not a word. But, that could just mean he's discreet."

"Or a virgin…"

"Or gay…"

"I don't think so. I've caught him staring at my arse on more than one occasion."

"Lucky you," Molly said, dripping sarcasm. "Although, I have to admit that I haven't caught anyone but Arthur staring at my backside for at least five years. It would be nice to have _someone_ look at it, even if it was only Severus. I used to have a rather spectacular bottom."

"Sturgis Podmore checks out your bum."

"He does?"

"Oh yeah. Sirius and I used to see it all the time. Even Remus noticed it. Sturgis' wandering eye, that is, not your bum. Although I'm sure Remus has glanced at it once or twice."

Molly giggled. "Of all things… I'll have to keep an eye on him. Well, I guess that just leaves us with Dumbledore."

"I'll bet he was a sex god in his time. All that power…"

"And a sense of humor…"

"And such a snappy dresser."

"And I hear he can do amazing things with his wand..."

"Oh, god, Molly no wand jokes, please. I can't take it!" Tonks was laughing so hard at this point that her stomach hurt.

Molly took advantage of Tonks' momentary weakness to slip in a question, "So, you and Charlie, you never…"

"Molly! I thought you didn't want to even imagine…"

"I know, but…"

"We were only sixteen! I was a few years away from being ready for…everything. Besides, it was only a few weeks. He _was_ rather brilliant at snogging, though."

"Ah…so was Arthur."

"So is Remus."

"Molly, I am having so much fun with you. We have to start doing this on a weekly basis."

"Why do you think I keep pestering you to come over?"

"To feed me?"

"No, silly, that's your mother's job. I haven't had someone to let my hair down with since Lorelei died. Oh, and speaking of your mother, I've invited her over next Sunday for dinner."

"WHAT? Why?"

"Oh, it was Remus' idea. He thought that Arthur would be a good person for your dad to spend some time with. You know, get his mind of his dad's death, tinker around in the tool shed; all that nonsense."

"Remus! _Remus_ suggested it?" Tonks found herself overcome by tears.

"Tonks, dear, what's wrong? I was going to invite you, you know. Do you want me to cancel it? I wouldn't dream of telling your mother anything you've told me. You don't have to worry about that… "

"That isn't it, Molly! I know you wouldn't…Its just so bloody _perfect,_ and I never even thought of it. And _he_ did, and he never met my dad. He must have talked to you about doing it even as he was preparing to go to the wolves. He's so goddamn thoughtful! And insightful. And compassionate. _And I miss him!" _she wailed.

Molly knew that a good cry in the arms of a friend was probably the best thing for Tonks, right now. As she held the weeping young Auror until she passed out from exhaustion, she felt needed and useful for the first time in over a month. She wrapped a blanket around her sleeping dinner guest, and sat, knitting by the fire until Arthur came home from work.

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Remus slept fitfully, in a dark corner of a dark, abandoned building. Aching, bruised and cold, he dreamed of warmer, softer, safer beds. He saw himself enclosed in the scarlet hangings around his bed at Hogwarts, the soft snores of his friends surrounding him and lulling him to sleep. He dreamed of his bed at Grimmauld place: ornate, ostentatious, but still warm and comfortable, even more so because he knew he was just down the hall from his friends and comrades. Finally he dreamed of Nymphadora's bed: absurdly feminine, soft and luxurious, with the welcome addition of a warm body draped over his limbs. This was where he always woke up, confused and disoriented, because the thought of her in this place, in _any_ of the filthy, rank, deplorable places he had called home over the last few weeks seemed so inherently _wrong_ that he awoke with a start.

The smell was the worst part of it, and it only got worse with the waxing moon. Unwashed bodies, disease, fear, and decay all combined into a noxious odor that assaulted his sensitive nostrils. There was a palpable sense of hopelessness that hung over the collective group, along with anger and hatred: hatred for the world, each other, and especially for themselves.

At first, in spite of his fear and revulsion, it had almost seemed like coming home. Finally, here were people who understood, who wouldn't try to trivialize the things he had endured since he was a little boy. These people had known what it was like to have your sense of self-worth chipped away, bit by bit, by every frightened glance, dirty look, and hateful comment that the rest of the world had thrown at them on a daily basis.

The self-esteem of the others had all but vanished, making it easy for them to adapt to the submissive roles that they were assigned in the pack. But Lupin found it surprisingly hard to accept. Though he had lived his life on the outside as a gentle, non-threatening man, his inner strength and pride had stayed intact; in fact, they had grown over the years. It may have been due to the early love and acceptance of his three best friends at school, or the trust and respect given to him by a powerful and wise man, or the conviction that the life he had struggled to make for himself was an honorable one. Whatever the reason, he found it very difficult to humiliate himself as he was expected to do in order to fit in.

Worse yet, the feral urge to launch himself at Greyback, to rip his heart out, was stronger than he had ever imagined it could be. Lupin had become an expert at hiding and containing his feelings over the years, but these wolves, they _knew_, they could _smell_ rage and hatred on you. In spite of this, he had been accepted into the group warily. Many werewolves had reason to hate Greyback when they first arrived; in fact, he seemed to enjoy the fact that they had been forced to beg for shelter and protection from the man who had ruined their lives. It had made Lupin physically sick to do it, and Greyback's betas made him pay, with repeated taunts and physical attacks, for his attempt to live life as a non-werewolf.

By remaining quiet and unobtrusive, he had managed to fade into the background, and had almost settled into a routine. Greyback was gone a lot of the time, so he had a chance to sit back and observe the others, learning about the hierarchy of the group, the personalities of his new companions, their strengths and their weaknesses. So far, his subtle advances of friendship had been rejected by most of his fellows, so he had not been able to make any progress toward turning any of them back to the Light. The only ally that he had made was, unfortunately, someone smaller and weaker than he was, someone who needed his protection more than anything else, and didn't have anything to offer the Order, as a Muggle. Still it was nice to have someone to talk to.

His last transformation, his first complete one in over three years, had been truly horrible. They had sealed him off in a cave, not trusting him to run with the pack so soon after his arrival. He had awoken covered in his own blood, forced to heal his own wounds while in his weakened condition. He had tried to comfort himself with memories of his previous transformation, and Nymphadora's tender care, but the feelings of loss and longing that this evoked were too painful to bear.

Most of the time, his memories of her, though bittersweet, helped him to get through the days. The idea that someone was out there; thinking of him, worrying about him, seemed to anchor him to the world outside the pack, assuring that he wasn't pulled too far into the surreal life that was now his new reality.

At night, however, any thoughts of Nymphadora were torture. While his body ached for her, missing her physical warmth and the comfort and pleasure that her body had given him, his mind and heart missed her humor, her compassion, and her cheerful conversation. Those were things his fellow Lycans did not display in any measurable quantity. And the thought that she was undoubtedly out there, aching for him as well, sent him into deep chasms of guilt and depression.

His feelings about her and their future tended to shift violently. Sometimes he prayed that she would find someone, someone good and decent, to help her through her sadness. Other times he was overcome with the paralyzing fear that she would do exactly that, and he would never again get to wake up in the morning to see her cheerful smile and her beautiful eyes.

He had never expected to be able to rest easy amongst the wolves. Most nights, he would toss and turn for hours on his conjured mattress, clutching his wand, being regularly roused from near-sleep by sinister-sounding noises around him. He didn't trust a single one of his fellows, not even his new friend. Any one of them was capable of attempting to murder him in his sleep, whether for purposes of robbery or as revenge for some perceived insult. When he finally did sleep, his dreams were usually about Nymphadora; either torturously erotic, or frighteningly violent. Neither of them gave him any rest or peace.

Which is why he found himself tonight, like most nights, staring at the water-stained and cracked ceiling of a decrepit warehouse, surrounded by the stench of a hundred unwashed bodies. He tried to envision a day in the not-so-distant future where he would be surrounded by people who cared about him, people who thought he was fine and good. He would wear clean clothes and it wouldn't bother him in the least that they were patched and faded. He would sit in front of a roaring fire, drinking eggnog that had been liberally laced with whisky. He would take pleasure in the display of civilized manners and interesting, upbeat conversation. He would listen to music, and read a good book without worrying that someone was about to stab him in the back. If he could just hang in there for a little while longer, he would have all of that, and maybe more, at least for a couple of days. If he could just hang on a little while longer…

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_**A/N: Agh! This chapter was like pulling teeth! My muse decided to go and party in Vegas without me, leaving me with a demanding family and a Lucius/Molly/Arthur plot bunny that wouldn't be ignored.I kept trying to come back to this chapter, but chapter fifteen kept bumping it out of the way. That one should come a lot more quickly because it is all planned out in my head. But I had to come up with something interesting and somewhat lighthearted between Remus' departure and Christmas, and I was drawing a blank. And there is a great big Lupin/Tonks gap during that time period in HBP, with only one tiny little Tonks appearance. Fortunately, 'Awakenings' made me realize that I have been neglecting the 'Mollyness' in this story, and I thought I would give her a chance to get a little bawdy. Hey, the woman has seven kids! She deserves a girl's night, don'tyou think? And Arthur deserves some recognition as the virile man that he is.**_

_**Anyway, thanks again for the reviews! When the last chapter was published we were in the seventies, and now we've passed the 100 mark! Yippee! I love you all!. Now, please let me know if you enjoyed this chapter or not because I really did torture myself over it.**_


	15. How long shall I pine for love?

**Chapter Fifteen**

**How Long Shall I Pine for Love?  
**

Remus descended the spiral staircase outside of Dumbledore's office with a feeling of relief and anticipation. Relieved of the burden of his report, he was free to do all of the things he had been dreaming about for so many long weeks. He finally felt clean, after a blissful hour in the Prefect's bathroom. The clothes that he had left in Dumbledore's care had been washed and pressed in anticipation of his visit. Madam Pomfrey had clucked and fussed over him for nearly an hour, forcing a number of tonics and potions down his throat, slathering him with various balms, and finally finishing him off with a generous dose of Pepper-Up potion. He had then gratefully gobbled up a thick roast beef sandwich and several bowls of barley soup, washing it down with mulled mead and strong tea.

Finally, when he had begun to feel human again, he was shown into the Headmaster's office, where he spent an intense two hours of interrogation, speculation, strategy, and brainstorming. The Headmaster had been kind enough to allow Remus to give his report without any witnesses, so he was spared excessive discomfort or embarrassment. Afterwards, Dumbledore reiterated his gratitude and sympathy to Remus, encouraging him to make the most of the next seventy-two hours, and to 'be happy.'

As he reached the bottom of the staircase, he wondered if the Headmaster had any idea that making the most of his short period of freedom would hopefully include a ravenous and rapturous reunion with a fellow member of the Order. He suspected that he did.

_She is just a short walk away. You could be inside of her in less than an hour._ The possibility that she could have taken his advice and moved on, that he could find her snuggled up to another man when he knocked on her door, was one that he refused to consider. He'd had his ideal holiday planned out for weeks, months, really. He was going to spend the next few hours showing her how much he loved her, possibly even telling her. Then, at some point, he would have to go over to the Weasleys, to fulfill the stated purpose of his return. If she had plans for dinner with her family, they would separate, or she could go with him to Molly and Arthur's. The Weasleys would welcome her, he knew, and would be discreet about the fact that they had arrived together.

A familiar, cold, contemptuous voice interrupted his fancies.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the _former_ Professor Lupin. Come back to play at being a human again, have you? I wondered if you might find it…easier to live without those pesky bonds of civility. How are you fitting in with your new _family_, Lupin?"

With a sigh, Remus turned to face the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. In a pleasant voice, he replied, "Probably about as well as you fit in with your pack of thugs, Professor Snape. Good day to you, I have an appointment." He started to turn, but Snape's next words stopped him cold.

"Off to rut about with your bratty little Metamorphmagus? It really is quite sad, what you've done to her. People are beginning to talk."

Lupin felt the blood drain from his face "What I've…done to her?"

"Oh, didn't you know? She's quite unable to alter her appearance. Of course it has rather limited her usefulness to the Order, not to mention her ability to perform her job. She's lost her focus; she's easily distracted. She could very well be asked to leave the department. And all because you couldn't keep your hands to yourself. But then again, you have always been reckless, never able think of consequences before acting, have you, Lupin?" There was an unmistakable trace of malicious delight in Snape's tone.

"The nature of my relationship with Miss Tonks is none of your concern, Snape. Nor is it anyone else's. She is an adult. She is perfectly capable of making her own decisions, and dealing with the consequences. And I doubt very much, from what I know about her, that she would allow worry for a _friend _to compromise the work that she does."

Snape smirked, and shook his head. "You keep telling yourself that, Lupin. Just wait until you see her. She used to be such a…vibrant creature. Now she looks like a drowned mouse."

"She's lost two people she loved in the last six months."

"And foolishly chosen to wallow around with a beast." His cold black eyes narrowed in contempt.

"_Prick,"_ Remus muttered under his breath. "When is the last time you inspired somebody to love you, _Snivellus_?"

"She pities you, Lupin. They all do. 'Such a noble man, and life has been so hard on him. He needs someone to take care of him.' Or perhaps she is craving a little excitement. She must enjoy danger; she chose to be an Auror, after all. Shall I tell her what you really are, Lupin? Shall I paint the picture of you that I have seen? Shall I describe the rabid, bloodthirsty creature that charged me; snarling, spitting, and ready to tear out my throat? Does she know what you have been doing, what your new _friends_ have been doing?"

"I find it difficult to imagine how you can justify insulting my present situation, given the one you have been in for years. Especially considering that my fellows and I, though we may have animalistic tendencies, never had any choice in the matter. You, on the other hand, find yourself in your present situation because of choices you have made. In any case, Miss Tonks has no illusions about me. She is no stranger to the natures of dark creatures, including werewolves and _Death Eaters, _and knows perfectly well how to deal with them."

"She was never one of my brighter students, whatever her ridiculous hair color would lead you to assume. She is rash, unable to take into consideration the long-term consequences of her actions. Typical Griffyndor. She will come to regret her involvement with you, but not until you have completely ruined her life." It was clear that Snape was enjoying Remus' discomfort.

"You've never understood the concept of loving someone more than you love yourself, have you, Severus? I have already attempted to discourage Miss Tonks from involving herself with me. She is a very strong-willed young woman."

"She is a _child,_ Lupin. And you are a pathetic, lonely old man with _nothing_ to offer."

This hit a little to close to home, and Remus found himself lashing out, in a way that he knew he would regret later. "And I believe her words used to describe _you_ were, 'an aged, bitter, ugly, misanthrope with poor personal hygiene.' In other words, a 'greasy git,' but I am sure you hear that one on a daily basis. And I believe she threw in 'asshole,' too. The point is; she is a very good judge of character. And I am sure that you have more important things to do than to speculate about our relationship, which is, as I have already indicated, none of your goddamn business. Good day, Professor Snape."

Remus turned away angrily, and continued toward the front door of the castle, but not with the same sense of anticipation he had had a few minutes before. Snape's malicious words could not have come at a worse time. The idea that Nymphadora had been pining for him, unable to function normally, brought out the worst of his self-doubt and fear. He thought about the feisty,

audacious, competent Auror that he had worked with on countless occasions. He also remembered the bright young thing that he had marveled over as they sat at the kitchen table, drinking and laughing with Sirius.

If he had never attempted to help her with her grief, if he had just left her alone to work it out, his feelings would never have been revealed and she would have been much better off. Her sadness would only have lasted a few weeks, and nobody would have questioned it, thought less of her. But because of his need, his weakness, his selfishness, she was suffering, six months after the fact. He had already begun to ruin her life, and it would only get worse. He apparated to the Burrow within seconds of reaching the Hogwarts gates.

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Molly Weasley had not been the only person lost in memories during Celestina Warbeck's singing. Remus' memories were equally pleasant, though, he imagined vastly different from Molly's sweetly sentimental ones. On the night he had gone to Tonks' flat, hoping to comfort her about her grandfather, they had stayed up until the wee hours of the morning. She had turned on the wireless next to her bed fairly early on, and he had been surprised to discover that their taste in music ran along similar lines, in spite of the fact that he was no fan of the Weird Sisters.

When the dreaded 'Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love' came on, Remus groaned audibly. It had been played to death on the common room wireless during his early teen years, and while it had been snigger-inducing when it first came out, it eventually became unbearably irritating. Especially since the bewildering girls in his year, who had originally seemed to find its innuendo as laughable as the boys did, began, almost overnight, to simper and sigh over the 'romantic' lyrics. They started to look at the boys; himself included, with a terrifying sort of expectant giddiness.

All of this was explained quickly to Tonks, as he made an attempt to change the channel or shut the wireless off. But she had found the song and his reaction to it more than a little amusing. She remembered that it was a song her mother used to sing while she was cooking, and that when it finally occurred to her what the lyrics alluded to, she had been mortified. Now, however, she thought of the song as a happy memory of her childhood, a little cheesy, perhaps, but endearing. She also discovered a good way to torture Remus, by singing along with it, very loudly and quite a bit off-key. He made several attempts to distract her with kisses, but she kept returning to the song, or humming while his mouth covered hers. Eventually, by kissing lower and lower on her body, her caterwauling became a low hum, then finally disappeared into moans and sharp cries. By the time the song had ended, neither of them paid any attention to the music.

He lay in his bed at the Burrow, missing her, and reflected with a little satisfaction on the events of the evening. It had taken a great deal of self-control to be able to defend Snape to Harry, after his earlier encounter with the contemptible man. It was also a testament to his trust in Dumbledore that Harry's words had not even swayed his opinion a little. It occurred to him that Snape had very little, other than Dumbledore's trust, to feel good about in his life, and had probably lashed out at Lupin in defense of that hard-won position. There was nothing that Snape had said, really, that Remus had not said to himself on countless occasions, and it was just what he needed to keep from giving in to his weak heart. He had sent a brief note to Nymphadora a few minutes after he had arrived, borrowing the Weasleys' owl. He had assured her of his safe arrival at the Burrow, but did not dare add any personal information. The mail was still being searched, for Harry's safety, after all.

In the meantime, he had a clean, warm bed and a belly full of food and drink. It was really more than he had a right to ask for.

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After Christmas dinner, Lupin took a walk through the garden of the Burrow, along the same path that Harry had walked with Rufus Scrimgeour. He was stunned; he felt as if the Hogwarts Express had hit him. He could not believe that he had heard from Harry, of all people, that Nymphadora had a new Patronus, _a four-legged, large animal_, and 'did Professor Lupin know how that could have happened?'

Oh, he knew, just as he knew that Molly blamed him for Tonks' refusal to attend Christmas dinner. And he was certain that Molly knew precisely what her hint that Tonks was alone would do to him. Guilt tugged at him from two directions. Not to go seemed heartless. But to go, and risk further involvement would hurt her more in the long run. If she was angry with him, and hurt by his lack of contact, she would be back to normal much sooner than if she waited with false hope.

But the Patronus, that was not something to dismiss easily. How long had it been since it changed, and why had she never told him? Snape knew, according to Harry. Snape knew, and that is why he had been so cruel the previous day. Snape knew, and if he did, so did everyone else in the Order. They had to know, and yet none of them had mentioned it to him.

Before he knew it, he had reached the apparition point at the end of the Weasleys' lane. He found himself, a moment later, at her front door.

It took an unusually long time for her to respond to his knock. She answered the door wearing a plush robe, with pink cheeks and wet tendrils of hair curling about her face. Her first reaction was one of joy; she squealed and threw her arms around him, pulling him into her flat.

"Remus! You're a sight for sore eyes, even if you do look like death warmed over!"

He grinned, drinking in the sight of her. "You, on the other hand, look…."

"Like shit, I know…" She gave an embarrassed shrug.

"I was going to say lovely."

"That's because you have impeccable manners. Everyone else tells me I look like something the cat dragged in, and they are right. Have you eaten?" She ushered him into her sitting room.

"Yes, I'm stuffed, actually. Molly…"

Her face fell. "Oh, so you _did_ go there."

"Why didn't you go? You were invited, weren't you?"

"She had quite a crowd already."

He didn't buy that explanation for one moment. "Did you go to your parents'?"

"I told them I had plans, so they went to Kitzbuhel."

"So where _did_ you go?"

She met his eyes defiantly. "I worked, for one thing."

"You could have gone to Molly's last night."

"Well…I had plans." She lowered her eyes to the floor.

"A date?"

"I thought…maybe." She looked up with a face blazing with hurt and anger. "Oh, bloody hell, Remus, you were _right here_! You couldn't have given me five minutes of your time? Just enough to let me see that you are all right? You made me wait for nearly thirty-six hours!"

"I sent a note…"

"It arrived two hours ago."

"I sent it yesterday!"

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "The Weasleys owl is older than I am, Remus. Maybe even older than you."

He thought of her, alone and worried that something had happened to prevent his return and felt truly despicable. "God, I'm sorry, Nymphadora…you mean you waited, all this time?"

"I wasn't waiting, Remus. I was working, yesterday. And then, last night and today…I mean I knew where you were. I could have found you if I wanted to. I just thought…" She shook her head, sadly. "Well, obviously I assumed too much. So why are you here now?"

"Your Christmas present."

"Oh, yeah, I have one for you, too." Lowering her voice, she muttered, "I guess I'm glad now that I didn't go for a really romantic one."

"Tonks..." He stopped short at the look of rage she threw at him.

"Don't start that shit, Lupin." She took a deep breath, and continued, in a calmer tone, "Why don't you sit down, and I'll make some hot cocoa, and we will open presents and you can get back to…whatever."

He looked at her pleadingly and she glared back at him, turning toward the kitchen. There were a few minutes of eerie silence, and then he heard her moving about, closing cabinet doors a lot harder than was necessary. With a weary sigh, he sat down on her couch. It occurred to him a few minutes later that he had rather expected to find his old quilt draped across the back of it, but it was nowhere to be seen. In spite of his curiosity, he resisted the urge to search for it in her bedroom. There was, however, a richly coloured afghan lying on a comfortable-looking armchair. He thought he recognized Molly's workmanship. He was, after all, wearing one of her creations at the moment: a sturdy and comfortable moss-green jumper, one of three that she had presented him with that morning.

Tonks entered the room a few moments later with a tray. After placing it on the table, she sat in the armchair, gathering up the afghan and putting it on her lap. He was more than a little disappointed that she hadn't sat next to him on the couch.

"I made mulled wine instead of hot chocolate. I figured we could both use a drink. My mum sent over these apple tarts."

"Perfect.' Remus realized that he had missed her mother's cooking nearly as much as Molly's. He tried to turn the conversation toward the season. "Where's your tree?"

"Didn't bother. Not in the mood."

Guilt ate at him. "I really wish you had come to the Weasleys."

"Well, then, you should have told me that earlier. But I wasn't about to just _show up."_

He picked up his warm mug from the tray, inhaling the rich, spicy scent. Looking at her over the rim, he said, "Happy Christmas, Nymphadora."

"Happy Christmas, Remus. I suppose I'd better open this, hadn't I?"

"You don't have to. It's not much…"

She stared at the tissue-paper wrapped package for a long time, as if the secrets to the universe were buried within it, and she was nervous about learning them. Finally, she tore into it, to reveal… "A book. Wow. Thank you, Remus. I'm sure I'll enjoy this."  
He was not fooled by the manufactured enthusiasm in her voice. He felt she deserved an explanation. "It's really quite funny, Nymphadora. I…Someone had it, where I have been…and it really helped me keep my sanity, it was a marvelous diversion. I kept thinking of you while I read it."

Tonks had been reading the inside flap. "A lonely single girl, eh? And commitment-phobic men. Right up my alley. And you thought of me, how sweet. Thanks, Remus," she said acidly.

"I didn't mean I thought of you as the character! I mean, I just thought you would find it funny. Apparently it has gotten really popular…"

"With Muggles."

"Well, yes, the woman who loaned it to me was…_is_ a Muggle."

This got her attention. "A Muggle? Among the werewolves?"

"She is a werewolf. But she is, or was a Muggle. She was attacked on a camping trip last spring. She tried to hide it from her family and friends, but her boyfriend kicked her out of their flat for being 'barking mad', and then she lost her job for missed days. Her mother took her in for a while, but accused her of having a drug addiction. She told her she couldn't live there unless she went into a treatment programme, which would take a month, and well, obviously that would be impossible. So eventually she made her way to us…or rather, them."

"How old is she?" Tonks asked, conversationally.

"Early thirties; thirty-one, I think."

"What is her name?"

"Julie."

"So…you did find a she-wolf, after all."

"I know, I already told you she's a…" It took him a moment to notice the sarcasm in her voice. "Oh. No, it's not like that. You don't really think…"

Tonks just kept staring at him deliberately.

His voice hardened. "You must not know me very well after all, Tonks."

Tonks finally spoke again, breezily. "She sounds just perfect for you Remus. Closer to your age, so much in common, and you in a position to take care of her. I don't imagine she has an easy time of it amongst the wizards and werewolves."

He tried not to sound defensive. "As a matter of fact, no she doesn't. She nearly died."

"Did you _rescue_ her, Remus?"

"Err…yeah, actually."

"Did you heal her wounds?" Her eyes narrowed.

"Yes. I did."

"She must have stuck fairly close to you after that."

He was baffled by her unmistakable and irrational display of jealousy. "Christ, Nymphadora, where are you coming up with all of this? I have made a friend; I helped someone. What is wrong with that?"

"You spent all those months telling me how wrong you are for me. It seems you have found someone better for yourself. I wonder what she looks like?" She continued to look into his eyes unflinchingly.

"Get the hell out of my head, Nymphadora! I expected better of you."

There was no apology in her eyes. "I am just trying to understand how you could have just left me here wondering…"

His voice grew low, dangerous. "Let's be perfectly clear here. I _never_ promised you I would come running back to you. And for that matter, we are not a couple, are we? If I had gotten involved with…Which I _haven't_…" He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, exasperated. "Oh, god, how could you, after everything, suspect…"

She stood up, hands on her hips and spat, "Remus, for crying out loud! 'How could I, after everything?' _Everything,_ is me, throwing myself at you over and over, and continually being rejected. Everything is my telling you that I love you, time after time, and never hearing it in return. I have nothing to hold on to except my stubborn faith in you, Remus!"

Her words cut him to the bone. "I haven't rejected _you_, Nymphadora. You…there's nothing wrong with you. It's my problem. Even if I were to declare my love for you right now…Well, it wouldn't change anything. I didn't come yesterday because I wanted to make it easier for you, in the end. I meant to, I wanted to, but…Good lord, look what I have done to you already!"

"_This," _she said, gesturing toward her pale face and emaciated body, "Isn't your fault!"

"Bullshit. Tell me about your new Patronus, Nymphadora."

Her eyes widened and she grew impossibly paler. "Snape said something to you, didn't he?"

"No, as a matter of fact. Harry did."

With a sigh, she sat down on the opposite end of the couch, placing her head in her hands.

He continued, "But everybody in the Order has to know, don't they? I can only be grateful that I didn't run into Mad-Eye on this trip. He would have raked me over the coals."

She looked up at him with confusion in her eyes. "Why would you say that? Mad-Eye knows, and he's never said anything. Only Snape was rude enough to comment on it. He knew what it meant; he called it weak, and it was a thinly veiled insult to you."

"Well, Snape has never been able to pass up the opportunity to insult me. I don't really let it bother me. Mad-Eye, on the other hand might have really caused problems. He's never forgiven me for 'defiling' you in the first place."

"Is that what you think? Funny, he seemed to be on our side, to me."

"He's not my biggest fan. I lived with him, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember, and if you think he dislikes you…" She shook her head, and continued, "I guess you do tend to think the worst of people. You really ought to go and see him. I'll bet he is almost as worried about you as I am."

"Whatever. I think you and I know two different Alastor Moodys. But we've gotten off the point. I want to hear about your Patronus. I'd like to see it, actually."

"I don't think I could manage one right now." She frowned, and then looked at him defiantly. "But it's not weak! I've used it against more Dementors in the last six months than I ever had to with the other one. It chased down a pack of five of them, last August."

With a note of accusation, he said, "So you've known about it that long, then. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I told you I loved you. You didn't need any more pressure."

He ran his hands through his hair and leaned back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling. "I am so sorry. You have to understand that if it weren't for the fact that I am…what I am, I would move heaven and earth to be with you. I don't want to be with anybody else. I don't want to go on hurting you. If things were different…" His voice broke, and he closed his eyes.

Her softly spoken words drifted toward him. "You wouldn't be the same person if things were different. Much of what I love about you is a result of the hand you've been dealt. And if things were different, you would have fallen in love and had a family years ago. I reckon you'd have been one of my teachers. You would never have looked twice at someone like me."

He sat up and turned to her. "How could anyone _not_ look at you, Nymphadora? You're mesmerizing." He slid across the couch and drew her into his arms, kissing the top of her head. With a sigh, she tucked her head into the crook of his neck. His collar grew damp as she cried silently, and he tightened his hold on her. After taking a deep breath, she surprised him by pulling away.

"You'd better open your present, then, Remus." She rose and brought back a large, colorfully wrapped box from her entry table. Inside was a beautifully wrought gray wool travelling cloak.

He touched it with reverence. "I don't think I've ever had anything finer," he whispered.

"Its really quite warm," she said, "I've charmed it. I realize that you can't…well, it would be stolen if you wore it as it is now."

With a wave of her wand, it completely transformed. Now, it looked shabby and inadequate, with a large dark stain on the lapel. "It's sort of a reverse glamour spell," she explained. It will keep you just as warm as before, but nobody would want to take it."

He laughed softly. "I thought you said it wasn't romantic."

"A coat could never romantic, Remus."

"It could if someone put as much thought into it as you did." He reached out to touch her cheek. "I know it seems like I did not put a lot of thought into your gift, but once you read it, I'm sure you'll find…I wanted to know that you had something to laugh about, and there are references to Jane Austen, who I know you like. At any rate, I did not have much time or opportunity to shop for you. If you only knew…I mean, I spent so much of my time with Julie talking about you."

With a wry laugh, she said, "I'm sure you did."

"You have nothing to worry about, Dora."

"I have _a lot_ to worry about, Moony."

He reached out to embrace her again, leaning down to brush his lips over hers. With a shiver, and a small sigh, she deepened the kiss, but then pulled away, looking at him with eyes full of regret.

"I can't…It hurts too much, Remus. I love you. I doubt if I'll ever stop loving you. I just…" She crossed her arms tightly, and tucked her legs under her body.

After a moment, she continued. "Come back. When you're done with this, come back, and we'll see. I'm tired of being something that you regret. I deserve…" She waved her hand into the air. "I shouldn't be your dirty little secret, Remus. I know that you love me. I am more sure of it than I am of nearly anything. I don't see anything wrong with our being together. But you do, and until I can convince you that we have nothing to hide, well…I don't want to settle for your crumbs any more."

"Nymphadora…" He had so much that he wanted to say, but he didn't see how any of it could help the situation. He knew it was his own fault, after all.

"Be safe, Remus. Come back. You're needed."

"I wish…I'll miss you. Be safe."

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Tonks wondered if it were possible to be more uncomfortable. She was lying nearly naked on a table in the same room as her mother. Her mother was in the same position, however, and she seemed to be quite content. Not only that, she seemed to think that this ought to be an enjoyable experience for her daughter. The stated purpose of this ordeal was a deep tissue massage, which sounded nice in theory, but in fact, the only person whose hands she wanted on her body was Remus. It didn't help that the person who was torturing her body with such glee was a large Swedish witch with an enormous hairy mole on her chin. Her mother had managed to end up with a Nordic god for a masseuse, of course, and she was flirting outrageously.

Immediately following the massage, she got to look forward to having some sort of smelly potion rubbed vigorously into her skin, and then to be tightly bound by something that resembled Spell-o-tape, and left there to sweat. The whole bizarre process was supposed to make your skin glow, your thighs shrink, and, _oh, yeah_, relax you. Tonks didn't think she would be able to relax much while being forced to practice Occlumency, particularly not while sweating. After the whole thing was done, other tortures awaited. She was going to have her face steamed and picked at, with more smelly potions put on it, including one that froze your face into a grimace for fifteen minutes or so. And more Occlumency, she was sure. Then they were going to teach her about cosmetics and glamour spells, which was, frankly, humiliating at her age. Finally, they were going to start on her hair, and this wasn't the type of place that would agree to dye it pink. And more Occlumency, because her mother was a ruthless, sneaky Slytherin. And this was supposed to be a fun day for her. This was, in fact, her Christmas present.

Two hours later, Tonks was fully clothed and in a much better mood. Her mother was happy, gushing, in fact over the difference in her daughter's appearance. Tonks would never have admitted it out loud, but she did see a slight difference in her skin, and the haircut, while not that drastic of a change from the way she had been wearing it, was an improvement. If they thought, however, that she would apply all these cosmetics on a daily basis, they were sadly mistaken. Although her sympathy for people who could not alter their appearance had increased over the last six months, her distaste for what she perceived as artifice had not lessened very much at all.

But her mother was happy, so she might stop nagging, for a few weeks at least.

The ordeal was not completely done, however. There was a long lunch looming at the end of it all, and, of course, more Occlumency. The inquisition began shortly after salad was served.

"Darling, I can't get over how lovely you look. We should do this more often. I've had such fun."

"Me too, Mum."

"So, how is work?"

"You don't want to know."

"Yes I do, darling, you know I do."

"You've read the papers, haven't you? You know the kinds of things I am dealing with."

"Well, yes, but surely you must get some satisfaction from the fact that you are doing something about it, that you are helping people. And you are primarily guarding the school, so you haven't had to deal with the really gruesome crimes."

"Yes, I have, actually. And I can't feel good about helping people when we haven't actually caught anyone, can I?"

"Well, you're keeping those children safe, and that's very important."

Shortly after this, their entrees were placed in front of them, and Andromeda started up again.

"So, how have you been otherwise, darling? Do you still like your new flat?"

"Oh, yeah, it's great."

"It must be a little lonely up there when all of your old friends are living in London."

"I can get to London in seconds, Mum."

"Well, of course you can, darling, but I have found that when you move, you see a lot less of your loved ones."

"Well, I've been really busy."

"Look how little _we've_ seen of you since you moved..."

"I'm sorry Mum, but with work, and the…er, other job…"

"And I've been so worried about you. I mean, what mother wouldn't, you've just wasted away…"

"Really Mum, I've just been working too much, and it's been sort of depressing…"

"I know that you've had a bad time of it, losing Sirius and Archie in the same summer, but that was months ago and you seem to be getting worse, not better…"

"I'm just tired, Mum."

"And you've been so non-communicative, that I have come to the conclusion that it must be something else." She looked at Tonks with one eyebrow raised, waiting.

"I'm just tired," Tonks repeated.

"Something like…man trouble?"

_Oh, shite, here we go again_. "Mum, really…"

"Or…girl trouble?"

"_Mum_!"

"Man trouble, then."

"I didn't say that!"

"So was it just your average dumping or was it worse? Did someone cheat on you?"

"I'm not going to talk about this."

"Worse than cheating? Did he get hurt, or…" Andromeda's eyes widened. "Nymphadora, was it…_Sirius?"_

"Mother!"

"It was a valid question."

"No, it wasn't," she replied with clenched teeth.

"Not Sirius, then."

"Mummy, please, for the love of magic, please, stop this." She looked at her mother pleadingly, and Andromeda stared back at her, with speculation still in her eyes. The waiter came back to refill their drinks, and they broke their impromptu staring contest.

Tonks began to tuck into her ham and cheese sandwich in earnest, while Andromeda sipped her coffee, lost in thought. Finally she set her cup down, took a deep breath and started on her own grilled halibut and vegetables.

"So, darling, have you got heard any interesting news lately?"

Tonks felt such gratitude for the change in subject that she searched her mind, trying to remember any recent contact she had had with old family friends, but she drew a blank. She had been so desperate for news of Remus, that she had had little patience for other kinds of gossip. There had been no news about him since his depressing visit over Christmas, other than a passing comment the last time that she met with Dumbledore, who mentioned he had successfully returned to the wolves, and had made little progress.

"No, nothing I can think of, Mum."

"Oh! I've been meaning to ask, darling, have you heard anything about how Remus Lupin is doing? I haven't heard anything in months…"

There was no way that Andromeda had picked up the idea of Remus at random. Tonks had let her guard down in her worry over Remus and left her mind open. Furiously, she said, "Mum, you promised!"

"What did I promise, Nymphadora?"

"Not to…" She realized, by the genuine confusion on her mother's face, that this had nothing to do with Legilimency. But Tonks was not about to confess that she thought that her mother had looked into her mind and found Remus there. Andromeda was no fool. Tonks' childhood had forced her to become quite an expert on hasty excuses and distractions, so she said, "Not to try and set me up with anyone."

"Set you up? When did I promise…With _Remus Lupin_? I'm not trying to set you up with Remus! Wherever did you get that idea?"

"Everybody else is," she grumbled, and it _was_ true, in a way. Molly _was_ trying to help and Sirius had tried, and even Mad-eye had been helpful.

Andromeda snorted. "Well, they obviously don't know you very well. I could come up with _twenty _more suitable…He's not your type at all! I mean he's lovely, really, but…And you're not his type, either, I'm sure."

Anxious to move past her mother's disquieting observations about she and Remus' incompatibility, Tonks tried to digress further. "Tell me about it, it's annoying, really! I mean I'm perfectly capable of finding a bloke on my own. I work with dozens of men, with _both_ my jobs, and now I see all of the people who visit Hogsmeade, and a whole school full of lovely young men just on the verge of seventeen…"

"_Nymphadora!"_

"Just joking, Mum!" Certain that the subject of Remus had been sufficiently dismissed, Nymphadora could not resist one last jab. "Anyway, you know I've just been waiting around so I could seduce 'The Boy who Lived'. He'll be seventeen in six months, and I've been ticking the days off my calendar." She grinned wickedly, and Andromeda burst out laughing.

The meal continued pleasantly, and Tonks finally began to relax and enjoy her mother's company. Just as Andromeda finished signing the bill, however, she said, "So you never did answer my question. _Have_ you heard anything about Remus? I have been quite worried about him."

"Oh, right. I heard he was fine as of the beginning of January. You really should talk to Molly, though. He stayed at their house over Christmas."

"I'll do that, thanks. She promised me that we could swap a few recipes, so I've been meaning to visit her, anyway."

Tonks began to mentally congratulate herself on her expert handling of her mother as they left the restaurant. Andromeda tried to talk her into some shopping, but Tonks did not think she could handle having her wardrobe made over on the same day that her head and body had been. They embraced their good byes in front of the restaurant.

Just as she turned away, Andromeda said, "Oh, darling, I meant to ask, earlier; _did_ I ever promise not to set you up with anyone?"

"Didn't you?"

"Why on earth would any mother have promised her daughter not to try to meddle in her love life? It's one of our greatest pleasures, after all. And _necessary, _if she ever hopes to have grandchildren."

"I guess it was just wishful thinking, then, Mum."

Andromeda's shrewd look and raised eyebrow told her daughter that she was not buying it for a minute.

"Bye, Mum. Thanks for everything. I love you."

"I love you too, darling."

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Remus had not had any trouble adopting a defeated attitude when he rejoined his pack. Many others had left temporarily, attempting to reconnect with their family members, and most had returned with the same profound sadness that Remus carried with him. They had been taunted mercilessly by the other wolves for clinging to their old lives, and Remus knew that the odds of their repeating the ordeal would lessen with each passing year, until they were firmly and irrevocably entrenched in their new 'family.' It made his task even more difficult. He kept trying, though, and began to sense a weakening in the resolve of a few of those on the outskirts, who had not had the stomach to witness some of the savagery that took place on a regular basis. Then, on the second full moon of the New Year, something unexpected happened. One of Greyback's most trusted betas began to lose faith in his master. In an irrational display of anger, Fenrir had deliberately and brutally murdered the sister of the beta in question, bringing her body back with him as a lesson to all those who would challenge him. The werewolf had done a marvelous job of controlling his anger, showing Greyback the submissive obedience that he had required. But Lupin, by using Legilimency, had been able to witness the man's loyalty draining away. He then made a couple of very subtle approaches, and came away with reason to remain hopeful.

His friendship with the Muggle werewolf, Julie, continued to deepen. She had been one of the many who had spent the holidays with her family, and it had not gone well. He, in a moment of weakness, admitted that things had not gone well with Tonks, and that their future together seemed questionable. He had never been able to properly explain his present situation to her, because he could not reveal his assignment. She was under the impression that Tonks was simply a former girlfriend whom he had left behind when he had decided to join the wolves.

One night, in February, while he slept fitfully in a quiet corner of a large cave, he dreamed of Nymphadora. This was nothing unusual in itself, but the dream was much more vivid than normal. He could have sworn that he felt her hands on him, and the warmth of her body seemed impossibly real. Finally it occurred to him that there was something wrong. Something didn't fit, didn't feel right…_didn't smell right_. This wasn't Nymphadora, but the hands were very real, sliding up and down his body, fluttering over his fly, tracing the length of him. His eyes opened and he turned over. Julie nuzzled his neck, murmuring his name. He sat up abruptly.

"Julie?"

"Mmm." She reached up to run her hands over his chest, where his heart was pounding erratically.

"What are you…"

"I want you, Remus."

"I can't…"

"Kiss me." She rose into a sitting position and slid her arms around his neck, pulling his head toward her mouth.

He disentangled her arms. "Julie, no. I really can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm…not…available."

"That girl, the one you talked about?

"Yes, her."

"But you _left_ her. You're _here_ now."

"That doesn't mean I've gotten over it."

Her eyes started to fill with tears, and she turned away, muttering, "No, I reckon I would have a hard time living up to a _shape-shifter_, wouldn't I?"

"It's not that, Julie," He reached out to touch her face, meaning to comfort her, but it made her angry.

In a low, bitter voice, she said, "You know you're just fooling yourself Remus. You're _never_ going to be able to go back. This is all there is. _This_ is your life. There's nothing left back there, and I'm here; I'm falling in love with you. We could be good together; we're the _same._ We could make a life, here, or we could leave together, somewhere where nobody knows what we are.

"I have to stay here Julie. I have to stay for a while; there is something important that I have to do, but then I will go. And when I go, I will go back to Tonks. You don't have to stay here. You could have a different life. There are people that can help you, people like me. I can take you with me, but not to be together. I'm sorry if I misled you."

"You didn't. I reckon I misled myself. When are you going to go?"

"I don't know. But I will talk to you first, Julie. I won't leave you here alone."

With a sad smile she slipped away into the night, and Remus lay back against his conjured mattress, missing her warmth. His already overstuffed conscience took on a few more helpings of guilt and regret.

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_Damn it, this book _is_ funny. In fact it's bloody brilliant._ Tonks was about halfway through Remus' Christmas gift. She had ignored it out of principle for over a month, but she had had trouble sleeping the night before and picked it up out of desperation. Tonight she found herself rushing home from work in anticipation of finishing it. She set it down on the couch, marking her place with a blank piece of parchment she had found in the back, and got up to pour another glass of wine. The heroine was a bit of a drinker, and Tonks found that reading it with a slight buzz made it even funnier. She was sorely tempted to take up smoking, just to see what all the fuss was about.

Wine in hand, she wrapped herself in Molly's afghan and picked up the book again. She saved Remus' quilt for really desperate occasions. It was too easy to rely on it for comfort, but in the end, it always made her sad when she had to take it off. Molly's afghan was equally comforting, beautiful to look at, and woven with love. Molly had also sent a beautiful rainbow-colored hat and scarf, with a very sweet note saying that the yarn had brought Tonks to mind when she came across it last summer. Putting them on always cheered her up, in addition to bringing color to her cheeks.

She turned to a new chapter. Remus had insisted that the main character didn't remind him of her, but she did find more than a few parallels. The heroine tended to fall on her face verbally rather than physically, but the embarrassment that she suffered was amusingly familiar.

As the wine began to blur her vision, she used the folded piece of parchment to underline the sentence she was reading. It was actually odd, when she thought of it, that Remus had forgotten about this piece of parchment. She didn't imagine that parchment was easy to come by where he was. A Patronus message would have been difficult to manage in secret, so he ought to have treated this piece of parchment with a little more care. She wondered if he had ever had to transfigure other objects into parchment in order to send messages to the Order.

After reading a few more lines, her curiosity overcame her interest in the book. She picked up her wand and waved it over the parchment, uttering the spell that would reveal a transfigured object. Nothing happened. With a sigh, and another drink of wine, she continued reading. Eventually, her eyes became too droopy to continue with her book, so she marked its place, set it down, and got ready for bed. Tonight she was feeling particularly vulnerable, so she wrapped herself up in the quilt just before she laid her head on the pillow. A few minutes later, she had drifted off.

Her bladder woke her up at about three in the morning, and after relieving it, she padded over to the kitchen to get a glass of water. On the way back to her room, she noticed the book sitting on her end table, and something that she had just dreamed about clicked into place.

With trembling hands, she opened the book and removed the piece of parchment.

_John,_ she thought, and by the light of the waxing moon, she saw words begin to take shape on the parchment, with her name standing out on the very top.

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_**A/N: I hope I caught your attention there! **_

_**As I mentioned before, I had the plot of this chapter planned out in my head weeks ago, but it ended up taking a few side trips along the way. I went away to Mexico since my last posting, and had no access to computers, and brilliant ideas about this chapter keptbattering my brain. (You would think that gorgeous scenery, heavenly food, romance, and pina coladas would have pushed the Harry Potterverse out of my head, but it didn't happen) I didn't even bring a notebook to write them all down, butI think I remembered them well enough.**_

_**Please, let me know what you think, and thanks for sticking with such a slow updater. **_


	16. May True Be the Hearts that Lo

**Chapter Sixteen **

**May True Be the Hearts that Love You.  
**

_Dear Nymphadora, _

_I am writing this letter purely for selfish reasons. Today I came closer to being murdered than I have in many years, and I suspect that I may have actually killed someone myself. Life is cheap, here, so I do not think there will be any recriminations for my actions, but I find myself thinking of you, and all the things that I have never told you. If I do not survive this assignment, and if you are clever enough to figure out that this is not simply a blank piece of parchment, I will have accomplished my purpose in writing it. It might give you some comfort to discover that my feelings for you, in spite of all of my attempts to suppress them, refused to be ignored. Much of what I am about to say, I wish I had taken the time to say that morning at Grimmauld Place, before I allowed my conscience to get the better of me._

_One of my greatest regrets is that, in my earnest desire to spare you the pain and indignity that a life with me would bring, I have made you question your own desirability. Nymphadora let there be no mistake: I have wanted you almost from the moment I set eyes on you. _

_It was bit disconcerting to realize that the astonishingly lovely young woman with magenta hair who walked into that dull Order meeting two summers ago was the sweet, funny, and intelligent child that I had met years before. After spending a few hours in your company, I found it nearly impossible stop thinking about you. _

_I have never been the kind of person who was capable of lighting up a room. I have never sought out that kind of charisma, for obvious reasons. I was content to be known as kind-hearted, a good listener, sometimes even wryly amusing. Truly, I was like a tired old moth to your flame. I was fascinated by your vitality, and the way that you managed to put nearly everyone at ease. You found humor in everything, and saw the best in people even while recognizing their flaws. In other words, you were everything that I will never be. You reminded me of another beautiful, magnetic woman, and she was; like you, completely out of my reach, though we eventually became good friends. _

_I carried on, working with you, occasionally enjoying the rare gift of your undivided attention, hiding my feelings, as I had become so accustomed to doing, even from myself. It could have gone on like that for years. It never even occurred to me that you could have been persuaded to love me. I would have never even thought to attempt it. It was all a pleasant fantasy, a daydream, something to think of when I felt low. _

_You have always been so strong and independent that witnessing your grief that night came as a shock. Sirius' death and your injury had already unbalanced me. I knew how it felt to put on a brave face in order to hide your pain, and I also had experience with the solitary hell of attempting to master it on your own, and I realized that I could be of use to you. I would never have considered touching you or kissing you, but holding you was more than I could have ever hoped for, and it seemed to be what you needed. _

_Pity never entered into my mind. I hoped to comfort you, certainly, but I knew that I would receive more than that in return. And then, I was given a priceless gift: the fulfillment my deepest desires on the night when I felt I had lost nearly everything. The next day it seemed that my life had taken a turn for the better. I had hope again, for the first time in years. _

_But the darkness isn't that easy to ignore. I carry it with me; it is part of me. I admit that at first I underestimated you. I thought that at your age you could have no concept of the reality of my life. I thought that perhaps, having found yourself in bed with a werewolf, you decided that this was a grand adventure that might be fun to experience to the fullest. You would take me on in the manner of one of those 'causes,' which so many young women embrace passionately and then grow out of._

_Your feelings are real. I know that now, and I apologize for having ever doubted them. My feelings are equally real, and more complex, I think. It is love for you, deep and abiding, that forces me to hurt you over and over again, to my profound regret. It is the sort of love that makes you willing to sacrifice your own happiness for the well being and eventual happiness of another. The love that you have shown me is by all indications, the same kind of love. You appear to be more than willing to sacrifice your safety and comfort in order to be with me. It is a tempting offer, but one that I feel I would be criminally selfish to accept._

_Months ago, if you will recall, I teased you, saying that you were 'no Cinderella.' It is true, you are not the kind of heroine that would sit around waiting for her prince to come and get her, shoe in hand. You are more like Elizabeth Bennett. But, clearly, nobody would ever confuse me with Mr. Darcy. I suppose the best I could hope for is Edward Rochester, or even Edward Ferrars, or Colonel Brandon, (without the money) none of whom would ever have made Elizabeth Bennett happy._

_The point that I am trying to make is that the lack is in me, not in you, never in you. You deserve better than me and my shabby treatment of you; you deserve more than my shabby life. _

_To have been loved by you was an honor, and my loving you in return was inevitable. _

_Remus_

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Andromeda Tonks lay her head against the familiar barrel chest of her husband, soothed by his heartbeat. His right arm held her close and his left hand rested on his favorite spot on her hip.

"Ted…"

"Yes, love?"

"I have been thinking…"

He chuckled softly. "Of course you have."

"About Nymphadora."

That got his attention. He reached over and, with a flick of his wand, increased the flame of the candle burning on the nightstand. "What is it?"

"Well, actually, it is about children and parents in general, and how they tend to make you re-think your expectations."

"Have you two been fighting again?"

"No, that's not it at all, Ted. What I mean is that…" She propped herself up and looked directly into his eyes. "Well, I want you to think about what you imagined when you found out I was pregnant."

"Okay, then, I remember."

She smiled warmly at the sentimentality of his expression. "I'll wager that you imagined throwing a quaffle around with a little boy; the spitting image of you, but with my dark hair."

"Well, not exactly, but…"

"And I pictured _at least_ four children, two boys and two girls, to make up for the family that I didn't have."

"Oh, Andie…"

"Don't apologize, Ted, I am not trying to make you sad, just to make a point. Anyway, when I found out that she was a girl, what did I go and do?"

He let out a great bark of laughter. "You turned the bloody nursery into a giant pink meringue."

She rolled her eyes, trying to suppress a smile. "Yes, exactly. Clearly, I imagined a little girl who I would have tea parties with, dressing her in pink and bows and telling her fairy stories. What did I get instead? A tree-climbing, Quidditch-playing, scabby-kneed little girl who used her doll's shaved heads as Bludgers."

"But Andie…"

"I am not criticizing out daughter, Teddy. I love her and am very proud of her _just as she is_. That doesn't mean that I didn't have to suppress urges to try to turn her into the daughter of my imaginings. I could never blame her for it, because they were _my_ imaginings, not hers. And, let us be frank, you have had to do the same thing too, even though she probably was more of the child that you pictured than the one I did."

"A tomboy, you mean."

"Yes, well, I imagine that it gave you some pause when you found out she had chosen such a dangerous career. I'm sure you pictured her doing something worthwhile, of course, but you wished that you could feel safer about her."

Taken aback, he insisted, "I'm _proud_ that she is an Auror. Impressed, too."

"Yes, of course you are, darling. We both are. But I am sure that it took some adjustment in your thinking."

His eyes narrowed. "Yes, it did, but not as much as this new business, the _really dangerous_ one, which she managed to rope you into, also…"

"Ted, I had to nag her silly in order for her to put me in contact with anyone. She didn't talk me into anything."

"Still…"

With an exasperated sigh, Andromeda continued. "The point I am making now is that we are about to enter into a time of big changes, and I think that it is important to make sure that we are prepared for them."

"You mean the war?"

Andromeda slid over to the side of the mattress, picking up her nightgown from the floor. While she slipped it on, she said, "Not exactly, although that may be a factor. Ted, she's grown up a lot, recently, particularly in the last six months. One of these days she's going to bring somebody special home to meet us."

"Well, you've been wanting _that_ for years, and I think I'm ready for it. I know she's not a little girl anymore."

"But are you prepared to drop any expectations you may have about her future husband?" She sat up, cross-legged, looking at him pointedly.

"I don't have any expectations."

"Of course you do, darling, don't be silly. You want someone who is worthy of her, don't you? Somebody that will treat her well, and make her happy."

"And is there something wrong with that?

"Not at all, Ted. I just want you to remember that _my parents_ wanted the same things for me."

His face grew flushed, and there was resentment in his eyes. "Now Andie, that's not fair. Your parents were…"

"Fanatics? Snobs? Nutters?" She laughed wryly and reached out to pat his hand. "All of the above, darling, and more, but they _were_ doing what they thought was best for me."

His mouth was set in an irritated line. "I can't believe you are defending them after how they treated you."

"I was more angry with their treatment of you, darling. And because of their stubborn closed-mindedness, they lost a daughter, and a granddaughter, and a chance to get to know a truly wonderful son-in law." She leant over to kiss him, cupping his face in her hands.

"Well, good riddance, I say." He muttered, averting his eyes.

"And I hope you remember that feeling when Nymphadora tells us she's fallen in love."

He met her eyes again, with an indignant expression. "I would never behave that way, Andie. Have you ever known me to be judgmental?"

"No, but when it comes to your daughter, you might hold your standards up higher than normal."

"How bad could it be? I mean as long as he's decent, and I feel like I can trust him, I'll keep an open mind."

"What if you felt, for example, that he was dangerous to her?"

"Dangerous?"

"What if he were a person with a criminal record?"

He shook his head, replying in a firm tone, "Dora wouldn't choose someone like that, she's an Auror."

"Ted, my cousin was a convicted mass-murderer, although we both know that he was, in reality a very good person, a _hero_ even! Why, _Albus Dumbledore_ was known as a criminal only just last year!"

"I see your point, love, In this day and age, with the Ministry that we have right now, 'criminal' is sort of a relative term, isn't it?"

She nodded, sagely, and he asked, "Andie, _has_ she been dating a criminal; is that what this is about?"

"I am just trying to prepare you for the worst, darling. Let me give you another example. What if she brought home someone who was a good person, who she loved dearly, but who, by making a life with our daughter, would subject her to prejudice and hatred?"

"Like what I did to _you,_ you mean." There was bitterness in his voice.

"No, darling, I've never cared what pureblood fanatics think of me! But what if she chose someone unconventional? For example what if her future husband was in fact…a _wife_?"

His ruddy face grew pale. After a very long pause he said, hesitantly, "I guess…I would have to …Do you really think that's possible, Andie?"

"Well, it's certainly something in the realm of possibility; although I'm fairly certain that it _isn't_ true. But I did consider it. I mean _really, _Ted: short, spiky hair, an athlete, working in a male-dominated profession…She fits every stereotype!"

"Oh, Andie…"

"_How would you react, Ted?_ Would you explode first, losing your temper and alienating her, like my parents did?"

"I don't think…" He sighed "I reckon I see what you mean about being prepared… And, I guess it would depend on the person, wouldn't it?"

She smiled, squeezed his hand, and continued. "All right, then, how about this: what if he…or she were poor?"

"'I've been poor, Andie, I remember what it was like. You know I'm no snob. As long as he is willing to work at it, he wouldn't be poor forever."

"What if he was…unemployed?"

"There's plenty of work to be had, isn't there? I mean you couldn't expect me to be happy about a man who is willing to sponge off my daughter."

"But, what if there were extenuating circumstances. What if he were sick, or…"

"Ok, _ok_, Andromeda Black, you great bloody nag! I see your point! I would keep my mouth shut, put a smile on my face and reserve judgement! And offer him a job." He muttered the last part under his breath. At her raised eyebrow, he continued, crossly, "Then, if I find him to be a shifty, good for nothing lay-about, I would slip a little poison into his beer. Or, better yet, frighten him away by taking him out back and beating him into a bloody pulp…."

"_Ted!"_

"I know, Andie! I guess…as long as he loved her, and she loved him…I would have to accept just about anything, wouldn't I?"

"Good." She sat back, with a satisfied smirk on her face.

He narrowed his eyes and teased, "And you would keep your mouth shut, too, would you, my love? But then again, you'll be to busy trying to read his mind to talk much, won't you?"

Her eyebrow went back up. "I've already tried, darling."

He snorted with laughter. Then, suddenly, the meaning of her words hit him and he turned back to her sharply. "What, _exactly_ do you mean by that, woman?"

"I think…I'm not positive, but I've got a very good idea…I'm almost certain…Ted, I think our little girl has fallen in love with a werewolf."

"_A WHAT?" _Crimson suffused his face, and he suddenly seemed to grow larger

"A werewolf, darling. A thoughtful, intelligent, witty, and brave werewolf with lovely manners." She looked at him, imploring him to be calm.

"So you _know_ this man, she's introduced you already?"

"Not even close. She just…let something slip, and it would explain so much of her behavior, and his, too. He was so wary of me, and I just assumed it was because he didn't want me finding out what he is, but I now suspect he was trying to hide his feelings for our daughter."

"You've lost me, Andie. I believe I need you to start all over, and don't skip any details, either, because I am about to seriously lose my temper."

"Well, you see, love…"

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_Oh, god, he's hurt, there's something wrong. I can't take it anymore. I just know there's something wrong._

Tonks watched the parade of seventeen-year-olds make their way into Hogsmeade, clearly nervous and excited. She tried to get her mind off her worry for Remus by remembering her own Apparition test. She had been very lucky to get by the on the first try. She knew that she had left behind one of her eyebrows, but that was one of the rewards of being a Metamorphmagus. She was able to create a new one before anyone had noticed. Anyone but Snape, that is, for he glared at her at her but was kind enough not to say anything.

He had more than made up for whatever uncharacteristic benevolence he had displayed on that day by his snarky comments about her Patronus last fall, though. Only Snape would be arrogant enough to call a _wolf_ weak.

_I can't seem to get wolves off my mind, can I?_ She worried about him after every full moon, of course, but this one seemed to bother her more than others. She had woken up after a mere two hours sleep and opened her paper with trepidation. The story about the little boy that died was bad enough, but then she heard a vague rumor from one of her colleagues about a dead werewolf that had been found early this morning on a rural lane in Derbyshire.

Molly had heard nothing but she had been kind enough to contact Arthur at work for her, and he had heard nothing either. This seemed to be something that only the Auror Corps knew about, but then again, most people were apt to respond with nothing less than satisfied relief if they were told that there was one less werewolf to worry about in England.

Only Dumbledore himself would be able to contact Remus, if anyone could, and the knowledge that he was so nearby while she was forced to stay at her post was almost torturous. She paced in agitation. Finally, at about one, Dawlish came over to give her a short lunch break. With a pounding heart, she raced toward the castle, determined to find the Headmaster and get some answers.

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"Surprise, Darling!"

"Mum! Dad!" What are you doing in Hogsmeade?" She opened her door widely, allowing them to enter her flat.

Andromeda reached over with one arm to pull her close, brushing her carmine lips against Tonks' pale cheek. "We brought you dinner, darling."

"She thinks you need to eat more," Ted, said, kissing his daughter's forehead and giving her a look of apology followed by a great big bear hug. "And I haven't seen you in weeks, so I didn't try too hard to talk her out of it.

"I could use the company," she said, and it was, surprisingly, the truth. Hogwarts had turned out to be a wasted errand that afternoon and she was making herself mad with speculation, sitting at home by herself. She had tried to pick up Remus' book, but couldn't concentrate. She tried to read his letter, but his words sounded a little too much like a suicide note under the circumstances.

As Andromeda strode to the kitchen to fetch china and cutlery, Ted sat his daughter down on the couch, draping an arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and snuggled up against him, as she had done thousands of times before.

"Wotcher, Dora. What's new?"

"I'm working, hard, Dad, that's about it."

"Frustrating, is it? Not being able to find the bad guys?"

"Yeah, Dad. I'm a little discouraged."

"I was thinking about doing a little hike this weekend; taking in a little fresh air and scenery. Are you up for it, Dora? "

"That sounds really nice. Can I let you know tomorrow?"

"Sure thing, love. Or, if you like, we can do it next weekend. I brought you over a little strengthening tonic I've been working on. I want you to start taking it. I even made it mango-flavored."

"You're sweet, Dad."

Andromeda laid out a meal on Tonks' coffee table, expanding the surface in order to accommodate the vast amounts of food she had brought. Tonks pulled out her beanbag chair, motioning to her dad to take it, and pulled up a couple of large, soft, brightly colored pillows for her mother and herself. By the time an hour had passed, Tonks had eaten more than she had in days, and her parents, with their customary banter, had managed to cheer her up considerably.

She got up to start a pot of coffee in the kitchen, leaving her parents to nuzzle each other while sharing a serving of chocolate mousse. Just as she started to measure out the coffee beans, generously in deference to her mother's love of strong coffee, she heard her name called softly to her right.

_Remus._ She spun around to see his head in her fire. With a sharp intake of breath, she knelt down, resisting the urge to pull him into her kitchen and kiss him silly. "Remus!" she said in an urgent whisper. "You're ok! I am so glad to see you. I have been panicked. Someone said they'd found a slain werewolf."

"I have no doubt they did," said Remus, in a hoarse, bitter voice. "And, after last night, there will probably be more."

"What happened? Where are you?"

"Listen, Nymphadora, I don't want you to get into trouble, so let's get off the Floo quickly. I need your help. I am at the house you told me about. I have someone here who is badly hurt, but I can't risk St. Mungos. Do you know where Dumbledore is?"

"I'm sorry, Remus, I went looking for him today, but no one knows where he is."

"Do you have any way of getting Blood Replenishing Potion?"

"My Dad's here. He can get some."

"I don't want your parents to get into trouble."

"I'll be discreet, Remus. I'll manage. I'll be there soon. Is there anything else you need?"

"No, just try to hurry." She started to scramble to her feet.

"Nymphadora," he said, and as she turned back to him, he met her eyes with a look of blazing emotion. "Thanks."

Relief warred internally with dread of the unknown situation facing her. She took a calming breath and walked back into her living room. "Mum, Dad, I have to go. I got called out to an emergency." _There, that was true, anyway._

"What can I do to help, Nymphadora?" Andromeda asked, her eyebrows knit in concern.

"Nothing, Mum, I can handle it. But Dad, I want to go with a few potions in hand. Can I pop by your place and get them?"

Andromeda interrupted. "Why don't we go back to the house and get what you need. Then we can bring it to wherever you are going."

"No, Mum, you can't, you're…It's not safe."

"Oh, for heaven's sake, darling, he was my _partner_. I think that Dumbledore knew what he was doing when he assigned me to him. And now you want to go and rummage through your father's Potions storehouse, having no clue where everything is, and not really understanding what you might need. Plus, you are nowhere near as good as I am at healing spells. So it makes more sense to send your father after the potions and let me come with you."

All of the blood seemed to rush out of her body. "I really wish you wouldn't eavesdrop, Mother."

There was not a trace of apology in her mother's eyes. "Yes, I know, but you would have done the same thing."

"This isn't like what you've been doing, Mum. I can't take you with me. It's too dangerous."

"And yet, you expect your parents to send you off into danger alone."

"It's different for me, Mum, I've already…It's different."

"Nymphadora I will never, for the life of me, understand why you insist on underestimating me! I read the paper! I have a nearly photographic memory. I've known about his 'big secret' from the very beginning, and I have had enough discretion not to mention it to him or to anyone else. I've also guessed that he's been on a dangerous mission all these months, and, based on the day of the month, I have a pretty good idea about what we are facing. Now if Remus or someone else is hurt, I want to help!"

Tonks was torn between admiration and exasperation towards her mother. She glared at her, resentfully, and Andromeda stared back, unwaveringly, one eyebrow raised in a challenge. The uncomfortable silence stretched on for what seemed like hours.

Finally, Ted broke the tension. "Right, then, we'd better get a move on, hadn't we? Blood Replenishing Potion was asked for, I believe. And, perhaps, a wound-repair cream and a bruise-healing paste. Anything else you can think of, Dora?"

She turned to her father, but didn't meet his eyes. "Archie's Balm, Daddy. Remus will probably be sore, even if he's not injured."

"I'll bring that, too, then. I presume that when he mentioned, 'that place you told me about', he was referring to Dad's place?"

"Yeah."

"I'll see you in a bit, then."

As soon as Ted Disapparated, Andromeda turned to her daughter and said, "I'll give you two minutes to prepare him for my arrival. That will be long enough for me to pack up the food and take it along. And, Nymphadora, don't even _think _about warding the place against us.

Tonks was unconsciously grinning when she appeared at the back door of her grandfather's house.

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He looked bad. _Scary _bad. His clothes were torn and stained with blood. It looked as if he hadn't eaten in days. His cheeks were hollow and his eyes were sunken. There were partially healed cuts all over his face, vivid red against his pale skin. Tonks threw her arms around him, and he clung to her as if she were a life preserver.

After a few moments, she said, "Remus, I have to tell you. Mum is going to be here any minute."

"Bloody hell, Nymphadora. I thought I made it clear…" He pulled away and began pacing the floor in agitation.

"I'm sorry Remus! You know how ruthless she is; she eavesdropped! I tried to talk her out of it. But she had a point: she's a much better healer than I am."

"You don't understand. Last night…it was bad. There was a huge fight, and I was in the thick of it. I've brought a…as a matter of fact, I've brought Julie here. She's very badly injured. They…tend to prey on the weak."

"I reckoned it might be her. So, how did the fight start?"

He waved away her question. "Nymphadora, your mother can't get involved. There may be…repercussions, if she helps. I have to get us out of here."

"No one but my immediate family can find you at this house. This is the safest place in the world for you. And besides, you look like you could use a little medical attention, yourself."

"No, I have to..." He ran both his hands though his hair.

With her arms crossed, Tonks raised herself up to her full height and gave him a challenging glare. "Remus Lupin, you are going to stay put. You have to trust people to be _decent _occasionally. My mother is coming to help you because she likes you. She's been worrying about you the entire time you were gone! My father is coming to help…yes, Remus, he _is_ coming, because he has a ready supply of whatever medicines you might need. You trust me, and they raised me, so you are going to have to trust them, too!"

He watched her, eyes narrowed, for a moment, and then his shoulders slumped in defeat. _He must have been exhausted to give in that easily._

"Now, Remus, why don't you kiss me, before my mum arrives and then you can take me to meet Julie."

"I haven't showered…"

"You think I haven't figured that out already? Come over here and kiss me, you smelly old werewolf!"

And he did, with all of the love and longing he'd ever felt for her, until they heard the click of Andromeda's heels on the marble entryway.

**_A/N: See, I am capable of quick updates! I knew that a long wait after a cliffhanger would be unforgivable, and I wrote the letter the day I posted the last chapter. Thisis a strange one, with the senior Tonkses sort of taking over the chapter. I hope that Remus has managed to redeem himself a little to those that were getting annoyed with him. However, based upon Tonks' level of heartache in the HBP, I couldn't let him off easily._**

**_Let me know what you think!_**


	17. A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread—and Thou

**Chapter Seventeen**

** A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread—and Thou**

Remus and Tonks broke apart and made attempts to compose themselves before Andromeda entered the kitchen.

"In here, Mum," Tonks called out, and a few moments later Andromeda entered the kitchen door.

She strode over to Remus, looked him up and down once with her hands on his shoulders, and then pulled him close for a smothering embrace. "I'm so relieved that you're safe. Every day, I open the paper with dread that I will discover something has happened to you."

Remus swallowed a lump in his throat. His voice was hoarser than normal when he finally spoke. "Thank you, Andromeda. It was good of you to come."

"Well, she did try to stop me, but I confess that I am a bit of a bully. Now, Remus; I understand you have an injured person here?"

"Yes, a friend of mine has been attacked. I put her in the library, actually. I am afraid that it took almost all my strength to get her this far, so I thought I'd better leave her downstairs and close at hand. Plus, that room has a really large fireplace, and she was…well, _both_ of us were chilled to the bone." Remus led the Tonks women out of the kitchen, trying not to limp and noted absently that Tonks seemed to be lagging behind. He wondered if it was a sort of a submission to her mother's strong personality, or whether she was anxious about meeting Julie for the first time. Surely she could not have lingering doubts about his involvement with Julie after those kisses in the kitchen?

At the door to the library, Remus stopped Andromeda. "Before you take a look at her, though, I feel I should warn you. She is a Muggle, so diagnosis may be much more difficult than normal. And, she is a …well, a werewolf, so her body may react differently to treatment than a normal person. Also, her injuries were, for the most part, caused by other werewolves, so they have to be treated accordingly. You may also feel that you want to, er… take precautions against exposure to her blood."

"Precautions?" Her eyes widened in confusion and then flashed in indignation. "Oh, Remus, that's a load of rubbish! Nobody has _ever_ been infected by contact with werewolf blood. It's a myth; an old wives tale."

"Still, you needed to know. And for the record, Andromeda, I might as well tell you that…" He met her eyes deliberately. "I am a werewolf, too."

The corners of her mouth twitched. "Of course you are, Remus, dear. Now let's take a look at your friend."

At the first sight of Julie's battered body, Andromeda cried out and rushed forward, kneeling beside the conjured mattress. Her wand was out and waving over the young woman in an instant. Neither Remus nor Tonks, who hesitated near the doorway, said a word as Andromeda worked.

Finally, Andromeda turned back to Remus. "The internal damage is minimal, I think, but there is a serious infection, and she has a dangerously high fever. Nymphadora, darling, send a message to your father to bring a potion for the fever."

"No need, Andie, love; I've got it," said a cheerful voice as Ted Tonks walked into the room, carrying a large purple leather case. He met Remus' eyes briefly and gave him a small smile and a nod of acknowledgement. He then strode over to his wife, opening the case and taking out an array of bottles in his search for the one she requested. After handing it to her, he turned around and walked to back Remus, his hand outstretched. "Don't believe we've been introduced. Ted Tonks, how d'you do?"

His handshake was firm to the point of discomfort but Remus determinedly met it with equal strength. "Remus Lupin; I'm glad to finally meet you. I've heard so many good things about you. Thank you very much for coming."

Remus wished fervently that he had taken the time for a shower before Nymphadora had arrived. He was certainly making a dreadful first impression. _It's not as if he'll ever be your father-in-law, will he? This will probably be the first and last time you meet, anyway. _"I also appreciate you and your family letting me use this house for the night. I would never have presumed, but it was an emergency…"

Ted interrupted him with a wave of his hand. "No need for gratitude, mate. It's Dora's house to do with as she pleases. Now… my wife looks like she has things well in hand. Why don't we get some hot food in you, and Dora can find you something more comfortable to wear, and then we can take a look at the scratches on your face."

Momentarily speechless, Remus stared at Ted, perilously close to tears.

Tonks rescued him. "I think he wants a hot bath more than anything else in the world right now, Dad. I'm going to show him where it is."

Remus protested, "I think I can find it on my own…"

"Show him to Dad's whirlpool bath, Dora. And we never did give away all of Dad's pajamas, did we? They should still be in his closet. Why don't you get some for the young lady, too? They'll both swim in them, but at least they'll be warm."

Tonks, after a kiss on her father's cheek, led Remus by the elbow out of the room and down a long hallway. She explained, "Granddad lived downstairs. I'll wager you never got this far in your explorations. He couldn't manage all those stairs, so he never even set foot into the rest of the house for years."

Remus felt as if he was being guided on a tour. "Good lord, Nymphadora, when you said you had a 'place I could use,' I never expected _this._ Why didn't you ever tell me you had a place like this?"

She grinned. "Well, I _didn't_ until recently."

"You know what I mean."

"I told you my grandfather had a bit of money."

"A bit, yeah." He looked at her pointedly.

"Well, this place isn't _that_ big. We're not talking Pemberley, are we?"

"It's big enough! So, why don't you live here, if it's yours?"

"I like my flat better. Living here would be lonely. Besides, the flat is more…mine, because I pay for it with money I've earned, and I decorated it myself, and I chose the location. This place," she waved her hands in a grand gesture. "… is all about my grandmother's choices, not mine, and besides, Granddad _died_ here. It's depressing."

They finally reached the door to her grandfather's suite of rooms. Remus stepped back in shock. Though the rooms themselves were large and beautifully built, the décor would not have been out of place in Moody's house. It screamed 1955, and not in a good way.

Tonks giggled. "Tacky, isn't it? I _do_ love this room. It's Archie in a nutshell. The bathroom is gorgeous, though.

She led him to an enormous, pale green marble bathroom with a large sunken tub. "Room enough for two in there, eh Remus?" she said with a lecherous grin.

"Not a bloody chance, Nymphadora. You go and run on back to Mummy and Daddy before they come after me with shotguns and wands blazing." He gave her a pointed look.

"Oh, come on, they _like_ you!"

"They are making an effort to be nice to me, I'll grant you. But your mother is determined, I think, to prove to me that she is open-minded and beneficent, and your father, pleasant as he is, has _no idea_ what I am. That is a far cry from giving me the go ahead to lay my filthy werewolf paws on their precious baby."

She stopped just short of stamping her foot in frustration. "Oh, Remus, when will you stop being sosuspicious of people? For your information, Dad _does_ know what you are, and Mum has _always_ known, so you might want to consider her _previous_ treatment of you before you start judging her."

"But, do they have any idea that we have been…together?" He met her challenging expression with narrowed eyes.

"No, I don't think so."

He let out a breath that he had not been aware of holding, "Good. Let's keep it that way. This is a bad situation, and I don't think this is the time or place to test their patience."

She sighed in resignation. "Well, then, I guess I will leave you to your solitary bath. I'll lay out some clean clothes and towels for you."

"Nymphadora, I hope I don't sound like I'm…Well anyway, you and your parents really are unimaginably kind and generous. Thank you, for everything."

"Remus, stop being so goddamn…obsequious. We _all _owe you a lot for what you have been doing the last couple of months. The whole bloody country does. You have nothing to apologise for, and you _deserve_ to be pampered a little bit right now. So, you enjoy your bath, and I will go back up to my parents and enjoy the mental image of you, starkers, surrounded by bubbles."

"You're going to be the death of me, Nymphadora."

She grinned over her shoulder at him while she disappeared through the bathroom door. "I love you, Remus."

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Tonks wandered back to the library, entering the door just as her mother appeared to be wrapping things up with the patient. She finally permitted herself to take a good look at phantom woman who had haunted her imagination for the last few months. It was hard to determine what Julie really looked like because she was so swollen and battered, but the golden hair was unmistakable, and the delicate features were easy to imagine in their uninjured state. _She just _had_ to be pretty, didn't she?_

Andromeda looked over her shoulder. "Oh, hello darling."

"How is she, Mum?"

"Very badly hurt, I'm afraid. We must continue to replenish her blood. And her body has to get the better of this nasty infection. Muggles are harder to treat, because we cannot use their internal magic to aid in healing. But, I am hopeful. Where did Ted and Remus go?"

"Daddy is in the kitchen, and Remus is having a bath."

"Good, I want to take a look at his injuries once he's done. Those cuts on his face looked dreadful, and I imagine that they are not limited to his face. Did you notice how badly he was limping?"

"Well, I understand that he's always weak and sore after the full moon. Usually, he locks himself in a room and sleeps all day. For him to have traveled as far as he apparently did, and carrying someone else…I think he must be knackered."

"So we'll apply some of that…Archie's balm and then, while he's sleeping, heal his injuries. After that, he can rest for the next day or so; and the three of us can watch over the two of them in shifts.

"Actually, I was planning to take the day off tomorrow…"

"Don't be silly, dear, why should you skip work when I don't have a job to go to?"

"But I _want_ to, Mum. He was there for me when I needed help…"

"And you can still be here for him, in a roundabout way, but your work is far too _important_ to skive off."

Tonks took a deep calming breath and said, "Let's just wait and see what their situation is like tomorrow."

"That's fine, darling. I think I'm done here for a while, I am going to join your father in the kitchen. Oh, and Nymphadora…You may want to clean up that jumper a bit before your father takes a really good look at it. In fact, why not do a cleansing spell on your whole person? I hate to mention it, but you smell…well, a little too much like Remus did." She eyed her daughter shrewdly, then kissed the top of her head. "Now, I'm going to go and fix him something hot to eat, and then I could really use a gin and tonic."

After she left, Tonks let out a sigh at her mother's annoying perceptiveness. After grudgingly following her suggestions, she approached Julie's makeshift bed. "He could have made a more comfortable mattress for you, Julie. Let's see if I can't make it a bit better." And with as much gentleness as she could manage, she transfigured Remus' sad little mattress into a feather bed.

"That's the ticket, I think. I brought you some pajamas, too, but I think we'd better clean you up some before I put them on you. You don't want to wake up all smelly and gross on top of feeling scared and disoriented, do you?"

Tonks carefully cleansed the injured woman with a series of spells, taking extra time to thoroughly cleanse her hair, which really was quite lovely, once clean. "Now you may want to watch carefully; this is a tricky little spell that comes in handy at work. You see, Julie, sometimes I have to render someone unconscious, and then, er…'borrow' their identity. This way, I can switch clothes with them without having to lift them up and physically remove their clothing. I'm not going to exchange clothing with you, though; I'm just going to change you into these comfy flannel jammies. They've got pictures of the Queen all over them, I hope you don't mind. They're much more dignified than the ones with pin-up girls I found for Remus. I can't wait to see his face. Looks like you'd never fit into my togs, anyway, even if you wanted to. You've got those lovely long legs that my mother neglected to pass on down to me. Oh, and quite a rack, too. I'll try very hard not to hold it against you."

Once Julie had been properly dressed and her ragged clothes had been thrown into the fire, Tonks did a quick check of her patient's vital signs, then left to join her parents in the kitchen.

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"Ted, my love, I am so very proud of you. You were more than civil, you were positively _friendly._" Andromeda embraced her husband enthusiastically.

He grumbled, "Yeah, well, after twenty-eight years of marriage you did manage to drill _some_ manners into me after all."

"That wasn't just manners, Ted, that was…well, at any rate, I'm proud of you!"

"Well, I am forced to admit, though he doesn't look like _much,_ there's one good thing I can say for him: He put the life back in my Dora's eyes. She hasn't had that kind of sparkle very long time."

Andromeda beamed. "You noticed it, too? And I only gave them ten minutes alone together…"

"Andie, my dear, I'd really prefer to be under the impression that she is just happy to see him again. Let's not assume they got up to anything while they were alone."

Her voice dripping with sarcasm, Andromeda said, "Oh, because your little girl would never even _consider _snogging a boyfriend that she hasn't seen in months…" She broke off her teasing comment as his face reddened in anger, changing tactics. "Well, I must say, I couldn't believe it when you actually _suggested_ that they go off alone together."

Ted muttered, "It was her idea originally, I only interfered when he demurred. And if she hadn't been back in five minutes I would have gone in there with Dad's Winchester."

"You wouldn't hut a fly, my love."

"Ha! You don't know me half as well as you think you do."

She looked at him with a gleefully wicked expression. "What are you going to do when it comes time to apply that balm to him? Are you going to let Nymphadora do it, or will you insist on doing it yourself?"

Ted visibly blanched. "Oh, Christ…I'm going to have to think about _that_ one."

She continued, in a cheerful tone, "Isn't that the one that makes the patient go into sort of a healing trance within minutes? At least then you would know that Remus is incapable of misbehavior. Of course, that would leave our little girl completely free to take advantage of _him_. Perhaps _I_ ought to do it…" Andromeda tried to stifle a devilish smile.

"Hell no! Weren't you the one, just a few weeks ago, telling me how--what was the word—oh, yeah; _'dishy'_ you found him?" Ted gave his wife a completely unconvincing glare.

"I merely said that I could understand what our daughter saw in…" But Ted cut her off with a kiss, and then another, and that was how their daughter found them, a few minutes later.

"Oh, for crying out loud, will you two _get a room_ already?" She strode to the counter, where her father, after releasing his wife with a lecherous grin, began to make his daughter an Irish coffee.

Lupin entered the kitchen a few minutes later, clearly exhausted, but with a broad smile on his face.

"Feel better, Remus?" asked Andromeda, walking over to place a hand on his shoulder.

"Much, better thank you. I think I am about ready to get some sleep, but I will confess that a delicious scent drew me back here."

"Well, it's all for you, Remus. I'm afraid it's just leftovers from dinner, but there's plenty to be had." She pulled up a seat for Remus, who sat down and after a slight hesitation, began to eat enthusiastically. The three Tonkses pulled up chairs and surrounded him, not partaking in the food but enjoying their various cocktails.

"How is Julie?" Remus asked in between bites.

Andromeda answered. "Getting a little better, I think."

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate…"

Tonks interrupted him. "Remus, stop…"

With a mock glare at Tonks, he turned back to her mother. "I am actually very impressed, Andromeda. You were so…professional. I could almost have imagined I was watching Poppy Pomfrey at work."

"She meant to become a Healer," said Ted.

"She went to St. Mungos Academy and everything," added Tonks.

Andromeda explained, "I had a notion that I might be able to undo some of the damage that my eldest sister and her friends were doing. I was only a year away from finishing when I quit."

"Why didn't you finish?" asked Remus.

"That would be _my_ fault," interrupted Tonks. She continued, in an sheepish tone, "You know me; always stumbling in at the worst possible time."

"Now that is _not true_, Nymphadora! I always planned to have children, so I did not quit purely because you were born." Andromeda turned to Remus. "Not only was her conception a bit of a surprise, but she decided to arrive well over two months early. Both of us spent some time in the neo-natal ward; she was stuck there for nearly three months. Of course, I had always _planned_ to go back to the Academy, but I just kept getting distracted. And then, I ended up helping Ted to get his business started, so that pushed it off even longer. Finally it just seemed pointless to go back."

Ted reached out to pat her hand, and she glanced over at him, squeezing his hand in return. She continued, "But in the end, I've come to the realization that the potions that our company has manufactured will actually help more people than I _ever_ could have as a Healer. Besides, there were a couple of horrible instances where my patients were actually _victims_ of my sister. Let's just say they did not react well to seeing _this _face hovering over them while they recovered. And to be quite honest, some of the other Healers were more than a little suspicious of me for a similar reason."

Ted interrupted, "No, Andie, love. I keep telling you; they were peevish because they could see quite clearly how brilliant and ambitious you were. You, my beautiful Slytherin, would have been Healer-In-Charge of the whole ruddy hospital by the time you were thirty, mark my words." He gave his wife a besotted smile, then turned back to Remus. "Her knowledge and skills were more than a blessing for me, anyway. I don't think Dad would have lasted as long as he did without her help."

Remus beamed at both of them. "Well, you've certainly made me glad that I chose to call on Nymphadora rather than Molly for help. I've seen your daughter perform some pretty amazing healing while in the midst of a fight, but we've all gotten into the habit of going to Molly for our injuries, if Poppy is not available."

"More potatoes, Remus?" Andromeda asked.

"Yes, please."

Ted, after draining his glass, said, "I'll bet you're about ready for a stiff drink, eh, Remus?"

"To be honest, sir, something like that Irish coffee you made for your daughter would be like nectar of the gods to me right about now."

As Ted arose to fix Remus his drink, Andromeda warned, "Not too much coffee, Remus; you need to sleep."

"I doubt if all the coffee in the world would keep me from dropping off tonight." Anxious to distract himself from contemplation of sleeping arrangements, he purposely avoided Nymphadora's eyes. Therefore, he was startled by her ensuing outburst.

"Oi! Remus, those aren't the pajamas I set out for you!" Tonks' voice had an accusatory note in it.

With a grin, he replied, "Indeed they are not. You are very observant, Nymphadora. I took _one look_ at the ones you chose for me and set out _immediately_ to find something to cover them up with. Fortunately, I stumbled across other pajamas. I know that beggars can't be choosers, but, _really!"_

"You picked out the _only_ boring pajamas he owned!" she grumbled.

"These are very nice pajamas, Nymphadora."

"They're dull as dirt!"

He laughed wryly. "Well, in case you hadn't noticed, I _am_ dull as dirt. Well…apart from that whole 'snarling beast' thing, that is." He suddenly remembered the other two people in the kitchen and looked at them, a little horrified, but they both seemed to be chuckling with all sincerity. Little did he know that they were thrilled to see their daughter showing signs of her usual spark.

Ted, after placing Remus' drink in front of him, broke the silence "Those ones you are wearing were probably never worn. They look like something my mum would have picked out. To her continual irritation, my dad took great delight in his bizarre clothing choices."

Remus tried to suppress a laugh. "I can readily believe that, based on the ones that Nymphadora set out."

Ted looked at his daughter and winked. "Which ones were they, Dora; Elvis, or Henry VIII?"

Father and daughter beamed at each other. "The pin-ups, Dad."

"Oh, good ones!" Ted said, chuckling.

Remus shook his head. "I'm beginning to see where your daughter gets her appreciation for the absurd."  
"I would have thought you would have attributed it to Sirius," said Andromeda.  
"Oh, no. Funny as he was, his humor was entirely different; it was more…biting, more sarcastic. But she and Sirius played off of each like a duet; it was a great pleasure to watch. A little terrifying, when they turned it on me, but enjoyable all the same."

"I didn't know my daughter spent very much time with my cousin." She looked at Tonks with narrowed eyes.  
"Don't be too hard on her, Andromeda; she was his savior, in a way. He was trapped in that vile house and she came by regularly, in order to cheer him up. It meant the world to him."

"I would have loved the opportunity to cheer him up. I would have been there every day if I could have!"

"Mum, we've been over this already, it wasn't safe…"

"And yet, with all those precautions…" She looked around, blanching visibly at what she saw in Remus' eyes. After turning to meet her daughter's exasperated expression and her husband's reddening face, she seemed to rethink the rest of her sentence. She altered the course of the conversation quickly. "So, in what way would they turn on you, Remus?"

He shook off his sadness and mustered a smile of reminiscence. "They would do anything in their power to make me blush, or spit out my drink, or relive uncomfortable moments, or force me to do something humiliating. However, I was so thrilled to see a glimpse of the old Sirius that I went along with it more often than not. I _did _feel sort of like a nanny to the two of them, though."

"I really wish I could have seen him again," Andromeda said wistfully.

"I'm really sorry Mum; it was such a delicate situation…"

"I know, darling."

"Perhaps I can locate a photograph or two for you, Andromeda," said Remus.

"That would be lovely, Remus, dear."

Ted cleared his throat. "This poor bloke looks as if he will fall asleep at the table, girls. You can exchange stories about your reprobate cousin tomorrow. For now, though, we need to patch Remus up and let him get some rest. Nymphadora, I did remember to bring that balm you asked for. I thought, perhaps that one of us could apply to him while your mother works on his wounds. Would that be all right with you, Remus?

"Yes, that sounds…that balm was _miraculous…_ if it is the same one she gave me before. However, before I turn in, I feel as if I ought to explain what happened earlier, particularly if you are all going to become as involved with it as you already have." He looked directly into Ted's eyes as he began his story. The two women hung on his words.

"You see, I have been assigned to infiltrate a group of…werewolves who have allied themselves with the Death Eaters. The idea was to try to turn as many of them as possible away from Voldemort's side. The thing that made it really difficult was that there is a firmly entrenched hierarchy in the group. The younger, newer werewolves have absolutely no power or say in what goes on. Therefore, I needed to try to get to those with more of a position of power. I finally got somewhere with one of them, nearly two months ago. The trouble was that another, on the same level, more or less, began to sense the first one's growing unrest, and yesterday, a fight broke out. I was doing my best to protect my newfound ally, Charles Logan was…_is_ his name, but many others got involved in the fray. All of this happened, by the way, while the undisputed leader, Greyback, was away, performing a task given to him by Voldemort. Then the moon rose, and everyone started to transform in the midst of the fight. In the absence of Wolfsbane, all of us lost control of our minds as well as our bodies. The _reasons_ for the fight disappeared from our minds, but the rage and the urge to harm remained. It got rather bloody, I am afraid. I looked for Julie the next morning almost the moment I had regained my senses. As I feared, she was in very bad shape. They, the rest of the pack, I mean; prey on the weak, and many of them carried their prejudice against Muggles into their transformation. So, I found some clothes, grabbed what I could of our things, and escaped with her, with the intention of getting help for her. I did remember to check on Logan before I left, and I am fairly certain that he won the fight and will survive. But it was only a matter of time before Greyback returned and started asking questions. I knew my position there was effectively compromised. I can only hope that my ally had the sense to get out of there, and take as many as he could with him."

Remus looked around the table, prepared, he thought, for any reaction. Both of the women reached out to touch him with tears in their eyes. He noticed that his hands were shaking and moved them quickly under the table, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Ted cleared his throat, and said, "Well, clearly, we need to get word to this…_Phoenix_ lot that my family have _never thought to invite me to join_, so that they can determine how to proceed. In the meantime, Remus, mate, you've earned a bit of rest and medical attention. Why don't I leave you to the girls' care and I will stop by the Burrow to have a little chat with Arthur. He can take it from there."

Tonks had thought that being in the same room as her mother while they were both being massaged was uncomfortable. However, it was _nothing _in comparison to the awkwardness of giving Remus a rub down while her mother sat next to her. Fortunately, Andromeda was too busy clucking over Remus' injuries to worry about where her daughter's hands were. After a while, Andromeda left to check on the patient in the library. Tonks, once she finished her task, curled up on her Grandfather's reclining chair, greedily drinking in the sight of her erstwhile lover after so long an absence.

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When she awoke the next morning, with a very stiff neck, she discovered that someone, most likely her mother, had tucked a blanket around her. Remus still slept deeply, snoring softly, almost close enough to touch. She arose and perched herself on the edge of the bed, gazing longingly at the weather-beaten, fine-boned hand that rested on the mattress, uncharacteristically still. Her mind filled with pictures of it, waving in the air as he gestured in the midst of an argument, or running it distractedly through his silver and gold hair, fighting a losing battle with the lock that always fell into his eyes. She visualized the same hand cupping the spine of an open book, or brandishing a wand, gracefully. She could almost feel it on her skin as she imagined him cupping her cheek with love in his eyes, or ruffling her hair with affection, or sliding it over her bare hip, possessively.

She wanted nothing more than to slide under the covers with him, spooned against his side. He was so wary and fiercely independent that to have him in front of her, knowing that he had allowed himself to rely on her, had trusted her to take care of him, had allowed her to witness his vulnerability, well, it was certainly a victory. Although it was inconvenient to have to share this triumph with her parents, in the end, their generosity and acceptance might give her skittish Professor the courage to take their relationship out of the shadows. In the meantime, however, she was not willing to push her parents' tolerance by allowing them to catch her snuggled up in bed with a werewolf. She had to settle for a quick one-sided kiss on the mouth.

"Wotcher, Daddy," she called out cheerfully as she entered the kitchen.

"Morning, Dora. Did you sleep well?"

"Apparently so, though I've got a crick in my neck from sleeping upright."

Ted moved to stand behind his daughter. He grabbed hold of her head and twisted her neck sharply to the side. There was a satisfying cracking noise and, after repeating the process, he began to dig his fingers into her neck.

"You're a king among men, Daddy."

"Well, m'dear, I have a message from your mother. Under no circumstance are you to skive off work today. One of us will be here all day. She went back home for more supplies and to bring back groceries, but she return by the time I have to go to the office. Both of the patients are likely to sleep all day, anyway."

Tonks rolled her eyes, though her father did not see. "Fine; I'll head back home to shower and such. But there is no reason for you two to have to stay here tonight, too. I can handle looking after both of them."

"We'll see if either of them wake up by then, and then we'll talk."

"Ok, Dad…And thanks for everything."

"Love you, Dora."

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Remus awoke that afternoon feeling far better than he ever could have expected to feel, given the circumstances. After a shower, he made his way into the library, where he checked on Julie's condition. He then wandered over to the kitchen, where he found Andromeda sitting at a table, a book open in front of her and a cup of coffee in her hands.

"I believe I would cheerfully sell you my soul for a cup of that coffee, Andromeda."

"Hmm, tempting offer. Make it your body and you may just have yourself a deal." Andromeda glanced over at him with a raised eyebrow and a mischievous grin.

He chuckled. "I seriously doubt if _this_ wreck of a body would be worth the cost of the beans."

"And, sadly, I don't think my husband will permit me to keep a love slave in the house. He's funny that way." With a wink, she handed him a mug. "Here you go, Remus dear, and the _perfect _temperature if I do say so myself."

Remus sipped, and groaned in gratitude. "Where is everybody else?"  
"Julie hasn't woken up yet, but she is doing a little better, I think. My husband and daughter both went to work. What would you say to a bowl of onion soup, Remus?"

"I'd say you've got yourself a love slave."

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Ted returned before his daughter did, just as the moon made its first appearance in the darkening sky. He kissed his wife in greeting, then went into the library to administer another dose of Blood Replenishing Potion and a powerful painkiller to Julie. After pouring himself a generous glass of scotch from the library bar, he decided to make another for Remus, and set out to find him. Eventually he discovered him, sitting on a wrought iron bench in the garden.

"Wotcher, Remus."

"Good evening, Mr. Tonks."

_"Ted,_ please."

Remus nodded, and Ted glanced up at the moon that Remus had been gazing at.

"Nice moon out tonight."

Remus snorted. "If you say so. It's better than it was two days ago."

"Oh, yeah, I reckon it would be. Sorry, didn't mean to be insensitive."

With a dismissive wave of his hand, Remus said, "Don't worry about it."

Ted handed him a glass of the amber liquid, which Remus accepted gratefully. "Thanks, Ted. Has Julie awoken yet?"

"No. I just checked on her, however, and her breathing has improved considerably."

"Good."

They sat in silence for a few moments, both appearing to be mesmerized by the evening sky. Finally, Ted asked, "Do you have any idea what you are going to do with her if she does recover?"

"I'm not sure. All I know is that I need to set her up with Wolfsbane, somehow. With that, it may be possible for her to function in the Muggle world. I don't know, though. Not many employers are willing to overlook a recurring monthly illness like that without some explanation, and no Muggle would believe her if she told the truth. Plus, she has to find a place to live. I suppose I could modify her mother's memory to forget her previous ultimatums, but they would eventually come up again. I _had _thought of asking Dumbledore if there couldn't be a place found for her at Hogwarts, but we come across the same old problem of danger to the students."

Remus shook his head, ruefully. "I have spent the last thirty years wrestling with these very same issues, even _with _the use of magic, and now here I am planning to take on her problems, too."

"I can give her a job." Ted pointed out.

Remus smiled, sadly. "I really don't see how a Muggle is going to be useful to you in any way Ted, but it is very kind of you to offer."

"I have controlling interest in the firm my Dad started. They're all Muggles over there. I reckon there are a number of things she could do for us. What was her job before?"

Remus leaned forward, eagerly. "Something to do with computers. I didn't completely understand it."  
"Well, that sounds promising. I'll talk to her about it when she wakes up."

"I certainly appreciate it."

"Also, I've been thinking. I can call in a favor for some Wolfsbane for next month, make a trade with someone, and by the month after that, I ought to be able to manage it on my own. Never tried it before, but I reckon I can swing it."

"You really don't need to. I know someone whom I can ask."

With a derisive snort, Ted said, "Yeah, I know him too. Ruddy bastard. He'll put you through hell for it. No, I can manage. I could set _both_ of you up, if you like."

"No need, Ted, I get mine as a sort of payment for my services to the …Well, in return for some work I do."

"Seems like more of a _punishment_ if you have to put up that git." They shared a smile together and Ted continued, cheerfully. "Well, anyhow, you think about it. It would be no more trouble to work up two batches a month than one. But I'll take care of the young lady in there, whatever you decide."

"It's not your responsibility, it's mine…"

"How do you reckon?"

"I brought her back with me, didn't I?"

"You saved her life, from what I can tell. That doesn't mean you're responsible for her. Unless there's something going on between you two…"

"No," Remus said quickly. "Nothing."

"Good." Ted stood up and turned back toward the house. As he opened the door, he said, softly, "I don't think my daughter would be too happy about it if there were."

Remus froze; unable to identify the wave of emotion that washed over him as Ted quietly shut the kitchen door behind him.

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Andromeda had just finished administering another dose of Blood Replenishing Potion when her patient's eyes fluttered open. With a warm smile, Andromeda exclaimed, "Well, hello, dear! How are you feeling?"

Julie blinked a few times, then tried, unsuccessfully, to sit up. "Where am I?"

Andromeda laid a hand on her patient's forehead, pushing her gently back onto the pillow. "You're at a private home in Surrey."

"Who are you?"

"My name is Andromeda, dear. You can consider me your doctor, of sorts." She discreetly waved her wand, attempting to prop Julie up in an incline by changing the shape of the pillows.  
Julie's eyes widened. "That's a wand, isn't it? You're one of those…magic folk, like…Oh, shit, Remus! What happened to Remus?" She gripped Andromeda's arm fervently.

"He is the one who brought you here. He is fine, just resting right now. Now please, tell me how you are feeling, dear."

Julie grumbled, "I feel like I've been run over by a lorry. How long have I been out?"

"Well, the full moon was the night before last, does that help?"

Averting her eyes, she said, "Oh, all right, then."

"You were attacked, but we've managed to heal most of the damage. There will be a few scars, I am afraid. The claw marks heal quite a bit easier than the bite marks, which are cursed. But you appear to only have a few bite wounds on your body, and none on your face. At the moment, we are attempting to rebuild your blood supply."

"Well, I appreciate it. Forgive me, what did you say your name was?"

"Andromeda, Andromeda Tonks."

"Hello, Andromeda, my name is Julie…Tonks? Did you say…_You're_ Tonks? Oh, bloody hell, I should have known! _Typical man_."

"Should have known what?"

"Well, you _would _have to be a _goddess_, wouldn't you?"

She raised an eyebrow in amusement. "A goddess?"

"But then again, you _choose_ the way you look, don't you? So naturally you would choose to look, well…beautiful."

"I truly appreciate the compliment, Julie, but I don't…" Her eyes widened as realization dawned. "Oh, my! You are, I think, confusing me with my daughter. _She_ can alter her appearance, but I am afraid that this is the face I was born with."

When Julie rolled her eyes, Andromeda leant down, and said, in a conspiratorial tone, "You would not envy it, however, if you saw the way that most people react upon first glimpsing me. Unfortunately, I am forced to share this face with the most evil woman in Britain."

"Camilla Parker-Bowles?"

Andromeda, after laughing heartily, said, "No; my sister."

"You have an evil twin, do you?

"Twin, no, but evil, certainly. Now, Julie, I want you to drink down this tonic. It tastes foul, but it will help to fortify your strength. After you drink it, you can have some pumpkin juice to wash it down."

A few minutes later, Julie drained down the last of her pumpkin juice greedily. With a sigh, she sank back against the pillows again, and restarted the conversation. "So you mean to tell me that your daughter was not only blessed with enviable genes, but also the ability to change appearance? And she must be fairly young, to have you as her mother. And she's got Remus too! Lucky girl -- I think I am going to have to hate her."

Her eyes widened and she looked at Andromeda in horror. "Oh, crap, I'm sorry! Why not just insult the family of someone who probably saved my life? You know I'm just kidding, don't you?"

Andromeda smiled indulgently and nodded, handing her a mug of broth.

Julie looked around as she sipped. "Am I sleeping in a library?"

"Yes, dear."

"Bloody hell! This house must be _huge_ to have a library this size." She whistled in appreciation. "At any rate, it's wonderful to be indoors, with a fire, and with someone nice taking care of me. I've lived with animals for far too long."

"It is my pleasure. So Julie, am I to understand that Remus had been talking to you about my daughter?"

"Well, he did mention…that is to say…he talked about lots of people…I mean…I think I'd better shut up now, just as soon as I remove the foot that is lodged in my mouth."

"You haven't told me anything I didn't already guess, Julie. I know there is something going on between them. It is just that Remus is so closed off, and I want to make sure that he really cares about my daughter."

"I don't think you need to worry about that."

"Hmm, I hope not. Now, my dear, I think that it would be easiest if I conjured a hot bath for you right here. Technically, I ought to keep the magic I perform in front of you to a minimum, but I am going to trust you not to tell. How does a bath sound to you?"

"Like heaven."

Just as Andromeda was about to lock the door with her wand, Tonks burst in, clumsily.

"Oh, bollocks, I tripped over the door jamb," she said, trying to keep her voice low. "Sorry, Mum, I'm too tired to walk properly. What a crap day! Oh, you're awake! Wotcher, I'm Tonks."

She rushed forward and held out a hand, which Julie took, with a bewildered expression on her face. "Er… hi, Tonks, I'm Julie."

"So I gathered. I must say, you have made a remarkable improvement since this morning. Are you feeling better?"

"I…yes, I think so, I mean I just woke up…"

"I was about to conjure her up a bathtub, Nymphadora, but if you don't mind, I think I will leave that to you, so that I can make dinner. Julie, you are welcome to join us at the table, or to have dinner in your bed, depending on how you feel. Or, if you don't want to be left alone, I can set up dinner in here."

"I'm not sure…"

"You don't have to decide right away, dear." Andromeda closed and locked the door, and the two women stared at each other curiously for a moment.

Tonks said, in a cheerful voice, "A bath, huh? I think I can manage that, although it could get a bit messy." With a few waves of her wand, a copper claw-footed tub appeared in the middle of the Aubusson, right next to the fire. She filled it from the tip of her wand, then cast a warming spell. "D'you like bubbles?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Any particular scent?"

"Anything but lavender."

Tonks grinned. "I totally agree. How about verbena?" Without waiting for an answer, she created a layer of bubbles on top of the water, then conjured a screen in front of the tub. She then turned to offer a hand to her astonished houseguest.

"Thank you, Tonks."

"Forget about it. I'm just going to sit over here and give you some privacy. Let me know when you're ready to rinse your hair; I can do it with a spell."

Tonks sat cross-legged in a nearby chair, Summoning herself a book, and conjuring a glass of wine.

"You all settled in, Julie?" she called out over the screen.

"Yeah, thanks…this is _heaven._ I've been dreaming about this since Christmas."

"I'll bet."

There was a long silence after that; neither woman quite sure of how to break it.

"So, is it just your mother and you here, Tonks?"

"No, my dad is here, too. Oh, and Remus, of course. As a patient, I mean…He doesn't live here. But then again, neither do my folks."

"This isn't their house?"

"No, it's my grandfather's. Or, rather, it _was_. It's mine, now, but I don't live here."

"Where do you live?"

"I've got a flat in Hogs…in Scotland, I mean."

"Wow, you've really come a long way! I appreciate it…oh, wait, I forgot. You lot can travel at the speed of light, can't you?"

"Well, not _that_ fast, but you've got the general idea."

"You know, Tonks, you don't have to sit over there on my account. I've been living in a pack, after all. I lost any trace of modesty I had quite a long time ago."

"Oh, right, then. Are you ready for me to help you wash your hair yet?" She pulled the chair to the other side of the screen.

"No; not yet." She gave Tonks a sidelong glance and half a smile. "I didn't expect you to be so nice, Tonks."

"Didn't you?"

"Well, he did say you were nice. And funny, and beautiful, and powerful, and all sorts of other things. But I resented you so much that I saw you as, well…"

"A _bitch?_ Because that is how I imagined you," interrupted Tonks, with laughter in her voice.

"'Painfully forthright,' was another phase he used." Julie chuckled, and shook her head. "Yeah, I mean, don't take it personally. I just…it would have been so easy to let him take continue to care of me, or rather, it would have _made_ things easy for me. I saw him as my guardian angel, and I wanted to repay him with love. Actually, to be perfectly honest, it wouldn't have been repayment. I wanted him for lots of reasons, not just gratitude, but I don't think I need to explain that to you."

"No, you don't." Tonks said, quietly.

"He never even considered it, Tonks. He loves you."

"Did he tell you that?"

"He didn't need to. It's funny. I had you built up in my mind as this incomparable…bitch goddess, based loosely on all of the male fantasy shape-shifters I've seen or read about in bad science fiction. But I come to find that you're quite human. Normal, even. Whatever he loves about you is within."

"Gee, thanks…" Tonks said, sarcastically.

Julie's eyes widened. "Oh, shit! That's not…that came out badly!"

"Don't worry about it, Julie. I am well aware that I am going through a frumpy stage. Have been for six months at least. You don't need to tell me that I am not much to look at."

"Oh, that's not true! You're adorable. _Cute_ in a way I've never been able to achieve. Like an elf. Oh wait a minute. That's an insult to you lot, isn't it? I meant it as a compliment. Would _sprite_ be a better word?"

"A little better, yes. I got the point, though. I am not completely unfamiliar with the way that Muggles perceive elves. Anyway, like I said, I have not been at my best for the last six months, particularly since Remus left."

"But can't you pretty much look however you want to look?"

"Normally, yes. But, to be perfectly honest, I usually only altered my hair color and sometimes eye color, unless I needed a disguise for work. People have to be able to recognize me, and I reckon that I am insecure enough to hope that people like me for who I am, and not what I choose to look like. That isn't to say that I am above using my abilities to hide a hangover, or blemishes and bloating."

"You see? I _knew_ I had a reason to hate you!"

"Well, I will admit to thinking very unkindly of you, also."

"That baffles me."

"Put it this way: the man I love, the one who has been pushing me away for months, goes off for several months at a time and comes back talking about some girl that he has, for all intents and purposes, been living with for all that time. I was jealous as hell."

"Funny, isn't it?"

"Definitely. I don't imagine that Remus has been in this particular pickle often in his life. Women fighting over him, I mean."

"I can't imagine why not."

"Yeah, well, if you'd seen my cousin, his best friend, you would understand. He looked like a bloody movie star. Remus sort of faded into the background around him. I think it was by choice, a lot of the time. He made himself unobtrusive to avoid uncomfortable questions."

"That makes sense. So, do you think he knows we're in here, talking?"

"Mum would have told him."

"Do you think he's nervous about it?"

Tonks laughed. "Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do."

"It would be kind of fun to stage a catfight for his benefit, wouldn't it?"

"Not until you have done at least a few days' more healing. Damn it, Julie, why'd you have to be so likeable? We're going to end up friends, aren't we?"

"I hope so. But if you and Remus start snogging in front of me, I may change my mind."

"You won't have to worry about that. I am scarred by a childhood _filled_ with uncomfortable public displays of affection performed in front of me. Besides, I really can't see Remus doing that…_ever."_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

Tonks went to seek out her mother in the kitchen, about fifteen minutes later. "Mum, the bath really knocked Julie out. Would you mind if I ate in there with her?" She turned to look at the other occupant of the kitchen. "Oh, wotcher, Remus! Are you feeling better?" She deliberately strode up to Remus and gave him a friendly hug. He stiffened, perceptibly.

"Oh, and speaking of Julie, Remus, you may want to go in there and fill her in on what happened the other night before she falls asleep again."

"I'll do that. Will you excuse me?" He left, but not before giving Tonks a look that clearly stated, 'What the hell are you playing at, hugging me in public?'

After watching him walk out the door, she turned back to her mother, who asked, "Do you think she's up to having us all in there with her, or would that be too tiring?"

"She seems like a sociable girl. I think she'll get on well with Dad, too, so why don't we keep her company over dinner? Where is Dad, anyway?"

"On the phone in Archie's office. Oh, and he was just telling me, earlier, that he is going to see about getting Julie a job."

Tonks beamed. "That's my Dad! You guys have been really cool about all this. I'm very grateful."

"Does that mean you've forgiven me for eavesdropping, then?"

"Not even close!"

"Oh, well; just another item to add to my list of crimes against you, starting with your name."

"And _you_ can add another thing to your list of things you wish I'd do differently, which I imagine is pretty long by now."

"You; my love, are _perfect_."

"So are you, Mum."

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Ted, thoughtful as ever, managed to move the television from his father's old office into Julie's temporary hospital room, eliciting squeals of delight from the patient. Therefore, dinner was eaten informally around the television set, a somewhat unique experience for the magical members of the group, but enjoyable nonetheless. Ted discovered a fellow Monty Python fan in Julie, and since he never had quite been able to explain the jokes properly to his wife and daughter, he seemed thrilled to spend time with someone who actually 'got it.'

Remus and Andromeda faced each other across a chessboard for the better part of the evening, each declaring the other to be a challenging and entertaining opponent. Tonks, who felt increasingly like a fifth wheel as the evening progressed, gave up bouncing between the two pairs and decided to choose a book from her grandfather's considerable collection of horror and mystery novels. Bypassing a couple of lurid-looking werewolf novels, she chose Frankenstein, something that was a little less likely to offend anyone in the room. She curled up in blanket on the window seat, occasionally answering queries from her father, and, more often then not, becoming distracted by the look of intense concentration on Remus' face. Several times, he caught her staring at him, and the looks he gave her in return were enough to send shivers down to her toes.

Eventually Andromeda declared that Julie needed to rest, and the other three left the room so that she could make one last examination of her patient. Tonks and her father went to the kitchen to wash the dishes. Remus tried to help but they banished him from the kitchen, and he declared his intention to take a walk in the garden. Sometime after that, Tonks went looking for him. She found him sitting in the garden, on a bench which faced a fountain.

"Remus." She crept up behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest. "I finally got you in my evil clutches."

He turned his head slightly to smile up at her. His expression was warm, but his voice held held a note of reprimand as he said, "This is probably not a good idea, Nymphadora. How do you know that they aren't looking out the window at this very moment?"

"Would that be such a problem?" She slid her hands up to his shoulders and began to knead deeply.

He groaned in response. "You're trying to distract me."

"No, _this_ would be trying to distract you," she said as she bent to kiss his neck.

"Nymphadora…" The authoritative tone in his voice was negated by the strangled sound he made in his throat when she took his earlobe in his mouth. He pulled away from her, turning almost completely around to eye her sternly. "I am _not_ going to participate in this while your parents are here. So unless you are overfond of rejection, you need to stop now."

Tonks, who would have given up six months ago if she had been the kind of girl to take rejection seriously, decided to have a little fun with him. "Ooh, Remus, I just _love_ it when you use your 'stern professor' voice on me! We could really have some fun with that, you know." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

He laughed heartily at that. "I would certainly hope that we are not already at the point in our relationship that we need to play the 'naughty detention' game for excitement. Or perhaps I am even duller in bed than I thought."

"You're not dull!" she exclaimed, and then broke off with a smile of delight. "Good lord, Remus, did you just make a _joke?_ And you actually used the word _relationship_! I think I hear an angelic choir, somewhere out there, singing 'Hallelujah.' Or, maybe it's just Sirius, leading a canine chorus."

He snorted at the image. "Well, in any case, it got you off my neck, didn't it? You really don't play fair, Nymphadora. Are you _trying_ to get me killed by your father?"

"They've gone to bed. And by that I mean, they've, 'gone to bed.' So, why don't we have that bath we talked about yesterday?"

He said, in a voice hinting of strained patience, "I am not going to do this. As far as your father is concerned it would be a matter of repayment of his hospitality by seducing his daughter under his very nose. It is just bad manners."

"First of all, my father is currently enjoying _my _hospitality by staying at _my_ house. Secondly, _I _am the one trying to do the seducing here."

"Both of those are technicalities, and you know it. Your parents are really helping me out here, and are going to continue to help me in getting Julie settled, and…"

With narrow eyes and a smug smile, she teased, "And _I _have helped you too. And I demand repayment in sexual favors. Here I have been, waiting for _months_, turning down people left and right, _saving myself for you,_ and you are going to make me sleep _alone_ tonight?"

"Yes." Remus said firmly, trying not to laugh at her audacity. "I am."

She leant down and kissed his cheek. "Well, then. Enjoy your cold and lonely bed, Remus; you old _stick-in-the-mud!"_

As she walked away, she looked at him over her shoulder, smiling slyly. "However, I can't promise that I will be a good girl up there, all by myself. A woman has needs after all…and you've got me really worked up, looking so…delicious tonight."

With a wink, she left Remus staring after her with his mouth open.

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_**A/N: Worth the wait? Let me know what you think.**_

_** Oh...and I am overwhelmed and humbled by the positive response to the last chapter of this story and to Love and Levity. To all who reviewed, thank you from the bottom of my heart, or the heart of my bottom, whichever you prefer. **_


	18. Thy love is such I can no way repay

**Chapter Eighteen **

**Thy love is such I can no way repay**

Tonks awoke from a blissfully sensual dream with the dawning realization that the hands running up and down her body, making her writhe, were very real, indeed. She turned to face Remus, who brushed his lips against hers, then bit down gently on her lower lip.

"I thought you said you were going to get started without me," he murmured.

"Who said I didn't?"

Even in the dark, she could sense his amusement. "You can't fool a wolf, little girl. You are, as you indicated earlier, 'all worked up,' but _nowhere near_ sated. Which by the way, leaves me in a position to make you regret being such a brat to me, earlier."

Her eyes narrowed. "A _brat?"_

"Oh, you don't like that word? Would you prefer _tease?_ You goaded me into sneaking into your bed under your father's nose. You couldn't allow me to remain true to my sense of honorable behavior. So now, I believe I need to teach you a lesson." There was half a smile on his face, but his eyes were deadly in their intensity.

She giggled and asked, "So are we going to play the naughty detention game after all? Are you going to force me to copy lines, starkers?"

"Tempting, but no." With another kiss, he rolled on top of her, pinning her to the bed.

She wiggled beneath him, saying, "Ooh, this is going to be _fun."_

"We'll see how you feel about it, my dear, in an hour." He began to kiss and caress her body slowly, with astonishing restraint. She responded with happy sighs and shivers, but when she tried to touch and kiss him in return, he pulled up to meet her eyes, and said in a pleasant but firm tone, "No, Nymphadora; unless you want me to stop."

She grinned and relaxed, allowing him to continue his ministrations. After a while, she began to wish idly that he would pick up the pace a little. It had been a long time, after all. His leisurely progress continued and her skin became sensitive almost to the point of discomfort. He seemed to be deliberately ignoring the body parts that cried out for his attention the most. It was even slower than their first time together, when he had been somewhat unsure as to how much she would let him get away with. But, she continued, as instructed, to fight her impulses to touch him, to direct him toward what she wanted, as the easy pace he was setting grew more and more deliciously agonizing.

When one of his hands finally cupped a breast, the pleasure was nearly painful. Long minutes later, as he hovered over the same breast with his mouth, he looked up at her with an expression of wry amusement. She would have smacked the smile off his smug face if she hadn't been terrified that he would stop completely, and leave her in this state. Instead, she found herself stifling a whimper in her throat, and instead arched her body up in invitation. With a chuckle, he took her nipple in her mouth and tugged gently, too gently. It felt maddeningly good and yet it wasn't anywhere near enough to send her over the precipice that she knew was somewhere in front of her.

The urge to grab him, to pin him down and torture him in the same manner fought with the urge to pin him down and impale herself on him, riding him into the headboard. He seemed to be reading her mind, because he said, in an impossibly calm and pleasant voice, "Don't even think about it, Nymphadora, or I will stop the whole thing."

"Bastard!"

"Brat." He moved to the other breast, pulling it between his lips, circling it with his tongue, biting gently, always stopping just short of that elusive _something _that seemed just out of her reach. He moved his mouth down to her belly, spending long moments focused on it with his hands and lips and tongue. It had never occurred to Tonks that her stomach could be such an erogenous zone. His maddeningly slow exploration of it, especially after his hands slipped under her, lightly massaging her lower back made her consider interesting future possibilities. One intriguing one involved the liberal application of warm honey, or maybe even melted chocolate.

Remus seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the taste of her skin unflavored, and, _damn him_, he had to know that he was torturing her by staying stubbornly on her stomach when he knew what she really wanted. Finally, his hands slid back around and fluttered over her hips, playing with the strap of lacy elastic which stretched over her hip bone. Just as she began to pray that he would tug it down, he slid his fingertips along the length of it, halting momentarily on the spot where it met the cotton of her knickers.

She held her breath, watching him as he gazed down at his hand and her knickers with an as if trying to determine what to do next. He slipped two fingertips under the cotton and she pulled her knees up in invitation. With his other hand, he pushed down a knee and then met her eyes, shaking his head. As his fingers began to inch downward, he continued to gaze unblinkingly at her. Finally he reached the fevered, slick flesh between her legs, and as he explored it with his fingertips, she moaned and shut her eyes, thrilled at his touch. When she managed meet his eyes again, he was practically smirking; something she didn't think Remus was capable of.

"I don't think you're quite ready yet, Nymphadora," he said, as he slipped a finger inside of her.

"Yes I am, you sodding bastard, now hurry up and _get inside me_ before I hex you!"

"No," he said, after seeming to take the matter under consideration. "I don't think so. Life has taught me quite a bit about self-restraint, you know. Do you have any doubt that I am capable of stopping right now, and just going back to my room for the night?"

"If you do that, so help me…"

"Would you throw a tantrum with your parents sleeping down the hall, Nymphadora?" As he spoke, his fingers had been further exploring the skin beneath her knickers. Just as she glared at him, trying to determine which was the best hex to throw his way, he hit a particularly sensitive spot, and she ruined the whole effect by crying out in bliss.

"Like that, do you? I think I'd better save that spot for later."

She growled in frustration, and he added, "Unless, of course, you'd rather I stopped altogether? No? Well, then…"

He removed his fingers from her knickers and slid both hands down her thighs. With a deep breath, Tonks swallowed her frustration, relaxed her muscles, and allowed herself to really enjoy his caresses. She closed her eyes and sighed, gripping the sheets in her hands to prevent herself from attempting to touch Remus. After making his way down her legs, caressing her calves and massaging her feet, he moved up to concentrate on her inner thighs, occasionally, she suspected, leaving a love bite on the sensitive skin there. The further he made his way up her legs, the more she writhed, and the slower he went. Finally, he tugged down her knickers. She waited with baited breath as he slid his hands back up her legs, finally bending down to blow gently on her most sensitive areas. He raised his head to look at her wickedly and she fought the urge to scream in frustration. He lowered his head again to give her the barest of caresses with his tongue. She fought the urge to scream then, but tampered it down to a sharp cry of joy. He raised his head again wearing an inscrutable smile, and slid slowly up her body, finally resting, poised above her with a challenging gleam in his eye. "Had enough, Auror Tonks?"

She was about to tell him to go fuck himself when he stopped her words by covering her mouth with his own. This time, he let go of some of his restraint, kissing her somewhat savagely, though still holding the rest of his body under tight control. He rolled over onto his back, taking her with him. After breaking off the kiss he lay back on her pillow, watching her complacently.

She panted, glaring at him. "Yes, Professor Lupin, I believe I _have_ had enough. _And so have you, _actually. Your face may be calm, Remus, but I can see that your hands are shaking. Not to mention, the vein that is throbbing on your temple, and _oh, my_, it looks like something else is throbbing, too!" As she slid her hand down his belly to take his erection into her hand, she watched him close his eyes in reaction, then his body arched up involuntarily, which only made him move within her grasp.

"Hands off, Nymphadora," he growled.

"Oh, I suppose that means you would prefer that I use my mouth then?"

She heard him make a strangled sound in the back of his throat, and taking it as an invitation, she closed her mouth around him. He made a remarkable attempt to control his reactions, but she became merciless; teasing, tormenting him, always stopping just short of completion. Finally, she raised her head, meeting his eyes with an angelic expression, and asked, "Had enough, Remus?"

In answer, he pounced, pinning her to the bed and sliding into her in one seamless move. This time she really did scream, but his groan was very nearly as loud. Neither of them was quite ready to admit defeat in the battle of wills, so by unspoken agreement, the war continued, with slightly different rules. Both of them kept trying to gain control of the situation, both wanting to be the one to finally make the other lose control altogether. At the same time, both were desperately trying to hold onto their own sanity for as long as possible. When they finally shattered, together, eyes locked, minds and bodies connected, neither could be sure who let go first.

Tonks was the first to break the silence. "Hot damn!"

He reached for her hand. "Not exactly the words I would choose, but, I agree, nevertheless."

"I won, you know."

"You most certainly did not."

"Yes, I did. I got you here, didn't I?"

"Yes, but I had you nearly begging for it."

"So did I."

"By going for the obvious," he pointed out

She laughed. "Something works, I stick with it…"

"Very funny. And completely lacking in subtlety. You, my dear, have a lot to learn about patience."

She looked at him incredulously. "Patience? I am the queen high priestess of patience, Remus Lupin! An _impatient_ person would have given up your sorry arse as a lost cause _months_ ago!"

Remus turned to her, reaching out to touch her face. "That's not what I meant at all. I just…really feel guilty about being here while your parents are in the house. I wish you would have been willing to wait."

"I waited over six months for you Remus. And what my parents don't know won't hurt them. That's what silencing spells are for."

"I think they were invented for a nobler purpose than disguising sexual antics."

"Nope. I disagree. I think they were invented precisely for that. Probably one of the first spells invented, too. The trouble would have been thinking up other uses for them. In any case, would it be the end of the world if my parents found out?"

"It would upset them."

"I wonder if it would. Or rather, I wonder whom it would upset more: them or you?" She propped her head up on her elbow, watching him warily.

"I don't want to ruin your relationship with them. Clearly, you have parents who love and support you. You have no idea how rare and precious that is."

Her eyes flashed. "So I should live my life to make my parents happy just because they are good people? That's not the way that they raised me."

"That is not what I meant. I just…"

"You just want to keep me as a dirty little secret," she said, sadly.

"I don't want to do that at all, you _know_ I don't! I just don't want to ruin your life."  
"My life is ruined when we are apart. Just to see your face, to talk to you, makes everything better. I don't care about anything else, Remus, I just need you." she reached up to skim his face with her fingers.

He sighed. "You really _ought_ to care more about everything else. You are a remarkable person. You have so much potential. And you would be throwing it all away."

"I have no intention of throwing anything away. I am trying to tell you that you make me better, stronger."

He shook his head and looked at a spot on her pillow, rather than her face. "That, my dear, is something that we could debate endlessly, and it is dangerous ground to tread upon. I have no wish to say anything which would undoubtedly and incorrectly be interpreted by you as an insult." He made a bad attempt to smile, then took a deep breath and continued, "So I am just going to change the subject. You managed to get me into bed with you against my better judgement. So what are you going to do with me now?"

Tonks let her head fall back on her pillow. "Sleep?"

"And here I thought you were going to abuse my aged body all night. What good is landing myself a hot young thing if she is so easy to wear out? In any case, I plan to fall asleep in my own bed." He leaned over to kiss the tip of her nose, playfully.

With a cheeky grin, she said, "Okay, then, I'll meet you there. And just before, we can climb into that tub together."

His voice went into long-suffering teacher mode. "I _am_ going to sleep alone tonight, Nymphadora. I refuse to wake up with an angry father's wand sticking into my jugular vein."

She persisted, "I guess I will just have to wear you out until you pass out from exhaustion, then, if I am to have any hope of sleeping in your arms."

"I've been resting all day, and from the look of things, you will wear out long before I do."

"Well, I could enjoy the effort, anyway."

"I have a better idea. Why don't we stop making this a battle of wills and just enjoy each other?" He picked up her hand and kissed the tips of her fingers.

"As long as I get to sleep in your arms."

"Will you settle for falling asleep in my arms?"

"I hate settling," she grumbled.

"What if I make it worth your while?"

"How are you going to do that?"

"Like this…" And, enfolding her in his arms, he kissed her, over and over again, with gentle restraint. Where his earlier kisses had been calculated to slowly kindle her desire into what would later turn into a conflagration, these kisses were all about tenderness. He was using his mouth, and then, later, his hands and his body to tell her, without words, how he felt, how much he missed her, how much she meant to him. His pace was still excruciatingly slow, but the intent was to stir up her emotions, rather than lust. By the time they came together a second time, Tonks, who had been waiting for just the right moment to bring up the things he had said in his letter, decided that she didn't need or want to. She knew, more than ever, that he loved her, and the words could wait.

For now, she had him back, he was safe, and he had called on her first for help. Having miraculously survived his ordeals of the last six months, he was only pushing her away as far as trying to keep their relationship from her parents, which was certainly understandable. However, the seemingly insurmountable obstacle of her parents' potential objections had been overcome, with unimaginable ease, whether Remus knew it or not. They loved her. They had made it clear that they were willing to give him a chance.

She lifted her head from his chest and looked up at him with sleepy eyes. "I think I'm going to keep you, Remus. You're dead useful."

"Glad to hear it." He cupped her face with his hands, fingering the curls above her ears. She closed her eyes in response. "Er, Nymphadora?"

"Hmm?"

"Your hair."

"What about it?"

"It's…pink."

"Is it?"

"It is."

"That's nice." She turned over, scooting back until she was spooned against him, pulling his arm around her waist

"But…"

"I _told_ you that you were dead useful, Remus," she said, yawning.

"I don't understand."

Tonks laughed. "You make me happy, you silly man."

"You have to change it back."

"Why should I?"

He continued, carefully, "If you wake up in the morning wearing pink hair for the first time in months…your parents… they're not stupid."

"You think they'll give _you_ the credit for making me happy?"

"Well..."

"They'll assume you shagged me into bliss?"

"Something like that."

"And you don't think they will want to buy you a drink for making their daughter smile again?"

"I don't think they'll see it quite like that. Please think about it before you leave your room tomorrow, won't you?"

"So you'd prefer I look miserable and depressed."

He coughed. "Well, given the circumstances…"

"Maybe you'll get lucky. Maybe I'll report for work to find a massacre and get all sad and ugly again."

"Now, that is _not funny_, Nymphadora."

"Yes it is. Now hush up and let me go to sleep. And you'd better be here when I wake up, or I'll keep my hair pink and tell Mum that I gave you half a blow job."

He said, sternly, "I'm not going to give in to blackmail. I have to go back to my own bed."

"Good. I'll give her details."

"Not funny. Now you be a good girl, change your hair back, go to sleep, and I'll see you in the morning. Then we'll work on convincing your parents that they can go back to their own place, and tomorrow night we will spend some time in that bathtub." He kissed her shoulder and slid his hand down to rest on her hip.

"Mmm, don't go just yet. Stay until I fall asleep, will you?"

In answer, Remus nuzzled her neck and began to draw a light pattern of circles on her hip.

"You know, Remus, there is one way to get rid of the issue of my parents for good."

"A hit-wizard?"

"No."

"Imperius?"

"No. Marry me."

His hand stiffened on her hip, and there was an uncomfortable silence for a long time after that. "Nymphadora…" he finally said in a carefully neutral voice. "I…"

"Just wanted to make you squirm a little, Remus. Forget I said it." She burrowed into her pillow, and after a few minutes, her breathing evened out into the unmistakable pattern of sleep. Remus stayed awake for what seemed like hours, alternately staring at the ceiling, at the night sky from her window, and the rhythmic movement of her shoulders as she slept. When he began to see the first hints of dawn lightening the sky, he reluctantly left the warmth of her bed to Disapparate into his own room, where he finally fell into an uneasy sleep.

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Tonks had gone to work by the time he woke up. He met her father in the kitchen. Remus made his best effort to meet Ted in the eye and pretend that nothing had changed since last night.

"Sleep well, Remus?"

He had a ready answer. "Not really. I suppose I am feeling anxious to get back to my normal routine, to find out what has been happening with the war and all that. I think I am going to stop by the castle or headquarters and see if I can't set up a meeting. Have you looked in on Julie yet?"

Ted inclined his head in the direction of the library. "Yeah, she's doing even better than yesterday. She was still asleep a few minutes ago. I reckon we are at the point where she doesn't have to be watched over as carefully, so Andromeda and I will probably be staying home tonight, though I imagine my wife will keep on stopping by to check her progress. When Julie is ready, I can arrange an interview with my dad's firm's human resource manager. Merely a formality, of course."

"Oh, my…wow. I am really grateful, Ted."

Ted waved his hand in dismissal. "She's a good girl. It's a shame what's happened to her. Not her fault, though, so why should she be deprived of a job because of it? As long as she's careful…"

"I'll make sure she understands what she needs to do," Remus hurriedly assured him, and then added, "I will probably get back to my old place myself, tonight. I just need to meet up with Dumbledore, make sure it's safe."

Ted nodded his head, looking only slightly gratified. "Which reminds me: Dora left a knapsack full of clothes for you. Anyway, I'd better get going. Andromeda will be back later. I'm sure I'll see you again soon, Remus."

"Thank you, again, Ted, for everything." He watched as the older man picked up his potions case and left the room, then turned to the cabinet, taking out a teacup.

After tea and a scalding hot shower, Remus opened the knapsack that Tonks had packed to find a few of the clothes that he had left at Grimmauld Place and a note:

_Dear Remus, _

_Thought you might be getting tired of pajamas. I will not take it kindly, however, if you decide to pull a 'Lupin' and leave, getting yourself settled at Headquarters or elsewhere. I did manage to convince Mum to go home tonight, and you owe me some time in that tub. _

_Love, Tonks_

He eventually made his way into the library, holding a breakfast tray in front of him. Julie was sitting up in bed, watching the morning news.

"I thought I heard you stirring in here."

She looked up at him and beamed, asking, "All the way from the kitchen?"

He took a breath, and sat down, explaining, "Yes, and that shouldn't surprise you. If you concentrate, you also could learn to identify noises from long distances away, particularly this close to the moon. It is a skill worth cultivating. We have few enough advantages, so we need to work with the ones we have."

"I could tell all the way in here that you were frying up bacon. That's what woke me up."

"Ah, but _that_ is smell. One of the strongest senses we have. That was probably one of the first things you noticed in that first month."

She sat up eagerly. "Oh, yeah, I did! _Everything_ was stronger. The girl who sat next to me at work wore musk and it was _awful!_ Made me want to throw up. I was afraid I was pregnant, because Mum always told me how much stronger smells became to her."

He went on, unconsciously settling into his 'teacher' mode. "You can still cultivate your sense of smell even further, though. For example, with practice you might be able to tell, merely through scent, what kind of a mood I am in."

She snorted. "Well, that's _easy!_ You're in a brilliant mood. You got laid last night, after all."

"Excuse me?" he said, with a cough.

"Oh, come on, Remus, it's so _obvious!"_

He looked away, wondering if he was blushing. "Tell me, something, Julie. Is this the wolf talking or the woman?"

"Mostly the wolf. But, as your friend, I noticed…well, I don't think I've ever seen you look so…cheerful."

He looked back at her, raising his eyebrows in amusement. "Cheerful?"

"Hard to believe, isn't it? Gloomy Remus, grinning."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not gloomy."

"Not today, you're not."

"But, usually…" he began to ask.

"Well, I have to admit, the circumstances were unusual. But most of the time…I guess I should say you were more focused and serious than gloomy. And then, when I saw you here, right after I woke up, I could tell that you were relieved, but still a bit nervous and edgy. Today, however, you're just…relaxed. You seem younger."

"Younger?" he squirmed in his seat.

"_Much_ younger."

"Well, I certainly hope…I mean, her father, this morning…do you think it would have been…well, obvious?"

"Dunno. But if it was…I mean, you're still here. And he could have broken you like a _twig_ if he wanted to," she teased.

"You're not half as funny as you think you are Julie," he said sarcastically.

She grinned. "Yes I am. So, how was it?"

"How was what?"

"The shagging, stupid!"

He stiffened, saying, "I'm not going to discuss…"

"Ah, well. No pity for a girl who hasn't gotten any for months…"

He grabbed at the chance to change the subject. "Well, I am working on getting you back into the real world. I give it about _two weeks_ before you have some poor Muggle bloke wrapped around your finger. And if you play your cards right, your monthly disappearances will only make you seem mysterious, and therefore irresistible."

"Is that how you reel 'em in, Remus?" she asked with her eyebrows raised.

His reply was caustic. "As yes, the ladies are all just lining up to be with me. I have so much to offer, you know."

"Well, Tonks and I got to snarling and spitting over you a bit last night."

"Did you, now?" he asked, amused.

"Oh yes. I threatened to rip her to shreds if she didn't give you up, but then she threatened to turn me into a dung beetle. She doesn't scare easily."

He smiled. "No, I must say she doesn't. But somehow I don't believe you about the dung beetle. Tonks could have come up with something far more creative. One time a man by the name of Mundungus pissed her off and she cast a hex which made him spill out his sexual fantasies in great detail to anyone who said a word to him."

"That's not so bad."

He snickered. "The trouble is, this guy had a fairly lurid and active fantasy life, most of which involved him being dressed like a baby and spanked."

"Oh, dear."

"Which meant, that Tonks had to have known it beforehand. It made a lot more sense later, after I found out how skilled she is at Legi…that is to say, mind reading."

She apparently found this very amusing. "Your girlfriend can _read minds? _Oh, you poor, poor sod."

"She's not my girlfriend. And I can do it, too, so…"

"There must not be too much point in speaking out loud between you two."

"Well, you can learn to block it, and with Andromeda as a mother, I imagine she must be a master at that skill."

"Andromeda reads minds?" she asked, her mouth agape.

He nodded and she continued, "So, in effect, you are trying to have a secret relationship with a girl whose mother reads minds and whose father is skilled at making poisons and…what did he call it…potions…one of which is sort of a truth serum?"

He laughed wryly. "I suppose that I am."

"Why hide it? And for that matter, why insist to me that she is not your girlfriend? You love her, she loves you, what's the problem?"

"I've already tried to explain to you, there are more than a few problems separating us."

"Name one."

"How about Lycanthropy?" He used a tone of voice that he had perfected in his attempts to teach Gregory Goyle.

She caught the subtle insult to her intelligence and spat back at him, "So does that mean that _none of us_ get a chance at a normal relationship?"

Realizing that he was not doing Julie any good by displaying his bitterness, he tried to mollify her. "No, but…its different in the magical world. In your world, most people don't believe that people like us exist. So no one is likely to suspect the truth, but in my world…well, people figure it out, eventually. And in my case, well, due to some stupid mistakes on my part and through the efforts of one malicious woman, well, I might as well have a great big sign on my head."

"But if Tonks doesn't mind…" she began to point out.

He interrupted, saying forcefully, "She _ought_ to mind, more than she does. She doesn't realize how much damage it could do. I've told you about her job."

"She's like a police officer, right?"

"More than that, it's rather like…someone who looks for…_terrorists_ is probably the word you'd use."

She replied slowly, "Ok…and, so…"

"Well, imagine in your world, if someone like her were to have an affair with someone…I don't know, _affiliated_ with terrorists."

She started at that, asking, "_Are_ you affiliated with terrorists, Remus?"

"What would _you_ call that lot we just left?"

"Yeah, some of them were dreadful…but, you…didn't you say you were assigned to go to them, to try to stop them, or change things?"

He shook his head. "Not many people would believe that. Most are just happy to think of me as joining up with my kind, giving in and becoming what I have _always been destined to be…_ a monster."

"But you're not!" she protested.

He looked at her sadly. "Do you really believe that, Julie?"

She replied fervently, "Yes, I do. There were monsters there; I'll admit it. But you were not one of them. And the people that sent you there, they ought to stand up and acknowledge you as a…not exactly a patriot…more of a hero."

"Well, they can't. And Tonks, well, she can't be compromised. She's too important, too valuable to our fight. So _this,_ what we have, is the best that I can hope for. And even then, well…I am wrong, selfish, to let her risk it. I keep trying to tell her, but she just won't be reasonable."

She stared at him incredulously. "So, what would be reasonable to you?"

"To move on; to find someone better."

"Fuckwittage, Remus!"

"What?" he asked, a little unnerved by her outburst.

"You shagged her last night, and you want to chuck her today?" her eyes were blazing with indignation.

"I don't _want_ to chuck her…I just…I know I should. And as for the other, well…I didn't mean to…well I meant to, I suppose, but…she did sort of insist…" he finished lamely.

"Ha! You can't have it both ways, Remus. You can't shag her and then push her away at the same time. It's just cruel. If you really want her out of your life you've got to stop letting your cock call the shots."

He averted his eyes, mortified, and she continued, "But, clearly, you don't want her out of your life. You've got someone who loves you enough not to let all the other bullshit get in her way, you ought to be thanking your lucky stars, not rejecting her! I'm surprised she puts up with it."

"I'm not rejecting her, not really," he said defensively.

"You corrected me when I called her your girlfriend," she pointed out.

"That's because she isn't…"

She dismissed his words with a wave of her hand. "Listen, the way I see it, you love her, right?"

"Well…"

"Of course you do, you stupid man! And she clearly loves you. The pair of you are exchanging bodily fluids on a regular basis. She's the one you want to talk to, at the end of the day. You aren't seeing anyone else, and you don't want her seeing anyone else, do you?"

He answered slowly. "Well…no, not really."

"Oh, come off it Remus! You're a _wolf._ You would be ready to tear rip out someone's throat, if you saw her with another man. So, tell me, why are you afraid to call her your girlfriend?"

"Well, we can't…I mean, if it were known…"

She blew out her breath in exasperation. "You don't have to take out a bloody notice in the paper, Remus! I mean there is such a thing as keeping your private life private, after all. But to simply acknowledge your feelings for her, and not hide your relationship from those that care about you both…how much harm would that do, really?"

"What about her family?"

"They seem pretty cool to me."

He shook his head in denial. "But, they wouldn't be, if…"

She leaned toward him, speaking earnestly. "Listen, Remus, you're not going to get a better reaction from any parents of an only child. Nobody is going to be kind enough to say, 'Well, hello there, why don't you feel free make the beast with two backs with my little girl as often as you care to, old chap?' I mean, I certainly didn't go discussing my sex life with my mum, though I'm sure she was aware that I had one. It was just, 'Hey, Mum, I'm moving into a new apartment,' and when she came to visit, Mike's trainers and copies of 442 were left lying around. I let her draw her own conclusions."

"It's a little different in the wizarding world," he replied stubbornly.

"Excuses, excuses. All I can say is, I was here, and I met her parents. I will add that I wouldn't want to be in your position if you broke their daughter's heart; I reckon that either one of them could get pretty frightening. But as far as their response to the pair of you, well I think you've already gotten all the reaction you're going to get, at least until the day that you go to ask for their daughter's hand."

He shook his head vehemently. "I'm not going to…"

"You know what I mean."

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Remus left the castle where he spent the best years of his life a few hours later, emotionally drained, but feeling a lightness of spirit. His assignment was done. He had been interrogated thoroughly, but also gratefully commended.

Dumbledore, after expressing his relief that Remus had return unharmed and assuring him that his work had been invaluable, told Remus to take a few more days to recover, then he wanted him to continue to assist in the search for Tom Riddle's cave. The need for information, Dumbledore declared, grew more pressing with each passing day.

After exiting the gates of Hogwarts, Remus, instead of Disapparating on the spot, took the time to try to locate Tonks on her patrol route. He finally found her, breaking up a scuffle outside a crystal store between an obviously inebriated wizard and an angry shopkeeper. He watched in fascination as she managed to intimidate them into obedience, though both of them were at least a full head taller than she was.

"Good afternoon, Auror Tonks," he said, once she had chased away the drunk.

She lit up visibly upon recognizing him. "Wotcher, Remus! Fancy meeting you here! What's going on?"

"A meeting. But, I thought, for some strange reason, that if I didn't come into town and look for you, that you might be a trifle annoyed."

"You're beginning to learn, Remus Lupin," she said as she linked her arm with his, steering him down the street and away from the crystal shop, whose owner kept eyeing them curiously them through the glass. "Did the meeting go well?"

"It did."

"And where are you off to, now that you are done?"

"Here to see you, obviously, and then, home. Or, rather, your house," he amended as she gave him a dirty look. "Really, I wasn't planning on going anywhere. Julie is there, after all."

She glared at him, and he, with a laugh, suddenly and sharply turned a corner, dragging her with him.

"What the…" she sputtered.

Once they were out of sight of the street, he turned again, backing her into the wall of a nearby shop. He met her wide eyes with humor and purpose. "Has anybody ever told you, Auror Tonks, that you tend to jump to conclusions too easily?"

He ground his body against hers, pinning her to the wall and covered her laughing mouth with his, kissing her until she had difficulty in forming a coherent sentence.

"Yeah, well, I would trust you a lot more if you didn't have a habit of taking off with very little notice," she managed.

"I always keep my promises."

"You've never made me _any_ promises," she pointed out.

"I promised you time in that tub tonight," he insisted.

She sighed, relaxing visibly. "Yeah, that has really kept me going, today."

"Good, because I am looking forward to it. You fell asleep too quickly last night," he murmured, kissing under her ear.

"And you left me to wake up alone," she said petulantly.

"You won't, tomorrow."

"Promise?"

He laughed. "Yes, that I'll promise. You changed your hair back, Nymphadora. Thank you."

"Actually, I didn't. It just went back on it's own."

"But…"

"I'll explain it to you later. As much as I'd love to stay here, snogging you, I have to get back to work."

"Later tonight, then." He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her one last time, then watched as she disappeared around the corner. A moment later he, too had disappeared, with a small 'pop'.

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When Remus returned to Tonks' house, her mother was there, having returned to make a final check on her patient. She was in the process of putting away groceries when Remus entered the kitchen. She looked up at his greeting.

"Oh, good, you're back. I can leave with a clear conscience, now."

"Excuse me?"

She explained, "Now that I know that someone will be here to take care of my patient."

"Oh, of course. You're going home?"

"Yes, we are finally getting out of our daughter's hair, which ought to make her dance a jig. She does hate it when I try to mother her," she said, with a slight note of irritation in her voice.

He replied gently, "Somehow, I doubt that. I know that she really appreciates what you have done here." He added, "Not as much as I do, though."

She seemed not to have heard him, for she continued with the same line of thought, asking, "Have you ever tried telling her what to do, Remus?"

Remus responded carefully, "No, why would I…" He changed his mind, saying, with a note of amusement, "You know, I suppose I have."

"And?"

"It really depended on whether she agreed with what I wanted her to do or not."

"And when she didn't?"

He smiled wryly. "The most polite response I have gotten is, 'shut up, Remus.'"

Andromeda sighed, saying, "It's a strange feeling, Remus, to go from being the person they needed the most in the world to someone who sits on the sidelines, afraid to offer an opinion, or advice."

"I imagine it would be," he said.

She took a deep breath, then began to pack up, saying, "Anyway, these past few days have given me a chance to spend time with her, to mother her a little. I owe you for that."  
"Me?"

"Well, if you hadn't called on her, and if we hadn't been there…"

He interrupted, "Oh, but it's _me_ that is grateful…"

"No, Remus," she said gently. "You've done more for our family than you may realize. Now you take care of yourself, and that poor girl in the library, _and_ my daughter. I imagine I will see you again, soon."

He suddenly remembered his meeting. "You will, actually. I am told that we will be working together again, soon."

Andromeda brightened at this. "Really? Is there any new information?"

"No. But I have been asked to redouble my efforts toward the project. Perhaps we can meet in a day or so, with Sarah, and you two can bring me up to date."

"I'll look forward to it. Goodbye, Remus, dear." And after a hug, she gathered up her things and headed toward the door. He walked with her, and watched, waving, while she spun in place and disappeared.

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Tonks came home to find Remus in the library with Julie, who was catching up on her television programmes while Remus read a book in the chair next to her bed. She said, with a laugh, "You two look like an old married couple, sitting there ignoring each other."

Julie looked at her, grinning, and said airily, "A lot you know. If you had only arrived a few minutes earlier you could have witnessed a very torrid scene indeed."

Tonks raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

"Oh yes. We were re-enacting the jungle scene from Hungry like the Wolf."

Both Remus and Tonks looked at Julie with puzzled expressions. She laughed and explained, "You poor deprived magical people completely missed out on Duran Duran. Trust me, it if you had know what I was talking about you would have found it hilarious."

"Yes, well it sounded like a _very lame_ wolf joke to me," said Remus, sarcastically.

"Is he always this much of a curmudgeon?" Julie asked Tonks.

"Only when you make wolf jokes. Sensitive subject, you know." She smirked at Remus.

Julie seemed to find this extremely amusing. "Oh, he's a _sensitive_ werewolf is he? Sounds like the hero of a cheesy romance novel."

Tonks laughed, adding, "Yeah, well, a romance novelist would have come up with a better name than _Remus._ Much too obvious. She would have called him…Bryce, or Mason or something like that."

Julie giggled; clearly enjoying Remus' pained expression. "Or made him a highlander and called him Connor or Duncan."

Remus said, pleasantly, "Are you two quite done making fun of me? Or shall I leave and let you get on with it?"

They looked at each other, grinning, and said, "Sensitive," at the same time.

Tonks added, "that time of the month, too," which made Julie shriek with laughter.

Remus stood up. "Oh for the love of…I'm leaving!" With a significant look at Tonks, he quickly amended, "To go to the kitchen. To get started on dinner."

Julie said, in a high pitched gush, "Aww, and he cooks, too!"

As he left the room shaking his head, Tonks called out after him, "Now, Remus, don't go off brooding and writing poetry, ok?"

"Sod off, Tonks."

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Dinner turned out to be a lively affair, eaten in the library while a game show blared in the background. Afterwards, Remus managed to convince Julie to turn off the television, which had begun to annoy him, and join them in a game of cards. Afterwards, Tonks, who rummaged through the library closet, came out with a stack of ancient board games. They finally chose to play Cluedo, and neither of the girls could believe how good Remus was at it until Tonks realized that he had been cheating by the use of Legilimency.

"I expected better of you, Remus!" she said indignantly.

He was completely unapologetic. "I had to get you girls back for making fun of me earlier, didn't I?"

Tonks insisted, "We weren't making fun of you!"

"Oh, yes you were." he replied in a firm tone.

"We were just pointing out what a lovely sensitive man you are," Tonks said, cajolingly.

Julie added, "Every girl's dream man, actually."

Tonks giggled. "A romantic hero."

"Stop it." Remus said threateningly.

Tonks continued, meeting Julie's eyes with an innocent expression. "He doesn't like compliments, apparently."

Julie responded, "Can't imagine why."

"Embarrasses easily." Tonks said.

"Too bad." Julie shook her head in mock confusion.

"Better that than a big giant ego, though." Tonks pointed out.

Julie added, "True. But we're never going to be able to talk him into that threesome if he's this easily embarrassed."

"His loss." Tonks grinned as Remus hastily gulped his Scotch in order not to have to respond.

"Too bad," Julie sighed

Remus choked on his drink, finally saying, "You girls are going to be the death of me. I ought to have agreed then and there, just to see the looks of horror on your faces. In any case, if the conversation is going to go back around to tormenting old Remus, I think I am going to opt for sleep, instead. Goodnight, Julie, Nymphadora. It's been…amusing to say the least."

He arose, and with a slight bow, left the room.

Fifteen minutes later, there was a knock on his door. "It's unlocked, Nymphadora," he called out softly.

She entered, grinning mischievously, "Wasn't sure you were going to let me in."

"Why would you think that?" he asked his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I made you uncomfortable."

His eyes softened. "No, you didn't. At least, no more so than normal. But, the evening could have dragged on interminably, with both of us trying not to announce to Julie that we are in a hurry to be alone together."

Tonks laughed. "I think she already figured that out."

"Well, there was no need to make it obvious."  
She moved toward him, with a devilish look on her face. "So, you were anxious to get me alone, eh Remus?"

"Don't be too smug, Nymphadora. You came to my room, after all," he pointed out, highly amused.

"And you came to my room last night," she countered.

"I did. Are you trying to make a point?"

"No, just trying to get you to tell me you want me. _Love me_ would be even better, but I'll settle for want."

"I thought you said you hated settling."

"I do."

He stepped toward her, cupping her face in his hands and looking directly in her eyes. "Well, my dear, let there be no doubt. I _do_ want you, very much. In fact…well, come and see what I've done. It's more than you deserve actually, with all your talk about my supposed 'sensitivity,' but, lucky for you, I decided to go ahead with my plans."

Remus opened the bathroom door, revealing that he had managed to conjure hundreds of candles around the bathtub. There was gentle music playing, and beside the tub sat a chilled bottle of wine and two glasses. "Romance novel-ish enough for you, Nymphadora?"

She sighed, "It's lovely, Remus."

"Well, it's got nothing on the Prefect's Bathroom, but it will do."

She looked at him curiously, "Oh, did _you_ bring a girl to the Prefect's Bathroom, Remus?"

"No comment." He looked away.

"Because Charlie and I had a couple of snogs in there."

He looked back at her pointedly. "Are you _determined_ to ruin the mood?"

She smirked. "Oh, you know me, verbal diarrhea."

"Let's add a disgusting mental image to the mix, why don't we? Am I going to have to shut you up with my mouth?"

"That was the general idea," she said, laughing, as he brushed his lips over hers.

"Let's see if I can't distract you." He moved behind her, breathing against her ear as he reached around to begin unbuttoning her robes with deft fingers. With a sigh, she leaned against him. Once unfastened, he slid her robes open, allowing them to slide down her arms and pool at her feet, and he planted light kisses over her neck and shoulders.

He murmured against her ear, "Your skin is remarkably lovely in the candle light. The Muggles can keep these electric lights of theirs. I have always enjoyed watching the flames dance in your eyes." He moved his fingers up and down her back, tracing her spine and skimming over the spot where her waist widened into her hips and bottom.

She shivered, and asked, "Are we ever going to get in the water, Remus?"

"I just want to look at you a bit. You're beautiful."

She let out a snort of derision.

"You _are _beautiful, Nymphadora, and I have been dreaming about your body for months." He slid his hands around her waist, cupping her stomach and pulling her against him while biting gently on her neck. "I have this image of you, standing naked in the early morning sunlight, that first morning, reading your letter. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I remember thinking that despite everything, I was the luckiest man on earth."

She turned her head, meeting his mouth with her own and kissing him voraciously. She wanted to turn completely around and face him, but he held her fast with one hand while the other skimmed up and down her body. Itching to touch him in return, she raised her arms to reach behind her and thrust her hands in his hair. He responded by reaching up to cup her breasts, and with a low moan, she turned in his arms, kissing any spot of him that she could reach. With shaking hands, she began to clumsily remove his clothes, tugging him back toward the water.

"Get in," he ordered, and she complied, watching him expectantly while he finished undressing and then gazing pointedly up and down his body, biting her lip. He slid into the water, and even though there was hunger blazing in his eyes, he deliberately made his way to the wine that had been set up at one end of the tub, pouring two glasses and handing her one. He then leaned against the tub wall opposite her, draping his arms over the edge of the tub and stretching his legs out on top of hers.

"You're going to torture me again, Remus?"

"This was _supposed_ to be relaxing. Drink your wine and enjoy the bubbles for a bit. You're wound too tightly right now."

"Whose fault is that?"

He grinned sheepishly. "Well, I didn't mean to get you so turned on in such a hurry. There's no need to rush this. We have all night. So, why don't you tell me about your day."

She sighed and resigned herself to chit-chat. "You saw the most exciting part of it. Basically, I am just a glorified security troll, these days."

"But a very pretty one."

She blushed and rolled her eyes. "I just make the rounds of the town and castle. I must have walked a thousand miles in the last six months."

"Good for the heart," he pointed out.

"But _murde_r on my feet."

"You see, there _is_ something that I can do for you." He picked up her foot, which had been stealthily creeping up his thigh, with two hands and began to massage it, deeply. She groaned, and slipped a little further into the water, in order to give him better access,

"You see, now those jets have a better chance to hit you on your shoulders. Now, hurry up and drain that glass, I'm way ahead of you already." "

"Trying to get me drunk?"

"No, just a little more pliable."

"Going to contort me into strange positions?" She giggled.

"Well, I _did_ bring my Kama Sutra with me."

That caused her eyes, which had been closed in bliss, to pop open. "Really?"

He laughed wryly. "No. But I want you to feel absolutely boneless. I want you to know, just a little, how wonderful that potion you put on me makes me feel."

"I could have gotten some more."

"Ah, but then you would go to sleep to quickly and I wouldn't be able to shag you until you're purring.

"I don't purr!" she protested.

"Yes, you do."

"Well, _you_ growl!" she threw out.

"_I do not," _he said firmly.

Tonks grinned. "Yes you do. It's dead sexy, too. Makes my toes curl."

"Next you're going to tell me that I howl." He raised his eyebrow, watching her in amusement.

"No, not yet. I'm still working on that one. But one of these days I am going to manage it."

"Werewolf groupie."

"Nah. I'm just a Remus groupie."

"Oh, really? Are there many of you?"

"Well, there's that bird down the hall, anyway."

"Who only liked me because I was kind to her," he pointed out.

Tonks snorted. "You keep telling yourself that. And, I imagine there are more than a few girls, and possibly boys, who went to Hogwarts around 1994 that were utterly devastated by your sad, tortured eyes and ratty cardigan."

"The same ones who also sighed over that lilac-robed poof with the wavy hair whom I replaced, I am sure," he said wryly.

"Well, they would have matured by the next year. Learned to appreciate a manly man. Oh and there is at least one more groupie. I'm fairly certain that Hestia Jones sighs over your arse when you're not looking."

"Very funny, Nymphadora."

"It is, isn't it? Makes me want to shout out in meetings, 'Hands off, he's mine!' But I reckon you would be a little miffed if I did."

"Just a bit."

"Oh, and my landlady thinks you are cute."

"Does she?"

"And Molly called you a 'sex god'."

"She most certainly did not."

"Did so. But she called Arthur one, too."

"Well, Arthur must be one or else she wouldn't have spent half her adult life pregnant by him. Still, it's not something I care to think about at this particular moment."

Finished with her feet, he had begun to work his way up her legs, moving between them inch by inch and making certain to keep her drink topped off while she continued sipping and babbling happily. With her eyes closed in relaxation, she barely noticed that he kept moving closer until his body brushed against hers. She opened her eyes to find him leaning over her, bending down to lick the steam off her jaw. Her body felt lighter than air and she allowed herself to float onto her back, tightening her legs around his waist. He slid his hands up her thighs, over her hips, and up to her ribcage, where they stopped, while he circled her nipples with his thumbs. Letting out a happy sigh, Tonks leaned back further, immersing her hair in the water. With her ears submerged, and her eyes closed, she felt as if she was suspended in a peaceful cocoon. Her skin tingled as though the bubbles were a thousand fingers caressing her skin.

He took advantage of her arched back, leaning down to lap up the drops of water which were rolling down her skin. Her nipples had contracted in the cold air, and he took each of them in his mouth in turn, while moving his fingers down her body. He caressed the fevered flesh between her thighs, impossibly warmer and wetter that the water surrounding it. With a gasp, she lifted her head out of the water, clutching the side of the tub for support while he stroked her, in gentle circles, sliding his fingers in and out of her. He watched her reactions intently, the pulse pounding at his neck. Eventually, after a great deal of writhing and calling out his name, along with a few obscene words and suggestions, jerked away from his fingers and sat up, collapsing against him.

But he wasn't quite through with her; as he, in spite of his earlier jokes, used his imagination to think of many different ways to join their bodies, aided by the buoyancy of the water. When she finally climbed into his bed, soaking wet and exhausted, the hum of contentment that she made sounded remarkably like a purr. He pointed that fact out to her as he thoughtfully performed a drying spell on skin and hair and the sheets that she had heedlessly dampened. She, unamused, pointed out that some of the sounds that he had made in the tub had certainly bordered on howls.

It may have been exhaustion, or possibly the effects of the hot water, but both of them had the deepest and most restful sleep that they had experienced in over six months. Remus would never have freely admitted that he no longer slept well without her in his arms, not even to himself. Tonks, however, had never been in the habit of trying to fool herself. She knew she needed him, and for more than just a good night's sleep. He was part of her; without him, she no longer functioned properly. Without him, well, certainly she could _survive,_ but _living_ was another matter entirely.

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_**A/N: Longest delay ever, I think. Real life does tend to interfere, and for some reason this was a very hard chapter to write. You would think that all that sex would have just come flowing effortlessly out of my typing fingers, but...**_

_**Things seem to be going well for our pair at the moment, but anyone who has read HBP will know that there is a bad patch coming. Tonks seems to be a little less satisfied with what Remus is willing to offer and he may decide to be more stubborn in reaction to what he sees as people pushing him into something he's not ready for. Tonks may also (unwisely) choose to give Remus an idea of how he would feel if she took his advice to find someone more worthy.**_

_**I am beginning to see the end of this story approaching, I see less than five chapters more to come.**_

_**Anyway, (shameless begging) please let me know what you think so far.**_

_**And, to my readers, thanks for all of your praise and support.**_


	19. Bright star, would I were steadfast as t

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art**

_Damn it, he has to see me, he can't keep doing this, the goddamn coward!_

Nymphadora Tonks entered the door at number twelve, Grimmauld Place as quietly as was humanly possible, especially for a human who happened to have two left feet. Remus had been avoiding her for weeks, somehow managing to leave the premises every time she entered Headquarters. She was determined to confront him, however, and if she had to sneak in stealthily, she would do her best to manage it.

_It was such a stupid argument, and yes, I overreacted, but he did too, and now he's being more stubborn than he was last summer!_

She began to tiptoe down the hallway, but the noises coming from the kitchen made it apparent that stealth was completely unnecessary.

She entered the kitchen and was immediately dazzled by an explosion of bright red hair and loud, joyful voices. There were far more Weasleys than could ever have been expected to be together at six on a weeknight in the middle of spring, and she wondered how Ron, who was seated at the table, had managed to leave school in the middle of term. But when Molly called out her name in greeting, he stood up and began to turn towards her. _Not tall enough to be Ron, unless he took a shrinking solution, and much more muscular…_

"Charlie!" she squealed, and rushed toward him, throwing her arms around his neck. He picked her up as if she weighed less than a house elf, and spun her around, grinning.  
"Tonks, love, is it just me or do you feel a lot lighter? You don't weigh much more than a dragon's egg."

"New diet, don't you know; nothing but grapefruit and red wine. I'm doing my best to look like one of those Witch Weekly cover girls."

"Liar."

"Whatcha doing here? How long are you staying? What've you been doing?"

"Making a report—staying two days—and bringing a new welsh green into the world, respectively."

Molly interrupted with a cough as Charlie put his burden down gently. "He's also coming to get a few proper meals in his belly. That foreign food is far too spicy for a good digestion."

"Yeah, I forgot to mention, I've come to be nagged and pestered a bit, too." Charlie said, walking over to put his arm around his mother. "Next thing you know, she'll be after me to cut my hair, berating me for my tattoos and then she'll start wondering aloud when I'm going to find a nice girl, settle down, and give her grandchildren."

Molly snorted, and Charlie, after kissing her cheek, looked back at Tonks and said, "What d'you say, Tonks; wanna help make my Mum a grandmum?"

Molly looked at Tonks with a horrified expression and Tonks was a little hurt to think that perhaps Molly found the idea of her as a daughter-in-law unsettling. But as Molly's eyes darted to the corner of the kitchen, Tonks realized that Remus was standing there, teacup in hand, watching the whole exchange with a look in his eyes reminiscent of a cornered stray dog.

"Wotcher, Remus," she said brightly. "Didn't see you over there."

"Hello, Tonks."

She frowned, but immediately afterward put on the cheeriest expression she could muster. "I was hoping to have a word with you."

"Well, I…" He broke off awkwardly.

Molly, taking pity on him, said, "You can talk over whatever it is after dinner, which will be ready in about ten minutes. You're staying, of course, Tonks. And Remus, you are too. I've made shepherds pie."

Neither of them thought to argue with her when she used _that _tone of voice, and so within half an hour found themselves sitting down at the magically expanded table which groaned with the weight of the food that Molly had made. They sat on opposite sides of the table, but not close enough for Tonks to touch his feet with one of her own. She ended up hitting Fred, who looked over at her and waggled his eyebrows suggestively. She was tempted to take a peek into his mind to see if he was taking her seriously, but reckoned that a glimpse into the mind of a nineteen year-old bloke would probably scar her for life. This wasn't just any bloke, either - it was one of the twins, who were - to say the least - devilishly creative.

This gave her the idea to make a quick probe into Remus' brain, hoping that he would be too distracted to have put up an effective barrier. He'd refused to even _look _in her direction since he sat down, so she felt a little less guilty about legilimency than she normally would have.

_Stubborn git._ He had anticipated her, naturally, and the suggestion that she found lurking in there, for her benefit, was one that Remus would never have deigned to utter aloud. She blushed, and turned her attention back to her food and to Charlie, who was reminiscing about the raucous party that they had attended a few days after their final day at Hogwarts. This brought about a few reminiscences from Bill, Fred, George and even Fleur about their end-of-school parties. George tried to draw Lupin into the conversation, hoping for details about Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prong's escapades. Remus was somewhat tight-lipped, mumbling that he had been in too much a hurry to find work and that Lily and James were in a hurry to get married to celebrate much, though he recalled Sirius and Peter had popped over to Amsterdam for a week of unfettered licentiousness.

The brief mention of marriage of marriage was enough to set Fleur off on a tangent about wedding plans, which left everyone listening with half an ear and pained expressions. Bill somehow managed to nod and shake his head at all the appropriate moments with his fiancée while still carrying on an earnest conversation with his visiting brother in which they hatched a plan for an extended pub crawl after dinner. Fred agreed to the plan immediately, but George reminded him that they had a meeting scheduled with an importer from Tasmania who had a tempting array of products they had been thinking of adding to their stock. The Tasmanian wizard was returning to his side of the globe in the morning, so the meeting was essentially mandatory. Fred grumbled, but assured his elder brothers that they would join the party later. Tonks and Remus were invited in turn; Tonks agreed at once, looking at Remus pointedly, and Remus, under pressure, said that he would try to finish his paperwork in time to join the group.

Tonks thought that an evening in mixed company with alcohol involved was a pretty good way to re-establish communication with Remus, and abandoned her earlier plan to throw his letter in his face, demanding acknowledgment of his feelings. Of course, it wouldn't hurt to have an attractive young wizard flirting shamelessly with her in front of him, or rather, three, if the twins came out in time. This seemed to be an occasion which required all the weapons at her disposal, so when she told them that she was going to nip upstairs to her room in order to find something suitable to wear (they had agreed to mix wizard pubs with Muggle pubs, and Tonks had been more than happy to supply a few suggestions) she instead apparated from her room to her own flat. There, she put into use everything that her mother and her formerly useless dorm-mates had tried to teach her about self-improvement of the physical nature. She descended the stairs cautiously (due to the shoes) but with an aura of self-confidence, and when she re-entered the kitchen, Charlie let out a low whistle of appreciation. This caused Remus, who was sitting at the table in a discussion with Arthur, to turn and he turned back again just as quickly, answering Arthur's question with a hoarser voice than normal. Bill and Fleur joined them a minute later, and the filthy look that Fleur sent Tonks' way only increased her confidence. Fleur tugged Bill out of the kitchen as quickly as possible, asking him to help her find her cloak, and Arthur followed a moment later, pulling on his own cloak in preparation of his Order duties for the evening.

Tonks turned to Remus, giving him the megawatt smile that her mother had perfected. "You're coming with us, of course, Remus."

"No, Nymphadora, I'd better not."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am."

"Because we'd really like you to come."

"I have things to do."

"But…"

Charlie interrupted, a little puzzled. "Tonks, give the man a break, won't you? He's not in the mood."

"I'll bet he isn't," she said caustically.

"Remus," she said a moment later, once Charlie had left the kitchen to gather up Bill and Fleur. "Why won't you come?"

"Because I do not fit into your little foursome. I am not the type of man who enjoys going out drinking and dancing. In any case, I'm still very tired from the transformation."

"Then I'll stay here with you."

"No, you will not. You have no reason not to go out."

"Yes, I do."

"No, Nymphadora. You _do not_. We have discussed this over and over again. You need to let go and start moving on. This is _perfect_, actually."

"_You_ have discussed this. _I_ have argued against it."

"But you are not happy with what I am willing to offer, and I feel guilty enough about the compromises I have already made. I will not backtrack this time. We are _not_ going to be together. Not temporarily, and certainly not permanently."

"So, is this what you really want, for me to go out with other blokes?"

"I've said so, haven't I?"

"Yes, but you also told me that 'the wolf' is jealous."

"I have control over the wolf most of the time. And I told you that when I had some intention of making a go of all this. Now I do not, so you are free."

"Am I free to do a little flirting?"

"Yes, you are."

"What about snogging, Remus? Will you be upset if I do that?"

Remus' face reddened slightly, but his voice was pleasant as he asked, "What part of _free_ do you not understand?"

"Free to fuck someone else tonight if I care to?"

His eyes narrowed. "Well, if you are going to hop into bed on the first date… regardless, it's none of my concern."

"Wouldn't be the first date with Charlie, would it?"

Remus blanched visibly. "Charlie? I thought…you said that you two didn't suit that way…that you were better off as friends."

"Well, he would be the perfect 'rebound bloke' then, wouldn't he? In any case, I've always cared about him. And, he's matured a lot since school. Who knows, maybe it would work this time around."

After staring at her for a few long moments, his face inscrutable, Remus said, "Well, as I previously stated, you _are_ free…"

She taunted, "Perhaps I'd better take him back to my place, instead of coming back here tonight. I'm not sure if silencing spells would do any good against your wolf ears, and I wouldn't want to be _cruel."_

"Stop it, Nymphadora," he said, his teeth clenched.  
She spat, "Oh, does it bother you? Because you did say that I was _free, _didn't you? I just want to make sure you really understand what it is that you are asking me to do. Will you be able to stick around after you realize that I am giving myself freely to another man? Will you be able to attend my wedding? With you be able to stand the sight of me carrying another man's child?"

"You're playing with fire…"

"No, love, _Charlie_ plays with fire. Damn sexy when he does it, too. _I_ play with wolves. But my wolf doesn't want me any more, apparently."

"Nymphadora," he said sternly.

"So just answer me, Remus Lupin. Are you gonna make a claim on me, or am I free to bring Charlie or any other bloke into the same bed that we made love in?"

He stiffened. "Your personal life is no longer my concern, Tonks."

"Then don't wait up for me, _Lupin." _She left the kitchen with as much dignity as she could muster, slamming the door behind her.

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Charlie and Tonks faced each other across a small round table in a noisy, smoke-filled bar.

Charlie, after raising his mug to her and taking a long swig of ale, asked, "So what's wrong with that Remus bloke? Bill said he's pretty cool, but he seemed a little cold to me."

Tonks came to Remus' defense, although at the moment she felt that he was the coldest person she had ever had the misfortune to meet, including her Slytherin relatives. "Cold, no. You just caught him on a bad day."

"Oh. I thought maybe he didn't like me."

She looked up quickly. "Really? Why would you say that?"

"He was kind of stiff and formal with me, but I saw him being really nice to Mum."

"It takes him a while to warm up to people."

"So you're pretty good friends?" he asked. You really seemed anxious for him to come with us."

"Yeah, we're pretty good friends. Or we were. I don't know anymore." She shook her head, looking down at the sticky floor.

"You okay Tonks?"

She inhaled and mustered a dazzling smile. "Yeah, brilliant. Dance with me, will you?"

The song they stepped out into the middle of, one that all of the Muggles seemed to know quite well, had a heavy base line and lyrics that fell just short of obscene. Tonks was never particularly graceful, and this fact was at its most obvious on a dance floor, but Charlie was used to it, and managed to guide her into some semblance of a rhythm. With a great deal of laughter they survived the rest of the song, with his toes and their neighbor's backsides being the only casualties. The next song was equally infectious - encouraging them to 'shake their booties' which were instructions easy enough for even Tonks to follow with some success.

The third song was a good deal slower. Charlie pulled her into his arms easily and she allowed herself to be led into a gentle swaying rhythm.

"Great place, Tonks," he said, his breath warm against her ear.

"Yeah, I've been here once before and had a great time. We brought Sirius…" She cut herself off, unwilling to revisit that particular memory. She had suggested the place hoping that Remus would join them, making this a sentimental evening that would bring them closer together.

She was glad that Charlie and indeed Bill and Fleur seemed to be enjoying themselves. She seemed to be the only one of the quartet who had any experience with Muggle pubs and dance clubs. Bill and Fleur had not left the dance floor for any other reason than to refill their drinks. They seemed to be taking full advantage of the opportunity to do little more than snog vertically in time to music. It was rather uncomfortable for the other two to watch, so they chose to dance at the opposite end of the floor.

"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Charlie. I'm having a great time."

"A little too good of a time if you ask me," he said, indicating her glass back at the table, which held her third martini.

"I thought we were supposed to be getting pissed tonight."

"Yeah, but you're not enjoying it."

"I'm fine."

"You look a little tired, too."

"Come on, Charlie, didn't your dad ever warn you not to say that to a girl? Besides, you seemed to think I looked pretty good when I came into the kitchen." She raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"Well, I was looking at your legs, wasn't I? Never seen you in a dress before, especially one so short. And low, too, on top." He lowered his eyes to her neckline and grinned at the color flooding her cheeks. After a moment he continued, in a more serious tone, "I only just got around to really looking at your face a few minutes ago. That's when I noticed some reddish pink color on your mouth, which you never used to use. Blimey, I would have been _covered_ in it by the time _you_ finished with me! But underneath it, you are white as a ghost and your eyes are tired. The only time I used to see you looking anything like this was when we lost a match."

"Well, shit. That's the last time I bother with cosmetics if it's so obvious, and useless to boot. I guess I was trying to make a point," she muttered.

"To me?"

She sighed, "No, well, not exactly. I just wanted to feel girly and maybe just a little shaggable."

"You'll always be more than shaggable to me, love. You're the girl I didn't have, after all." He seemed to consider his words for a moment, then continued, slowly. "Err, Tonks, you know that all my family write to me, don't you?"  
"Yes, of course, Charlie."

"Well, sometimes they have trouble coming up with new and interesting things to say to me, or in the case of my baby brother, they are too embarrassed to admit what a mess they have made of their lives, so they talk about other people."

"Do they?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.

"And, you ought to know that your name came up in almost everybody's letters from time to time."

"_Really? _Everybody?"

"I reckon they thought that since we were friends that I would want to know that you were going through a bad time. And to be honest, there was a little wild speculation as to why you were so down in the dumps. Anyway, back to Ron, he had a rather implausible theory; he thought you were heartsick. That maybe you'd lost someone you were in love with."

"Did he, now?" Ron had never seemed particularly insightful to Tonks, but then again…

"Apparently he and his friends had discussed it," Charlie admitted

"They did _what?"_

"And they decided that perhaps you had fallen in love…"

"Oh for pity's sake!" she sputtered.

"…Because your Patronus had changed…"

"Haven't people got anything better to do?"

"He asked me if it was possible that you and Sirius Black had been involved." Charlie grimaced, clearly anticipating an outburst.

"Bloody Hell, has everyone in the world gone mad?"

"Not the first person to suggest it, eh?"

"What kind of idiotic…My goddamn _cousin!_ What kind of person would choose a boyfriend who looks exactly like a parent?"

"Sirius didn't look like your dad," Charlie pointed out, confusion in his eyes.

"My mum, you idiot!"

"Oh yeah, I guess he did look like your mum! That _would_ be a little odd. But picking someone like a parent isn't unheard of. I mean it's not like I have avoided all redheaded women just because they might resemble my mum somewhat. To be honest, redheads are hard to come by in Romania, so I tend to notice them _more_ if anything." He grinned, the tips of his ears going pink.

"Yeah, but Sirius looked like Mum for a _reason_. And it wasn't just a resemblance; it was an uncanny one. It would have been creepy."

Yeah, I reckon it would have. However, I am told that Harry Potter has been sucking face with my baby sister, who looks uncannily like his mother," he grumbled. "And you and Sirius did spend a lot of time together."

"Well, I think you are all a little sick, twisted and utterly and completely _wrong!"_

"So, who is it then? And why did your Patronus change into a dog?"

"It's nobody! I've just had a bad year. And I don't understand why my Patronus changed. And to be honest, I came out tonight to forget all about crap like this, so please just shut up and dance with me or buy me another drink, and let's talk about anything but speculations on my love life." She found herself mortifyingly close to tears, but once again, her gallant Seeker came to the rescue, turning the conversation up on end.

"How else am I supposed to find out if you are going to let me snog you, or more?"

"The same way you always do; by snogging me, you great prat! If I pull away or slap you, then you'll have your answer."

"So I have to risk rejection. You're not going to make it easy for me?"

"Are you a Gryffindor or not, Charlie Weasley?"

He leaned into her, meeting her eyes and grinning wickedly as he barely brushed his mouth against hers. It was familiar as ever, but felt foreign at the same time. She decided to give it another try, and kissed him in return, a little deeper, with more contact between their bodies. He pulled her closer, his arm wrapped around her waist, his hips swaying against hers in time to the music. She waited for that release of tension, that little sigh that encompassed her body and soul, allowing herself to just _feel_ and forget about the world around her. It had always been so easy, so comfortable with Charlie. He was kind and considerate, and always a lot of fun to be near. But it was taking a lot longer than normal for the feel of his chapped lips and the stubble from his jaw against her face, his powerful arms and callused hands on her body to work their magic. Once again, she felt close to tears. With a growl of frustration, she threw her arms around his neck, kissing him fiercely, opening her mouth wider to tangle her tongue with his.

Right about this point the tempo of the music changed and he pulled away from her with a groan, taking her hand and leading her off the dance floor. As she sat back in her stool, her eyes fixed on her drink, he kissed her cheek and left to procure refills. She sat alone, shaking slightly and struggling to hold back the floodgates behind her eyes. _It's bloody unfair! He's completely ruined me for other men._ She scanned the crowd, watching the other couples dance happily.

Tonks remembered the first time that she had coaxed Remus onto this very dance floor, how surprised she had been by his grace and the strength of his arms around her. She recalled the chills that she had felt when she heard his voice speaking low against her ear, and the lovely scent she had discovered when she laid her cheek against his chest. Impatiently, she wiped at her eyes and looked up to find Bill Weasley staring at her across the floor, suspiciously. Yeah, he would have been smart enough to know the difference between a dog and a wolf, and was probably wondering what the hell she was doing with her tongue down his brother's throat. She looked away, blushing furiously.

When Charlie returned, she couldn't quite meet his eyes but accepted a drink gratefully.

"Do you want to get out of here, Tonks?" he asked, and she looked up at him, panicked, not quite prepared mentally to reject him. His face, however, had a kind and understanding smile on it and he reached over to brush a tear away from the corner of her eye with his thumb. "Maybe we could go get some tea or coffee somewhere quiet."

"Yeah, I'd like that," she said, and gathered up her things to leave. Charlie, after leaving a tip and waving across the dance floor to his brother, helped her put on her jacket, then they exited the club into the cool night air. He reached down to hold her hand companionably.

"You know I love you, don't you, Charlie? You're one in a million."

He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "I love you, too, Tonks. Now, why don't you tell me where to find the cocksucker who had broken your heart, so I can beat the shit out of him."

Her vision grew blurry from unshed tears and she swallowed hard. "Not a cocksucker, Charlie, but I appreciate the offer."

"Okay, an arsehole."

She sighed, "Yeah, you can call him that, but I still don't want you beating him up. The trouble is, he thinks he's doing the right thing, and I can't convince him otherwise."

"I don't get it."

"No, you wouldn't. The stupid sod is convinced he's unworthy of me."

"Well, clearly he _is_ unworthy of you if he's made you cry," he said gently.

"You wouldn't understand. You've always had such amazing self-confidence."

Charlie snorted in derision. "Are you _kidding?_ I was a short, poor kid with bright red hair, covered in freckles and wearing my brother's ill-fitting robes. Confidence is something you have to work at."  
Tonks' mouth dropped open in shock. _Charlie, insecure? Maybe there's hope for Remus after all. _

Then it occurred to her that there really was no comparison between the two men, and she said sadly,"Well, at his age, I don't think that it is going to ever happen."

They entered a teashop, but decided to get their drinks in Styrofoam cups and continue with their walk. Charlie continued to hold her hand, squeezing it in reassurance while they headed toward the river.

"So then, it's pretty much over between you two?"

She raised her cup to her face, breathing in the steam coming out the lid, though it was still too hot to drink. "I guess so. Why do you ask?

"Well, I don't think you would have put that much of an effort into kissing me if you …well, you know."

"He as much as _told me_ to go ahead and do it," she grumbled.

Charlie's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Do what?"

"Well, kiss you; kiss anyone I wanted." She snorted. "_Shag_ you to be perfectly honest."

"He _did not_ tell you to shag me!" Charlie said incredulously.

"Yeah, he did! I mean, not in so many words, but I got the message."

"So he knew…you mean he was there, you talked to him today?"

"Tonight."

"Not…" His eyes widened in dawning realization. "Oh, bollocks, Tonks you mean that _old_ bloke?"

"He's not old!" she sputtered indignantly.

"Remus, right? No wonder he gave me a dirty look."

"Yeah, and for your information, he's only thirty-seven. He just looks older because…Well he's not old, anyway. He's smarter than you and me put together, not to mention sweet and funny and kind and good…"

"And dull, and stiff…"

"And a bloody fabulous shag, for your information!"

"_That_ guy?" he said in derision, letting go of her hand.

"And probably the second most powerful wizard that you and I have ever met, though he'd never let you know it!"

"If he's so sweet and kind and good and all that, then why did he…" Charlie met Tonks' eyes with an expression of horrified understanding. "Oh, shit, Tonks, please _do not_ tell me that you are using me to…Oh hell yeah, of course you are! You went out with me to make a _werewolf_ jealous!"

"_I did not!_ I mean, I tried to invite him but then he threw it in my face that I was _free._ I had no idea that you were going to kiss me. I imagined flirting with you a bit, but when he said I was free I got pissed off, and asked him to be specific about what I was free to do."

"So, you _did _try to make him jealous of me."

"Well, no…Yeah, I reckon I did."

"Shit, Tonks!"  
She glared at him. "You're not afraid of him, Charlie? I mean, you handle _dragons!"_

"No, I'm not afraid, Tonks, it's just…" He shook his head. "Well, shit. Trying to make someone jealous; that's not like you. That's more like something some of the bints at school would have done."

"Thanks a lot, Charlie," she spat.

"I don't mean to call you a… I mean, I guess I'm surprised. You were never manipulative, you know? It just seems so…girly."

"If I were you, Charlie Weasley, I would shut up my chauvinistic mouth before it gets a fist stuffed into it. For your information, I _am_ a girl!"

"I know _that,_ Tonks. Wasn't I the first one to get my hands on your…" He broke off at the look on her face and changed tactic. "I just never thought I'd see you acting this way."

"I am at a loss, Charlie. I have tried to handle this in every way possible for nearly a year. I've tried being completely honest with him. I've tried to give him space. I've been supportive when he needed it. I've thrown myself at him; I've rejected him. The only thing I never tried was making him jealous, and that was because I never _wanted_ anyone else. But he _practically begged me_ to find someone else, and for once, I thought, I'd give it a shot. I mean it's you, and you're adorable. I know it's a shitty thing to do to you, but it's not like you're in love with me or anything. Are your feelings hurt, Charlie?" She looked at him pleadingly.

He thrust his hands in his pockets. "No, Tonks. That's not what this is about. I'm not really mad or anything. It's just…the way he looked at me - it bothered me. And Dad and Bill keep telling me that he is a really good man, and that he's been through a lot. I don't like the idea of…Tell me, have you ever actually studied wolves, Tonks?"

"Of course I have, Charlie. Werewolves _and _normal wolves. I know what I've gotten myself into."

"Because wolves are generally monogamous. And they protect their families and territories fiercely. And they are remarkably loyal."

"Kind of like Weasleys that way," she teased.

"Yeah, which is why I've never even considered trying to put the moves on one of my brothers' girls, any more than I would be fool enough to attempt to encroach on a dragon's territory."

"I only want him to stand up and claim me, Charlie. If he had, there's not a chance in hell I would have let you touch me."

He looked at her sadly, throwing an arm around her. "I hope you know what you're doing, then."

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A few hours later, Tonks stumbled into the doorway of Grimmauld Place supported by Charlie. Tea, it seemed, did not satisfy for very long, and Tonks dragged Charlie into a grubby Muggle pub, where they threw darts and played billiards - Charlie with some success and Tonks failing spectacularly. While Charlie limited himself to snakebites - drinks he sorely missed in Romania, Tonks drank gin and tonics like water, attempting to drown her self-loathing and sorrow and secure in the knowledge that Charlie was there to protect her.

Charlie had repeatedly tried to talk her into letting him guide her back to her own flat, allowing him to return to Grimmauld Place alone. She had refused to give him directions, and Charlie finally relented, expressing his hopes that everyone in the house would be asleep by the time they returned (particularly his overprotective mother and her potentially savage lover.)

He walked her upstairs with some difficulty and deposited her in her bed, thoughtfully forcing a glass of water, which he had spiked with an analgesic, down her throat. He then made his way to his own temporary room, where he dreamed of dragons, veelas and werewolves, all of whom were determined to eat him alive.

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Tonks made her way down to the kitchen about an hour later, after vomiting into the conveniently placed biscuit tin on her nightstand. She thought that a piece of toast along with a steaming hot mug of Healer Whoozee's Patented Hangover Helper would ensure a much pleasanter morning than she deserved. She shuffled to the stove, swearing a bit as her toes hit the table leg, which surely must have jumped out in front of her, determined to cause pain. As she set the kettle to boil, she turned to the kitchen table, awkwardly pulling out a chair and falling into it. Once settled she raised her legs, attempting to rest her aching feet, which had spent the better part of the evening being tortured by a pair of three-inch strappy sandals, onto the chair across from her. Instead of the cracked leather of the ugly oak chair, she hit cloth--tweed, to be specific-- and wiry muscle and bone rather than wood and foam. She didn't need Remus' heightened sense of hearing to recognize his quiet 'ummph' at the contact.

"What the fuck!" she yelled, while silently illuminating the tip of her wand.

Remus grimaced and didn't say anything, his pupils contracting at the sudden light.

"What the hell are you doing here, Remus?"

"I _live_ here,' he pointed out. "I ought to ask what _you_ are doing here when you have a perfectly accessible flat of your own."

"I have a right to stay here if I want! And what I meant was, why are you sitting here, alone in the dark?"

"Well, it wasn't dark; I had a candle burning, but heard you coming and hoped to…"

"To avoid me," she muttered, glaring at him.

"To avoid placing you into an embarrassing position, actually."

"Why should I be embarrassed?"

"You're drunk, for one thing."

"That isn't tea you're drinking, you goddamn hypocrite!" she spat indignantly. "Are _you _drunk?"

"Much less so than you, I am certain," he said wryly.

"Well at least _I_ didn't drink alone. You could have come out with us, Remus. I practically _begged_ you to."

His response dripped with sarcasm. "Somehow I don't think _that_ would have been an enjoyable evening for _any_ of the party."

"What's that supposed to mean? You get along just fine with Bill, you should have given Charlie a chance."

He let out a snort of laughter. "I did give Charlie a chance, Nymphadora. And apparently he made use of it."

He stood up and brushed past her, inhaling deeply. "Good night."

Tonks sank into the chair, a sense of dread washing over her. She buried her head in her hands, wanting to cry, wanting to scream in frustration, wanting to tear her hair out, wanting to flatten the kitchen with a powerful magical blast. She considered taking enough sleep draught to send her into three days of oblivion, but suddenly remembered that she had an appointment with her father that very morning - in a couple of hours actually - for a sunrise broom ride around the Lake District. It was too late to cancel. With a sigh, she stood up, poured the boiling water into a mug, and ripped open the packet of potion she had carelessly dropped on the floor. _A far pleasanter morning than I deserve, certainly. _

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Remus opened the front door of number twelve, Grimmauld Place with a surge of irritation, though he made sure to keep his facial expression friendly and welcoming. He could not quite mask his surprise as he recognized the burly frame and friendly face of Ted Tonks, really the very last person he was in the mood to deal with today, possibly including Lord Voldemort himself. He plastered a smile on his face and greeted Ted warmly, holding out his hand.

"Oh, hello, there, Remus. Fancy meeting you here."

He ushered Ted into the entryway, careful to moderate his voice. "I live here. For the time being anyway. I am rather surprised to find you at the doorstep, though."

"Oh, I'm just here to meet Andie. She said there was somebody she wanted to introduce me to." Apparently Ted had been duly warned to keep his voice down by his wife. They walked together toward the kitchen, speaking in hushed voices.

"Really? Anything you care to tell me about?"

Ted hesitated for a moment. "Well, I suppose…I'm going to help out your 'Order' occasionally, by helping to replenish your supply of potions. I'm supposed to meet with the member of the group who is in charge of it."

Remus' brow furrowed. "I thought you said you'd already met him."

"Who?"

"Severus Snape."

"_What?"_ Ted stopped in his tracks, looking at Remus in disbelief.

"Come to think of it, you never actually _said_ his name but you _described_ him rather well…"

"When?"

"When we spoke about Wolfsbane."

"I _was_ talking about him. But I had no idea he was in the Order! If anything I would have thought he was a…"

Remus hurriedly interjected, "Regardless, he _is_ a member of the Order. Why on earth would he be supplying me with Wolfsbane otherwise?"

Ted shrugged. "I just assumed…because Dumbledore is his boss."

Something nagged Remus' brain and he spoke his thoughts aloud. "That too, but in any case, I wonder why…" He paused for nearly a full minute.

"Why what?" Ted prompted.

"Why we need a second Potions master."

"Dumbledore said something about the current one being stretched rather thin."

"Hmm…odd, that." Remus shook off his confusion as he pushed open the kitchen door. "So, shall I make tea? Or, there is brandy in the library."

"Tea, thanks."

"If your wife is coming then I probably ought to start a pot of coffee, too, hadn't I?" He busied himself with the ritual of coffee and tea while Ted sat down at the kitchen table, watching him. Once Remus had finished, manners dictated that he sit with the visitor until the others arrived, though he would very much have liked to be alone.

After a while, Ted spoke again, in a hesitant voice. "Lupin," he began.

"Yes, Ted?"

"Dora…"

_Damn it!_ "Yes? What about her?"

"I want to talk to you about her. She's…really very…unhappy."

Remus responded cautiously. "I've noticed that myself."

"Any idea why?" Ted gazed unflinchingly at Remus, a clear challenge in his eyes.

"Well…"

"Because she seemed to be doing better for a while there. Not like she was before…well, _before,_ anyway. But she seem to be…more hopeful. And now…I'm worried about her. She seems to be about ready to break."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

Remus was silent for an uncomfortably long time when Ted said, "Did you two have a fight?"

"Why…Why would you think that?"

"Did you break up with her, Remus?"

He thought about denying it, but he didn't need Legilimency to convince him that Ted was the kind of man who valued forthrightness above most other qualities. "Yes, Ted, I did. But not for the reason you'd…"

"Is it that Julie girl?"

Remus was a little shocked. "No!"

"Then someone else."

"No, never. Not even a possibility, Ted."

"Then why?"

Remus sighed, looking down at the battered table. "How can I possibly hope to explain…"

"You'd better start trying!" The pain and anger in Ted's voice was enough to capture Remus' attention and persuaded him to do his best to win Ted over to his way of thinking.

"She deserves better than me."

"Hell yes, she does! But what difference does that make?"

"A lot. To me, anyway."

"So…you broke up with her for her own good?" Ted started to laugh, a big booming sound, his entire face reddening in the process.

Remus spoke before he was able to mask the irritation in his voice. "I'm sorry if I don't share your…"

Ted stopped his protestation with a wave of his hand. "Don't get offended, son. It's just… Andie's been trying to get Dora to do things 'for her own good' since she was a baby. You ought to talk to my wife about the degree of success she has had with that. A losing battle, if there ever was one."

"Well, I have been fighting losing battles all my life. I can be just as _unyielding_ as Nymphadora can be, if not more so."

"Maybe so, but in the meantime you are making my little girl unhappy, and I am not going to sit back without doing something about it."

Remus laughed wryly, asking, "What would you have me do, Ted?"

"Hell, I don't know. Since neither of you wants to even acknowledge there is anything going on, I am in no position to give you advice, other than what has gotten me through twenty-seven years with her mother. Just do whatever it is she wants."

Remus laughed even harder this time, his whole body shaking, until his eyes streamed with tears. Ted stared at him, dumbstruck. Finally Remus calmed enough to say, "She wants me to move into her flat, Ted. Would you like me to do that?"

Ted made a 'mmph' sound, as redness began to suffuse his neck.

"I didn't think so. But that's not the half of it. You see, I had thought I had managed to get past that one. When Julie finally got settled at her mother's house and we knew that the job was going to work out, both of us recognized that it was time to go back to the regular routine. But when I mentioned that I planned to come back here, and she was more than a little irritated with me. I finally managed to convince her that I was staying here at Dumbledore's request, as sort of a caretaker for Headquarters. In return, my food and lodging are taken care of. If I was to move in with her, apart from the obvious discomfort it would cause you and your wife, I would be living completely on her beneficence, and that doesn't sit well with me. I may not have a regular job, but knowing that I am not living on someone else's charity is very important to me. I work very hard for the Order, and therefore do not mind receiving food and board in return."

Ted, who had been determinedly avoiding his eyes, looked up at this. The look he sent Remus spoke of grudging respect. Remus took a deep breath, somewhat mollified, and continued, "I managed to convince her of all of this without her taking it as a rejection, which she has a tendency to do, I am afraid. I also contrived to talk her out of moving into Headquarters, pointing out that she needed to be close at hand in case there was an attack at the school or in the town. Then the next day, when I took her to lunch near the Ministry, we ran into a bit of a problem, and the whole thing got dredged up again. Percy Weasley, a former student of mine, and the brother, as I am sure you are aware, of one of Nymphadora's close friends, saw us sitting at a table together at the café. It was innocent enough, but Percy has close ties to Fudge, to Minister Scrimgeour, and to Dolores Umbridge and he is aware, not only of Nymphadora's position, but also of my…condition. He is a young man of some intelligence and a great deal of ambition that is at odds with the ideals of his family and is a Ministry sycophant to boot. A dangerous combination, I am sure you would agree. All he needed to do was to speculate, just a little, and the results could be disastrous for your daughter. When I suggested that we might want to be more discreet in the future, she suggested instead that we, to quote, 'give him a real show.' I can't tell you how many times, Ted, that I have attempted to point out to Nymphadora what kind of damage her friendship with me could do, but she refuses to take me seriously. And she is too important to risk, isn't she?"

Ted nodded, eyeing Remus with an expression of sympathy.

"Naturally she took my suggestion as another demonstration of my cowardice when it comes to her. I will freely admit to cowardice on more than one occasion in my life, Ted, but pushing her away, trying to protect her from her own shortsightedness has been the most difficult and painful thing that I have ever had to do. My cowardice has been aptly demonstrated by my inability to resist the pull she has on me, if anything. It's like fighting the pull that the moon has on me and I fail just as miserably, again and again. I keep deluding myself by thinking that having _something_ together is better than nothing, and she keeps assuring me that she is happiest when we are together, but when it comes down to it, she wants more that I can possibly offer. In the midst of this argument she brought up marriage for the second time, and once again she tried to play it off as a joke, but _I know better."_

He let this hang in the air for a moment, and sure enough, Ted jumped on it. "Then you don't intend to marry her, Remus?"

"I don't think it is possible, Ted. I don't know another of my kind who has attempted it since all of these new regulations have been passed, but I am nearly certain that it violates several laws. I can't just walk into the registry office and ask, now can I? And the attempt would surely get into the papers, and then the repercussions would begin. So our choice is to attempt it, and risk an almost certain loss of her job, or have someone discreet do it for us, and never be able to refer to each other in public as husband or wife, or just continue as we have been, which satisfies nobody, really. And all the dreams that she has had since she was a girl - the wedding surrounded by family, the babies in her arms - I can't do it. I wish I could, really, but I can't, and why should she do without them? And to force her to be alone, every month, worried about me and then to have to mop up after me the next day - it would get tiresome. Plus, she is too curious for her own good. How long do you think it would be before she decides that she doesn't want me to have to be alone on the full moon? And then, what are the odds that of all of the thousands of doses of Wolfsbane that I will take until the day that I die, that one of them will go wrong? Not to mention the financial drain I would put on her, and the loss of respect for me that would accompany it."

Ted's voice broke a little as he asked, "Did you tell her all of this?"

Remus grew agitated. "I have been telling her it from the beginning, but she just keeps telling me that she doesn't care. In any case, she told me that she was tired of feeling like the 'other woman'. And that if I was a real man, I would have stood up and claimed her as mine a long time ago. Well, I'm sure you will agree that no one likes to have their manhood questioned, particularly because half of the world assumes that I am…oh, well never mind. I think, forgive me for saying so, that she rather hoped to goad me into demonstrating my masculinity in a non-verbal way. But I managed to renew my resolve to put an end to the whole sorry business. So I suggested that she find herself a real man."

To Remus' bewilderment, Ted let out a great bark of laughter. "You're braver than you look, Lupin."

"Funny you should say that, because immediately after that, she called me a 'disgrace to the house of Gryffindor' and left in a huff, with purple sparks coming out of her fingers."

"And this was when?"

"About four weeks ago. I have been assiduously avoiding her since then, though it has not been easy. I've returned her notes and Disapparated when I sensed her entering this house. I was determined to be strong and let her go on to her real life and forget about me."

"Well, that doesn't seem bloody likely. She's been miserable - worse than before - almost frantic, really. You've got to see her, Remus."

"I did, Ted, last night. She managed to sneak into the house while I was too distracted to notice."

"So?"

Remus sighed and continued. "I was firm in my resolve. And I think she got the point. Or, she may have been just proving a point to me, but it backfired. She made a spectacle of leaving for a date from here, dressed up, made up, the whole package. She was beautiful, but then she always is. Poor sod's eyes just about popped out of their sockets. And I did nothing to stop her. Nor did I say a harsh word to her when she came back, reeking of him, along with smoke and alcohol. I even managed to hold a civil conversation with the young man over breakfast this morning, though I would have liked very much to tear him limb from limb."

He shook his head and raised his eyes, giving Ted the rare gift of an unfettered glimpse of the pain that Remus had been carrying around for months. "So Ted, do you still want me to do 'whatever it is that she wants,' or would you prefer that I get out of her life altogether, as I am desperately trying to? Wouldn't you prefer a young man who can support her, who would happily declare to the world that he loves her and give you and your wife grandchildren? Or, shall I be selfish, and cling to her, ruining her life in the process?"

Ted sat silent for a long time. Finally he said, "Remus, I haven't got any answers for you. It's a bad business all around, but certainly not the first time that two people who ought not to be together have fallen in love. I had a bit of experience along those lines myself; don't you know? I know that _I _have unwillingly been the cause of a lot of pain for my Andie, but not a day goes by that she doesn't let me know in a hundred ways that she never regretted it. And I look at that remarkable young woman that we made, and all of my regrets vanish in an instant."

"It's not the same and we can't…"

"I know, son, I know. And I won't lie to you and say that it wouldn't break Andie's heart to know that she may never get those grandbabies that she's longing to cuddle. But the truth is that my wife and I have no rights here to insist upon. It's Dora's life and her choices, and we have to accept them because we love her. But I _do_ feel that I have a right to interfere when I see that she is hurting. And she _is_ hurting, to the point that I am worried for her safety. Now, I know that people don't die of broken hearts - not really - but they can leave themselves vulnerable to illness. Not to mention the fact that that if she is not functioning properly she is more likely to get hurt at work. How will you feel if she gets hit with a curse that she should have ducked easily but didn't because she's so ruddy tired all the time? Or makes foolish choices, like she did last night, but she isn't with someone trustworthy like Charlie and gets stabbed in a dark alley, or…violated? Or what I she takes a curse for someone else, reckoning that she just wants the pain to end?"

"Oh, god…"

"It seems to me that you are not looking at the big picture here…"

"I am! It's _everybody else_ who has tunnel vision."

"Well, son. You seem convinced that you have it all figured out. You're the voice of reason in a mad world. Bit lonely, isn't it?"

Remus looked away, shaking his head.

"I suppose it will be up to my wife and I to make sure that she comes out of this in one piece. You go on and stick to your principles, son. Anyway, I think I hear Andie coming, and unless you want to have your life nosed into a bit more I suggest you disappear for a spell."

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Remus entered the kitchen the following morning holding out the hope that he was early enough to miss the usual Weasley family circus. Highly gratified to find the room empty, he set about making coffee and toast for himself. Just as he was sinking his knife into the butter, Charlie walked in alone, and Remus suppressed a groan.

"Morning, Remus."

"Good morning, Charlie," he said pleasantly. "Sleep well?"

"All right I suppose. Did you start tea?"

"No; coffee, I am afraid."

Charlie yawned widely. "That'll do. Got into the habit of coffee on the preserve, starts the morning off with a bang, you know? But when I am here, or at the Burrow, tea just says 'home' to me. That and Mum's muffins, of course."

Remus smiled. "I have developed a great fondness for your mother's baked goods, myself. You are going back today?"

"I have a Portkey for eleven-thirty."

"Did you enjoy your visit?"

"Had a blast. Good to see everybody again."

"That's nice." Remus offered one of his slices of toast to Charlie, who took it with thanks and devoured it in three quick bites. Remus turned and began to walk toward the door, saying, "I'd better get back to work. It was nice seeing you again, Charlie."

"Wait, Remus…I wanted to…"

With a sigh of resignation, Remus turned toward the younger man. "Yes?"

"Tonks…"Charlie started.

Remus stiffened and interrupted, "There's no need…"

"Yes there is!"

"Really, I don't want to…"

But Charlie was at least as stubborn as _any_ of the Weasleys, and insisted, "But _I do_. It's important to me. Important that you know…"

Remus lost his patience. "Weasley, I have really had all the discussion of Nymphadora Tonks that I could ever care to in my lifetime. I've had your mother's meddling, your father's anxious hints, Bill's quizzical looks, Dumbledore's goddamn twinkles, Snape's venom and Alastor Moody's admonitions. Do you really think you can say anything to me that has not been covered by someone else?"

Charlie was a little taken aback by Remus' vehemence. "Well I…"

"Not to mention a rather long and painfully uncomfortable talk with _her father_ last night and her mother's nearly _constant_ Legilimency!"

"Yeah well, none of them are _me,_ and I care a lot about her, and I am leaving today, so this may be my last chance and you're bloody well going to hear me out! And I think I deserve a little respect and a listening ear because I was the one that she _used_ to get a reaction out of you! Now I don't have a ruddy clue as to what it is that she sees in you, but she loves you a lot, and for that you ought to be…well how you react to it is none of my business."

"Glad we agree on something."

"Anyway, it's important to me that you know that I had no idea that she was involved with you…"

Remus broke in. "She _isn't!"_

Charlie, flushed with righteous indignation pressed on. "_Yes she is, _damn it, but the point is that if I _had _known, I would never have done more than flirt with her. As it is, I _did _make a move, in my ignorance, but she couldn't go through with it, nor could I when I realized that her heart wasn't in it. She spent the rest of the night staunchly defending you, and as she got drunker, weeping over your sorry arse. I tried to get her back to her own flat, but she insisted on coming here, so I tucked her into bed and left her alone. So if you were thinking of judging her behavior of the other night harshly, you can forget about it. And I will also add that I think you are a bloody fool, but since all of my family seem to have a great deal of respect and love for you, I hope that someday you come to your senses."

Remus shifted his feet, wishing desperately that he could just stop the whole thing, barricading himself into his old place up north, allowing himself to forget about all of these mad, interfering people. He also tried to ignore another, more feral urge - to swipe razor sharp claws across this handsome young man's face for daring to lay his hands on Remus' mate. That urge gave way to a third, more pressing desire - to find the young lady in question, to take her roughly and disappear, far away, to find a place where none of these things mattered. But the wolf inside, once he realized that 'urge number two' was not going to be satisfied, reminded the man who kept him fettered that lycanthropy would follow Remus and Nymphadora _wherever_ they went. And 'Remus the man' reminded himself that he had a vital task to complete, one that he suspected was very close to a breakthrough. With a curt nod to Charlie, whose clear blue eyes blazed with emotion, he left the kitchen, making his way back to his desk in the library and his ever-present responsibilities.

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**_A/N: Gah! This was originally supposed to be TWO chapters. I decided that you all might be tired of reading Tonks and Remus covering the same old ground in their arguments, so I though perhaps that Remus summarizing to Tonks' father might be enough, and might add an interesting perspective. I also thought that Tonks' night with Charlie might evoke more of an emotional response if you didn't know why she was behaving that way. Did it work? Please let me know what you think!_**

**_Oh, and PS: I wrote a little Remus/Tonks ficlet that does not belong in the Moondance universe any more than 'Two Out of Three Ain't Bad' does. It's called 'Putting the Dog to Bed', and it addresses the "Is Remus Gay?" issue with a little bit of humor and a whole lot of innuendo. Take a look at it if you are so inclined. _**

**_And thanks for the generous reviews!_**


	20. Love be enough: though the Wor

**Chapter Twenty**

**Love be enough: though the World be a waning**

_A/N: Most of the dialogue in this chapter is taken word for word from Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, specifically the chapter: The Phoenix Lament, which obviously, **does not belong to me.** I am shamelessly borrowing it, and it ought to make my attempts at dialogue look pretty pathetic by comparison. In the previous chapters of this story I have done my best to avoid portraying specific scenes in canon, but _this _scene _had_ to be done for the purposes of my story from either Tonks' or Remus' POV. I chose Tonks. _

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Tonks hurried into the castle, heading straight for McGonagall's familiar office. What she wouldn't have given for a night off, the chance to soak her feet and curl up on the sofa, wrapped in…no, she gave that back, nearly two months ago, hadn't she? He needed it more than she had, after all. She hadn't even been able to face giving it back in person, to have to deal with his polite insistence, 'oh no; you keep it, Tonks.' _As if it could possibly make up for his desertion._

So, she had wrapped it carefully and laid it on his bed in his room at Headquarters. And so what if she had picked up his pillow, inhaling deeply? And she really hadn't cried much, had she? At least she had resisted the impulse to steal one of his shirts, keeping it hidden in her house. That would have been a little _too_ much like stalking. Plus, he would have missed it. He had too few articles of clothing as it was. Not that she had looked through them. Not much, anyway. And it wasn't like he wouldn't be able to tell exactly what she had done in his room. _Damn wolf nose. _She really wished she had remembered about his heightened senses before she had poked around his room like a love-struck teenager.

But she wasn't going to think about him anymore. She would think about her imaginary 'perfect evening.' She would wrap herself up in the afghan that Molly gave her for Christmas, made with just as much love as Remus' quilt, and undisputedly belonging to Tonks, too. She would curl up with a book; something sad and romantic, like Jane Eyre. Not that stupid, Muggle book…well, all right, it _had_ been funny, but she still found herself fighting the nightly urge to chuck it into the floo along with that _goddamn, lying_…well not _lying,_ exactly, but that …well, shit, bloody beautiful letter that always went along with the book in her mind.

Pushing aside thoughts of the book _and_ the letter _and_ the stupid blanket, she tried to think again about curling up on the couch, or in her fairy tale bed…no, not the bed, too many memories, back to the couch. Shit, the couch had a few memories too. Okay, then, the beanbag chair. With a large bowl of popcorn and some hot chocolate. Better yet, a bottle of butterbeer. No, some Chardonnay - better yet, a gin and tonic. Tequila shots, possibly. No, _that_ was taking it a bit far.

Regardless, it was really a pointless fantasy because she was not going to do _any_ of that tonight - she was on duty for the Order. And she was praying rather fervently that the 'Order duty' in question would _not_ include any contact with a certain sad sack of a werewolf. Because she just couldn't deal with any more of his polite and distant behavior. Because she had to struggle not to burst into tears every time she saw him. Because she just couldn't see how she would ever get past his stubborn noble streak.

"Nymphadora!" called out a familiar brogue, stopping her in her tracks.

"Oh, hello…" she broke off because she never could quite manage to call her former head of house 'Minerva,' and the formidable woman in question had asked her repeatedly _not_ to call her Professor McGonagall anymore. "I'm sorry I'm late."

"Albus told me that you would be here some time after the others. I realize that you have only just finished your Auror patrols. Did you get yourself something to eat?"

"Yeah," Tonks lied, and continued, "Where shall I start?"

McGonagall pursed her lips, considering. "William is on the seventh floor, Remus is on the fourth floor, and I have just patrolled the dungeons. Why don't you cover the second floor and work your way up? I will have a quick look around the grounds."

_Bugger! He _is_ here, _Tonks thought, but replied respectfully, "Yes ma'am."

She watched her former Transfiguration teacher's shadow disappear around the corner, shrinking seamlessly into a much smaller and more graceful shape. _Not a bad idea. A cat of _any_ age could cover more ground and notice more small details than a seventy-odd year old woman could._ Tonks wondered idly what animal she would have turned into if she ever had harnessed the patience and skill to become an Animagus. Professor McGonagall had seemed convinced that she was capable of it, had nagged her about it regularly, actually. But as a teenager, Tonks had been too shortsighted to appreciate the opportunity. Why bother with all _that_ when she could disguise herself so easily without any effort?

Tonks knew that she was only postponing the inevitable by letting her mind wander on these tangents, and reminded herself that she was here for a very important reason, and could not afford to skive off her responsibilities. With a sigh she began to walk down the hallway, shining her wand tip into every dark corner, interrogating the portraits, and popping her head into every doorway.

It was almost like a dance, she thought to herself, and not for the first time. One of those old-fashioned dances you read about in Regency novels, where the dancers moved on their own, then moved with their partner for a bit, then danced alone again, and on to another partner, repeating the process over and over again. It was a dance that Order members had practiced often, and usually it was somewhat comforting. In the past, the steps that she had taken at Remus' side had been some of her favorites. But now they merely greeted each other politely, walking in silence, or worse yet, making awkward attempts at polite conversation, and then barely containing their relief at the moment of parting. Nowadays she preferred her steps with Kingsley, who was unfortunately not here tonight, or even McGonagall, who always managed to amuse her by the respect and cooperation that she commanded from the wayward students, the passing spectres and sleepy portraits they encountered. She would even have preferred Bill Weasley, though these days he seemed a more than a little stiff with her, either thinking her a bitch who cheated on a decent werewolf, or a slag who used his younger brother for…whatever reason. Either way, they had lost their previous easy, flirtatious relationship.

Every so often, the four of them would meet up at the same time, reporting their various findings. It was during one of those rendezvous that something surprising happened. Ginny, Ron and another boy came bursting out of a darkened corridor, babbling incoherently about a group of Death Eaters in the castle. Momentary chaos ensued, but Remus quickly took control of the situation, managing to wrest the necessary information from the three teenagers, then formulating a plan for locating the group of invaders.

Within five minutes, the Death Eaters had been located and Tonks found herself battling alongside Remus for the second time in a year. Clearly, the group had not expected to be discovered so quickly, so the Order members had the advantage of surprise, which allowed them to win their first skirmish with Voldemort's followers, who scattered quickly. But the Death Eaters had the advantage of greater numbers, which became apparent when they again caught up with them. One of the things that Tonks had been taught and learned for herself about Death Eaters (or, not to put too fine a point on it, Slytherins as a rule) was that they would secure their own safety first, starting out on the offensive but more than willing to bolt quickly when it looked like their side might lose the fight. This lot, however - once they surrounded the stairway leading to the Astronomy tower - seemed positively determined to stay put and fight, even to their own demise.

The hooded, masked figures stood their ground, and the Order members and teenagers fought back with increasing desperation. Tonks looked up at one point to see Fenrir Greyback - whom she recognized from the photos that she found in the library - illuminated by a flash from a passing curse, bending over a very still form, blood dripping from his mouth. She panicked, throwing out a stinging hex at her opponent, trying desperately to locate Remus. There he was, fighting a large dark hulking shape of a wizard, his face pale - almost gray - and fierce, illuminated by the bright moonlight coming in through the window. The hulking wizard was stubbornly fixed in a spot between Remus and Greyback, and Tonks knew how desperately Remus would have loved to break free and pounce on his nemesis, reducing him to a bloody pulp.

She wondered, with a sense of renewed panic, who it could be that Greyback had attacked, when suddenly, a beam of moonlight caught the glint of flame-coloured hair pooled on the floor beneath the savage beast. _Bill, or worse yet Ron, or Ginny._ The physical pain that overcame Tonks was not only for herself, but also for her beloved Molly and the devastation that Tonks knew was in store for her friend. She found herself overcome with rage, not only for Molly but also for Remus and for the years of pain that the evil creature had caused him. With a burst of righteous anger, Tonks threw out a jelly legs jinx to her opponent, giving her time to scramble around him, hoping to take Greyback by surprise. She wanted very much to try out some of the hexes that she had picked up in great aunt Wallburga's horrifying book collection at Grimmauld Place, but she decided to try a body bind first, reckoning that Greyback had to be Remus' to do with as he saw fit.

But before she got a chance to approach him, Greyback had disappeared up the same staircase that Draco Malfoy had managed to slip into a few moments before. Now that she looked around, she realized that at least three of the group of Death Eaters had had left the fight.

Before she could follow him, however, a dark shape streaked past her, sprinting up the stairway in pursuit of Greyback. Tonks assumed it was Remus, but after a blinding flash of purple light, the unknown person was hurtled backwards, slamming into Tonks and nearly knocking her off her feet. She laid him down gently on the floor, for it was clear at this point that it was a 'he' - a boy, really - and she found herself looking into the familiar face of Alice Longbottom. _Her son, then. Seems to be quick to jump into a fight, this one. He's already lived up to his parents' reputation and he can't be more than seventeen. _

"Longbottom! Can you hear me? Are you ok?"

"Fine," he groaned, then started mumbling, clutching his stomach, "Some kind of barrier…don't try it."

She turned with a heavy heart to the body lying about a meter away on the floor and caught a glimpse of the dragon fang earring that Bill wore in his left ear. He lay very still in a puddle of blood. _Molly's firstborn; oh, fuck, it's going to kill her._

There was a shout behind her. A spell whistled past her ear and ricocheted against the wall in front of her, landing at her feet. The Longbottom kid nodded at her and she jumped up, spinning in place, wand ready. Remus was still locked in combat with his opponent, but hers had managed to break free of her jinx. He sent a series of curses toward her and she fired back spell after counter-spell, drawing him away from the two injured young men on the floor. Her opponent was sending powerful, nasty hexes her way, but her training had been clear and concise. _Simple is better. Simple spells take less time and require less magical energy, allowing an Auror to win an endurance battle._ Her opponent's face, revealed since the mask had been knocked away, showed the effort he was putting into it - the sweat dripping down his flushed cheeks, his breathing labored. His aim was worsening the more tired he got.

Moments later, she managed to send a disarming spell his way, which had him scrambling off in the dark for his wand. This gave her a chance to survey the battle for a moment and then her eyes picked out a dark shape coming through the smoke of the corridor. Tonks grinned, never having imagined that she would be _happy _to see Severus Snape - and although she found it hard to imagine Snape _running_ for any reason, he appeared to be doing so then.

He swept past them, robes billowing behind him, without a word of acknowledgement. She didn't get to see which of the Death Eaters he chose to do battle with because her opponent - who was beginning to remind her of a particularly stubborn garden gnome - was back, and clearly very angry.

Somehow Tonks found herself more hopeful than before; the thought that there was at least _one_ reinforcement - and possibly more - reminded her that Dumbledore had to be coming back soon. She also remembered that there had been more than _three_ members of the so-called Dumbledore's Army - most of whom were probably still within the castle - who would rush to their fellow student's aid. And surely somebody had managed to notify Dawlish and Proudfoot about the battle. Harnessing her strength, she sent a stunning spell at the exhausted wizard, smiling triumphantly when it hit him square in the chest. Once again, she looked around, wanting to survey the situation and hoping to ask Snape if he had contacted the Ministry.

Snape was nowhere in sight, but she managed to look over just in time to see Remus flung backwards in the very same manner that the Longbottom boy had been, but he ended up thrown against a wall, collapsing on the floor in a heap. With a shriek, she rushed toward him, but was halted by a near miss from Remus' old opponent. The enormous man seemed almost to have been hit with a Confundus Charm – he kept throwing out powerful spells, which completely missed their intended targets but did considerable damage to the walls and floor. Tonks did her best to deflect his curses, but she realized very quickly that this Death Eater seemed to really mean business. The only curses that she knew that resisted deflection that easily and did that much damage were Unforgivables, and he was throwing them out like candy. It became imperative to render the ruddy bastard unconscious at the very least. He appeared to be a prime candidate for 'Auror code number 1487, or the use of deadly force in extenuating circumstances.'

Summoning her strength, which was a bit easier to do when she saw Remus begin to stand up gingerly, she prepared to throw out a few Unforgivables of her own. However, the stupid lump _tripped_ mid-curse, his wand falling to the floor- but first sending out a blast of green light that missed Ginny Weasley by a hair's breadth and flew into the arch above the staircase. There was a rumble like an earthquake, and large stones began to fall from the ceiling, creating great clouds of dust as they shattered on the floor. The wand blast illuminated the formerly invisible barrier with a greenish hue, and then dissolved into nothing.

Everybody seemed to move at once, running toward the tower and for the second time, Snape emerged from the smoke, this time holding whiny Cousin Draco's arm protectively. He shouted out something that Tonks couldn't understand, and hurried back down the corridor. Suddenly the number of Death Eaters seemed to have doubled, and Tonks assumed that Snape's shouted orders had been to detain the enemy, so that he could get Draco to safety - possibly into Dumbledore's office. Everybody else seemed to have the same idea, because they fell upon the Death Eaters with enthusiasm. But the Death Eaters now seemed to want nothing more than to get away, either to pursue Snape or to escape.

Tonks, while fighting with the same, stupid, overgrown garden gnome, whom she now decided would have been better off Confunded, like his comrade - because he seemed to be randomly throwing curses _on purpose_. She thought she caught a glimpse of Harry on the floor and wondered where he had come from, and when he managed to distract her opponent by a hex in the face, she could have kissed him. But then her opponent went off running, and Harry ran off in the same direction. For a few moments Tonks also gave chase, but she quickly lost track of them and stopped, feeling confident that Snape would have made arrangements for them to be detained at the gates.

She turned back to the remains of the battle, which were more than a little discouraging. One Order member down, and one - possibly three, injured - against one fallen Death Eater. Her first impulse was to throw herself sobbing into Remus' arms, but apart from a long, intense look that passed between them, they pretty much ignored each other. Everybody had gathered around the wounded - Bill Weasley in particular.

Miraculously, he was still alive (though his face was a bloody mess) and suddenly Remus was the most likely person to grill for information because nobody had ever _heard _of a werewolf savaging a human while still in human form. Remus, clearly distraught, had no answers but quickly and carefully levitated Bill in front of him, heading towards the hospital wing and Poppy Pomfrey's unmatched expertise. The devastated Weasley children followed, with Hermione bobbing between an angry Ron, who was stoically trying to hold back his tears, and a weeping Ginny, who nevertheless held her head up with determination.

McGonagall was clearly torn between her duties to the school in Dumbledore's temporary absence and her concern for the welfare of the students in front of her, and the student body as a whole, and a favorite _former _student. Tonks took the matter out of her hands, telling her to go and see to the needs of the rest of the students. She levitated the Longbottom kid in front of her and found herself followed by the misty-eyed blond girl she had seen him with at the beginning of the year, who remained silent and seemed to be walking with a great deal of discomfort. They then headed for the hospital wing, just moments behind Remus and the Weasleys, and as they walked through the corridors, they passed by groups of students mulling about, frightened and curious. She heard the words 'Dark Mark,' and 'Death Eaters,' coming from almost every group, but also heard 'Neville,' and 'Luna,' fairly often, so she correctly assumed that those were the names of the teenagers that she walked with. It seemed to her -- for a moment -- like a sick parody of a parade; as they marched down the corridor with injured persons floating along in front of them and students watching anxiously from the sidelines.

Luna appeared perfectly willing and able to answer the students' questions, although she never allowed herself to lag too far behind her levitated friend. (And it was pretty clear to Tonks that Luna considered Neville her friend, if not something more, based on her anxious questions to Tonks and her calm reassurance of Neville)

Toward the end, the march to the Hospital Wing felt more like an endurance race, and when Tonks finally turned Longbottom over to Poppy's expert care, she collapsed into a chair which had a good view of Bill without even considering how near she was to Remus. Though her relationship with the eldest Weasley was a little strained at the moment, she took all of the fear and worry that his mother and fiancée were about to deal with upon her own shoulders until they arrived to unburden her.

Bill really was a mess. Tonks would have dismissed his wounds as easily healed were it not for the concern in Poppy's eyes. Then she started to envision the possibilities. Bill had been bitten, savaged, really, by a werewolf. Even though the full moon was not for at least ten days, the wounds could not be dealt with in the usual manner. Remus' face, though she tried not to look at it too often, also showed grave concern. Tonks thought of that shallow bit of pretty fluff that Bill had chosen to spend his life with, and felt even sorrier for Bill. Tonks didn't expect Fleur Delacour to last five minutes alter she took a look at Bill's (possibly permanently) ravaged face.

Her speculation was interrupted by the arrival of Harry and Ginny. Harry seemed to have aged three years since the last time that Tonks had seen him. When Ron - who was trying his damnedest not to show the room at large how frightened he was about his eldest brother's injury - berated Dumbledore for not arriving on the spot to help Bill, neither Tonks nor anyone else in the room was prepared for Harry's response.

"Dumbledore is dead, Ron."

_Impossible!_ Tonks felt the earth falling away from under her feet and looked at Remus for something to hold on to. His eyes were wild, frightened, incredulous, and filled with agony.

But Tonks listened, and saw that Harry didn't have it in him to lie about something like this. In fact, if she was going to be completely honest with herself, she had _felt_ it in the castle, during the battle. It had been a release of sorts, but it was a feeling that left her frightened and full of dread. She knew at that moment, just before Snape had returned to the bottom of the stairway that something catastrophic had happened.

"How did he die?" she whispered to Harry. "How did it happen?"

"Snape killed him," said Harry, and as he told the story, Tonks had trouble hearing it through the roaring in her head. _Snape. Fuck, no, not Snape! _Harry's words, and Ginny's after his, blurred together after the earth-shattering account of Snape's betrayal. For a long time after that, Tonks' mind went blessedly blank as the Phoenix song focused her shock and fear into something beautiful and terrible at the same time. The entrance of Professor McGonagall ended the trance-like, temporary peace, and with Minerva's anxious questions to Harry, the horror and devastation of the evening were brought to the surface again.

_Dumbledore was a fool. And something like that just isn't possible, is it? Because if Dumbledore was a fool, what chances do the rest of us stand?_

"Snape was a highly accomplished Occlumens." Remus' words broke through her thoughts, and Tonks wondered if anybody else could tell how close to murder his voice betrayed him to be. "We always knew that."

"But Dumbledore swore he was on our side!" whispered Tonks. "I always thought Dumbledore must know something about Snape that we didn't…" And that, it occurred to her, was probably the hardest thing of all for her to let go of. Because she realized how much she had wanted this to be true. How comforting it had been to know that even someone as…vile as Snape was not completely beyond redemption. And if Snape had been lying all along…

"He always hinted that he had an ironclad reason for trusting Snape." Professor McGonagall was clearly having the same struggle, and Tonks was startled to see the tears leaking out of her eyes. "I mean…with Snape's history…of course people were bound to wonder…but Dumbledore told me explicitly that Snape's repentance was absolutely genuine…Wouldn't hear a word against him!"

"I'd like to know what Snape told him to convince him!" said Tonks, refusing to accept Dumbledore's apparent myopathy

"I know," said Harry, and Tonks turned to look at him along with everyone else in the room. "Snape passed Voldemort the information that made Voldemort hunt down my Mum and Dad. Then Snape told Dumbledore he hadn't realized what he was doing, he was really sorry he'd done it, sorry that they were dead."

"And Dumbledore believed that?" Remus said incredulously. "Dumbledore believed Snape was sorry James was dead? Snape _hated_ James…"

Tonks remembered all of the stories that Remus and Sirius had entertained her with around the kitchen table at Grimmauld Place, starting with that very first night. Snape's hatred of the Marauders -- James in particular, had been indisputable, and she could not understand how Dumbledore, after witnessing it firsthand for all those years, could have overlooked it.

"And he didn't think my mother was worth a damn either," said Harry, "because she was Muggle-born….'Mudblood,' he called her…."

Tonks looked back to Remus, who was staring at Harry with a white face and an angry set to his lips. She remembered a conversation the previous fall where she had called Snape an asshole, and Remus had tried to soften the phrase in his response. He always tried to defend Snape. She wondered how he felt about that now.

"This is all my fault," Minerva said suddenly, and Tonks wondered why human nature always forced people to take a helping of guilt along with their grief. She listened; curious to hear which imaginary sin her former teacher felt she had committed.

"My fault," Minerva continued. "I sent Filius to fetch Snape tonight. I actually sent for him to come and help us! If I hadn't alerted Snape to what was going on, he might never have joined forces with the Death Eaters. I don't think he knew they were there before Filius told him, I don't think he knew they were coming."

"It isn't your fault, Minerva," Remus said firmly. "We all wanted more help, we were glad to think that Snape was on his way…."

_Everybody_ seemed to want to blame themselves for the devastating losses of the fight as they went over various accounts of the events of the night. Remus was always the first to reassure each person, in turn -- that it wasn't their fault -- that nobody could have foreseen the disastrous finale of the evening. Tonks wondered how he had gotten so good at taking regret and self-hatred away from others when he was so eager to take those very things on himself. Harry had just asked the group to tell him about the moment when Snape joined the fight. This was where Tonks rejoined the conversation.

"We were in trouble, we were losing," she said in a low voice, searching her memory for details as if she was giving a report to her superiors. "Gibbon was down, but the rest of the Death Eaters seemed ready to fight to the death. Bill had been savaged by Greyback….It was all dark….curses flying everywhere…The Malfoy boy had vanished, he must have slipped past, up the stairs…then more of them ran after him, but one of them blocked the stair behind them with some sort of curse….Neville ran at it and got thrown up into the air—"

"None of us could break through," said Ron, "and that massive Death Eater was still firing jinxes all over the place, they were bouncing off the walls and barely missing us…"

"And then Snape was there," Tonks interrupted, remembering with shame and anger how relieved she had felt at the sight of him. "And then he wasn't—"

"I saw him run straight through the cursed barrier as though it wasn't there," Remus said. "I tried to follow him but was thrown back just like Neville…."

Tonks tried to eject the memory of Remus crumpling against the stone wall from her memory.

"He must have known a spell we didn't," whispered Minerva. "After all – he was the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher….I just assumed that he was in a hurry to chase after the Death Eaters who'd escaped up to the tower…."

"He was," said Harry savagely, "but to help them, not to stop them…and I'll bet you had to have a Dark Mark to get through that barrier – so what happened when he came back down?"

"Well, the big Death Eater has just fired off a hex that caused half the ceiling to fall in, and also broke the curse blocking the stairs." answered Remus. "We all ran forward – those of us who were still standing, anyway – and then Snape and the boy emerged out of the dust — obviously none of us attacked them—"

"We just let them pass." Tonks said in a hollow voice, wishing fervently and pointlessly that she had cultivated the gift of foresight. "We thought they were being chased by Death Eaters – and next thing, the other Death Eaters and Greyback were back and we were fighting again – I thought I heard Snape shout something, but I don't know what – "

"He shouted, 'It's over,'" said Harry. "He'd done what he meant to do."

Tonks felt a hollow spot in the pit of her stomach. They had been played. They had been _had _by the most brilliant double agent ever to call himself wizard. And they had all underestimated him. She added another name to her list of people she hoped to kill before she turned thirty. Snivellus and Auntie Bella now fought for second place just above Peter Pettigrew and two slots above Uncle Lucy. She suspected -- based on the faces around her -- that she would have to wait in a very long line to get a chance at Snape, though.

The doors opened suddenly, startling her out of her reverie. Tonks registered a flash of red hair through her tears, and suddenly the _other _victim of the evening filled her thoughts. _Victims,_ really, because a very large family loved the young man in question dearly. Not to mention a certain young woman who was probably about five minutes away from calling off her engagement.

Minerva jumped up. "Molly – Arthur – I am so sorry -- "

Molly only had eyes for her eldest baby, and Tonks felt a twinge of pain for her friend as Molly whispered, "Bill," fearfully, then cried out, as she got a look at his face, "Oh, _Bill_!"

Tonks jumped up to get out of her way, as did Remus, allowing Molly to bend over her son and kiss his bloody forehead.

"You said Greyback attacked him?" Arthur asked Minerva. "But he hadn't transformed? So, what does that mean? What will happen to Bill?"

Minerva looked helplessly toward Remus as she answered, "We don't yet know."

Tonks noticed Remus straightening his shoulders before looking Arthur in the eye and saying, "There will probably be some contamination, Arthur. It's an odd case, possibly unique….We don't know what his behavior might be like when he awakens."

Arthur seemed to accept this more stoically than his wife did, and then hesitantly said, "And Dumbledore, Minerva, is it true…. Is he really….?"

His eyes widened as Minerva nodded her head, and he took a deep breath, exhaling, "Dumbledore gone…."

Tonks wondered if the confirmation of Dumbledore's death was the thing that finally made Molly break down, or if she had just held back for as long as she could, but she started to sob; her tears falling down onto Bill's mutilated face. "Of course, it doesn't matter how he looks….It's not r-really important….but he was a very handsome little b-boy…always very handsome….and he was g-going to be married!"

Tonks waited for Fleur, was looking at Bill with a horrified expression, to run out of the room in terror, and give proof to all of Remus' fears about the worst of human nature. Sure enough, an explosion did come out of Fleur Delacour, but not the one that Tonks -- and apparently everyone else in the room -- had been expecting. "And what do you mean by zat?" Fleur said suddenly and loudly, "What do you mean, ''e was _going _to be married?'"

Molly raised her tear-stained face, looking startled. "Well -- only that -- "

"You theenk Bill will not wish to marry me anymore?" Fleur demanded. "You theenk, because of these bites, he will not love me?"

Tonks had an absurd urge to laugh at Fleur's outraged face and Molly's incredulous one. "No, that's not what I— "

"Because 'e will!" said Fleur, and Tonks was momentarily blinded by Fleur's flashing sapphire eyes, her luminous skin -- which was taking on an almost electric glow from the anger that she was radiating -- and the silvery mane of hair that she threw over her shoulder in indignation. She really was spectacular. "It would take more than a werewolf to stop Bill loving me!"

"Well, yes, I'm sure," Molly replied, and Tonks knew how much of her opinion she was holding back, and what it cost her to do it. "But I thought perhaps – given how – how he -- "

"You thought I would not weesh to marry him? Or per'aps, you hoped? What do I care how he looks? I am good looking enough for both of us, I theenk! All these scars show is zat my husband is brave! And I shall do zat!"

Tonks was flabbergasted to say the least, and clearly, so were Molly, Arthur, and just about everybody else in the room. _Surely…but no_. Fleur really _loved_ him. And what is more, she understood what love truly entailed. And suddenly, though Tonks had always dismissed Fleur as shallow and flighty, she liked her -- admired her, even. And hated her at the same time. Because _Bill _would not be stupid enough throw true love away when it was offered to him. And Remus…well, _did._

"Our Great-Auntie Muriel," said Molly, after a long pause, "has a very beautiful tiara – goblin-made – which I am sure I could persuade her to lend you for the wedding. She is very fond of Bill, you know, and it would look lovely with your hair."

For a moment, Tonks wondered Molly's words were going to be enough to make up for her previous lack of faith in her new daughter-in-law. "Thank you," Fleur said stiffly, "I am sure zat will be lovely."

Tonks watched Molly and Fleur embrace, both women weeping copiously, and she was filled with happiness and hope, and then, just as quickly, hope was replaced by envy. She almost felt like Fleur had stolen her thunder -- that by publicly standing by Bill when the rest of the world might be against him, by offering him her strength and her tenderness…

Suddenly she found herself doing the very thing she promised never to do again. She turned to Remus and said, "You see! She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"

Remus grew suddenly pale and looked mortified, barely moving his lips as he responded, "It's different, Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely – "

Tonks had had enough of his rationalizations. "But I don't care either, I don't care!" She moved toward him, seizing the front of his robes and shaking them in frustration. "I've told you a million times…."

He wouldn't even look at her, and Tonks wondered if she had scared him away for good this time. He said, "And I've told you a million times, that I am too old for you, too poor…. too dangerous…."

Molly spoke over Fleur's shoulder, "I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus."

"I am not being ridiculous," Remus said, using his patient teacher voice. "Tonks deserves somebody young and whole."

"But she wants you," said Arthur with a small smile, "and after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so."

If Tonks had not been preoccupied with searching Remus' face for signs of surrender, she would happily have kissed Arthur Weasley full on the lips, making his ears turn scarlet. Remus, however, kept his face inscrutable, protesting, "This is….not the moment to discuss it. Dumbledore is dead…."

Minerva's brusque voice interrupted Remus' attempt to distract attention from himself. With her usual knack for getting to the point in a hurry with very little fuss, she said, "Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think there was a little more love in the world."

For a moment, less than a second, really, Remus met Tonks' eyes, and the emotions that crossed his features were clear for her to see: pain, mortification, longing, and denial. Then Hagrid walked in with important news and once again, Tonks lost her chance to force Remus to focus on her and to deal with it once and for all.

"I've….I've done it, Professor," said Hagrid, his eyes filled with tears. "M-moved him. Professor Sprout's got the kids back in bed. Professor Flitwick's lyin' down, but he says he'll be all righ' in a jiffy, an' Professor Slughorn says the Ministry's bin informed."

Remus pulled away from her, ostensibly to hear what Hagrid and then Minerva had to say and then finally to say goodnight to Harry. He still refused to look at her; and the rest of the group, while still eyeing the two of them curiously, eventually turned their attention to Bill and his injuries. Tonks watched Remus slip further and further away from her line of vision. With a sinking sensation -- more humiliated than she could have imagined feeling, even in her clumsiest moments -- she found a quiet corner in which she could let all of her overwhelming emotions wash over her.

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_A/N: In case you feel cheated by the sad lack of new material in this chapter: I will let you know that the next chapter is already half-done. Thanks for sticking with me, and please let me know what you think._

_P.S.: I have actually been making use of my livejournal: the address is in my profile. Occasionally I will put up updates and spoilers about this story, and I am happy to answer questions on it._


	21. Share my harvest and my home

**Chapter Twenty-One**

**Share my harvest and my home**

Tonks watched Remus slink out of the room with a heavy heart. She had failed; she knew it now. She had pushed him away permanently. She looked over to see Molly watching her future daughter-in-law tenderly minister to Molly's eldest baby. With an expression that spoke of equal parts pain and gratification, Molly looked up and met Tonks' eyes. She gave her a sad smile, and then looked toward the door, inclining her head in a gesture that Tonks could not fail to interpret; '_go after him, you silly girl!'_ After the briefest of hesitations, Tonks left the hospital wing and pulled from her brain everything that her Stealth and Tracking courses at the Auror Academy had taught her. She finally caught up with him, just as he was disappearing under the Whomping Willow

Her conversations with the two Marauders had never given her the location of the famous knot on the willow's trunk, and one near miss from a powerful branch of the tree convinced her not to spend too much time searching for it. She turned around and made her way into Hogsmeade, following the winding path that branched off the main street toward the 'Most Haunted Dwelling in Britain.' Tonight it would surely live up to its reputation.

Fortunately, he had not thought to ward the place against her. As she stood in the entryway, her ears were assaulted with sounds that she never in a hundred years would have attributed to Remus. She heard loud crashes and powerful roars, and the unmistakable sound of wood splintering and glass shattering. With a sigh, she sat down on the bottommost step, after cleaning away about three inches of dust with her wand. With her knees up against her chest, and her arms securely wrapped around them, she listened to Remus letting out about twenty years worth of pent-up pain and rage and frustration. It seemed to go on for hours. As the damp mist that covered the lake on even the warmest of spring evenings seeped into the cracks in the frame of the shack, she began to shiver from the cold and from exhaustion and heightened emotion. Finally the room above fell silent. Her first impulse was to go darting up the stairs, but she found herself overcome by fear. She did not know if she had the strength to barrel through another rejection. Also, he had come here because he clearly wanted to be alone, and this horrible place seemed to Tonks to be nearly sacred to him, a symbol of all that he kept private and locked inside of him. Then she remembered that in the past he had been persuaded to share this place by friends that loved him enough to insist on being included. She also remembered that Remus had possessed both the courage and compassion to intrude on her private grief nearly a year before.

With a great deal of trepidation, she extinguished the light of her wand and made her way quietly up the dusty stairs. The door to the upstairs room hung drunkenly on its hinges, so there was no need to unlock it and no fear of setting off a creak from a rusty hinge. The only sources of light in the room were the moonbeams shining through the cracked windows and the gaps of the decrepit roof. Dust motes filled the air and were reflected in the random beams of light. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she made out the angle of Remus' shoulder silhouetted in the light of the window. He was on his side, curled up in a ball and breathing erratically. She chose to ignore the wave of relief that she felt because really, it was mad to be afraid that Remus had given into the pain and harmed himself, wasn't it?

She tiptoed toward the bed and slid behind him, causing the mattress to creak loudly. He stiffened, but did not pull away as she spooned her body up against his and wrapped her arms around him. They stayed like that a long time, silent except for the harsh sound of his breathing. Finally, after she gave him a squeeze and a kiss on his shoulder, he twisted around in her arms, not looking at her but burrowing his face into the nape of her neck. There were no tears trickling down her neck, nor was there a sound from his mouth - just his ragged gulps of air - but his entire body shook with emotion, and he clung to her like a drowning man. She held him fiercely, murmuring soft words of comfort, gently running her fingers up and down his spine. Eventually, the exhaustion of the night's physical battles and emotional upheavals overcame them and both fell asleep at nearly the same time.

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She awoke first, fighting to suppress a massive sneeze that she felt creeping up on her. When she realized that it was not going to be contained, she put a non-verbal silencing spell around her body, and let it rip. Afterwards, she looked around the sad little room. _No wonder._ Everything was covered in layers upon layers of dust and grime. Much of it must have been disturbed by Remus' temper tantrum of the night before, but the dust had settled back down eventually. There were old paw prints in the dust of the floor and she wondered if they were Remus' or Sirius'. The claw marks in the walls were obviously attributable to Remus, as were the smashed furniture and the broken glass. She had an impulse to clean it all up - to repair the damage that he had done, but she wasn't sure how he would react to it. Maybe the evidence of his anger would be satisfying to him. _No, scratch that._ Remus hated losing control more than anything. She slipped out from underneath his limbs and sat up. He grunted and rolled over to face the opposite wall, settling back into sleep.

The silencing spell on her person still holding, she proceeded to strip away layer upon layer of dust from the furniture with repeated cleaning charms. Her mother might have been able to do it all with one elegant sweep of her arm, but Tonks didn't mind the repetition. She wondered idly where the dirt actually went. Did it actually disintegrate, or did it rise up into the atmosphere, or was there a small mountain of dust from wizarding homes somewhere in the Sahara? As the layers of dust and dirt came off, the furniture was a little more identifiable. It must have been a decent place at one point. She tried to imagine who would have been responsible for setting up a place of refuge for a frightened, young werewolf away from home for the first time. She wondered at what point Remus had stopped bothering to repair his monthly damage to the place or if he ever had in the first place. Stupid sod probably thought that he _deserved_ to be in a place that looked awful.

She eventually uncovered a tattered but once colorful rag rug and imagined that she saw Poppy Pomfrey's handiwork. (Poppy had sat by her bed talking to Tonks after one of her more spectacular Quidditch injuries, and one of the things that had come up in conversation were the rag rugs that had been scattered around the otherwise barren hospital wing. They were all Poppy's work, something she did to pass the hours she spent at her patient's bedsides.) She imagined the stern but sentimental old woman thinking that it might be a nice spot for a wolf cub to curl up on.

Tonks then went to the window and touched the grimy and ragged shards of cloth that still clung to the bent curtain rod. By stripping away layers of dirt, a cheerful yellow-patterned fabric emerged, and she set about repairing the curtains cautiously. She cleaned away years of grime from the windowpane and repaired the shattered glass. There was a very nice view of the lake from this window, and the turrets of the castle could be seen over the tops of the trees. She identified Gryffindor tower and wondered how well Harry was sleeping this morning, if at all. Her eyes were involuntarily drawn to the Astronomy tower, and she moved away from the window quickly, a cold chill washing over her.

She then approached the piano near the window, and wondered what had caused it to crack in two, carrying a secret hope that it had been Snape's body that had done it, a result of being Stunned by three of his least favorite students. She set about cleaning and repairing the piano, remembering to cast a silencing spell around it, too. As it began to resemble a working instrument again, she detected a spell that had put on it, charming it to play itself when touched with a wand. She wondered if Filius Flitwick had done this, hoping that music might soothe the raging beast. She couldn't remember if Filius had been the Charms teacher during Remus' time at Hogwarts, but she thought he had.

Once finished with the piano, she set about repairing the overstuffed chair that sat between the fireplace and the small bookcase built into the wall. The chair, once cleaned and repaired, had a familiar tartan pattern to it and the table next to it was inlaid with a chessboard pattern. She Summoned the chess pieces scattered around the room, cleaning and repairing them, then arranging them on the board. Minerva McGonagall had apparently been in on it, too, giving young Remus a chance to get his mind off his approaching transformations. The shelf had at one time been filled with books, but they now lay scattered all over the room, their pages torn from their spines. Tonks carefully repaired each of them, setting them back on the shelves by hand after examining each title.

She worked on the walls next, stripping away the grime until a blue and gold-patterned wallpaper emerged, which she was able to repair easily. She had just finished scouring the fireplace with her wand when she turned, intending to get started on repairing the ceiling. She gasped when she realized that Remus was standing in front of her. His mouth was moving, but no sounds were coming out. She quickly realized that her silencing charm had also rendered her impervious to sounds outside the parameters of the charm.

"_Finite Incanteum!"_

"That's better. I have been trying to get your attention for about three minutes."

"Sorry. I had been sneezing and I didn't want to wake you up. Besides, I figured that the odds were pretty good that I would trip over something, which of course, I did, but it didn't wake you up. What did wake you up? I thought you'd sleep for a couple hours longer." She always did have a tendency to babble when startled.

"The sun came into the window, and I had never seen it come through so brightly. But I have you to thank for that, don't I? Then, I realized that looking at those curtains was a bit disconcerting. I haven't seen them in _years_. For a moment I thought I was twelve years old."

Tonks beamed proudly, but found herself at a loss for words as memories of her embarrassing display in the hospital wing the night before came back. She turned away as she felt heat rising to her cheeks. She straightened her shoulders and began to busy herself with cleaning a bundle of rags she found in a corner. A hand on her shoulder stopped her, and she turned to face him.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Do you mean the cleaning?"

"Yes. It seems like a lot of work for a place that nobody will ever care about much."

"_You_ care about it. Otherwise you wouldn't have come back here."

"I _hate_ this place."

"Why?"

"Isn't it obvious? It's filled with painful memories."

"And good ones too."

"Not really, not when you think of the end result…"

She protested, saying, "You got Sirius back in this room, didn't you? You uncovered the deceit of that evil little rat. You got to watch three teenagers kick that slimy, hook-nosed bastard's arse using a spell that _you_ had a hand in teaching them to do. And that's just the _last_ time you here. I know you had years of fun with your mates here…"

"Well to be honest, this was more of a starting point."

"And don't try to tell me that you lot didn't bring girls here on non-moonlit nights."

"_Never!" _he said vehemently.

"Well, _now_ you have," she said teasingly.

"You came here on your own," he pointed out. "Actually, I would really have preferred that you never see this place."

She moved away as if he had slapped her. _"Nice._ I guess I'd better go, then."

He looked up, his eyes widening. "No! Don't'! I…I'm _glad_ you came…it's just…this place is…full of shame for me. He hung his head, determinedly looking at the floor

"Funny, I see it as full of _love."_

"Are you _mad?"_

"I haven't seen the whole place yet, but from what I have seen, or rather what I have uncovered…I have seen evidence that at least _four_ teachers had a hand in making this place safe and welcoming for you. And all four of those people _still _respect and care about you - _love you_, really - to this day. Or at least, three of them. The other one did until last night. And isn't this where your three best friends risked _everything_ to show their love for you? And, as for _me_…well you asked me why I am doing this - it's because I want to share this with you. I want to know and love _all_ of you, even the parts that you are ashamed of. I want to…heal your wounds."

"You can't just clean a place up and expect _that_ to heal…"

"That's not what I meant! But this place…You _let_ it get like this, Remus. Long before you stopped coming here. They took the time to make this a nice place for you, and you _let it_ be destroyed. They tried to give you a comforting place to wait out your transformations, and instead you forced yourself just to just _sit here,_ looking at the damage you had done, knowing you were going to do more. But with a few waves of a wand you could have repaired it every time. Why didn't you?"

"It got tiresome after a while."

"This coming from the man who presses his pajamas. Who never leaves a pair of socks on the floor. Who cleans up his breakfast dishes _while_ he's eating his breakfast. Who makes his bed every goddamn day, hospital corners and all. You let this place go to shit because you wanted it that way - because you didn't think that the werewolf _deserved_ a decent place."

He looked away then, turning to walk toward the window.

"Look at this mattress, Remus. It's horrible. But with a wave of your wand you could have made it into a feather bed."

"Which I would have ripped into shreds…"

"Or given it a cushioning charm…"

He shook his head stubbornly. "This is actually the first time I have really slept the night on this bed, and last night I was…a little preoccupied."

"Whatever. My point is that you deserve better. And although I realize that life has not given you all you deserve, you are staring at a chance for a better life right now, and you are throwing it away because you don't think you deserve it. But you do, Remus, you actually deserve far _better _than me."

He turned around and started to protest. She wasn't sure if he was going to protest _her_ unworthiness or reassert _his_, but she wasn't going to let him get started. "Has it occurred to you, Remus, that this has been going on for over a year. And that through it all, my feelings have only gotten stronger? Haven't I earned your faith, Remus?"

"It's not a matter of faith…" he muttered.

"Yes it is," Tonks insisted.

"You don't know the reality…"

"The hell I don't! Why do you continue to try and paint me as naive little girl? Why do you ignore the danger I face _every day of my life_ both from work and the Order? And did I ever once shrink from it? For your information, Remus Lupin, I have taken on a fully transformed werewolf already!"

"You _what?"_

"Yeah, big shocker there, huh? And my big, brave macho partner squealed like a girl and froze. But I managed to bring him in--the werewolf, I mean--practically unharmed."

Remus looked thunderstruck. "Wha…what was his name? What happened to him?"

"O'Connor…Brian, I think. And he did three months in Azkaban for coming too close to a Muggle campground while transformed. He ought to be getting out any day now. I was thinking of meeting up with him and trying to set him up with some potion. But none of that really matters. The point is, Remus, you underestimate me."

"No, I don't. I've told you before, it's not _you,_ it's _me."_

"It _is _me, Remus. Last night, you told the whole room that I 'deserved better.' I think I _do _deserve better, but what I deserve is better treatment from _you,_ and a little more faith. And how about _respect…_as someone you have trusted to watch your back on countless occasions? When have I ever let you down, Remus?"

She glared at him and he started to speak, but she interrupted him again. "And don't go bringing up that _Charlie_ business because I was doing exactly what you told me to do, and for your information, _nothing happened!"_

He frowned. "I know that."

"You do?"

"I always did," he admitted.

She felt a wave of indignation building up in her. "Then why did you try to make me feel like shit?"

"Because I was jealous as hell," he spat. "And none of this has anything to do with…lack of feeling for you, or lack of respect, or faith, or anything. You're asking me to do something which goes against _everything_ I stand for."

"Am I asking you to join the Death Eaters? Or re-join Greyback's pack just for the _fun_ of it?"

"Maybe not everything I stand for," he admitted. "But it would be contrary to the decisions that I have made about the life I want to lead, anyway."

"Oh, so we're talking about the old 'Remus isn't allowed to be happy, because he decided back when he was a moody teenager that he was going to be a pathetic, lonely old man' moral code, are we?" she said caustically.

"Is that what you think I am? Pathetic? Just because I don't obsess about my love life, unlike…"

"Unlike _me,_ you mean!" she yelled. "Is _that_ what you think--that I am _obsessed_ about you?"

"No…I just…" He gritted his teeth. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. I wish everybody would just leave it alone and let me …"

"Wallow in your misery," she spat.

"I don't wallow," he protested. "And even if I _did,_ don't you think I have a right to?"

"Not when if ruins _my_ life in the process."

"This was your choice wasn't it? I made my feelings clear from the beginning…"

"Not from the beginning. Only after you had a chance to talk yourself out of it. That first time…"

"Was a mistake. And ever since then you have relentlessly pursued me."

"Oh, that's a load of bullshit! Every time we've slept together it was _you_ coming to _me_ – my room, my flat, my house..."

"You came here on your own last night. I didn't invite you. We were supposed to be over with, Tonks, in spite of that embarrassing display in the hospital wing."

"Embarrassing?" Her voice came out as something like a screech. She was mortified, but couldn't stop talking. "I hope you are referring to _your_ reaction, because everybody in that room thought that you were an idiot. Not a noble, self-sacrificing gentleman, Remus--an _idiot! _And you know what? _I'm_ a bigger idiot for caring about you."

Tonks was determined not to cry in front of him, and turned to leave. She heard him call her name out softly, but she kept right on barreling across the room and out the door. A few steps from top of the stairs, she tripped over a dusty butterbeer bottle and went flying into the air, landing in a heap, face down on the filthy floor. Furious at herself, sore and scraped up, she attempted to get to her feet, and looked up in astonishment to see Remus' hand out, offering to help her stand. She glared at him and reached for the banister. He watched her struggle for a bit, then leaned back against the wall and continued to watch, arms folded, his mouth twitching. Still on the floor, she angrily turned her back on him and buried her face in her hands. She was humiliated, depressed, and generally pissed at the world.

"You know, Nymphadora," he said gently. "Some people might consider clumsiness to be a character flaw."

"Bugger off!"

"I am not, however one of those people. I have always found it to be one of your most charming qualities. Here you were, this fearless, audacious and lovely young woman, and yet…"

She turned and glared at him.

He continued, "It made it easier for me to feel comfortable around you. That first night, when you dropped the tea service and I was able to crouch down with you and help to clean it up, it forced you to look at me, really notice me."

"I noticed you before that, Remus. I remembered you."

His only reply was to smile slightly, and he continued with his previous thought. "And later, it gave me a chance to be useful to you, an opportunity that a man in my position would be a fool not to take. I was allowed to touch you, to help take care of your wounds and offer you reassurance and I have to confess that I did enjoy it thoroughly. Of course, I told myself that I was a filthy old pervert for feeling that way, but…"

"I'm clumsier around you than anybody else, Remus. It's always been that way. Pisses me off. You made me nervous, and not…"she looked at him sternly, "_not_ because I was afraid of you. I just wanted you to think well of me. Your good opinion seemed really important."

He stood up and moved toward her, holding out his hand to lift her up. With a sigh, she took it, immediately stepping away from him after she reached her feet, but he didn't release her hand. He just stood there, watching her intently for a moment. "Are you injured?"

"Just my dignity," she muttered.

He chuckled softly. "Dignity is highly overrated."

"That's bollocks, coming from _you."_

"As I said, dignity is overrated." He slipped his arms around her, finding her body to be uncharacteristically resistant to his embrace. He tried to look in her eyes, but hers remained stubbornly fixed on the floor. He continued, "And, I might add, so are misery, self-sacrifice and obstinacy."

Tonks prepared herself for another onslaught of excuses from him. She didn't much care for being called obstinate and felt that he had a lot of nerve accusing her of being miserable when he was the cause of it. Not to mention that he was the most miserable person she knew, other than that mad ghost in the third floor bathroom. She stiffened, meaning to pull away and let him have an earful, but he tightened his embrace and kissed the top of her head, murmuring the very last words she ever expected to hear from him; "I love you, Nymphadora."

Tonks pulled away, staring at him with wide eyes. She felt as if she had been pushed off a broomstick -- slightly nauseous, terrified that she had misheard, her heart thumping madly. Remus looked directly at her, and for the first time in months his expression was completely unguarded. He looked apprehensive, but absolutely sincere. He took her face in his hands and repeated, "I love you," before kissing the tip of her nose. She felt her tears seeping out the corners of her eye, and he gently brushed his thumbs over her eyelids, pushing the tears aside.

"I love you," he said, with his lips a hair's breadth away from hers.

The brief contact of his mouth on hers was enough to release the flood of emotion that she had been trying to contain since the night before. She let out a noisy sob and collapsed against him. He responded by sliding his arms around her, holding her against his chest while she wept. His heart was beating as rapidly as hers was, if not more so.

"I'm so sorry, love. I'm sorry I didn't say it before, and I'm so bloody sorry that I hurt you. I thought I was protecting you."

Her voice was barely audible, muffled by his robes. "…Can protect _myself,_ you stupid, stubborn man! Could probably kick your scrawny arse all the way to France if I had a mind to."

"Undoubtedly, you could," he said with a laugh in his voice. He stroked her hair, pressing her against him with his other arm.

They stayed that way for some time. Tonks was hesitant to pull away and look at him, afraid that he would take it all back; coming up with another list of reasons why they couldn't be together. Just as the burning desire to have her questions answered fought with the need to remain in his arms, breathing in his comforting scent, his hands, which had been languidly caressing her back, began to roam her body with increasing boldness. He bent to kiss her again; first the top of her head, then leaning down to brush his lips over her earlobe, then her cheek, and finally tipping up her chin to press his mouth to hers hungrily. She responded automatically, but found herself oddly detached from the moment, not quite ready to believe that he had surrendered. Could she handle another rejection after this? Did she have the strength to hold on to him when his inevitable doubts resurfaced?

"Say it again."

"I love you."

"Show me." He fastened his mouth on her neck, pulling her closer and at the same time, maneuvering her toward the staircase. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Your flat."

"There's a bed less than thirty feet away."

"I hate that bed, I hate that room. I hate everything about this place and I want to get out of here."

She pulled away. "Then why did you chose to come back _here_ of all places last night? And anyhow, don't you think you'll like it better after we've shagged in there?"

"It's filthy. And I don't want us to simply have a shag, Nymphadora. I want to make love in a better place than this. It's going to be like a new beginning for us, and I want to do it right."

"And I don't want you to shut me out of your life anymore, so I think it would be sort of symbolic if we start to banish the bad memories in this place with a few good ones."  
"Nymphadora…"

"I'm afraid I'm going to be stubborn about this, Remus. I love _all _of you, from that frightened little eleven year-old who had to be locked in here once a month all the way up to the repressed nearly middle-aged man who threw a well-earned temper tantrum up here last night."

"You heard…" He looked horrified.

"I listened to almost the whole thing."

His neck reddened and he looked at the floor. "I behaved like a …an infant."

"Felt good, didn't it?"

He shook his head vehemently, but after a few seconds of her glaring at him, he admitted, "Perhaps it did. But I'm not…as you put it, _repressed._ And I am going to choose to ignore the middle-aged comment. If you like, I'd be more than happy to push you up against this wall and demonstrate precisely how repressed and _middle-aged_ I am." He eyed her wolfishly.

Tonks felt her cheeks burning and a different kind of warmth spreading through her lower extremities. "I said _nearly_. And I meant _emotionally_ repressed, and _that,_ my love, you _are. _But we are going to work on that."

"Nymphadora?"

"Remus?"

"Before you go and start on your campaign to completely alter my personality, having just claimed to love _all of me—"_

"I don't want to—"

The words died on her lips as he growled, pushing her back into the wall. He lowered his face until his eyes were inches from hers and grinned, saying, "Shut up, Nymphadora. For once in your life shut up."

Her angry retort was swallowed up by his lips assaulting hers. He was clearly determined to make her forget how to breathe; much less all of the issues she wanted to bring up with him. When her body finally relaxed against his, and she started to kiss him back enthusiastically, he surprised her again my lifting her effortlessly and carrying her back into the bedroom. After dumping her unceremoniously on the bed, leaving her panting and confused, he began throwing out spells left and right; first a remarkably effective cushioning charm on the bed, then that bloody impossible cleaning charm that her mother also threw out so casually. He also darkened the windows, and she found herself thinking that he must use that one a lot on post-transformation days. He lit a fire in the grate and began conjuring candles, two at a time.

"Showing off a bit, aren't you, Remus?"

"No, _showing off_ would be if I covered you in flower petals or removed your clothes with a flick of my wrist."

"_Can_ you do that?"

He chuckled, approaching the bed and unbuttoning his robes. "Wouldn't _you_ like to know? But I will keep my secrets for now and force you to wonder if I might try it out at out at the next Order meeting. But, for tonight, well…It would take away half the fun. I rather like undressing you; it's like unwrapping a present." He sat down on the edge of the mattress and ran his index finger along the hem of her robes at her ankle.

Tonks squirmed on the bed as her blood began to heat up. Her mouth seemed to have developed a mind of its own and thus, kept right on talking. "The next Order meeting is going to need something like that to make people forget that two people are missing."  
Remus closed his eyes and sighed. "You really are determined to ruin the mood, aren't you?"

"No, I am determined to get you to stop trying to set a mood and concentrate your considerable talents on giving me some long-awaited orgasms." She kicked her shoes off and sent them flying across the room.

He crawled up the bed, his body inches above hers and settled against her side. His fingers began to run up and down the column of her neck. He lowered his voice and said, against her ear, "Greedy, aren't you? Insisting on more than one?"

Her body arched against his, and she closed her eyes involuntarily. "You've got _months_ of celibacy to make up for, Lupin."

"So does that mean that I will earn my room and board in this relationship by performing sexual favors?" His lips had started to make their way down her neck, as his fingers began undoing the buttons at her collarbone. He continued, "Sirius would be pleased with me; _his_ first career choice had always been 'kept man.' What is it the Muggles call it?"

"Gigolo. Works for me, anyway." Suddenly her eyes flew open and she peered at him, asking, "Did you just say that you're gonna move into my flat?"  
He chuckled, his lips hovering over the top of her bra. "We're not deciding that right now, Nymphadora. Right now we're making love, so you really need to stop asking questions."

She propped herself up on her elbows, allowing him to unhook her bra from behind. "I'm not allowed to ask questions?"

Suddenly it seemed as if his hands were everywhere, as were his lips. "Well, I will allow you a few. For example, you can say, 'Remus, will you do that again?' Or perhaps, when I do _this_…"

His fingers had slipped under her knickers and she moaned in response. "… You could say, 'Is that not the bloody hottest thing you've ever felt?'"

He yanked off her knickers and began kissing her body, his fingers continuing their explorations. In between kisses, he kept talking. "Or maybe, 'A little to the left, would you please?' Or, 'That's a bit much right now, could you get back to it later?'"

"I swear to god, if you _dare_ stop that I will hex you into next week."

Remus raised his head and grinned. "You like that, do you?"

But Tonks was beyond words at that point, and when she finally screamed out something that sounded like his name, he slid up her body, capturing her mouth with his. "I love you," he said, and he kissed her hungrily, biting her bottom lip

"I love you," he said, as he covered her breasts with his hands.

"I love you," he said as he sheathed himself in her.

"I love you," she said, but it was more of a sob, as he began to move inside her and fixed her with that same old look of deadly intensity, the one that always made her feel utterly exposed.

"I love you," they said in unison, as they collapsed together, spent and sweaty.

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It took a while for Tonks to remember where she was and that the darkness outside the windows was not, in fact, real. Time itself did not seem real, with so many strange and terrible and wonderful things happening in so short a period of time.

But, it was not night-- it was morning, and though she had been given the day off from work, in deference to the battle she had fought the night before, she suspected that the Order was going to be in need of all the help that it could get today.

"Remus?"

"Hmmm?" The hand that had been resting on her hip began to slowly move back and forth. She tried not to arch back into him in response.

"You wearing a watch?"

"Er, I think so, why?"

_Why is it that sex always drains men of all of their brain cells?_ "What time is it?"

He slid his hand over her belly, pulling her closer until their bodies were perfectly spooned together. "Mmmm…time for another shag, I think."

Tonks giggled, but protested, "Seriously, Remus"

Remus chuckled in response, nuzzling her neck "Let's not bring _him_ into this, shall we?"

"Lord, Remus, what has gotten into you?"

"I think you've got it backwards, love. It's _me_ that's gotten into _you_. And I think it's time I did it again." He closed his mouth over her earlobe as his hands moved away from her belly, sliding up to cup her breasts.

"Don't you think…" Her words dissolved into a moan. "Really, shouldn't we to go back to Headquarters to see what the plan is?"

"What's your hurry?"

"_Remus!_ I thought you were the _responsible_ one in this relationship." She really was having trouble scolding him when he was rubbing his body against hers like that.

He chuckled again, his breath warm on her neck. "No, _you're_ the one with the job. I am the 'shiftless layabout' and I demand a little more time in bed."

"Remus…" she protested.

"Talked to Minerva last night," he murmured into her ear.  
"When?"

"Probably when you were giving that Floo report to your boss." One of his hands began to make achingly slow progress down her torso. "She's going to be very busy today."

"No shit."  
"And asked me to set up a meeting for eight tonight…" His fingers inched their way between her thighs, while he continued, saying, "At the Hog's Head…"

She bit her lip, trying to concentrate on his words. "With Moody…" His forefinger began to stroke her in slow circles. "And Arthur and Kingsley…" He eased her to the side until she was flat on her stomach, nibbling on her shoulder from behind.

"And Hestia." He slipped on top of her, pinning her to the bed. "And the twins…" Parting her legs, he began to nudge at her entrance.

"And a few more people I'd rather not think about. So we have almost an entire day to rest, and recuperate, and shag like rabbits…"

"And eat…" She sucked in a breath as he entered her. "At some point, anyway…"

"What do I need food for? I've got a feast right here…" He fastened his teeth on her shoulder and began to move.

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The first post-Dumbledore meeting of the Order of the Phoenix was utterly depressing. Tonks would gladly have allowed Remus to perform a clothing removal charm on her if only it would have cheered everyone up.

Nothing had really been settled, either. The main concerns were the safety of Headquarters, the continued safety of the school, and the need for a new plan of attack. Everyone knew that a new leader would have to be appointed or elected, but the gaping wound left by Dumbledore's absence was still too raw to allow them to even consider a replacement. They decided to put it off until after the funeral, anyway. The funeral was another concern, or at least the safety of the participants. Then there was the Snape issue, which quickly turned very heated. Locating him was obviously a priority. Locating him alive would be ideal, at least to get some answers. Of course, as it was Snape, anything he said would have to be taken with a bucket of salt. But the point was, he had to be found and questioned. And then strung up on the battlements for the birds to pick at--was the general consensus. Fred and George seemed to think that dropping him into a dragon's nest would be even better. Hestia Jones had a rather fascinating idea involving castration, salt and lemon juice, but McGonagall never let her finish the details.

After the meeting, people seemed inclined to hang around, hugging each other. Tonks even got a comforting pat on the back from Mad-Eye; who congratulated her on a job well done at the castle the night before. Remus seemed to be in demand by everyone who attended the meeting, and she waited around at the door, not quite knowing what to do. Her flat was only a few blocks away, but if she left, could she be certain that he would follow?

Finally, he broke away from Arthur, who had dozens more questions about Bill's injuries. (Molly had declined attendance at the meeting, preferring to sit at her son's bedside.) As Remus shook Arthur's hand in farewell, his eyes sought out hers, and he strode towards her and the exit.

"Thought I'd never get out of here."

He gently put his hand at the small of her back and led her to down the stairs. As they reached the outside door she hesitated.

"Something wrong?" he asked

"Not sure where to go, Remus. Are you…coming home with me?"

"Not exactly." She felt a wave of disappointment wash over her, but he continued, "I've been ordered to continue staying at Headquarters. They want me to start testing the enchantments as soon as possible. Plus, they seem to think that I would be a good person to have there if the place gets attacked. Extra senses, you know. Or perhaps I am the most easily dispensable Order member--I don't know."

"That's rubbish! Nobody thinks you're dispensable"  
"Oh really? You don't think I know that Dumbledore was forced to defend my position in the Order on countless occasions? Now that he's gone…and has been proven to have misplaced trust rather spectacularly…"

"Bollocks, Remus! I happen to know that Minerva trusts you implicitly. So does Mad-Eye…" Remus began to protest, but she continued, "Yes, he does, you prat!" And I happen to know for a fact that Kingsley feels the same way. So do the twins, Molly, Bill, Charlie…"

He looked at her incredulously, and she insisted, "Yes, _Charlie,_ Remus, because he trusts his family, and they love you. And not only does Hestia trust you, she wants to..."

Remus interrupted at that. "Yes, yes, I've heard your opinions on that subject before…"

She folded her arms and glared at him in challenge. "And you've got _me._ And I would happily hex anyone who would question your place in the Order, Remus."

He watched her, and a slow smile spread across his face, one which sent a thrill down to her toes. The she remembered that he had to stay apart from her tonight, and felt a pang of sadness. "So I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"

His eyes widened. "What's wrong with tonight?"

"You said you had to stay Headquarters."

"I want you with me."

That thrill of pleasure was back. "Oh, that's…nice."

He took her hand, heading toward her flat. "Let's go and get you some clothes and such."

She felt like skipping. "And the lemon tarts that my mother left the other night."

"Definitely." He licked his lips.

"And a lovely bottle of wine I've been saving."

He squeezed her hand. "We'll test the wards, then sit around the kitchen table talking and drinking like we used to."

It felt good to know that he had fond memories of their past, too. She said, "Or we could cuddle up by the fire in the library."

"Or get crumbs in that enormous ugly old bed."

_My bed at Headquarters, the one I haven't slept in for over a year._ "The one we…"

His eyes bored into her. "Our first time…"

"Yeah, I've kinda missed that bed."

"So have I."

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**_A/N: Can you hear an angelic choir somewhere? 'Bout bloody time, I know._**

_**I think the problem with this chapter is that I knew that it (Moondance) is almost done--the story, I mean. One more chapter and an epilogue. Sorry, that's it. And I am not quite ready to let it go.**_

_**So, please let me know what you think so far, and I promise to finish this very soon.**_

_**Oh, and thank you. Thank you for sticking with this and for all of your lovely thoughts and hints and suggestions.**_


	22. And All the World Was Mine

**Chapter Twenty Two **

**And All the World Was Mine **

Nymphadora Tonks was staring blankly at the heavy oak door of her flat, so lost in musings over a particularly exciting episode that took place in front of it that she nearly jumped off the sofa as it opened."Where the hell have you been, Remus? I've been waiting for hours!"

Remus sighed, depositing a heavy knapsack next to the door. "Don't exaggerate, Nymphadora. I am _only_ an hour late."

Having heard those exact words in that exact tone at least a thousand times from either one of her parents over the years, Tonks found that her flare of irritation overcame even her tempting impulse to have her way with him against the very door she had been contemplating. "Don't talk to me like you're my father, Remus!"

Remus did not take the bait. Instead, he leant over to kiss her on the cheek, shocking her with his next words, "As a matter of fact, that's where I've been. Talking to your father, that is - he caught me as I was leaving."

Tonks really did not like the idea of her skittish lover and her overprotective father having any interaction without her acting as a buffer. "What did he want?" she said slowly.

"To talk about _you,_ mostly." He sat down, stretching his legs out in front of him and brushing his hair out of his eyes

"What about me?" she asked.

Remus smiled. "Well, for one thing, he liked your new hair style."

"My _what?"_ Her hands automatically went to the top of her head.

Remus continued to smile, looking down at his knees. "And then, of course, he wanted to know what my intentions are."

"That's not funny, Remus," she said, her eyes narrowing.

Remus looked directly at her then. "I'm actually quite serious."

Tonks jumped up, sputtering and pacing back and forth between the door and the sofa. "That bloody hypocrite! Has no right to talk! As if he wasn't shagging Mum in the Potions lab or the bloody broom cupboard or under the weeping willow at Hogwarts for nearly two years…"

Remus shook his head, laughing softly. "Go Ted. I'm impressed; I mean, I knew that Slughorn was oblivious, but not _that _oblivious."

"Remus!" She stopped and stared at him, scandalized. _This coming from a teacher_, she thought, especially when she saw the devilish glint in his eyes that would have looked much more appropriate on Sirius. It occurred to her that he ought to have been much more uncomfortable than she was about her father's meddling, which got her thinking about her father again, which then got her back onto her rant. "What century does he think we're in, anyway?"

"Actually, Nymphadora, I think you're missing the point. He is probably concerned - and for a good reason, I have to add - that after a few days of bliss with you, I will decide that I don't deserve it and take off again. He doesn't want to see you hurt."

Remus' words hit a nerve, but she was too focused on her anger to dwell on it much. "None of Dad's business, is it?"

"Well, in theory, no, it isn't. But you _did_ give your parents a bit of a fright over the last year, and they must be wondering, with good reason, if you can handle any more pain from me."

He looked incredibly guilty as he said it, and that made her even angrier. "Oh, for Pete's sake. If I can _handle_ it? I swear, Remus, none of you, not _you,_ not my parents, not the bloody interfering Weasleys, have any idea of just what I can _handle. _Has it ever occurred to you that during the past year - while I was supposedly 'pining away' for you - I managed to do not only my own job well, but also loads of extra work for the Order? I very rarely had a single day that had less than ten hours of work in it, including weekends…"

"You looked more than tired, you looked _ill_, not to mention _miserable_…"

"Every time I woke up…I found myself wondering what sort of dreadful news the day would bring, and for good reason! I'd lost people - my grandfather, _Sirius_…Did you know that Amelia Bones had made herself something of a mentor to all the girls on the squad? And I was _there._ I saw what happened to her…do you have any clue how horrific that crime scene was? And Emmeline…she used to bring me the most wonderful books…" She felt the back of her eyes prickling and looked down at the ground.

"Really, Nymphadora, nobody is trying to dismiss what you've been through…"

"And those weren't the only crime scenes, I'll _never_ get some of these images out of my head. These Death Eaters aren't playing games. Torture, and fire, and…"

He cut her off, "I thought you were assigned to the school…"

"Well, yes, but I got called in on a lot of emergencies, as a matter of fact I volunteered for a lot of them because I wanted to be able to report to the Order."

"I'm sorry…" He was sitting forward with his elbows on his knees, looking thoroughly miserable, but she kept on talking, tired of being perceived as weak.

"And if there was ever any hint of werewolf involvement, I wanted to be one of the first on the scene if anything happened to you, partly so that I could be the first to know, and also to see if I could help you if you got into trouble. Which means that I got called in to look at a lot of Greyback's work…"

He looked horrified. "Oh, god…"

She had never meant to tell him any of this, but the words kept spilling out of her mouth. "Not to mention that I couldn't metamorph, no matter how hard I tried, and the attempts were exhausting, so then I had to get out my old Transfiguration and Charms books to learn to do it the hard way, so there were _hours_ of studying every night…"

He interrupted her, asking the one question that nobody else had the nerve to ask her. "Why couldn't you transform, Nymphadora?"

She shook her head. "Too tired, too sad, too discouraged. Part of my gift has to do with my personality. I have to be in a relatively good mood, which I used to be most of the time. But bad things just kept on happening and I was worried about you, as I would have been _whether you'd chucked me or not._ But all _anyone_ could think of was that I was pining away for you. It never occurred to anyone that I was too busy to eat much, and that I had neither the time nor the inclination to fuss with my looks. People can be really superficial, you know?"

Remus looked like he couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry. "Yes, I know…" 

She started pacing again. "And my parents, they just kept looking at me with pity in their eyes, and it really pissed me off because they just didn't get it, _nobody_ did..."

He had managed to sneak up behind her while her back was turned, and she felt his hand on her shoulder, turning her to face him. "Nymphadora, I didn't mean for you to feel that you had to defend yourself. I've never doubted your abilities or strength."

She stared fixedly at the frayed collar of his jumper, muttering, "But my parents did…"

"No, they didn't." he said gently. "You're going to have to trust me on this. But, I can completely understand your father's points. As a matter of fact, it isn't the first conversation we've had about this…"

She stepped back, looking at him with wide eyes. _"What?"_

"I'd spelled out the obstacles that we face during that other conversation. I think he has a right to display some fatherly concern, particularly given my past behavior. Not to mention that I'm sure that someone like me is _the very last_ thing he would have chosen as a son-in-law, so, all things considered, he's being more than fair."

"But it's none of his business…" she said stubbornly.

Remus smiled indulgently. "He was actually very helpful, and if you will stop interrupting me I will explain why."

He took her hand and led her back to the sofa, practically forcing her to sit down and listen to him. "You see; I always assumed that it was impossible for us to get married at this point. Mainly because of all the new legislation, of course. I had actually thought about going about it the Muggle way, but it occurred to me that people like Umbridge will almost certainly have spies in the Muggle government. Your father seemed to agree when I explained this to him, but he is very tenacious, and also happens to know his way around the Muggle world better than I do. He suggested that we go to another country."

She shook her head, trying to ignore her sudden increase in heart rate. "Really, Remus, this is completely unnecessary…"

He ignored her. "Of course, the moment we request an international Portkey, our actions are traceable, and an Auror and a werewolf travelling abroad together would certainly be noticed. I thought of France, but I suspect that the two Ministries are tied too closely together to risk it. And I can't afford to travel the Muggle way any further abroad. When I mentioned this to your father, he insisted upon taking on the whole project himself. He rationalized that he'd always planned on paying for your wedding anyway, so there was no reason _not_ to accept his help. However, he made me promise to let _him_ be the one to break it to your mother and to be prepared to allow her to plan a second, more traditional wedding when and if our situation improves. Oh, and we had to promise to take a photograph of it."

Remus pretended not to see Tonks' look of bewilderment and kept on, sounding for all the world as though he was making plans for the next Order meeting. "Now, of course, there will be _some_ complications: I mean, to travel and to get a marriage license you have to have a certain amount of Muggle paperwork, but apparently, your grandfather had a friend who was rather talented at forging things like that…"

"Uncle Angus," she said in a small voice.

Remus nodded and continued. "So your father set out to arrange things with him, and set Julie to making hotel and flight arrangements, and apparently all we have to do is pack…"

She waited for him to continue - to laugh with her about her father's audacity and then to tell her how he told Ted Tonks to mind his own bloody business, but Remus seemed to be finished with his story and expected some sort of response from her. "What, Remus?"

"I just wondered if any of it sounded reasonable to you…"

She stared at him, her mouth agog. "You mean you're _going along with_ his mad scheme?"

"I think it certainly could solve a lot of problems…"

"But…"

"And I couldn't have asked for a more obvious stamp of approval from your parents -- well from your_ father_ anyway…"

"But…" she sputtered.

"And we may not get the chance later, I mean, not much is happening until Dumbledore's funeral next week, and Kingsley said he would make arrangements to cover your guard duty, and the Death Eaters always seem to lay low after a major event like this…"

_He talked to Kingsley, too?_ "But…"

"And I honestly think that he, _Dumbledore,_ I mean, would have approved…"

"But…"

He covered her hands with his own, looking a little nervous, which was really not like him. "What is it, love?"

"Do you really want…I mean, are you sure…?" She took a deep breath and said, with a note of accusation in her voice, "You haven't even _asked_ me to marry you."

That devilish glint was back in his eyes, and she suddenly realized that it suited him very well, after all. He said, "No need, is there? You already asked me. Twice, if I'm not mistaken. Or, didn't you mean it?"

Tonks wondered, for a moment, if she'd forgotten how to breathe. Something huge and terrifying and wonderful was swelling up inside her body. "Well, yeah, I...of course I did. But I didn't think you'd take me seriously."

He took her face in his hands, touching her forehead with his own and gazing at her earnestly. "I _always_ take you seriously, love. This is honestly what I've wanted since the first morning that we woke up together. I really rather wish I'd given into the impulse then. But at least _this way_ there can be no doubts between us."

She gulped, blinking back tears. "Oh, Remus…"

"Nymphadora, I'm not going to be stupid enough to let you slip through my fingers after all we've been through. And I refuse to live half a life anymore. Now I realize that it's probably not the marriage or even the ceremony that you dreamed of as a little girl, but it would mean a lot to me, knowing that we took this step."

She laughed, trying not to make a fool of herself by sobbing. "Stupid man. Do I look like the kind of girl who dreamed about an elaborate wedding? When I was a little girl--when I allowed myself to consider that someday I might have the absurd impulse to marry a boy, disgusting as they were, I think I pictured getting married on a Quidditch pitch—in uniform, mind you. Then when I got to be a teenager and thought of marriage, I pictured myself wearing head to toe black - _including_ hair and lipstick."

Remus raised his eyebrow at that, and said, "Well, I have been told that that where we are going, it won't really matter what we wear. Your father even said we could wear wizard robes without attracting a second glance…"

Tonks laughed again, and this time without any tears welling up behind her eyes. "Don't worry, I won't show up looking like Auntie Bella. But what _should_ I wear?"

"We'll find you something there. Or you could wear your Weird Sisters tee shirt. I don't really care." He pulled her into his arms, and she felt the tears creeping back again.

"Are we…Are you sure this is what you want, Remus?"

"More than anything," he murmured into her ear. "But we will miss our flight if we don't hurry."

She jumped up. "Give me ten minutes."

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_Mine_. Remus looked absently out the window toward the gaudy blazing lights that never seemed to shut off. He thought about the people casually throwing away money that would have taken Remus years of work to earn, just a few floors below him. He thought about the conventioneers who were betraying their loved ones with strangers, or worse yet - the working girls who hung around the cocktail lounges. He thought of the lonely, desperate people who were, even at this late hour, marrying impulsively and changing their minds months, weeks, or even days later.

_Mine_. He tightened his hold on the young woman sleeping with her body wrapped around his. _His wife._ More than he'd ever dreamed, more than he deserved, but somehow, with the blessing of her family, with the approval of their friends, at the worst possible time…

_Mine._ The wolf, for once, seemed to be in complete agreement.

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Tonks stood in front of the mirror, scowling, wearing nothing more than black lace bra and black and pink knickers covered in the words, 'bite me.' Remus tried to tear his eyes away from them without laughing, but she caught his reflection in the glass. "Like 'em? I found them on our little holiday. I was saving them for a special occasion."

He raised an eyebrow. "And you chose _today?"_

"Perfect for sitting there gritting my teeth while those Ministry arseholes give off platitudes about how much they respected him and such crap."

He walked behind her and kissed her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her waist. He looked at the two of them in the mirror. "Highly appropriate, then."

She waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Plus, I'm hoping you'll be thinking about taking their advice later on tonight - my knickers, I mean."

Remus, who had been just about to kiss her shoulder again, turned it into a nibble, and teased, "So says the woman who turned my neck positively purple the other night. I sometimes wonder if you aren't a vampire, love."

She grinned, and the slightest bit of pink touched her cheeks. "Who says I'm not? Makes us a perfectly odd couple, wouldn't you say?"

Remus smiled indulgently, but reminded her, "We really need to be leaving soon."

She sighed. "I just can't decide what to do with my hair."

He looked up at her hair, which was still orange from the day before. "It looks good to me, but then it always does. Is there a problem?"

"Well, the irreverent knickers are one thing, but I _am _aware that I ought to look a bit more somber and respectful than normal. Black, d'you think, or brown?'

"Pink," he said decisively.

Her eyes widened and she turned around to look him in the face. _"What?"_

"Pink. He would have loved it." He reached out to touch her hair affectionately.

"Reckon you're right, love," she said, and her hair changed color under his fingers.

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Tonks eyed the rapidly dispersing crowd, nodding at a few acquaintances, smiling at friends, and trying not to grin foolishly about the fact that Remus was actually holding her hand in public. Andromeda, who had sat next to her at the funeral, caught her eye as she stood surrounded by some of the more stodgy people that Tonks remembered from a childhood filled with boring dinner parties.

Tonks caught a flash of red hair out of the corner of her eye and then suddenly found herself smothered by a fierce hug from Molly. "Oh, Tonks, dear, so good to see you. I wanted to let you know that you are welcome to come back to the Burrow for tea and cake this evening. We need to pick up the children at the station, and then we thought…maybe, well you know--those that really loved him…"

"We'll be there, Molly."

"Lovely, dear." Molly leaned forward and whispered into her ear, "Oh, and congratulations. Arthur and I were thrilled when we heard. You'll have to tell me all about it when you come over."

Tonks couldn't control the smile that spread across her face. "I give you a lot of the credit, Molly."

Molly waved her hand in dismissal, but still managed to preen a little. "Until later, dear. Oh, and be sure to tell your parents about tonight."

"I will, Molly."

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Tonks' ears popped with the release of pressure, and she looked around the familiar sitting room of her childhood home.

"Good to be home," said Ted, sinking into his favorite recliner and Summoning a bottle of beer.

"Not one of my best days," said Remus, sitting cautiously on the edge of the sofa, looking as if he were going to jump up and bolt through the door at any moment.

"I'll make a pot of coffee," said Andromeda, and Tonks knew that she would come back with no less than three kinds of canapés.

"Going to use the loo upstairs," said Tonks, hoping that her mother would not have thrown away her daughter's remaining boxes of yoga pants and roomy tee-shirts.

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She took more time than she really needed to, gazing around her old bedroom and trying to conjure the carefree, moderately cheerful young woman who used to live there. She spent a good deal of time sitting cross-legged on her mattress, staring out the bay window that would always be her most nostalgic view of the world. After a while, there was a soft knock on the door.

"Dora?" came softly through the gap, and she knew without question that her father was on the other side of the door.

"Ta, dad. Be down in a sec."

"You're too kind a girl to leave your poor lad down there with your mother, love. And I'm not _about _to give her a chance to turn on _me_ about that little ceremony that I helped to arrange but didn't invite her to. Why don't you summon up some of that bloody famous Gryffindor courage of yours and stand beside us?"

"Is she really…"

"Come and see, love."

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Tonks came down the stairs to find her mother in mid-rant, but fortunately, Remus was not the object of her ire.

"…Bloody stupid toad of a woman," said Andromeda, her dark eyes flashing. "I wanted to tear her limb from limb. How _dare_ she show up in the first place! And _then_ to have the unmitigated gall to say that she _respected_ him with that nasty smug smile of hers. She was positively _gloating_ over his death, _at his own funeral._ He humiliated her, and she thinks he got what he deserved."

Remus smiled, looking down at the floor and shaking his head. "It was my understanding that the humiliation of Dolores Umbridge was something of a group effort, Andromeda, carried out by every student at Hogwarts, put into motion by the Weasley twins, and aided and abetted by the staff. Oh, and Peeves the Poltergeist. Dumbledore was never anything but polite to her and actually saved her life. She'd been taken captive by a herd of angry centaurs."

Andromeda snorted. "Well, surely being rescued by him must have been humiliating. And I am certain he _was_ ever so polite about it, which would have angered her even more in hindsight. And then--the _filth _that I spotted in her mind when she looked over at you, Remus, dear! Nasty, bigoted hypocrite. I could just _murder_ her."

Tonks decided to step in before her mother said something that Remus would brood over, later. "You really ought to stop reading the minds of people whom you know to be mad, Mother - or at least, the venom you find there shouldn't surprise you. Dolores Umbridge will get her just desserts some day, but I doubt it'll be you that'll serve it to her. She's already been humiliated, and her reputation is in ruins; the rest we'll leave up to karma.

Andromeda pursed her lips, muttering, "I do _hate _that woman."

"Good," said Tonks, "Overthrow her hateful legislation. Even better, come up with some of your own, giving werewolves and part-humans _more_ rights, not less. That'll piss her off more than anything."

"I know a couple of lovely curses," began Andromeda, but Tonks stopped her again.

"So do I… So does Remus, for that matter. But if anybody's going to get into trouble leaping to his defense, it's going to be me. And I've got bigger fish to fry; namely your lovely sister and my greasy former Potions master."

Remus, who couldn't help but look pleased, despite his embarrassment, added, "Really, Andromeda, I've been fighting these battles for years, and I've found that anger and bitterness do much more harm than good."

Andromeda walked over and laid her hand on his shoulder. "Maybe for a…maybe for a wolf, darling. But I am a Black, and one of the last _respectable _ones at that. My name still holds a little power in this world, and I have a few galleons jingling in the pockets of my robes. Not to mention, I am a Tonks, too, and you will find that the Tonkses are a tenacious lot."

"I rather suspected that," said Remus ruefully.

You can't even begin to imagine, Remus dear. Anyway, I simply won't rest until you are recognized for the admirable man that you are. Just you _try_ to stop me."

Remus put his hand over his mother-in-law's, saying, "No, Andromeda. I think that I will just sit back and marvel at your determination.

Andromeda's smile was blinding. "Very good Remus. I like a man who knows how to pick his battles. You'll fit in with this family nicely. And speaking of which…"

Three voices chimed in simultaneously before she could really get going.

"Mother…"

"Er, about that…"

"Andie…"

Andromeda ignored them. "How _could _you go sneaking off like that…"

Ted tried to reach for her hand, saying, "Blame me, Andie, dear."

"We needed to be discreet," Remus tried to explain.

"It was just between Remus and me, anyway," Tonks muttered.

Andromeda raised her voice. "Didn't even let me invoke a mother's right to help you pick out a dress…"

Ted snorted. "That would have been the beginning of World War Three and you know it, Andie."

"There wasn't time," Remus said.

"I wore a perfectly lovely dress - ask Remus," Tonks declared.

Andromeda tried a different tact. "But not to even allow me the chance to hang your wedding picture on the wall…" 

Ted snorted again. "That'd be something nice to show all your friends who are married to Ministry members, now wouldn't it? The whole point was to be _discreet."_

Andromeda immediately became defensive. "As if _I_ don't know how to be discreet, Ted! But I just wanted one for my own sentimental purposes…"

"We did bring you a picture," Remus said quietly.

Both Tonkses turned and looked at Remus.

"I brought it with me, actually," he continued. "I'd hoped to see you today, but I didn't think that a, well, funeral was an appropriate place to show it to you. And Andromeda, I sincerely wish you could have been there - more than you can imagine. I've grown rather fond of you _both._ But, as Nymphadora said, at the moment it really is just a private arrangement between us. It has no meaning whatsoever in the Wizarding world, however much it meant to us. If, someday, our options improve, I promise that we will let you plan something more, well…_public._ Not a three-ring circus, mind you, but something more…traditional."

Andromeda lit up like a candle. "Oh, Remus, you really are a dear man. Let's see the picture, then"

"Of course." He took out his wand and with a measured flick of his wrist, a large white envelope appeared in his hands. "It's a Muggle photograph, of course, but…"

Andromeda pounced, snatching the envelope from his hands and practically tearing it open. "Oh, Nymphadora," she said, her voice sounding suspiciously thick. "You looked lovely. Your hair…it looks so pretty, up like that, and the robes, I mean, the dress…it looks like…It's just what _I_ might have picked out."

"I thought so too, Mum. I saw it, and...Well, anyway, _some_ of your lessons have sunk in, and if there ever was a time to look elegant, this was it."

Andromeda gave her daughter a fierce embrace, and both of them had tears in their eyes. Then she turned to Remus, and hugged him even more tightly. He seemed to be doing a lot of blinking.

Andromeda walked over to her husband to share the picture with him. He grinned broadly, meeting Remus' eyes and nodding his approval.

"But Nymphadora, why on earth are you carrying red robes in your arms?" 

"It's a cape, Mum. And it was a private joke for Remus. He made me take it off, but I did get a good belly laugh out of him first."

"Oh, Nymphadora…" Andromeda said with a sigh, but she was smiling in spite of herself. "And why is that man wearing such a ridiculous costume, anyway? It looks like something Dumbledore might have worn. I thought you were supposed to be married by Muggles. Clerics or judges or something like that, wasn't it?"

Tonks could tell that her father was trying not to laugh. "That's an Elvis costume, Andie, dear"

"Elvis?" Andromeda turned to Remus. _"Elvis?"_

Ted spared his new son-in-law the necessity of coming up with a reason for something he didn't entirely understand. "My idea, Andie dear. I used Dad's money, so I reckoned Dad ought to have a little say in the matter. He would have _loved_ it."

Andromeda sighed, but smiled fondly. "I suppose you're right, Ted. And if they're going to be married by a Muggle, Elvis is as good as any. But I hope that all of you understand that there _will_ be another wedding someday, and it will be done _right._ I've been waiting for this for nearly twenty-five years, after all--maybe even longer. _I _certainly didn't get the wedding of my dreams."

"Although," she added after noticing her husband's downcast eyes, "I did get the _man_ of my dreams, so it doesn't really matter."

Ted looked back at her and beamed, walking up to kiss her firmly on the mouth. Tonks looked over at Remus, rolling her eyes, but then he smiled in response and followed the example of his brand new father-in-law, kissing her until she was dizzy from it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remus sat on a bench in the back garden of Grimmauld place, staring unseeing at the rosebush in front of him. He looked as if he had just been run over by the Knight Bus.

"Wotcher," said Tonks gently, placing her hand on his shoulder.

He reached up for Tonks' hand automatically. "Hello, Nymphadora."

"How's it going?"

"Oh, just fine, I suppose. Has everybody left?"

Tonks sat down next to him, curling her feet under her legs and leaning on his shoulder "Everyone but Bill, Charlie and Fleur. They _really_ want us to go out with them tonight."

"I don't know…"

"He _voted_ for you Remus. I think maybe it's time…"

Remus put his arm around her. "This has nothing to do with Charlie, Nymphadora. He's a good lad…A good _man,_ rather. I'm just…I've had a bit of a shock, you understand."

She looked up at him and smiled broadly. _"I'm_ not shocked."

His arm tightened around her. "Yes, but then again you've always seen me through rose-coloured glasses. The rest of them…"

"You have _always_ been the glue that holds this group together. You were always the one to appease, to negotiate, to soothe ruffled feathers. You're approachable, even more so than Dumbledore was--not so intimidating."

Remus snorted. "A non- threatening werewolf. Bit of an oxymoron, don't you think?"

"For anybody else but you. Besides, you've come up with a lot of really good plans in the past. Everyone remembers things like that."

"I honestly thought it would be Mad-eye. When he nominated me, I just about fell out of my chair. He's the one that would be a natural leader, and yet he wanted me…"

"He's not the easiest person to approach. Not to mention, well…_mad_. And then, Minerva's got quite enough on her plate at the moment. Arthur's too busy, Molly's too...emotional, Hestia's far too timid, Dung is, well, Dung…not to mention still in prison. Most of the rest of us are too young to garner enough respect. Besides, I think 'leader of the Order of the Phoenix' will look pretty damn good on your resume."

Remus shook his head. "I never thought it possible…you can't imagine how this makes me feel…"

"Accepted? Respected? Welcome? Maybe even _beloved._ All things that have been true for years now, Remus. You just don't accept them very graciously."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Am I ungracious?"

"No, not really. Just a little pig-headed at times." She popped up to kiss the end of his nose.

He rested his forehead on hers. "Now _there's_ a textbook instance of the pot calling the kettle black…"

She grinned. "Hey, we Tonkses wear our stubbornness as a badge of honour."

"Ah, but you're a _Lupin,_ now, at least to me."

"So, what does that make me - a sexy beast?"

"Well, you always were that." He pulled her on his lap, kissing her hungrily.

"None of that, now love. People are waiting for us." She jumped up and tried to tug him out of his seat.

He sighed. "Oh, all right. But let's try to convince them to go somewhere that won't clean out my Gringott's vault, okay?"

"Bill's paying. I reckon it's something like a sign of respect for the Alpha male of the pack." With a wink, she pulled him by the hand through the back door and into the house.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Very funny."

"I'm quite serious, and anyway, Bill can afford it. Those curse breakers get hazard pay, you know. And he _did_ mention that he was hoping that you would allow him to buy you a steak. He said he suddenly feels a great desire to bond with you over red meat."

Remus laughed. "Well, I suppose that the promise of a juicy steak can overcome even my distaste at sharing a table with your ex-boyfriend and the most self-absorbed woman on earth."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Professor Lupin?"

Remus looked up from the parchment he was studying to find Hermione Granger hovering in the doorway of the library. He smiled warmly. "Hermione, you really need to get used to calling me Remus."

"I'm sorry, Remus. It seems so…" She shook her head and waved a hand in dismissal. "Well, anyway, I wanted to ask you a question. It's about the books in the attic."

"What about them?" he asked.

"Well, the box had your name on it. Actually, it had 'Great Uncle Alphard,' but then the name was crossed out and it said 'Moony.' That's you, isn't it?" She took a few steps further into the room, standing in front of him as if she were about to give an oral essay.

"Yes it is. I had almost forgotten, but Sirius left me some books. I didn't have the heart to go through them at first, and since then, well a lot of things happened." He leaned back in his chair, trying to set her at ease.

Hermione blushed and continued, "Well, anyway, I know I should have asked first, but I didn't want to waste time and come back down. I was looking through Sirius' parent's books up there, because I am looking for books that might mention…well, books that will help us on our…_project."_

She paused and said, somewhat apologetically, "So I opened the boxes."

Remus smiled in reassurance. "That's quite all right. If I remember, Sirius' uncle Alphard was not particularly fond of the dark arts, so the books should have been quite safe to open. Possibly pornographic, but otherwise safe."

Hermione blushed an even deeper red then, but continued, "Well, no, they weren't _magical_ at all, actually. Nor were they, well…dirty. Actually _some_ were, but only by certain fundamentalist standards…"

She caught his raised eyebrow and stopped, mid-tangent. "Anyway, what I meant to say was…I think you need to take a look at them. They're _novels _and the like."

He nodded. "Yes, I seem to recall Sirius mentioning that his uncle had a fondness for Muggle literature. Come to think of it, that's how he convinced me to let him leave them to me in his will. He knew that I have a similar inclination."

"Well, the thing is, sir…"

"Remus…" he insisted.

She blew out sharply. "The thing is, _Remus,_ I suspect…some of them are quite rare…_valuable_ really. I saw a couple of first editions in there."

_"What?" _

"Yes! I mean there were _several _boxes, and if _all_ of them are full…Well, that is to say, it would be worth a lot of money…to a collector anyway."

"You're joking." _But, no, she looks like she is about to burst from excitement._

"Never about books, Professor…I mean, _Remus._ If you like, we could get my dad to take a look at them, or rather, to have a friend of his take a look at them. He – my dad's friend, that is - is a dealer, and I'm sure very trustworthy."

Remus' mind was spinning as he tried to take it in. "But…"

"Of course, you _may_ want to keep them - they're very special - but in that case, they ought to be protected somehow. Who knows what kind of mold could have gotten into the boxes? But if you did want to sell them…"

"Of course I'd want to sell them…but really, they ought to go to Harry."

Her eyes flashed in indignation. "Like _hell_ they should, Professor! He wouldn't take them, and he's going through quite enough at the moment, so don't you dare even mention it to him! Besides, Sirius quite clearly left them to you, and I imagine I could rally the whole Order around me to _guilt _you into taking them, particularly Molly Weasley…"

Remus held up his hands in defeat. "Enough! Please don't say anything to Molly; I'll never hear the end of it, Hermione."

She nodded decisively. "Right, then. Well, shall we take a look at them? I'm _dying_ to find out what's in the other boxes."

She practically ran out of the room. Remus had no choice but to follow, and as they ascended the staircase, he said, (to her back) "Hermione, after we've looked at these books, _I _will assist you in looking through the other magical books in the house. If I had known what you were doing, I would have helped you before this."

She turned, giving him a regretful look. "But I _can't_ tell you what I'm looking for, Remus."

"Still, I don't think Ron or Harry would be particularly happy if you get hit by a curse from a dark book in the attic with no one to hear you scream for help. You must allow me to at least watch over you. Besides, I have always suspected that Kreacher used the attic as something of a storage area. He may have the place booby-trapped, or he could have left some dark objects up there that you wouldn't like to come across unawares."

She gave him a long, hard look and sighed in resignation. "You're probably right, Remus. Thank you."

"If what you suspect about those books is correct, it will be _me_ that will owe _you _thanks; you may very well change my life. You've got quite a talent for noticing things that other people never would have looked at twice. It's lucky you're on our side, isn't it?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remus decided not to tell Tonks about Hermione's find until he got a chance to confirm everything through Hermione's friend. The day that he got his answer and an estimated figure, he was so thunderstruck that he spent a good two hours wandering around Muggle London, shaking his head in wonder. It certainly wasn't a fortune. But it _was_ a chance for a little breathing room. It meant the ability to hold his head up a little higher, because the burden of an uncertain future was lifted from his shoulders.

He thought about his friend Sirius, who had sometimes been so _maddening,_ so selfish and immature, who would suddenly and completely redeem himself by a single act of bravery or self-sacrifice. He thought about the day that Sirius had showed up at his back door, filthy, ragged and starving, giving Remus the news he had dreaded for twelve years; the news that the war had begun again, and that Remus was needed in the fight.

Remus, who had spent the previous year wallowing in his private hell of grief and self-loathing, of pity and alienation, was forced to come out of his shell and be a part of something important again. And _that_ meant caring about something again, and eventually caring about people, too - people who could very easily be taken away, as Sirius had so painfully demonstrated less than a year later. But Remus could never have said no, because deep down he craved the opportunity to be a part of something - to prove to others that there was more to Remus Lupin than a debilitating condition.

By coaxing Remus out of his self-imposed exile, Sirius had weakened the dam that Remus had built over his heart. He had always cared about Sirius - loved him as a brother, actually. But, Sirius needed him, too - as a calming influence, as the voice of reason, and as a bridge to the past. Remus let Sirius back into his heart, and soon found that there was room for others, too.

Soon enough, the Dumbledore found his way back in, and then the Weasleys, who managed to sneak in when he wasn't looking. And then, of course, there was Harry, whom Remus had cut from his life out of guilt, knowing that he had thoughtlessly, unforgivably, put Harry's life in danger. But Harry didn't seem to see it that way, and Remus found that he had never really stood a chance against loving James and Lily's son.

And then there was Nymphadora.

Remus felt he owed Sirius for her, too. Not only did Sirius introduce them, slyly encouraging their growing friendship but his unexpected death had been the catalyst - the very thing that had broken down all of Remus' defenses. Remus used to feel guilty about that, too—hating the fact that he had benefited from his friend's death, but he suspected that Sirius would have found it highly gratifying.

And now, nearly two years later, he found that he owed Sirius even more.

If Remus listened hard enough, he thought he could hear Sirius' barking laugh somewhere off in the distance, congratulating himself about putting one over on old Moony.

Books.

The very things that Sirius never really seemed to have time for. The things that he had teased Remus about throughout school.

_Can't get lucky with a book, Moony._

Apparently, you could.

_A book_ could teach you how turn a friend's dreaded nights of suffering into a highly anticipated nights of adventure.

_A book_ could help you tell a girl you love her.

_A book _could, just possibly, tell you how to save the world from evil.

And _a book_ could change a friend's life-- giving him financial security, working wonders on his self-esteem.

_Thank you, Padfoot. For everything_.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remus, his heart pounding, his ears roaring with his own blood and the sounds of destruction around him, searched frantically through the smoke for a hint of his wife's bright hair.

"Remus!" he heard to his left, and he felt a wave of relief wash over him.

"Nymphadora!" He ducked into the broom cupboard that he remembered from his Marauders days, throwing his arms around her.

"I'm so glad you got here so quickly!"

"I saw the Dark Mark and I panicked. Who was it?" He always tried to tell himself that he could handle any other loss but Nymphadora, but that mantra never really managed to quell the panic that he felt for the other Order members who had become more than a family to him.

Tonks' eyes were wide with fear. "We don't know yet. I suspect…I'm _afraid_ it's more than one. I got here with Moody but I haven't seen him in a while. I keep seeing red hair running through the smoke, but I can't tell you how many of the Weasleys arrived before I got here. Hagrid ran by a while back."  
Remus peered through the smoke again, trying to see _anything._ "What happened?"

"The kids, _Harry_…the three of them…they're _here._ They've been hiding here for weeks now, working on something in Snape's dungeon. As far as I know, that's where they are still, but we can't get to it. Minerva told me that Voldemort found a way to get past the wards. She thinks she saw him. I've seen a few of his followers running around. I could swear I saw Bellatrix, and Minerva said that Wormtail was here, too, and Gibbon, and possibly…Snape." Their eyes met, and the heated discussions they had been having about him lately were on both of their minds. "Now I guess we'll find out which of us was right, Remus."

Remus said, "Greyback is here too. I can smell him. If Snape _is_ here, then he will likely know how to find Harry, whether to protect him or lead Voldemort to him. Now, I want you to stay here and give me cover, and I am going to go in and…"

She glared at him. "Oh no you don't, Remus Lupin! We go in _together."_

Remus sighed, not really having time to argue. "Nymphadora, I am the one who is supposed to give orders…"

_"Together_, Lupin, or I will knock you on your arse and go by myself," she growled.

"Stubborn woman," Remus muttered

"Yes, and you love me for it."

"That I do."

"I love you too.

"Together…"

"On _three…"_


	23. Epilogue

**Epilogue **

The Muggles in the neighborhood think that the house burned down years ago. Their children like to fighten each other by saying that the ruins are haunted by that cranky old woman who used to live there, the one who yelled at their older brothers and sisters when they used to hide in the woods, looking for a quiet place to snog. When the old woman would lose her temper, her posh, clipped accent would disintegrate into something that sounded decidedly like East London. If _anyone _was going to haunt a burned-down old ruin, it would be somebody miserable like her. However, the ghost might very well have been her eccentric husband, who outlived her by a good ten years and wore absurdly printed pajamas, even during the day. He'd been a friendly enough bloke, but something of a hermit, and there were rumors that his last few years had been painful ones.

The children used to dare each other to go into those woods at night, and lots of them tried to, but nobody knew anybody with actual photographic evidence that they'd made it onto the property. Those that had tried were never willing to admit to their friends that they'd approached the rusty old gate and suddenly remembered that they had somewhere else to be.

Still, the haunting rumors persisted, probably because most of the villagers got a funny sort of feeling whenever they got near the place. There was a crackling energy in the air (a little like electricity) which would make the hairs on the back of their necks stand up. Sometimes, they could have sworn that they heard the sounds of children playing football, but n one actually _saw_ any children there, not since that funny little girl with the pink hair (who visited the old couple every summer) had grown up.

At night sometimes people thought they could hear wolves howling in those woods (which was really rather unusual for that part of the country.) But nobody ever saw any _visible_ signs of them. None of the neighborhood farms reported chicken coops being broken into or missing lambs. If there were wolves up there, they seemed to keep to the woods.

Had any of the villagers been lucky enough to give birth to a magical child, however, that child could have told a very different story. There _was_ a house there - a big stone house with an imposing entryway - and at the front of the house was a discreet sign which welcomed visitors to The Sirius Black Academy. They would also have seen children running around the grounds, and yes, sometimes they _did_ play football, but only when visitors were not expected. (The wizarding world had changed a lot since the end of the second 'War against Tom Riddle' but many of wizardkind still had a great distaste for Muggle activities.)

The fact that the place _did_ get visitors was notable in itself. You see, there was something _very special_ about the children that attended the Black Academy, but what made them special also tended to make others afraid of them. The Headmaster of the school and his friends were working very hard to change those attitudes, though, and progress (painfully slow progress) was being made.

At the moment, the Headmaster was away for the afternoon, and the Deputy Headmistress was conducting an interview with the parent of a prospective student. The interview was taking place in the Headmaster's office, which seemed to have a great many more books in it than one would normally expect. There were also photographs all over the walls, and the visitor was trying hard not to stare at the famous faces looking out of the frames. There were medals and plaques everywhere. One of them looked like an Order of Merlin of some sort, but the visitor could not see it clearly enough to tell what class it was. (This was mostly because a neatly folded hand knit jumper with a large 'R' worked into it sat on top of the award, partially obscuring it.) The door opened and a small woman with hair the color of the Hogwarts Express (who was carrying an armful of pamphlets and application parchments) stumbled over a trainer which had been left outside the door.

"Bugger!" she muttered under her breath and then looked up at her visitor, blushing visibly.

"Kids, eh? They do tend to leave their shoes in the oddest places. Then again, I have no right to complain: my husband has been bemoaning my lack of housekeeping skills for years. So, Mrs. Hodgkins, as I was saying, my best suggestion would be for you to allow your son to spend a few days here, just to see if he feels comfortable."

The visitor seemed clearly distressed, twisting the hem of her robes. "But, don't you think he'll be...frightened?"

Tonks adopted her briskest, most professional voice. "Yes, perhaps. But he might also feel _more_ secure because he will be with those that understand him nearly as well, if not better, than his own family. He will learn to manage his condition, and will be more likely to be able to function in society because of it. We have the best Wolfsbane Program in the country--in fact--probably in all of Europe, and your son will be fully prepared to function in a school environment by the time his Hogwarts letter comes. And then, he will come back here by Portkey every full moon to be with his kind in a controlled setting."

Mrs. Hodgkins ignored the brochure that Tonks held out to her, searching Tonks' face with a curious expression. "Pardon my asking, but are you…are you one, too?"

"Am I a _what?"_ Tonks asked, but knew that the word 'werewolf' was not going to come easily from Mrs. Hodgkins' lips. Taking pity on the understandably worried mother, she continued, "Oh, no, I'm not. I am actually one of the three Aurors that patrols the wards on full moons, making certain that nobody gets out or in. But our headmaster _is_ a Lycanthrope, and he is my husband. Three of our four adopted children are, too. I really wish you could have met him—my husband, that is-- but he is speaking at the Ministry today."

Mrs. Hodgkins perked up at this. "I have heard of his reputation, of course. A war hero, is he not? But when you met…was he a …you know…?"

"Yes. Since he was a child."

Mrs. Hodgkins gasped. "And you _married him_, still, even though…"

Tonks thought to herself that Mrs. Hodgkins would need to go through a serious attitude adjustment if she was going to become a supportive mother to a werewolf. "I think that our story is an important one for the children. We are living proof that a relatively normal life is possible, even with my husband's condition. Of course, we've come a long way, even in the last five years. We were actually only allowed to marry recently. I don't know if you have heard or not, but there has been some groundbreaking legislation, due mostly to the work of my mother, Andromeda Tonks…"

"That's your _mother?_ Of course, we've heard wonderful things about her, even _before…"_

Tonks smiled fondly. "Yes, she's something of a force to be reckoned with…"

"But that must mean…you're Tonks, aren't you? You were something of a war hero yourself, and with Professor Lupin…"

Tonks really had no desire to go over war stories. "That was a long time ago, and since then…well, we …we prefer to be remembered for the work we have done _here,_ really…"

"But--wasn't he--Professor Lupin--the one who…_Fenrir Greyback?"_

Tonks, who felt the hair at the back of her neck prickle, answered very quietly, "He made certain that Greyback could no longer hurt the innocent."

Mrs. Hodgkins sat forward eagerly in her chair. "But weren't...weren't you_ both_ in…_the Order of the Phoenix?"_

"As were many others, and many who gave their lives. My husband lost several friends to the two wars, as did I, but he is less likely than I am to respond kindly to questions about it." Past experience had made Tonks just the tiniest bit paranoid, but she thought she might need to trust her instincts on this one. "Do you have any photographs of your son?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't bring any…"

_If you're a mother, lady, I'm a Death Eater._ "And _which_ Healer did you see about his bite?"

"I can't remember…Smith, I think…" Mrs. Hodgkins waved her hand vaguely. 

"_Hepzibah_ Smith, was it?"

Mrs. Hodgkins nodded eagerly. _"That's_ the one. She really was very kind."

Tonks stood up and leaned across the desk, glaring at her visitor and saying in a low, menacing tone, "Tell your _boss_ that this is a particularly low blow, Mrs. Hodgkins, or whatever the hell your name is. There are parents and children out there who are genuinely suffering, and we only want to help them. How _dare_ you pretend…!"

She stomped over to the door, angrily kicking aside the trainer that still lay on the floor. She turned back to her unwelcome visitor, holding the door open in a very clear invitation. _"My husband_ has given _all_ of the interviews on that subject that he ever will! He's not forgotten the way that your paper treated him before the war, not to mention that the articles that _your boss_ wrote about our good friends during the Triwizard tournament…"

'Mrs. Hodgkins' apparently knew when to give up the pretense. She protested, "I had nothing to do with all that! I'm just trying to do my job…I only wanted a few words. Our readers are very interested…he's a _hero,_ after all, and…"

"He _always was_ a hero. You were all just to stupid and prejudiced to see it. Write about the school. That is _all _we are willing to talk about. We already gave our war interview to the_ Quibbler_, thank you very much…"

Maybe it was the look on Mrs. Lupin's face, or perhaps it was the possibility that the angry woman (an Auror, at that) had the option to summon nearly thirty adolescent werewolves to assist her in removing the unwelcome visitor from the premises, but 'Mrs. Hodgkins' gathered up her things and left without another word.

Several hours later, Nymphadora Tonks Lupin (affectionately known to her husband's students as Professor Tonks) came upon her husband hanging around the back of the garage, looking puzzled and irritated. The powerful feeling that filled her chest at the sight of him never ceased to amaze her. After a few minutes silent admiration of his backside, (which had only grown more appealing over the years due to improved access to decent meals and regular exercise) she set down her parcels and coughed slightly, saying, "Watcher, love."

He turned around and his eyes lit up at the sight of her, which of course, weakened her knees. "Hello, Nymphadora," he said, and the way he said her name weakened her knees further. He looked down at her feet. "What have you got there?"

She grinned mischievously. "Went to a sporting goods store – I could've stayed for hours. Never knew how many Muggle sports there were. Have you ever heard of lacrosse?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I have."

"Looks like fun," she said, her smile broadening.

Remus' eyebrow shot up. _"Please_ tell me you haven't gone out and bought a lot of lacrosse equipment, love. Teaching them football nearly wore me out as it is."

"And look at what a success it was!" They're ever so much less…_twitchy _as the moon waxes."

Remus tried not to laugh. "Let's just…stick to football, my dear."

"For now, at least," he added, seeing the look of disappointment on her face. "And to be perfectly honest with you, I _was_ contemplating putting up a basketball court. There is one game, at least, that the children can play alone _or _with a team."

"What's basketball, anyway?" she asked, her face alight with curiosity.

Remus sighed, looking back at the rubbish bins. "I'll explain later, just let me…"

"Why're you rummaging through the rubbish, anyway, Remus?"

Remus put his hands on his hips, surveying the uncharacteristically disorganized rubbish area. "I'm not rummaging through it, love, I'm cleaning it up. There is this _infernal _dog that keeps getting back here and knocking things over. Don't know _how_ he's getting through the wards, but somehow… I'm about ready to ask Alastor about those Anti-Intruder Jinxes he used all those years ago."

Tonks tried to hide the smile in her voice as she said, _"I've_ never seen a dog around here. I thought dogs tended to steer clear of lycans."

Remus shook his head. "Usually they do, but this one seems particularly stubborn. Elusive, too, though I've been trying my damnedest to catch him."

"How d'you know it's a _him?" _she asked.

"I don't."

"So, what does _it_ look like?"

"Large. Something like a Great Dane, I think." He turned, just in time for her to change her expression from 'absurdly pleased with herself' to 'mildly concerned.'

"D'you think it could hurt the children? A dog that _big,_ and clearly hungry…" She gestured toward the rubbish bins.

Remus shook his head again, looking back at the rubbish area irritably and waving his wand. "No, I suspect that it is harmless. He, or _it,_ I suppose, didn't have that hungry look in its eyes. It actually seemed like it just wanted to play. I swear - it just looked at me and I could almost _see_ that it was enjoying my irritation at the mess it made. It was _completely_ undignified, in a way that only a really big dog could be."

He tore his eyes away from the now upright and filled rubbish bins, only to find his wife watching him with a broad grin. "You haven't gone and bought a dog, have you, Nymphadora? You _know_ that's a bad idea don't you?"

Her smile - impossibly - widened and she said, (in a deceptively innocent tone) "I haven't bought a dog, Remus."

"Or _adopted _one. You _can't_ feed a stray, you know; it will _never_ leave."

Tonks attempted to compose her features. "Really, Remus, I've never _seen_ this dog you're talking about. What colour was its fur, anyway?"

"I don't know…light brown, sort of mousy…"

Tonks spoke without thinking. "You never said it was mousy before, you said it was _lovely…"_

Remus stared long and hard at her, answering slowly. _Your_ hair _is_ lovely. The _dog's,_ however, is sort of mangy…"

"That's a fine thing to say, Remus!"

"Nymphadora Lupin, what have you done?" he asked, emphasizing every syllable as if she were a naughty child.

In answer, she only laughed

"Oh, god," he said, and leaned against the nearest wall, never taking his eyes off her. "You did it, after all."

"I thought you would be proud of me!" 

He sucked in his breath. "I _am,_ actually. And I'm absolutely _terrified,_ too. Does Minerva know?"

"Who d'you think helped me work it out?" she asked.

"Are you going to notify the Ministry?"

She bit her thumbnail in an unconscious gesture. "Do you know - I'm of two minds about that. On the one hand, it _is _sort of a good thing to keep private, at least it was for Sirius, and I'm still not entirely sure I want the Ministry knowing _everything_ about me, given their track record. Not to mention, if it gets into the paper, you _know_ we'll end up becoming the butt of a lot of inter-species mating jokes."

"Oh, god," he repeated, and the tips of his ears reddened.

"But on the other hand, it could be dead useful to the Department. I mean--you know--they would likely call _me_ in first when there's a werewolf on the loose, and I would be able to bring him or her in without _nearly _as much risk as a regular Auror."

"Oh, god," he repeated a third time, his face becoming suddenly pale.

"Of course, I'm counting on you lot to give me lots of practice interacting with werewolves. You _did _promise, you know, that if I turned out to be the _right_ kind of animal…I mean, you're not going to back out now—I'm _going _to get to run around with your little pack! You _did_ promise…" She took a step toward him, a question in her eyes.

Remus looked as if he were about to pass out. "I didn't think you'd _actually_ manage it…plus, I thought you'd wind up as something like…I don't know, a chameleon? Possibly that funny old kangaroo that I haven't seen in years? I never imagined…a _dog…"_

"A big, clumsy, lovable dog. Bigger than Sirius, even." She grinned, and Remus was absolutely blown away at how much her smile resembled her cousin's.

He shook his head. "He would've been so proud…"

"Yeah he would've. No, he _is_ proud—somewhere. So tell me, Professor, are you going to keep your word and let me be one of your little Marauders?"

He ran his hand through his hair, sighing in resignation. "When have I ever been able to deny you anything, Nymphadora?"

She put her arms around him, kissing him soundly. "Oh, you managed pretty well there, for a while, love. But you made it all right in the end."

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**_A/N: Well, this is it!_**

**_Thank you to all who have faithfully following this story and especially to those who have commented. Your kind words have been gratefully appreciated, and your suggestions have always been helpful._**

**_Another big thank you to those who have recommended this to others._**

**_This was my first fic, and now that I have been bitten by the bug, I'm sure that there will be many more. _**

**_In fact, I am currently mapping out an entirely different story with this pair. This one will be first person, Tonks POV, (not quite as angsty) where her feelings are explored as they unfold, and with a slightly different take on both Remus and Tonks. It will have, at most, an R rating._**

**_Check out my livejournal for the latest news_**

**_Thanks for sticking with me to the end_**

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